Should I share

[CaptainQuantum]

No to what?

Sorry I wasn't sure exactly what you asked him to do. Was it "no I won't tickle you" or "no I won't look at the website" or what? I'll never understand how some women can find guys who are not interested in tickling them. I mean, guys tickle their girlfriends/wives all the time quite naturally even when there isn't a "fetish" involved. What's the difference when she says it turns her on? Even if it doesn't turn him on, as I've said in another thread most guys will have the attitude "I'll swing from a chandelier if it'll get me laid." And take it from a guy whose done both, tickling a woman is a lot more fun than swinging from a chandelier. Less chance of getting hurt also.

 

[Redmage]

I'll never understand how some women can find guys who are not interested in tickling them. I mean, guys tickle their girlfriends/wives all the time quite naturally even when there isn't a "fetish" involved. What's the difference when she says it turns her on?

Sometimes, it seems that's exactly the issue. That is, some people (both men and women) seem fine with the idea of tickling as fun, but if they find out that it turns their partners on they get weird about it. It's sex that they don't understand and that just makes them uncomfortable.

I don't understand it either, but I've seen it happen. What's really strange about Tulipangel's situation is the fact that this guy seems fine with things that are much harsher than tickling.

 

[tulipangel]

Oh pooooo! 🙁

He will not tickle me or look at the web site. He will tickle me for fun (for him) like just to spook me but he wont get even a little into it like I do. I do find it odd that he will choke and spank me but TICKLING is too wierd for him? And he was never into choking either. i put his hand there one night and he thought it was wierd. told him to do it again and NOW i dont have to ask..... he just does it (which is great).
He would NEVER let someone else tickle me cause he has a property thing going on... he says he doesnt like to share. Ehhhhh, I am gonna go to the gym I do my best thinking there..... You are all great! Its nice to have a type of "support group".... I will post more as the weekend passes... let you all know if I get anywhere with this... or find out what his deal is! MUAH!!!!!!!!!

 

[Redmage]

He would NEVER let someone else tickle me cause he has a property thing going on... he says he doesnt like to share.

So, he doesn't want to do something that he knows turns you on, but he doesn't want to "share" that with anyone else.

Oooookay. I hope you figure out something useful to do with this guy. Recycling, maybe?

 

[booberrytickle]

I agree with Redmage...as I mentioned, I have confronted this issue before, but that was with girlfriends who were into submission, etc, but not tickling. They just didn't like the sensation of being tickled. I can understand that more than a refusal to do the tickling, which, in this context, seems to be compatible with other dominant activities that he's into. Sorry for going on about this, since I don't know the guy and don't like to make judgments. Maybe laughter turns him off. Again, tulipangel, drop me an e-mail or PM if you want some sympathetic support.

 

[tulipangel]

Ehhhh

This stinks 🙂
He loves my laugh! always says that he gets turned on when i smile or laugh! He thinks im sexiest when im "happy". Well, I guess all I can do is NOT push him, but educate him! Maybe drop it for a few days and then TALK to him about it all..... I guess if I want tickling to play a role in my life with him I need to open my mouth and tell him instead of e-mailing it. You are all awesome! all of your PM's and posts really do help! I will keep ya'll posted on what happens with this... But as Redmage said... I might have to move on.... which I do not want to do but who knows!

 

[Illtcklu]

The next time he tickles you in fun, respond sexually. This kind of postive reaction might soften him up a bit. Be a bit more of an agressor in this case.

 

[Redmage]

If you think things can work out, then for sure don't give up on him. A little time to think about it might do him some good, but do talk it out with him soon. See if he'll shed some light on this odd willingness to spank you but not to tickle you.

Don't quit while there's hope, but don't stay where you can't get your needs met either.

This stinks 🙂
He loves my laugh! always says that he gets turned on when i smile or laugh! He thinks im sexiest when im "happy". Well, I guess all I can do is NOT push him, but educate him! Maybe drop it for a few days and then TALK to him about it all..... I guess if I want tickling to play a role in my life with him I need to open my mouth and tell him instead of e-mailing it. You are all awesome! all of your PM's and posts really do help! I will keep ya'll posted on what happens with this... But as Redmage said... I might have to move on.... which I do not want to do but who knows!

 

[WorkInProgress]

Hi, Tulip Angel, it's me again. I hadn't even noticed this thread when I responded to you in another earlier today, and of course this is the one where the action really is.

There are a couple of things that trouble me here, if I may be so bold: For me, it's not so much the tickling as the relationship itself that needs to be discussed. First of all, let's think about what you wanted to communicate to him. Was the point of it that you wanted him to understand your membership in a social fetish community, or that you wanted him to tickle you? It would seem to me that wanting him to tickle you would make more sense, and would be the launching point for anything else such as introducing him to TMF. With that in mind, why not just ask him to tickle you when you're playing around already? And if he didn't take to it all at once, considering that you already successfully got him to choke and spank you, somewhat in stages (and listen, on a side note, do be careful with the choking bit), why didn't you think you could accomplish the same thing with tickling? If I had noticed this thread earlier, I would have really tried to talk you out of either E-mailing him or getting him to peruse this thread. That's too remote, considering that what you wanted to accomplish was in your physical intimate relationship with him. And I'm under the impression that a lot of guys, without identifying themselves with any fetish community, love tickling their girlfriends if they can get away with it. I lived in a dorm, just over a decade ago, and I remember one day being able to tell plainly from the sounds that the guy across the hall was tickling his girlfriend ferociously, and I very highly doubt he identified with any fetish community.

Okay, now the second thing that bothers me: his behavior. In an intimate relationship, I consider it wrong for either party to ever resist keeping the dialogue open about anything, or to ever make unilateral pronouncements about anything. In my opinion, everything should be the subject of soft, intimate exchanges in which both parties listen to each other. I can go along with his telling you that he's not comfortable with fetish tickling, but that should be a first step toward searching for something that you can both be comfortable with.

In my opinion, both you and he acted on two fallacies: (1.) that wanting to be tickled as part of sexual intimacy is some icky, over-the-top pathology, and (2.) that you're the childlike party who shily and sheepishly wants something from him, and he's the adultlike party who will say either "okay dear" or "the answer is no."

I hope I haven't been too opinionated here. I run that risk when I'm having my late-night red wine.

 

[kis123]

I have a serious problem here-if I'm coming off too strong, I apologize in advance.

When it comes to sexual preferences, I'm not into certain things. I'm not into spanking or breathe-play. I also don't tell people what is and isn't right for them in their bedrooms either.

If he can play with spanking and choking, tickling just doesn't seem like a really long reach for me.

I also have a huge problem with having to ask permission for what goes on in my bedroom. If I get a man who claims he's willing to explore new things in the bedroom, that's what I expect-not someone who's trying to set bedroom parameters. That should be negotiated by BOTH of you, not just him.

I'm not saying to leave him-this could just be an issue of him needing to get over some stuff where tickling is concerned. It could be easily healed in time. But think of it this way--if tickling is that important to you and he won't help you explore it in the bedroom, are you really an intimate match for each other? Can you live without tickling as long as you're with him? If you can, then continue as you are. If not, you may have to prepare yourself to move on.

Personally, if you got him to consider spanking and breathe-play, he may eventually he may concede to tickling too.

 

[tulipangel]

Hwy

I am the "child" in this relationship... He is very much the "adult"... All that you said in your post (minus the big words) added up... I am reading the book "erotic tickling". I am going to high light the points in the book that I think fit what I want and explain how i feel... I think if i sit down with him like an ADULT he will treat me like one and my findings in this PUBLISHED book will make it all that much more legit.... The book is going to be my "shoulder to lean one" in a way.

Spanking and choking are fetishes more accepted out in the open... any tv show or movie that has any kind of R rating usually has bondage (not tickling).. It was more accepted so there for it was easy for me to open up about it.
I have to show him that in a way tickling is just as accepted as any other fetish!

The next time he tickles me just to play around and gets me to jump... I am going to show him how good it can be for our more intimate moments.

And by the way, Red Wine is very good for ya... what kind do you drink?

Hi, Tulip Angel, it's me again. I hadn't even noticed this thread when I responded to you in another earlier today, and of course this is the one where the action really is.

There are a couple of things that trouble me here, if I may be so bold: For me, it's not so much the tickling as the relationship itself that needs to be discussed. First of all, let's think about what you wanted to communicate to him. Was the point of it that you wanted him to understand your membership in a social fetish community, or that you wanted him to tickle you? It would seem to me that wanting him to tickle you would make more sense, and would be the launching point for anything else such as introducing him to TMF. With that in mind, why not just ask him to tickle you when you're playing around already? And if he didn't take to it all at once, considering that you already successfully got him to choke and spank you, somewhat in stages (and listen, on a side note, do be careful with the choking bit), why didn't you think you could accomplish the same thing with tickling? If I had noticed this thread earlier, I would have really tried to talk you out of either E-mailing him or getting him to peruse this thread. That's too remote, considering that what you wanted to accomplish was in your physical intimate relationship with him. And I'm under the impression that a lot of guys, without identifying themselves with any fetish community, love tickling their girlfriends if they can get away with it. I lived in a dorm, just over a decade ago, and I remember one day being able to tell plainly from the sounds that the guy across the hall was tickling his girlfriend ferociously, and I very highly doubt he identified with any fetish community.

Okay, now the second thing that bothers me: his behavior. In an intimate relationship, I consider it wrong for either party to ever resist keeping the dialogue open about anything, or to ever make unilateral pronouncements about anything. In my opinion, everything should be the subject of soft, intimate exchanges in which both parties listen to each other. I can go along with his telling you that he's not comfortable with fetish tickling, but that should be a first step toward searching for something that you can both be comfortable with.

In my opinion, both you and he acted on two fallacies: (1.) that wanting to be tickled as part of sexual intimacy is some icky, over-the-top pathology, and (2.) that you're the childlike party who shily and sheepishly wants something from him, and he's the adultlike party who will say either "okay dear" or "the answer is no."

I hope I haven't been too opinionated here. I run that risk when I'm having my late-night red wine.

 

[tulipangel]

Hey there

Hey Kis123
I am praying that this will all pass and he will either tell me why he wont get into tickling and we can work on it from there or what i really hope is that after i TALK to him, he will be more understanding (as he was with the spanking, choking and slapping) to my needs... Sexually we are a great match! this is the only thing that i want sexually that he has not given me... And no, I will not push tickling under the rug and make like its not there... If he can not and will not even work with me on this, I will have to reconsider being here. If something tragic happened with tickling to him as a kid he should tell me.. then i wont push! but he MUST talk back to me about this and not ignore me!

Anyway, ill keep ya'll posted

 

[WorkInProgress]

Well, I do have to confess I have a bias about relationships. In order for a relationship to have what I need, I have to know for sure that whenever I have something I want to express to my significant other, she will keep the dialogue open with me until we've both found some common ground that we can agree on. For me, it has to be a failsafe guarantee that she will absolutely never say "I don't want to talk about it" or "I don't want to hear another word about it" on any subject at any time. I will, of course, give her exactly the same guarantee.

And, following on that, I don't think you should need either a website or a book to explain anything to your boyfriend about how you feel. Sure, those materials can help give perspective, but he should be unconditionally interested in everything you feel, and you should be able to tell him your feelings straight. And really, this whole thing is about your feelings. Again, though, I'm showing my biases.

(I have to confess, by the way, I didn't know about fetish choking till I read your post. I do, of course, know about spanking, and in fact you might want to check out the spanking activities that go on at Paddles, including the Eulenspiegel Society party that starts at 7:30 tonight. Choking, though, sounds a bit dangerous to me and I do beseech you to be really really careful with it, since it's nice to be turned on but it isn't nice to be dead.)

Afternote: I drink lots of different kinds of red wine, actually. When I'm at home it's the Carlo Rossi burgundy, less expensive but tastes as good as the fancier wines to me. At restaurants I generally ask for the house red, and when there's a choice I vary it--cabernet, chianti, merlot... At the moment now, it's morning, so right now I'm sipping my daytime drug, coffee. Chock Full o' Nuts.

 

[isabeau]

tulip hon shoot me a pm ok? if you have read my posts you will see that my husband is definitely not into this at all. he considers this forum a porn site and has said so time and again to me. he thinks it is a sick fetish. and arguing with him is like talking to a brick wall. rather than go into a long explanation on the forum, pm me ok? maybe i can give you some advice. or just listen, which i am told i am pretty good with...

isabeau

 

[tulipangel]

Thanks

I will PM you now! 🙂

 

[TickledToDeath]

A situation that could get ugly. If the man won't even talk about it let alone consider it, whether it be this tickling thing or anything for that matter but specifically tickling, it could be just the tip of the iceberg to deeper more serious problems and yes getting out of dodge as it were chould be seriously considered.

TTD

 

[Nightfall]

How to talk to your guy

I know I'm coming in a bit late on this, but my last serious relationship (before I met my husband) ran up against this. I tried to talk openly about what I wanted in the bedroom. I wanted him to know what turned me on. He didn't want to talk about it and couldn't get himself into it once I explained it and asked him to try it. I literally said to him 'I'll work with you on your fantasies if you work on mine.' What guy shouldn't respond to that, right?! Apparently, this one LOL!

That's not why the relationship ended, but it was certainly a symptom. In a good relationship you should be able to talk freely about it, especially if you've been together for more than, say, a few months and have already been intimate. You can try what I did with the last guy I was casually seeing who found my tickling profile (oops!) and asked for an explanation - I got drunk first LOL!

If you don't like the reaction you get about it, the next move has to be up to you. Plenty of people I've met in the scene have spouses or significant others who 'don't understand.' They've chosen to make this part of their lives subservient to having found the 'right person in all other ways except for this.' I am not saying they've made a bad choice in any way - it's what they've chosen. You have a choice depending on how your guy reacts. Stay and make this part of you something you do on 'your time' or decide it's something you can't see living the next 50 years without his support on. I know that sounds simplistic, but aren't those the choices?

Either way, good luck!

 

[tulipangel]

Hey there

The getting drunk part before I speak to him is a good Idea! Maybe since I was planing on TALKING to him tonight about it, I can toss a few back and loosen up a bit! Not drunk to the point that I cant get to the potty with out help but tipsy! liquid courage! Good idea! I am going to get to the bottom of this! I will either show him "the way" or I will find someone who wants to tickle me no strings attached. Either way, as selfish as it sounds I will get tickled till i scream either by his fingers or someone elses 🙂

 

[Illtcklu]

Way to be Tulip!

 

[TicklishSinner]

way to go tulip, i doubt he will think it gross he will probably be for it if it means getting to touch you in ways that turn you on 😉

 

[tulipangel]

🙂

Wine good! I have to make sure not to drink it too fast or i will pass out long before i can speak to him! I guess its good he is in the liquor business... always have ample supply at hand! 🙂

 

[Illtcklu]

Wine good! I have to make sure not to drink it too fast or i will pass out long before i can speak to him! I guess its good he is in the liquor business... always have ample supply at hand! 🙂

Ample supply?! OOHHHHH TULIPANGEL I love you! You our my dream girl! You are the reason the sun rises in the morning!

 

[TickledToDeath]

The getting drunk part before I speak to him is a good Idea! Maybe since I was planing on TALKING to him tonight about it, I can toss a few back and loosen up a bit! Not drunk to the point that I cant get to the potty with out help but tipsy! liquid courage! Good idea! I am going to get to the bottom of this! I will either show him "the way" or I will find someone who wants to tickle me no strings attached. Either way, as selfish as it sounds I will get tickled till i scream either by his fingers or someone elses 🙂

Go for it! Be who and what you want to be!
Shygirl and I are here for ya if you need us too!
Good luck.

TTD

 

[nowayjose]

Wine good! I have to make sure not to drink it too fast or i will pass out long before i can speak to him! I guess its good he is in the liquor business... always have ample supply at hand! 🙂

Hehe, Tulip.. maybe get HIM drunk also.. might help. 😉
But make sure he won't pass out either. 🙂

 

[WorkInProgress]

Hmmmm...four hours since Tulip Angel's last post, and tonight was to be the night... Well, they're having either one hell of a fight right about now, or one heaven of a tickle.