Neutron
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- Joined
- Apr 19, 2001
- Messages
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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials
of
a
few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works
at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy
grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
lets me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that
I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they
were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with
my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me,
were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It
was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and
she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in
a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
over
and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
up
his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
me
for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a
true
story...
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh...
Tron
words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials
of
a
few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works
at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety
of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy
grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never
lets me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that
I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they
were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with
my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me,
were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It
was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and
she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in
a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept
thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
with
me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No,"
he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent
over
and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
up
his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
me
for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a
true
story...
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh...
Tron
