Ignorance is Bliss, but Judgment is obnoxious
why? said:
ok my boyfriend and i have had another chat since i posted things last night. since we have had our issues hes made a choice to keep me rather than letting this fetish ruin us because it was becoming obsessive. last night he checked out what people were saying and he got scared, he was actually terrified that he'd start sayin things like this, that he will be single and alone until hes 40 because he will not be able to be in a stable relationship due to tickling.
I think it is pathetic that you allowed him to feel this way - to take on the burden of something he cannot control, that is a part of him, and treat it as though it was a disease. Shame on you.
you say tickling is like tits and arse but its really not. the reason men associate the bum with sex as an attractive feature is purely genetics. from the beginning of human history the male has always taken the female from behind making them associate the backside with the sexual act and thus because breats resemble the bottom so it has the subconscious link.
Your “purely genetics” theory is, at best, incomplete. What I'm talking about is modern psychology, not the history of evolutionary man. It's an interesting argument, and I suppose if we were discussing the speculative timeline of when mankind first used the missionary position, this argument would apply. However, we’ve come quite a long way on the evolutionary scale since our bipedal Homo Erectus ancestors. Societal behavior plays a much greater role in what modern people find to be sexually attractive. Sexuality is instinctual, but body part-specific sexual attraction is a product of societal conditioning, not a carry over from the dawn of mankind.
you will be very lucky to find someone who is 100% accepting of this fetish. i thought i could until it started to scare me and lets face it, most of you have an obsession rather than a fetish. a fetish should enhance sex and spice it up every so often, not rule who you date or as some other discussions on here make you degrade yourself or employees of a lower rank than you exploiting their lack of funds...no matter what ur trading for its prostitution.
It's obvious that this is all new to you, and that's okay. But I would suggest that, rather than reinventing new definitions for fetishism, you instead learn what fetishism is, and then find other words to more aptly represent your feeling of what you think should enhance sex, rather than making definitive declarations about what should define the sexual identity of a person. It’s also interesting how you left the task of change up to your boyfriend while you cowered in the corner because it “scared you.”
A Fetish, by its clinical definition, IS an obsession. They are not distinctly separate. That is the reason why I noted Fetishism as pathology. To be pathological is to be compulsive, obsessive, or to become behaviorally addicted to, like a habit. This does not have to be negative, and it doesn’t have to be something of which you should be frightened. Now, if he had a fetish for watching you bleed, THAT would be something to be afraid of.
We use the word fetish very loosely here to describe what most of us agree is an attraction we were born with. Some of us are probably clinical fetishists, while others behave more in accordance with your description of an enhancement of sex. Either way, it’s not a scary situation, to say the least.
my boyfriend actually feels ashamed and physicaly sick when he thinks about what he used to do and how badly it has affected us
If your boyfriend is feeling sick and ashamed, then he is probably a fetishist in the clinical sense. Shame and guilt are often resulting emotions of pathological behavior. If you had a greater understanding, you probably would not have allowed him to delve so deeply into self loathing for the sake of your view of normalcy.
The reality is that behavioral issues such as fetishism do not have to be negative in nature. I would suggest that it can be quite enjoyable with someone who is not so judgmental and devisive with regard to the behavior.
so obviously if u guys choose tickling over a partner you cant care about them that much.
Well, obviously, you're wrong again.
Have you ever read about, or heard about a gay man or woman getting married and having children? These are people who found it very difficult to come to terms with their sexual identity, or were trying to deny their own sexuality. As a result, they got involved in a traditional relationship because they THOUGHT it would make them NORMAL. Then, later, they leave their entire family because they suddenly realized they were living a lie. Do you think they cared about their family? Do you think they got involved just for the fun of it?
People don’t choose tickling OVER a partner. What they do is get involved in a vanilla relationship because they refuse to accept that tickling plays an inherently significant role in their sexual identity. That's because people like you are always there to fill them in on just how unnatural their behavior is. Then, they find themselves years later in a marriage that is nothing more than a fabrication, created for the sole intention of pleasing their selfish spouse.
i know this will evoke a massive reaction but think about it logically...theres nothing wrong with having a fetish but do you think you'll still be doin it when you're 70?
Yes.
do you think people who like bondage gets all the bits and bobs out 3 times a day?
Perhaps 3 times a month, or 3 times a year, but they will still be excited by it and doing it, if physically capable…yes.
do you think an alcoholic is happy that he has an obsession?
Fetishism and alcoholism are NOT the same thing. Your analogy is flawed before you even begin to make your point.
if an alcoholic is told they must change their ways or die....90% at least will
Wrong again. Look up the stats for U.S. alcohol related deaths not attributed to accidents or homicides. I think you’ll find the recidivism rate for alcoholics leaves no other conclusion other than alcoholism is a pathological disease – NOT a fetish.
...now would you really contemplate ruining your sexual and relationship future because of this?
Let’s see, do you think homosexuals would really contemplate ruining their acceptance in society, or having a chance at a traditional male/female relationship, or being able to acquire health insurance for their partners, or be able to file joint taxes, or be considered a family member in a hospital in cases of emergency, or be able to adopt children with less hassle? Gee, why don’t they just STOP being gay?
And while I’m at it, why don’t YOU control your blind acceptance of traditional sexuality as being some sort of measuring stick that your boyfriend should live up to? I’m reading a whole lot about guilt and shame on his part, but where is YOUR guilt and shame? Why don’t you become a fetishist?
Would you really be willing to risk your relationship with your boyfriend by not being a fetishist? Think about it logically. Why should HE be so willing to completely alter his sexual identity, while you enjoy keeping yours intact? I’ll tell you why. It’s because you see his behavior as abnormal, that’s why. It’s because you can’t conceive of yourself changing your sexuality for the sake of something that makes you feel uncomfortable. However, you don’t give him the same respect. You don’t allow for the possibility that it is as difficult for him to become vanilla, as it is for you to become a fetishist. Stop already with the double standard, and get an education about fetishism.
You’ll have to forgive my terseness, but I find it amazing how someone who came to this forum 1.5 weeks ago with a thread entitled “I don’t get it,” with questions about tickling because she didn’t “understand,” is suddenly, presuming to lecture the rest of us on the definitions of fetishism, vs. obsession, and the enhancement of sex. This is all very funny to me. If you want to learn something, then ask more questions, but please, stop pretending to have some insight…you don’t.
this is natural to you...well obsessive food habits are to me...ive been anorexic, bullemic and exorexic...i realised how much i was hurting myself and people around me so i stopped and swore on my mums life i wouldnt do it anymore and it has been hard and i still want to do it but i dont....is that any different from a fetish? there are so many natural and compulsive things that we as humans have so why cant you control this one?
I’m really trying not to be rude. I swear I am, but the way you glorify your obvious ignorance is just damn insulting. So, your argument is:
If I can stop making myself vomit after every meal, then surely you can reconstitute your entire sexual identity.
I’ll answer that last question by asking you why you can’t control your heterosexuality. I have to keep coming back to this analogy because it is the single best analogy I can find that most aptly demonstrates, in terms most people can understand, just how much of a part of the human psyche a fetish can become. You don’t choose it, you don’t outgrow it, and the best you can hope for is a way to incorporate it into your life with someone who truly appreciates it. Coincidentally, that is exactly the way everyone else on this planet is trying to manage their own lives. I guess that makes it normal after all.
So, in conclusion, I think you have to ask yourself whether this is something you really want to understand, or is this something you simply wish to trivialize through an insistence on substituting knowledge for ignorant guesswork.
Sorry again if I sound pointed, and I really do hope that your intention is to learn, not judge.
Trust me that lots of women would be relieved that tickling and feet are all you're into compared to what's out there.
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The grass is soooo not greener on the other side, singles bars and Ladies Nights were not invented for the kinksters 
