So Depressed/Angry About How We Are Viewed

[Oni]

I'm almost 21 years old, and I've never had a real relationship. I'm so tired of being lonely and want to find someone, and also as I'm approaching my 30's etc, would like to have a wife. But something is making me so discouraged, and angry. I read all these articles online about how we (foot fetishists/tickling fetishists) are viewed as disgusting, embarrassing, freakish, and perverted etc. It's going to be hard enough for me to find a woman I like who wants to be with me in the first place, but in order for me to have a healthy and normal sexual relationship with her, she'd need to either share the fetish, or be understanding, and trustworthy and comfortable enough to allow me to indulge it with her to some degree. And to find someone like that? It's seeming almost impossible with all these articles I've seen, and how I've heard people talk, the things that have been said etc. It hurts me deeply that we are forced to be so secretive about our own sexuality, and to feel so ashamed and not be able to just be who we are on a regular basis. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just needed to get it out.

 

[Senshi1]

It is a shame that we get criticised for these things. 🙁

As for the relationship problem, what I'd do, once I was in a relationship, is to get to know her really well, like, for a few months or something, and then tell her. By then, she'll know you as you are, and the fetish should only be another aspect to your character. It might be a negative aspect, admittedly, but probably no more so than having a hairy back (if she doesn't like that), or something. And, in my opinion, any woman who would refuse to accept you over something like that is not worth having.

 

[Oni]

Very real and true advice. Thank you for that Senshi.

 

[Kalamos]

Now, wait a sec.
You're *almost* 21, and yet you feel you're approacing your '30s?!

 

[z284ca]

Dude don't let it get you down. I was so reclusive for absolutely ages just through fear of being label a freak cause of this fetish. Be honest about it, some people will think we're freaks but there are a lot who know people do have fetishes who will accept it and then there are the lucky few who find someone who embraces it. It's not worth getting down over, I used to all the time and it got me no where. Just enjoy it mate, the women are out there.

 

[Midnight Circus]

I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself...

Finding someone should be your first priority and, trust me, I realize how hard it is--I'm still looking, and I've been "in the game" as it were for about five years now. Ideally, the best person to find would be someone who is both open-minded and has a good sense of what love is (an action characterized by self-sacrifice and give-and-take). That right there is a Herculean task, my friend. But once you find her, the rest will come.

You're only 21, after all. I'm going on 24. But I think that we may both have more time than we think...

 

[drizzay01]

Hah, yeah man. Dont let it get you down.

We dont HAVE to hide our sexuality. We can just choose to be called freaks. It isn't that bad...😉.

I've been in one serious relationship, and one of the reasons I lost her was because of my fetish (the other reasons were dumber too, heh). So, I mean...yeah. It sucks. Gotta pick up, move on, and believe in the power of love...!

..Or win the lottery and buy hookers. =/ either way.

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

do not be depressed. the hollywood brother eels your pain but the hollywood brother thinks that if you truly believe in love than maybe one day you will find it

 

[Journia]

Can the Hollywood brother spell?

 

[Kalamos]

Can the Hollywood brother spell?

Dunno.
I'm still shocked about that "I'm approaching my '30s" remark.
It made me feel good for the grave-yard.

 

[Journia]

I noticed that too Kalamos.

 

[Midnight Circus]

One's early adulthood is not the time to be having a mid-life crisis.

 

[Journia]

Circus....you signature is far too self-centered.

 

[nessonite1]

I started with the "I'm almost 30" when I turned 20 too.

 

[TKLVR181]

Aww, you guys, that's what WE'RE here for, don'cha know??😀 *hugs everybody in the thread* WE don't think you're strange!!!!!! Don't get depressed over it!

 

[Random_noob86]

I'm almost 21 years old, and I've never had a real relationship. I'm so tired of being lonely and want to find someone, and also as I'm approaching my 30's etc, would like to have a wife. But something is making me so discouraged, and angry. I read all these articles online about how we (foot fetishists/tickling fetishists) are viewed as disgusting, embarrassing, freakish, and perverted etc. It's going to be hard enough for me to find a woman I like who wants to be with me in the first place, but in order for me to have a healthy and normal sexual relationship with her, she'd need to either share the fetish, or be understanding, and trustworthy and comfortable enough to allow me to indulge it with her to some degree. And to find someone like that? It's seeming almost impossible with all these articles I've seen, and how I've heard people talk, the things that have been said etc. It hurts me deeply that we are forced to be so secretive about our own sexuality, and to feel so ashamed and not be able to just be who we are on a regular basis. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just needed to get it out.

I might be viewed as disgusting, embarassing, freakish and perverted but it isn't because of my tickling/foot fetish! :laughing:

On a serious note, I haven't been in all that many relationships but I am currently in one. I love my g/f and doing the average things (getting ice-cream, long walks on the beach, sex, etc) with her, don't get me wrong. But I also feel depressed about how we are viewed and how much more troublesome it is to talk about things like this as well as have them ourselves. Both the relationships i've went through has had nothing to do with my fetish or having my girl know about it for fear of this reason. Tickling/foot fetishes are becoming more popular now in the news and it shows and labels us as perverted freaks or something just because of one guy or girl's idiotic screw up. It really annoys me. I wish I'd have the courage to tell my g/f about my tickling/foot fetish but it's because of these reports that continue to label us as freaks that make it so much harder to tell her. I just worry that she won't accept me and break up with me if I do tell her. And I don't know what i'd do if that happened.

But yeah, that's why i'm glad I have all of you guys. *hugs*

 

[Kalamos]

Well... we were craving for the spotlight...
Whom can we blame for the bad press, now? Normal people make boring news.
We couldn't expect anything less.

Just wait for the next freakier groove, and they'll forget about foot-related crimes already.
Eventually.

 

[jonareed]

I was 30 when I married. My wife is a few years younger than me and very pretty. While dating I tickled her often, but never sat down and said "hey, I get turned on with tickling and feet". It was obvious, anyway, but it wasn't an obsession. I'm also a foot guy so I would often ask her to wear a certain pair of sandles or whatever.

We got into light bondage and tickling after we got married (and over the course of the first few months it became obvious that she was the dominant partner) and orgasm control. After awhile with that, I started to get bolder with my foot thing and started kissing her feet more. She laughed on day and said "you have a foot fetish", and didn't think too much of it. She loves teasing me with her feet.

My point of all this is that I see a lot of guys online who think they need to find a woman who is really into tickling or whatever. I think your time is better spent trying to find someone that you can really love. If you do that, the rest of it will fall into place. I never dated another "tickle nut" from online or wherever, but every woman that I was even remotely serious with loved tickling and whatever because she loved me.

None of them ever thought I was a perv or wierdo. Ever. We all have kinks, no biggy.

The women here can back me up, but reading your post, I think the problem is your self-esteem and attitude. It really gets projected. You're not a wierdo just because you enjoy tickling or being tickled. Or because a pretty pair of feet turn you on. When was the last time you thought a "breast guy" or "ass guy" or "leg guy" was a freak? So why is a "foot guy" a freak?

My wife gets turned on by my back. Seriously. She asked me one day why her feet turned me on and I said "why does my back turn you on?" She laughed and said "I have no idea". "Well, me either, but probably the same reason" was my response.

If you haven't gotten the point yet, it's this: forget about feet and tickling and all that. Go find a girlfriend. The rest of it will fall into place when you find the right person. I'm married to a complete "tickle nut" right now, but she wasn't when we met.

Okay, enough, I'm rambling.

 

[Kalamos]

I think your time is better spent trying to find someone that you can really love. If you do that, the rest of it will fall into place.
I never dated another "tickle nut" from online or wherever, but every woman that I was even remotely serious with loved tickling and whatever because she loved me.
None of them ever thought I was a perv or wierdo. Ever. We all have kinks, no biggy.

Try and see the wisdom in Jonareed's words, Oni.
It's like Copernicus's Revolution to your current mindset.

People should come to know you and appreciate for what you are.
If you think you're just "another perv", it's a fight against all odds.

I could lend my own - albeit limited - experience to that.
I let some women know about my "special" interests, but few of them ever made fun of them because of that.
Some jokingly tease me, one actually looks for foot and tickling stuff, because she knows I might like it.

Can you believe that?
And that's not because I'm some kind of sex-god, a filthy rich heir to vast fortunes, or some famous actor.
None of that.
That's because they got to know me a bit, they - for some unexplainable reason - got to like me, and they are fine with me, and my kinks.

And please... leave 30-yo worries to 30-yo people.
Unless you want to carry my burden as well, it's no time to worry about that.

😉

 

[a1532b]

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

I have come to the conclusion that this is complete bs. Trying for that one relationship...putting your all into it and doing whatever you can to make it work, then being shot out of the sky years later...It's not worth it, you just don't heal afterwards. Personally, I wish I hadn't ever been in a relationship. Some may say that's horrible, but it's true. Enjoy being single, but if you do find someone, make sure you be safe about it. Nothing is permenant. /insane rant

Anyways, good luck though, I hope you find someone that makes you happy soon. Fetishests are cool people, and you are posting here so I know you must be cool. No sarcasam there either. I'm sure you have just been unlucky so far. From my experience most people don't think that fetishes are weird, almost everyone has one. I've only met one or two peple that thought "that's disgusting", so don't worry. Others will perceive things as you do. If you act like it is weird and unpleasant people will follow your lead. If though, you act like it is no big deal and it's cool, they will act the same way. Just my experience though. Go get em tiger 😉

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

When I Was Your Age Girls Had To Walk 5 Miles Through Snow To Be Tickled

Good Advice Everyone. Be Yourself. Hell, Nobody Else Wants The <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=Job&v=55">Job</a>. J/k Communicate And Find Several Points Of Common Interest. Meet A Variety Of <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=People&v=55">People</a>.(hopefully With Strong Math Backgrounds) 🙂 It Certainly Won't Be Easy. Like Anything Worthwhile A Relationship Takes Old Fashioned Hard Work. Btw, The Next Boo-hoo, I'm Only Still In My 20's Crack And Gt Will Cut You With His Aarp <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=Card&v=55">Card</a>. 🙂

 

[Kalamos]

Meet A Variety Of <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=People&v=55">People</a>.(hopefully With Strong Math Backgrounds)

Why the strong math background?

...

Oh, btw... what's with the html tags?

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

Reason For Math Background Comment

K: It Was The "i'm 21, Almost In My 30's"? Statement. I'VE GOT SPYWARE AND MY SPYWARE FIXER DOESN,T.

 

[Kalamos]

K: It Was The "i'm 21, Almost In My 30's"? Statement. I'VE GOT SPYWARE AND MY SPYWARE FIXER DOESN,T.

I still don't get it, but my math background is shaky at best.
And yet I scored fair in the mensa test.

...

Mmm!
So it *was* spyware. I was almost afraid to ask.
I'm glad I'm using Firefox...
While you're at it, why don't you drop Valerie a line about that?
I think she knows the ins and outs with spyware and stuff.

...

Say, do you like my new siggie piccie?
Had a - lengh... lent... LONG - talk with Vlad over the other thread.
Basically he told me not to let people's lack of blatant appreciation put me down.
So I took a more pre-emptive stance on asserting myself as a freelancing drawer...

I think it is compelling and energetic.
Waddyasay?

 

[lola1341]

Don't get depressed. I know how hard it is finding someone to be with to share yourself, every aspect with, without being afraid. Don't force it it will come and sometimes the greatest mysteries are the funnest to unravel 😉