Relationship Question (girlfriend not into tickling)

[ej322]

This is my 2nd post in the same day - I'm becoming an expert, ha!

My girlfriend of several years is not into tickling. I've never told her explicitly about my fetish (she's very conservative - would get mad at me for even being on this website), but I do tickle her alot, and she even kind of tied my hands to the bed once and tickled me (but since she's not into it, it wasn't that great).

Here's my question. I love her, but I also have a need to express myself through this tickling fetish. Do you think it would be cheating if I met someone who shared my tickling fetish, and tickled or got tickled by them, assuming its not sexual between me and that person (while tickling is arousing for me, I just mean that nothing would progress sexually between me and that person)?

Anyone have a similar experience?

 

[ImNotDave]

It'd depend entirely on what your girlfriend thought i guess.
If tickling was just a fun social activity and you wanted to go tickle play with a tickle-ee, then personaly i wouldnt see a problem with it.
But if tickling is a sexual thing for you, there might be a problem, even if no sex or intimate touching happens, you'd still be 'getting a kick' out of a woman who isnt your gf.
To a slight extend, it'd be like saying to a gf with small boobs, "Can i go fondle a woman with big boobs? i wont have sex with her, i just want to play with her body"

(I know thats an extreme example, but it's just to get the point across)

 

[marcusb]

Well, if you think she'd get mad from just you being here... you can certainly assume she would not be too happy if you met someone for the purpose.

 

[nylonsnfeet]

Hmmmm....

First of all, I think u need to ask yourself what it is u really want. It can b a catch 22, having a love 4 tickling & being in love with someone not into it. Been there. It is indeed a precarius line. We start out with good intentions, & THEN!! Happened 2 me. My advice: b careful & think b 4 u act.

 

[ej322]

Yeah, obviously she would be mad if she knew I was meeting someone else. So, I wouldn't tell her - my question is, would that be cheating?

 

[ej322]

Yeah, obviously she would be mad if she knew I was meeting someone else. So, I wouldn't tell her - my question is, would that be cheating?

 

[Papabear]

Yes

Sorry ej but meeting anyone outside of your relationship for a private encounter is cheating. Having said that if your girlfriend is also in love with you then you should be able to talk to her about this. Take it slow, I know you already waited a few years but being conservitave does not mean she should think you a freak or something. Just be open and honest with her if your relationship is going to last then you MUST be open with each other. For crying out loud did you ever think she may have secrest fantasies she feels too uncomortable sharing. The more open you are between each other the closer you will become. Remember the Love means "from two One is formed" good luck with your relationship and God bless ej.

 

[minerva]

LOL, if you don't think it's cheating, then why wouldn't you tell her?
Ahh, cause you know she'd get mad....

Come on, you KNOW it would be cheating, don't you? 😉

I totally understand your dilemma, but if you care about your relationship and love her, think twice before doing something you might regret later.

 

[WorkInProgress]

The thing I don't quite understand is, if she lets you tickle you a lot and once tied your hands to the bed and tickled you, are you really sure that you would put her into the category of someone you can't share your fetish with? It sounds like there's a difference of intensity levels, and a difference of one of you giving it a formal name and one of you just casually having fun doing it, but again, if you tickle her a lot and she's not above tying you and tickling you, are you really sure anything's missing? Might you try asking her to tickle you longer and more intensely next time, saying "that really turns me on"?

If the relationship has a serious future, though, you need to be able to talk openly with her about both your needs and hers. If your fulfillment depends on being able to tickle her, it will be a real bummer if she informs you after the wedding that she doesn't want to be tickled any more. And when it comes to meeting someone else to tickle, if your relationship with her is serious, then you shouldn't do anything like that without her knowing. Big thing is, though, I'm suggesting two steps. One is to see just how intense the tickling can get without giving it a name, and two is to talk with her about how important it is to you. And you know what? You may or may not ever need to tell her about the tickling community, because if you can get her to be on the same intensity level as you want to be without getting into the dimension of membership in a fetish community, you may or may not still need a fetish community as things get hot and heavy with her. In any case, good luck. These dilemmas do come up in our circle.

 

[phfttklr]

This has been thrown around here quite a bit. You should do a search, to see more answers.

If there isn't any nudity or sexual contact going on, then it's not cheating but it is inappropriate behavior if you don't tell her, which could lead to fighting and or a breakup.

It's sexual for you, so it's wrong. You have to either be open about it or deal with the consequences. Ask yourself, how would you feel if she secretly was getting a massage from a guy and it turned her on?

You're assumming that she would be mad at you for being here, which says that you haven't actually talked to her about it. Being that it's a turn on for you, there is a chance that you might find somebody that you connect with and leave her or have an inappropriate meeting, much like a sex chat room. Would you mind if she was in one of those? You're not married but their is respect. If you can live with that, then don't ask for opinions, just go with what you want. There are and have been people who come here in secret. I personally don't see anything wrong, as long as no sexual contact is going on. A lot view this site as an outlet because we've always been made to feel like "weirdos" for an act that is far tamer than other fetish or activities of love or just plain fun.

It all comes down to how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Try to make the tickling about her and not just the act itself.

Good luck

 

[drew70]

A lot of people will tell you it's cheating but it definitely is not. Sex and romance on the side is cheating. Tickling is not sex and it isn't romance. If you have a friend with tickle benefits, with no sexual or romantic intimacy, you are good to go, my friend.

 

[chicago]

A lot of people will tell you it's cheating but it definitely is not. Sex and romance on the side is cheating. Tickling is not sex and it isn't romance. If you have a friend with tickle benefits, with no sexual or romantic intimacy, you are good to go, my friend.

Drew might tell you it's not cheating, but it definitely is.

And frankly, it doesn't matter what any of us say, it's how your girlfriend will feel and I have a feeling she's gonna agree with me and not Drew, here.

If she were to find out you were messing around with bondage and tickling with someone of the opposite sex behind her back, I don't think she'd be cool with it, especially with the way you describe her as being so conservative.

 

[maniactickler]

Why the hell would you meet anyone not into tickling in the first place? thats a no brainer. if you really have a serious tickling fetish, you shouldnt have even given her a second look to start off with. if your fetish isnt that strong, then maybe thats different. for me, my fetish is so strong that if i find out shes not into it, then shes dead on arrival. no matter what.

 

[ViperGTS]

DUMP DAT BITCH!

No seriously, get rid of any significant other in your life who is not open minded.

 

[Coda]

Hi, ej322. Hey, we're about the same age.

You're a good explainer so far, so I'm going to be presumptuous and assume I understand your feelings about your relationship and your girlfriend. If you feel like I'm way off, then feel free to ignore any of this.

This sounds like a relationship you take seriously; enough that you're willing to ask yourself whether you're staying within the bounds of loyalty to your girlfriend. Understandably, questions like yours can seem tricky.

Here's the surprise: there is a way to instantly learn the answer, and be completely sure that you're on solid moral and loyal grounds in learning it. But I don't think you'll like it.

The way is to copy that question out of your post, and paste it into an e-mail to your girlfriend.

The question of what counts as cheating is surrounded by so much confusion. Usually the best you'll hear from others is that a proposed activity "really seems like cheating," or that you "know it's cheating," but they can't explain precisely why. There is no need for any of that vaguery: cheating in your relationship is based on what you and your girlfriend agree is cheating. If you're searching for any method of answering your question <I>other</I> than asking your girlfriend directly, then assume that you're actually just looking for a way to avoid doing so.

You may be lucky enough to have someone in your life that you feel like you can trust with absolutely everything; maybe your best friend. If you really think you love your girlfriend, then I'm sure you don't want her to be somebody you trust with everything <I>except</I> one or two things.

 

[ObservingEgo]

It's not your girlfriend who's not into tickling... you're not into tickling!! You like tickling so much you can't even talk about it. All your doing is projecting your conservative views onto your girlfriend. Conservative women don't tie their men up, dude!! And if she's tickling you when you're tied up then she must like tickling.

Perhaps your problem is with intimacy and not tickling. Lots of the female members here are ugly or mentally unhealthy and live miles away from you. Why on earth would you want to travel to meet some stranger who probably has the same intimacy issues as you do just for tickling?? Imagine 2 strangers who have trouble with intimacy getting together for the first time because they like tickling... It's something definitely worth fucking up the current relationship you're in even more.

Are you some kind of idiot or something. You have a girlfriend who obviously likes tickling because she tickled you when you were tied. You really should grow a pair and be man enough to get intimate with this woman you love and expose her to a side of you not many or any other women know. That sort of thing strengthens a bond and turns women on!! She'll probably tickle your pickle quite well after you've connected with her on your thing for tickling.

Get her involved in this forum and talk to other couples (who are both members here) who are open with each other sexually.

 

[tcklft]

Drew might tell you it's not cheating, but it definitely is.

And frankly, it doesn't matter what any of us say, it's how your girlfriend will feel and I have a feeling she's gonna agree with me and not Drew, here.

If she were to find out you were messing around with bondage and tickling with someone of the opposite sex behind her back, I don't think she'd be cool with it, especially with the way you describe her as being so conservative.

Well said.

You might consider taking a long, hard look at how important your interest in tickling is to you, and consider sharing your interest with your gf rather than sneaking around behind her back. For me, tickling is a need, not a want, so if I hook up with a lady not into my kink, I lose interest and move on rather quickly.

 

[WorkInProgress]

I just want to say, I'm astounded by the posts in this thread that try to reduce the answer to this question to something simple and obvious, to a plain truth that anybody who can't see must be an idiot. I'm also astounded by people who think they can give a diagnosis of the thread initiator's "real" problem from the very limited amount of information provided. I hope my own post in this thread provides some contrast from that; I hope my post succeeds in getting across some ideas to think about, with full respect for the fact that I don't have any definitive answers to anything and that only the gentleman himself can know what the real situation is.

Secondly, I fail to see anything either surprising or easy to resolve about a person with a fetish meeting someone outside of the context of that fetish, having enough of a bond to start a relationship and having a dilemma over the fact that the relationship has other things holding it together while lacking a commonality of fetish. It most certainly is not a "no-brainer" that you simply get out of the relationship. It's a dilemma, and there's no explaining that a dilemma is not a dilemma when it clearly is one.

 

[dizfingers]

It's not that black and white

I love my wife very much and would never even think of leaving her, but she also is not into tickling (or much of anything else for that matter). I could not get a massage, go to a movie, or even have cup of coffee with another female without my wife being at least concerned about it. So I usually don't tell her when something I know will upset her happens, but I don't hide it either.
To say that this is cheating is like calling someone a liar when they tell the cook the worst food they have ever tasted is good. Cheating is something that happens in the heart, not the mouth.

Diz

 

[supler]

Yeah, obviously she would be mad if she knew I was meeting someone else. So, I wouldn't tell her - my question is, would that be cheating?

If you think your GF would be upset if she found out, then it is cheating. But you can keep asking people the same question in different ways until you get the answer you want.
I believe it's kind of a matter of your heart vs your fettish here. I had GF that wasn't into tickling and we broke up (not because of that) I have tickled people since the break up but I still miss my ex terribly and I can live without tickling her. I just wish I didn't have to live without her, but we just couldn't get along and we lived far away from eachother. Basically, I'm asking is your need to tickle/be tickled more important to you right now than your need to be with her?

 

[ObservingEgo]

You have odd taste in women, dizfingers!! What's it like being married to a jealous and selfish dud of a woman you just described. Use datmind more often and start thinking about leaving her. Do cold unaffectionate women really turn you on... or ya just settling for her because she happened to be the only woman who was around?? Get off that passive aggressive relationship route you're taking, dawg.

Your relationship is at a critical point when it's not fulfilling for you!! You either challenge her to make it better or you get out before it becomes too predictable and mundane and full of negativity. If you're in that stage and it drags on long enough she will make the move and leave you... unless she's incredibly dependent off your income--research proves this finding!! Majority of divorces are initiated by women cuz their men don't have the balls to do anything cuz they were evolutionary retarded and handicapped to the notion that giving up their balls is what's required in order to get women. Women are free now and not many will marry and stay married just for money.

Usually a healthy woman will get the hint when jealousy strikes that it's time to up her game... not become blindly jealous and tyrannical and want all the attention directed to her. Hopefully I'm wrong here about your girl, but hopefully I'm right too and it causes you to use datmind.

 

[giggle-maker]

The thing I don't quite understand is, if she lets you tickle you a lot and once tied your hands to the bed and tickled you, are you really sure that you would put her into the category of someone you can't share your fetish with? It sounds like there's a difference of intensity levels, and a difference of one of you giving it a formal name and one of you just casually having fun doing it, but again, if you tickle her a lot and she's not above tying you and tickling you, are you really sure anything's missing? Might you try asking her to tickle you longer and more intensely next time, saying "that really turns me on"?

This is what I was thinking when I read your initial post. I got to the part where she tied you up and tickled you and was like "and the problem is?" And what is her reaction when you tickle her? Is she very ticklish? If she is and doesn't hate being tickled then,

well...

you're GF's a tickle buddy!



Wake up!!

 

[WorkInProgress]

You have odd taste in women, dizfingers!! What's it like being married to a jealous and selfish dud of a woman you just described. Use datmind more often and start thinking about leaving her. Do cold unaffectionate women really turn you on... or ya just settling for her because she happened to be the only woman who was around?? Get off that passive aggressive relationship route you're taking, dawg.

Your relationship is at a critical point when it's not fulfilling for you!! You either challenge her to make it better or you get out before it becomes too predictable and mundane and full of negativity. If you're in that stage and it drags on long enough she will make the move and leave you... unless she's incredibly dependent off your income--research proves this finding!! Majority of divorces are initiated by women cuz their men don't have the balls to do anything cuz they were evolutionary retarded and handicapped to the notion that giving up their balls is what's required in order to get women. Women are free now and not many will marry and stay married just for money.

Usually a healthy woman will get the hint when jealousy strikes that it's time to up her game... not become blindly jealous and tyrannical and want all the attention directed to her. Hopefully I'm wrong here about your girl, but hopefully I'm right too and it causes you to use datmind.

Wow, this post fits the profile I was talking about even more than anything I'd seen in this thread when I clocked in at 8:51 last night with my critique of persons who think they can dictate simple solutions to others sight unseen based on two paragraphs' worth of information. I'm only caricaturing this post slightly when I say that "use datmind" seems to be used interchangeably with "follow my prescription." I just hope the syndicates, when they're in search of the next Dear Abby, don't do their trolling here. (And make no mistake: I don't confuse myself with the next Dear Abby either, be assured of that.)

 

[ThymeHBF]

I am shocked at some of the responses here! I think it makes total sense to ask this forum for their opinion (that's what it is for) and I am so sorry that you have been dissed! I think it is a perfectly normal question! Remember that there are some of us who think it makes total sense that you asked!!

 

[P[a]pi]

That would be cheating. The only way it wouldn't be is if you tell your girlfriend what you want to do and she says, "okay."

Maybe you should brake up with her and try to make the girl you want to have a session with your new girlfriend.

Vanilla should be with vanilla and kinky should be with kinky. That way there are no secrets and no cheating.