should is say something?

[primetime]

i wanted to throw this out there, to see what others think. have you ever been in a situation where you want to say something, but, you decide not to because you think it would cause some "distress" in your life?

for example, i have been attracted to a certain co-worker of mine for YEARS. you're probably thinking, "well primetime, you should just ask her out!". yeah, i could, but there's a glitch. first, she's married technically, although she really doesnt want to be with her husband anymore. she is only with him because of the kids. second, she is what you could call a "bad girl". she is a cool person, but i dont think i am her type. i KNOW a relationship between us wouldnt work.

the weird thing is, i am so attracted to her. must be a physical thing. now, should i tell her i am attracted to her and actually have some feelings for her or should i keep my mouth shut? thanks for any feedback....

 

[Iggy pop]

First, I am always wary of relationships with coworkers. If the relationship goes badly it can be hell at work place. Also there is also the possiblity that dirty laundry could be aired at work.

Second, you don't sound like a good match. It seems purely physical. Then again, do you find that you are attracted to "bad girls." Honestly, I think the best thing is try to find a girl that is more a match for you, and once you do most likely the attraction to this girl will subside.

 

[german]

MOUTH SHUT......

Married........kids......co-worker.........you already have doubts about types.

If you go ahead man good luck.

Kust

 

[devilsadvocate]

in the words of Homer and Bart Simpson.

Bart: "You gave me some advice that might help?"
Homer: "I gave you advice? get outta here"
Bart: "Yeah you did, when something's bothering you and you're too damn stupid to know what to do (not calling you stupid mate) just keep your mouth shut. At least that way you wont make things worse"

 

[Ethical Edward]

I'm always for taking a shot even if it's a one in a million chance with a girl but there doesn't seem much upside to this situation. You yourself said it wouldn't work out in a relationship but if you just want to compliment the girl on her looks I don't see anything wrong with it just have fun when your doing it and seem jokey and like a friend rather than a potential suitor. Then I doubt it would cause any uncomfortable feelings.

 

[Capnmad]

C'mon, primetime. You know the answer to this. Recognize your doubt and move in the direction of it. It's instinct, and it's telling you the right thing.

Here's how it goes down: Friendly dinner turns into something more because of attraction on your part and perhaps attraction, perhaps desperation (unhappy marriage) on hers. That something more cannot come to anything good or substantial because 1.) she's married. 2.) The relationship wouldn't work even if she weren't. 3.) When the relationship/affair doesn't work out, you still have to deal with her at work (might that cause any awkwardness?). 4.) If the husband found out, it'd be perfectly good grounds for divorce, and may threaten custody of the children (presumably the only reason she's still in it in the first place).

I mean really, what good could come out of it but some very temporary good lovin', and that only winds up okay if she's completely discreet, and holding to a truly NSA agreement that doesn't come back to bite you at work (highly bloody unlikely).

She's attractive and pure trouble waiting to happen. Admire from a distance, but don't touch.

All the best.

 

[steph]

Tough call honeybuns! But for me, work relationships when they end just get weird. Now if one of you was to start working elsewhere~that's a horse of a different color! 😉
XOXO

 

[gabrielle]

I'd have to agree with everyone else here. Doesn't seem to be a good idea to tell her anything.
But one thing got me thinking. You said, you're attracted to this woman for YEARS already without having told her anything. Why would you want to now all of a sudden? What has changed?

 

[kis123]

With all due respect..........

Primetime,

We haven't always agreed on things, but I've always respected a man who stands by his convictions even if he stands alone. I give "props" to you for that. So I'm going to do something I think needs to be done to help you in this situation you've gotten yourself into.

Come here Prime, I want to tell you something.

Come closer.....a little closer....ahh, there you are....

*smacks Prime on the forehead*

Snap out of it dude! Are you crazy??

There are plenty of single women in California, please go find one of them! This is a major disaster waiting to happen. She claims she's staying in her bad marriage for the kids, do you think she's going to leave for you?? Let me help you with that answer.......uh.....NO!! She'll break your heart and you'll be stuck having to work with her everyday. Good jobs are hard to find, is she really worth it?

 

[Ticklee1973]

I guess I would question why you've had this crush on her for years and right now you're thinking of telling her. What happened recently that you are actually thinking about telling her? I pretty much follow with what everyone else says. First and foremost she's married and not only that she's a coworker, not much good can come of it.

Sandee

 

[locker669]

If your job is in a fast food restaurant, a covenience store, or a retail store, I'd say go for it. There are millions of jobs in those areas, and if it goes bad you can go somewhere else.

If you have any other job, I'd stay away from her.

 

[TKpervert]

I'm with the group on this one. To be blunt, there ain't a piece of a** out there that's worth the trouble this could bring. Look elsewhere.

 

[primetime]

well, thanks for all the replies. i pretty much figured that everyone would say "dont do it idiot!", well you wouldnt call me idiot, but pretty much, your recommendations are to not say something.

the reason why i asked is because there are times you want to say something, but that could be "Mr. Happy" talking and not my brain. there are times when i really want to say something, but always hesitate. i dont know, sometimes you wonder that speaking out will help you get over it, but it is a dangerous situation. in fact, the same woman in question did have a relationship with another fellow at work. the relationship ended, and there were no crazy repercussions. this woman and I have always have a good relationship and dammit, the woman looks damn good. but again, i think another part of me is talking and not my common logic.

thanks for the responses as i wanted to see what the general population would do in this case. although i do disagree and think dating a co-worker is okay, it all depends on how the situation is handled. in case you are wondering, i work in a "campus" type setting and she is in another building, away from the building i work in, so technically we are co-workers, but we dont see each other all the time. but when i do see her, i cant stop thinking about her. weird....

yeah, chances are i am not going to say anything unless i feel like giving myself some drama. nah, not worth the headache.

but here's a question. what if she TELLS me she wants to "do the deed"? what advice would you give me in that situation? i have no idea what i would actually do.....

 

[TKpervert]

" what if she TELLS me she wants to "do the deed"? "

heh heh that's Mr. Happy talking.

ignore that prick and think about the future.

Ain't a piece of a** out there worth it. Look elsewhere, somebody without all the baggage.

 

[kis123]

in fact, the same woman in question did have a relationship with another fellow at work. the relationship ended, and there were no crazy repercussions. this woman and I have always have a good relationship and dammit, the woman looks damn good. but again, i think another part of me is talking and not my common logic.

thanks for the responses as i wanted to see what the general population would do in this case. although i do disagree and think dating a co-worker is okay, it all depends on how the situation is handled. in case you are wondering, i work in a "campus" type setting and she is in another building, away from the building i work in, so technically we are co-workers, but we dont see each other all the time. but when i do see her, i cant stop thinking about her. weird....

yeah, chances are i am not going to say anything unless i feel like giving myself some drama. nah, not worth the headache.

but here's a question. what if she TELLS me she wants to "do the deed"? what advice would you give me in that situation? i have no idea what i would actually do.....

I wouldn't care if she posted it on a billboard on the interstate facing east and west, I wouldn't mess with her!! If she's screwed around with another coworker, then it's highly likely she's a serial adulterer and will eat you alive! Remember the song "maneater" by Hall and Oates? Watch out boy, she'll chew you up!! You're too nice of a guy to settle for seconds and leftovers anyway. Let her find another toy to play with. Better yet, why doesn't she go home and screw her husband. Wow-what a novel concept having sex within the confines of her marriage! Leave her alone Prime, she's nothing but trouble-a good time in bed and a lifetime of trouble!!

As far as your last question is concerned, I'll quote a statement Nancy Reagan made infamous in the nineties:

JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!!!

Now go take that much needed cold shower, get in touch with the head above your shoulders, and go find a SINGLE woman who you can freely build a relationship with.

 

[devilsadvocate]

Prime, thats testosterone talking. believe me i know the symptoms. it really isnt worth it. say you did do the deed and its found out about. divorce for the woman, break up the family. all for one night? come on dude you know what you'd have to do.

 

[steph]

Well, the most recent experience I had in this was almost 15 years ago. He and I worked in different departments, we didn't have to see each other all the time. In fact, he'd get angry with me because I'd sometimes be chilly to him in front of co-workers (NOT wanting to show favoritism, although everyone knew we were an "item," we were public with it) He was the store manager's favorite and we wanted the boss to know it wouldn't affect our performance. We actually went to him first for his blessing~he'd met his own wife on the job. The store preferred to divide couples but didn't always.

For awhile it was fine, even after the breakup. THEN he got promoted. Suddenly he was one of MY supervisors, it just got weird. Company parties, the division of the friends (the long crazy night crew hours and high-pressure expectations had made a once fun guy totally bitchy and, ironically, most of his friends ended up preferring to hang with me, the laid-back, lower-paid underling party girl.)

You're going to do what you want sweetie~the heart wants what it wants. But if this is a company you see a long-term future with, just think ahead, in case things go wrong, ok? Miss you!
XOXO

yeah, chances are i am not going to say anything unless i feel like giving myself some drama. nah, not worth the headache.

but here's a question. what if she TELLS me she wants to "do the deed"? what advice would you give me in that situation? i have no idea what i would actually do.....