self harming

[Speedy_Sticks]

Crumbs, it has been along time!!!!!!

Basically I am going out with a girl who is INCREDIBLLY ticklish!!!

The only problem is that she hates it! She also self harms. But when she is in the mood it seems like she asks to get tickled sometimes, but says that she still hates it. we do have tickle fights sometimes!

Basically how can I get her to like tickling, especially if she feels unsure of life because of being abused as a child and her abuser is still in town with her.

She is an incredible women!

Also does anybody else know of a ticklee that self harms?

Yours

Speedy Sticks

 

[featherfingers]

By 'self harming' do you mean she cuts herself with knives or pulls out strands of her own hair? She is definitely a prime candidate for therapy and counseling. Her frustration must come from the fact that she was a victim of abuse...and since the abuser is still nearby, she will always be reminded of that abuse.

I'd help her get the counseling she needs before you discuss tickling with her. It seems that once she is at peace with her past, she may be more receptive to your desires.

 

[Speedy_Sticks]

She cuts and occasionally takes over doeses. She has a CPN and GP looking after her. She has all the help she needs. But still doen not stop her memories and bad dreams.

I hope tickling her gives her a reason to laugh anyhow.

 

[featherfingers]

I hope tickling her gives her a reason to laugh anyhow.

Speedy, please... take it from someone who used to think tickling was the answer for everything; you may end up irritating her more than anything by tickling her. Give her time to get her head straight, or that knife she cuts herself with may be used against you! She has serious issues and I think tickling shouldn't be a part of her 'therapy' until these issues are resolved. Give her time, but show her that you love her for her, not just for the fun that you get from tickling her.

 

[Myriads]

Ouch, There are at least two behaviors going on here.

Cutting is one issue.

Drug OD's are another.

Each are done for very very different resons, though the roots of them both may lay in the past abuse. OD's are suicide attempts. Cutting, is a stress relief/stimuli seeking for proof of 'being' behavior. As you can see they go in opposite directions. Seeing both at once is unusual.

That she has care is good, because the OD issue is a very serious one, and needs to be taken care of by someone skilled. Glad that she has that help!

Most of how your sexual relationship developes needs to be based in solid communication. There are land mines in her mind, and you don't want to accidently step on one with what to most of us is harmless play, but to her could read as many many darker things. The results of such an explosion will hurt her, and the relationship.

Introducing tickling which in the way you seem to show enjoyment of it, classes as a power exchange behavior, into the relationship might be difficult at this time. You are basically imposing a form of control over her when you do this, and that may be ungood based on the past you have stated she has, and that she is working to escape from.

I'd say give her time to work on the larger issues, and move slowly here. Learn more about her sexuality, and how she sees things.

My advice is for open conversation with her about what you like and why (not a bad conversation to have with a lover in general, knowign what she wants/likes and sharing the same makes it all better in the long run), and how tickling her is important to you as a sexual act. By placing what you want in a context that she can see, you will have a better chance of makign a part of the relationship that is not adding to her problems.

If she says NO to it. accept that and don't pick at it.

Myriads

 

[steph]

Speedy~
A lot of my patients engage in cutting and/or suicidal behavior such as overdosing. It is ALWAYS a cry for help and ALWAYS a sign of a severely damaged and disturbed psyche. Not to frighten you, but these people are ticking time bombs...Please, be CAREFUL with her! As some of the other wise ones mentioned, pushing her in ANY direction may end up pushing her over the edge and you don't want that on your conscience. Feel free to PM me if you feel like it...

XOXO