The modern era of christianity has the following rules:
1) Instead of going to church only on Sunday, now you must go as often as possible. Schedule your work and social life around the church.
2) You must look down on (with pity and scorn) those who don't share your views. Despite being family or friends, you and your fellow christians must separate yourselves from them, as their unholy ways might contaminate you.
3) You must use your beliefs to be the center of attention wherever you are. Parties, gatherings, restaurants, etc. If there are people around you, you must make it apparent to everyone (whether they care or not) to loudly proclaim your faith. Although prayer is a one-on-one conversation between you and God, now you will use prayer to garner attention in public...if you and your friends form a prayer circle, it must be done in a place that is extrememly crowded, so that people will have to walk around you, while you pray loudly in to the air, eyes pressed shut.
4) Modern entertainment is a cesspool, and even a glimpse of it may turn you to Satan. If you are assaulted by such, you must hold your arm out with your hand shielding your eyes, while saying loudly, "I can't believe they ALLOW this kind of filth in our society."
5) It's okay for you and your friends to share risque jokes or double entendres.....remember, you are believers. For anyone else, however, it's just proof how society has desensitized you and you are a marker for Satan.
6) Sharing your faith with fellow believers must now be drama-queen worthy. Tears, sobbing, and testimony of how you are completely worthless without God must be delivered as if an Oscar depended on it.
7) All entertainment products must now be christian approved. If it's not 'christian', it's vile and will lead you down the path to Satan. Don't worry about who's collecting the profits on the other end...who would lie about something like THAT?
8) Despite the fact that God gave you a brain, you must check with him on everything. The weather, your job, what to have for dinner, concerns over finding someone of the opposite sex attractive, what people to be friends with...don't you worry. Despite God having bigger fish to fry, I'm sure there's room for all the small problems that you could very well solve yourself. Hey, God's not THAT busy, right?
9) When people question the lack of logic in your beliefs, simply smile and answer, "That's called FAITH." No other explanation is necessary. Feel free, though, to mock and attack other people's beliefs.
10) Remember, your religion is the ONLY real religion. All the others? Phony, man-made trifles that can't compare to your religion. Mock them with your friends, and remember that your religion makes you better than anyone else. I mean, cmon, that's what God intended, right? All people living together in peace and harmony? God laughs at such a thought.
The Sean Man
