Safe Word Usage

[tickling=feet]

I've been having a debate with a friend. When pushed to a safe word, does that indicate the end of a session or a short stop in the session. I say after they say the safe word, stop, (while still in place or different position) then continue after a short period of time. He claims after the safe word is used, it should end and be continued at a different time, for fresh start. Not the next day but an hour later for example. Let the idea of contract commitment out of our debate.

 

[knicks255]

Just use two safe words, an "I need a break for a little bit, let me breathe." and one for "Okay, getting uncomfortable, I'm done."

 

[helplessandhappy]

I'd say this is something the participants should discuss before they begin to play. There are no set rules. In my own personal experience, a safeword has meant "stop for a second and let me catch my breath." I only do tickling in a sexual setting with lovers, so there is no exact "end" to the tickling, it simply would reach a point where they would untie me (or not) and move on to other sexual things.

 

[kingofswing]

It's a combination of both the ones mentioned above. You discuss it before you start and have a "yellow" and "red" safeword. That way you are both on the same page and know what the expectations are.

 

[LadyNerd]

For me, personally, if I call a safe word, I'm done. There is no continuation, which is how the safe word is used in BDSM, to my knowledge. In tickling, it's not quite the same, and that's understandable, but if there is confusion between two people, then you need two safe words and not just one. No questions, no excuses. When there is confusion, it's nigh impossible to have a fun and safe session with a partner.

 

[porcelaindoll2]

That is why we have red and yellow. Yellow=equals I need a brake or do something different and red=OMG stop stop stop.

 

[robmic]

I would think if you say a safeword, it means stop and discuss the situation and determine what happens from that point on... Stop, continue, or whatever.

 

[TTT for joy]

I think it's up to people to decide. The most important thing is that there is enough trust among the tickler and ticklee and that when the ticklee is getting way too uncomfortable, the tickler stops.
The best approach IMO is how robmic describes it. First a short pause, then a discussion of what to do next.

 

[ImNotDave]

Yeah, I'd go with stop what you're doing and discuss whether to take it further or end here.

 

[Alinor]

Me receiving - If playing with someone I don't know well (before marriage and one day next week!) I always have a safe word. It's just a wise thing to do. If I safe word, the next step is to see if the play continues or ends. Now, when I was married, I did not have one with my ex-wife. I knew her and trusted her. She could be "evil" at times, this is true, but she always knew when time was time.

Me giving - I don't care what the other person says, there will be a safe word. Whether they use it or not is up to them, but there must be one set aside. Not that I am prone to getting carried away, just a personal "thing". On the rare occasions I was a 'ler with my ex (I was the 'lee 90%+ of the time, as she is severely asthmatic), we had a safe word, though I knew when she'd had enough just based on her breathing.

 

[TicklesFemales]

I personally love to tickle women who do not want a safeword and love being tickle tortured to the extreme. However if I am playing with a lady who wants one I explain to her before hand that if she uses it then it just means I stop tickling for about a minute for her to regain her composure and be able to breathe normally but that after a minute the tickling would begin again. The tickling to stop all together is up to me at the end. Nothing I love more than a ticklish lady at my mercy....LOL Tickling to me is better than sex itself.

 

[porcelaindoll2]

I personally love to tickle women who do not want a safeword and love being tickle tortured to the extreme. However if I am playing with a lady who wants one I explain to her before hand that if she uses it then it just means I stop tickling for about a minute for her to regain her composure and be able to breathe normally but that after a minute the tickling would begin again. The tickling to stop all together is up to me at the end. Nothing I love more than a ticklish lady at my mercy....LOL Tickling to me is better than sex itself.

You do understand that there is not only physical damage, but mental damage as well? I have to ask do you do this with brand spanking new play partners? I mean I'm guessing/hoping you tell any potential lees how you feel about safe words in the negotiation stages of setting up potential play, so I guess then it is up to them whether or not they decided to go through with playing with you. I can see your thought process if it is someone you've been playing with for a while and you know how much they can take, but in my personal opinion if you use your safe word mentality on new people you play with you're taking dangerous risks. I'd equate it with the phrase playing with fire. Safe words are there to make the sub or this case the lee feel safe. They are especially paramount when your playing with someone for the first time. Oh if the lee were to safe word, you gave her a break, decided to start tickling again, and she begs no more or safe words again would you stop or keep going? Although you did point out you like females who don't like safe words, so since that is your preference I assume that is what you mostly play with, so what I wrote want really matter to you.

My boyfriend and I have been playing/dating for about a year and a half. He knows how much I can take and knows when it is time to stop a scene whether I safe word or not. He also can tell if I am being a brat and trying to cop out early. It took time to get to the point were at now.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

The norm is, use of a safe word means, "stop for a few seconds and let me catch my breath.” Of course, if, after using a safe word, the person says, “please untie me, I need to stop,” well, if you’re a person, you’ll stop!

 

[tickling=feet]

In our debate we always talked about having a safe word because both of us have heard of consensual non-consentual safe word disaster. A friend of mine had an experience with a women who 'loved' not having a safe word and actually told him that if she looked in distress to continue. He did so but the issue was on that particular day, she was having allergies which, to no fault of his own, she took some claritin-D and ignored. After about 20 minutes of straight tickling, her nose and chest began to become mucusy and she could not breath. She pleaded for him to stop through horrified gasps but he didn't and liked the fact he could push her so far off the edge he put the fear in her. She started to literally try and intake any air and he stopped because he could tell she REALLY couldn't breath. The problem is that by the time he stopped for her to catch her breath, she was past coughing and passed out. No turning blue. No wheeze. Who had to drive her to the hospital and explain what happened? If you arn't going to use a safe word and even if you depend on a personal gauge of how their health is that moment, before hand discuss everything, even down to a simple allergy medicine. The doc said that she also could have easily died if she was 'running' longer because the decongestant could have caused her heart palpitations. Again, she failed to tell my friend because her symptoms had gone away. So be careful man, you don't want to hurt a friend. You'll both feel terrible.

I personally love to tickle women who do not want a safeword and love being tickle tortured to the extreme. However if I am playing with a lady who wants one I explain to her before hand that if she uses it then it just means I stop tickling for about a minute for her to regain her composure and be able to breathe normally but that after a minute the tickling would begin again. The tickling to stop all together is up to me at the end. Nothing I love more than a ticklish lady at my mercy....LOL Tickling to me is better than sex itself.

 

[TTT for joy]

@tickling=feet
That sounds like a scary story. That is why I think people should always have a safe word, when doing that kind of stuff. You never know what can happen.

 

[rhiannon]

To me and my ler, safeword means take a break and find out what's wrong. It could mean I have a cramp or need some time to recover. It CAN mean that the session is over, but doesn't necessarily have to mean that.

I wouldn't recommend not using a safeword unless you know one another VERY well. And even then it could still go wrong.

 

[katukutusursuri]

I never need Safe Words as lee sometimes give it while lering.

 

[Mane'o]

as a couple others have said, use of a safe word and what it means is something to be worked out and agreed to by both before the actual tickling begins. There is no hard and fast single rule. Personally I've done it with a single word. With no word. With two words, one for pause, one for stop altogether. Each with different partners. Had fun with all. It is what works for the people involved at the moment. It ain't brain surgery. It is common sense.

 

[icekeepers]

a current thema - no safe word
the lee must trust the ler and give the best to take the hardest
but as a half-part of a GAME needs a safe-word or a safe-something to make stop
otherway this is mad, turns to non consensual, and i fuck this off