Some people can't answer a simple @#$%ing question

[jk666uk]

Huh. You seem to be implying that merely going into the chat room (or even being on this forum?) admitting to being female makes you "accountable," because you're "calling attention to yourself." In other words, if you're a female wanting to chat, you're "asking for it," and are obligated to be nice to every guy asking impertinent questions. Sorry, I just can't get behind that.

dont no about that???????
sometime you girls do then start crying if someone ask you a question

 

[Illtcklu]

Wasn't his orginal question: "Are your feet ticklish?"

This is a tickling forum where tickling disscussions go on. I see no "rudeness" in the intial question. I agree men can be very rude and disrespectful to women at times, but I don't think this qualifies.

I believe a lot of discussion has carried on and this whole incident is being blown out of proportion.

Honestly I can think of far ruder things to say.

As for her behavior? I wasn't there. I have no idea if she was "parading" herself for his attention or not?

If she was and it worked she shouldn't get mad just because it did work.

If not: then gents, use a little discretion when chatting, especially with someone you just met. Everyone has "comfort zones" and those "zones" are idividual according to each person. If you cross the line, recognize it and make the immediate apologies.

Just MHO.

 

[steph]

But don't you think a lot of what's here and on the Internet as a whole IS about fantasy? Stories, videos, artwork...All designed to get people's attention and/or provide a creative outlet for the writer, artist, film maker, what have you.

And isn't it the same anywhere? A girl walks into a bar, chatroom (anyone's, not just TMF's) they're going to get bombarded by the guys right? Some of them will be respectful and cool, others will be just, well, themselves.

And as for the impertinent questions...Well, I kind of liken becoming a "good man" to be much like becoming a "good parent." There are no manuals folks and most of them got to be that way by learning, thru practice, MAKING mistakes. Everybody learns social skills at a different pace and a lot of times, the girls are faster at it than boys. We mature faster in general, catch on sooner. Maybe I'm an old-fashioned girl, but I think (and guys, please don't take this as my talking down to you because I'm not) as women, we need to be a little more patient with some of the guys, the messages we put out, how things we say and do might be misunderstood, rather than just ripping their heads off and stomping off.

I mean I'm not accusing anyone of "asking for it," I'm just saying I think a smart gal should go in prepared that it MIGHT happen. Because let's face it~in the real world, it does. We can't control them and we certainly don't want them controlling us of course. But, what we can control is our response to them. I mean, if someone doesn't explain to them why they handled it wrong, (and they truly don't know in the first place) how else are they going to learn? And I think if you're being polite, you're probably a lot more likely to get your message heard.

And now, my lunch is almost done friends~returning you now to your regularly scheduled program...
XOXO

Huh. You seem to be implying that merely going into the chat room (or even being on this forum?) admitting to being female makes you "accountable," because you're "calling attention to yourself." In other words, if you're a female wanting to chat, you're "asking for it," and are obligated to be nice to every guy asking impertinent questions. Sorry, I just can't get behind that.

 

[ShadowTklr]

I'll agree that that is far and away the biggest problem we're dealing with here. It's hard to fault ticklishgiggle, or anyone, for not wanting to be this guy's "interactive jerk-off toy."

Hey, you borrowed my line. 😀 I'm flattered.

...I think if you walk down the street dressed like a hooker, you shouldn't complain if people stare. On the other hand, merely being female shouldn't justify harrassment, and I think in the chatroom, mere female-ness (or reasonable facsimile thereof) means it's hard to do anything besides swat away ill-mannered men like mosquitoes.

If I can make one plug from the guys POV for a sec in order to second Lindy's point, I think this is a very good analogy, and to CQ's original point, we mustn’t forget that tickling is still a fetish. This is a fetish forum. The chatroom still resides within the confines of a fetish forum. (And before anyone even starts, I'm well aware that there are at least 12 of you among the 30,000 people subscribed to this forum that believe tying your friends to the bed and tickling them is just a fun way to pass the time.) 😛 Hence any women who advertise their playful sexuality through sexy sigs, pics of their feet (and other "ass"ets), or tickling discussions in open forum, MUST understand the fact that other guys are going to see this and ask them questions.

For example, a TMF female (already branded a "possible" player by virtue of her association with the TMF, and her participation in tickling related threads), is seen by other guys chatting about tickling. Despite what they know or think they know about the female doesn't change the fact that she is purportedly female, in a tickling chat room, discussing tickling. The guy attempts to start a conversation with her about (of all things) tickling, and he is shot down as though he has been an annoyance forever. Is the guy to blame for emoting an incredulous WTF? I think he is if he gets a rude response from the female, but has it coming if his question was rude.

Its kind of like I said in my first post about BOTH sides bearing responsibility for the outcome of interactions in the chatroom. Its not always the guy's fault, and its not always the girl's fault. But damn it, someone is to blame and no one is going home until we find out exactly which one of you sorry bastards is to blame!

 

[steph]

Exactly Shadow~and sometimes BOTH are to blame... 😛
XOXO

Its kind of like I said in my first post about BOTH sides bearing responsibility for the outcome of interactions in the chatroom. Its not always the guy's fault, and its not always the girl's fault.

 

[Illtcklu]

Huh. You seem to be implying that merely going into the chat room (or even being on this forum?) admitting to being female makes you "accountable," because you're "calling attention to yourself." In other words, if you're a female wanting to chat, you're "asking for it," and are obligated to be nice to every guy asking impertinent questions. Sorry, I just can't get behind that.

Men are brought up to be the agressors Lindy. They are not brought up to be dainty about it either. If a female wants to chat she usually puts herself on display and sends subtle signals hoping men will pick up on them. When they do, how are we supposed to talk to you? Small talk is a good ice-breaker. I seem to believe you are calling that 'impertinent questions'. Maybe I'm wrong?

And as for the impertinent questions...Well, I kind of liken becoming a "good man" to be much like becoming a "good parent." There are no manuals folks and most of them got to be that way by learning, thru practice, MAKING mistakes. Everybody learns social skills at a different pace and a lot of times, the girls are faster at it than boys. We mature faster in general, catch on sooner. Maybe I'm an old-fashioned girl, but I think (and guys, please don't take this as my talking down to you because I'm not) as women, we need to be a little more patient with some of the guys, the messages we put out, how things we say and do might be misunderstood, rather than just ripping their heads off and stomping off.

I mean I'm not accusing anyone of "asking for it," I'm just saying I think a smart gal should go in prepared that it MIGHT happen. Because let's face it~in the real world, it does. We can't control them and we certainly don't want them controlling us of course. But, what we can control is our response to them. I mean, if someone doesn't explain to them why they handled it wrong, (and they truly don't know in the first place) how else are they going to learn? And I think if you're being polite, you're probably a lot more likely to get your message heard.

To sum up................ if you don't ask, you don't know!

 

[LindyHopper]

Hey, you borrowed my line. 😀 I'm flattered.

Hey, it was a good one. 🙂

Its kind of like I said in my first post about BOTH sides bearing responsibility for the outcome of interactions in the chatroom. Its not always the guy's fault, and its not always the girl's fault. But damn it, someone is to blame and no one is going home until we find out exactly which one of you sorry bastards is to blame!

Okay, I enjoy a good round of "Blame Game" as much as the next girl, so
here goes:

He has the right to ask any question she wants.
She has the right to answer, demure, or ignore, as she prefers.
She has no right to be angry at him for asking the question.
He has no right to be angry at her if she declines to answer.

How's that?

Men are brought up to be the agressors Lindy. They are not brought up to be dainty about it either. If a female wants to chat she usually puts herself on display and sends subtle signals hoping men will pick up on them. When they do, how are we supposed to talk to you? Small talk is a good ice-breaker. I seem to believe you are calling that 'impertinent questions'. Maybe I'm wrong?

Yes, you are. I think everyone on this thread has indicated that small talk is a good way to go. I don't even think asking, "Are your feet ticklish?" right out of the gate is necessarily "impertinent," but railroading through with more questions after she's already declined to answer qualifies as rude.

I also think your assertion, "If a female wants to chat she usually puts herself on display and sends subtle signals hoping men will pick up on them," should be taken with a grain of salt. I believe that a woman should be able to go into the chatroom and shoot the breeze about anything she wants, without her mere presence there being taken as a "subtle signal" that she wants to be hit on by a dozen or more total strangers.

 

[fttickler]

Wow..... man am I ever...

glad I stopped posting to this thread 3 pages ago.

 

[Illtcklu]

Yes, you are. I think everyone on this thread has indicated that small talk is a good way to go. I don't even think asking, "Are your feet ticklish?" right out of the gate is necessarily "impertinent," but railroading through with more questions after she's already declined to answer qualifies as rude.

I agree, but in reading the first post on here, I was not under any impression that he railroaded her with more questions, since she seemed to put a halt to the converstion by saying "I'm not in to feet."

I also think your assertion, "If a female wants to chat she usually puts herself on display and sends subtle signals hoping men will pick up on them," should be taken with a grain of salt. I believe that a woman should be able to go into the chatroom and shoot the breeze about anything she wants, without her mere presence there being taken as a "subtle signal" that she wants to be hit on by a dozen or more total strangers.

Agreed. However if she doesn't want to be hit on and is.............. is this a reason to be rude? I don't think so.
I believe that a man should also be able to go into the chatroom and shoot the breeze about anything he wants. As long as he's not rude.


But

That's what I am also saying about the women.

I think that's perfectly fair.

 

[ShadowTklr]

Hey, it was a good one. 🙂


Okay, I enjoy a good round of "Blame Game" as much as the next girl, so
here goes:

He has the right to ask any question she wants.
She has the right to answer, demure, or ignore, as she prefers.
She has no right to be angry at him for asking the question.
He has no right to be angry at her if she declines to answer.

How's that?

That is clear, concise and a lot shorter than my post. LOL!

 

[ShadowTklr]

Exactly Shadow~and sometimes BOTH are to blame... 😛
XOXO

You said it, Steph. 🙂

 

[gabrielle]

He has the right to ask any question she wants.
She has the right to answer, demure, or ignore, as she prefers.
She has no right to be angry at him for asking the question.
He has no right to be angry at her if she declines to answer.

no idea if this was intented or not, anyway, it's hilarious...

 

[chicago]

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Here's what happened.


I'm in the chatroom, talking like a normal person. Me and Captain over there generally don't speak because he doesn't like me. That's fine. No one has to like me.

Out of nowhere, he asks me, "So are your soles ticklish or just your toes?"

Yeah, I could have said, 'Yeah they are.' But I'm not into feet. I don't mind feet tickling, but I prefer UB and at that particular moment I didn't feel like having a conversation about my feet, so I thought my answering "I'm not into feet," would kill any of the follow-up questions or potential bombardment of PMs that would come up.

I wasn't parading for anyone's attention and the fact that he asked me that question did not bother me. I wasn't pissed and I wasn't rude. I answered the question how I wanted to answer it. I'm not complaining because nothing happened that would cause me to complain.

Let's remember who started this stupid frick'n thread.

The only thing annoying about this whole situation is that it was apparently such a big deal to this guy that he decided to create a whole thread on the insignificant circumstance and then a whole bunch of people decided to talk about it for 5 pages.

It's really not that big of a deal.

 

[ShadowTklr]

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Here's what happened.


I'm in the chatroom, talking like a normal person. Me and Captain over there generally don't speak because he doesn't like me. That's fine. No one has to like me.

Out of nowhere, he asks me, "So are your soles ticklish or just your toes?"

Yeah, I could have said, 'Yeah they are.' But I'm not into feet. I don't mind feet tickling, but I prefer UB and at that particular moment I didn't feel like having a conversation about my feet, so I thought my answering "I'm not into feet," would kill any of the follow-up questions or potential bombardment of PMs that would come up.

I wasn't parading for anyone's attention and the fact that he asked me that question did not bother me. I wasn't pissed and I wasn't rude. I answered the question how I wanted to answer it. I'm not complaining because nothing happened that would cause me to complain.

Let's remember who started this stupid frick'n thread.

The only thing annoying about this whole situation is that it was apparently such a big deal to this guy that he decided to create a whole thread on the insignificant circumstance and then a whole bunch of people decided to talk about it for 5 pages.

It's really not that big of a deal.

For what it's worth, no one would even know you were involved, had you not given yourself up. Besides, I think the discussion morphed past your personal incident on this thread long ago, so you don't have to be so upset. It's not about you anymore. It's just a discussion about chatroom etiquett at this point. Is it a big deal? Of course not. But then, neither is most things discussed at length on this forum. LOL So relax. 😉
😉

 

[chicago]

For what it's worth, no one would even know you were involved, had you not given yourself up. Besides, I think the discussion morphed past your personal incident on this thread long ago, so you don't have to be so upset. It's not about you anymore. It's just a discussion about chatroom etiquett at this point. Is it a big deal? Of course not. But then, neither is most things discussed at length on this forum. LOL So relax. 😉
😉

😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉
Thanks Shadow.

Have fun with the etiquette discussion. I'm not so sure anything will change in the actual chatroom though.

 

[Goodieluver]

Thanks Homey~always great to hear from you love!

And for the other comments, thanks gang, glad we can keep this civil. Some really iteresting thoughts here.

Let me clarify my comments a little bit if I may. If someone asks you a direct question and you step around it, you haven't answered the question. My off-the-cuff, "I'm into U.B. only, I'm sorry, have a great night" just seems to me a gentler, better way to diffuse the questioner without making them feel like a jerk.

Now, that said, I am not saying we have to accept guys acting like buffoons because we don't. I'm just saying we ARE different creatures and we do communicate differently. We do something, they may perceive it as something else. Now, I've never been in TMF chat. I don't go into it on other forums either, but I have in the past and I can tell you this~people act the same. The "unwanted attention" towards the girls is not indigenous to the TMF. Guys are jerking off to us, both here and in real life, whether we like it or not. If we're feeding that we need to learn how to be accountable for the part we play in it.

What I'm trying to say is there's no call to be rude to these guys. You can be civil and assert yourself without sounding bitchy, especially if you're calling attention to yourself in the first place. That's all. 😀

XOXO

::looking like a shy school boy looking at the ground:: We could never be rude to you miss steph pretty teacher

 

[LindyHopper]

The only thing annoying about this whole situation is that it was apparently such a big deal to this guy that he decided to create a whole thread on the insignificant circumstance and then a whole bunch of people decided to talk about it for 5 pages.

It's really not that big of a deal.

Hey, I'm totally with you tg - I think it was fine of him to ask you the question, and the way you responded to it was in no way impolite. No one should feel obligated to prolong a conversation that doesn't interest them. And I think he was out of line for getting pissed about it.

The thing is, the interaction involving you might have been the genesis of this particular thread, but the issue is ongoing, and I think that is a big deal. I don't think men in the chatroom should be treating women there like free phone-sex workers, and I don't mind saying so. Steph is rather more forgiving on this point than I am. Anyway, sorry for using your misfortune as an opportunity to educate others (by which I mean sorry that you had to deal with it, not sorry that I posted my thoughts on the matter. 😉 ).

I agree, but in reading the first post on here, I was not under any impression that he railroaded her with more questions, since she seemed to put a halt to the converstion by saying "I'm not in to feet."

Agreed. However if she doesn't want to be hit on and is.............. is this a reason to be rude? I don't think so.

Sure. Our little side-discussion here has gotten away from the incident that originally started this thread. Without leveling accusations at anyone in particular, I stand by my opinions on what constitutes "rude behavior."

And gabrielle, about the typo - my bad. 😛 I'd go edit it, but you've already immortalized the thing. 😀

 

[TickleMePleeze]

Rather than "blame game" it might be more helpful to think in terms of "what works." Clearly something about the stategy of asking a bunch of questions does not work. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is a waste of time. Try something different. Look for someone who is successful and try to learn another way.

The men who are good at this sort of thing have a rule that you don't hit on a woman (or ask anything of a sexual nature) unless the woman is attracted to you. It's better if she is really, really, really attracted to you. Just because a woman is in a chatroom does not mean that she is attracted to you. If you hit on her anyway then you are likely to be rejected.

Women are probably going to try to reject you politely. And part of being polite involves not telling you what you did wrong. And if you don't know what you did wrong you will probably keep doing the same things over and over with the same result and get quite frustrated.

Men who want to learn how to be successful have found that it's better to learn from other men. The best teachers are men who started out bad with women (hearing "let's just be friends" over and over) and learned how to be better. Luckily there are lots of resources these days to help men be successful with women. It doesn't take much work to find these resources if you are interested in trying something different.

 

[Goodieluver]

It's really not that big of a deal.

If its not that big of a deal, why did you feel the need to justify your actions by posting the first time saying it was you in the person CQ is refering to and that its how the issue began. If its no issue, dont respond or aknowledge at all. Response to the issue is how this thread grew, because a "victim" and a "victimee" were now participating in this issue

As for the chatroom, there is nothing wrong with the chatroom

as ive said, ive gotten some annoyin msg's from men on IM and AIM about tickling(and i am a guy), i either say No or "I dont discuss that" or i block\ignore
Is that so terrible and effort enducing to do? And dont give that "why should i" or something to that extent, hell you go in any public setting and you'll have your handfulls of lawyers and assholes(jackie martling joke), you deal with all of them, your level of dealing is determined by you. Hell ive been brushed off at the bar by the ladies but theyve been polite enuff to atleast spend 2 mins discussing with me before i leave, and no, im not havin them at gunpoint

 

[lk70]

Rather than "blame game" it might be more helpful to think in terms of "what works." Clearly something about the strategy of asking a bunch of questions does not work.

Is that true? Because I wonder. It may very well be that there are some women who go to the chat to play like that and who respond positively when someone does the interview approach?

I'm willing to bet they wouldn't be likely to speak up here since so many other women have posted so vehemently against it.

I don't have a point to make, really, just wondering if maybe not all women feel the same as those of us who have posted?

 

[TickleMePleeze]

Yeah I don't want to speak for all TMF women for sure.

And I wouldn't say it fails all the time to just start playing. I definitely have a few tickle buddies who did "play first" effectively. I think it works best if it's lighthearted and somewhat creative. If it's the same old stuff or too serious it's gonna tank pretty fast. Showing creativity, ingenuity and intelligence is very attractive. Also the tickle buddies who "play first" effectively build anticipation. They don't a lot of tickling right away. They tease the lee a bit (or a lot) first. At some point you do have to double back and get to know each other too though. It just needs to be a mix of getting the answers you need and not being too boring by asking and answering the same stuff over and over. It think that is what can be so lethal about "interview style." It can be very very boring. And if the guy seems like he has asked the same questions over and over and not gotten good responses from women then it ventures into creepy territory.

I certainly don't want to come across as anti-ler or anti-men or anti-TMF guys. I just get sad because it seems like there are so few guys who are getting what they want (a lee to tickle). And I'd like to see the guys have better luck, more confidence and less walking on eggshells. It's no fun on the forum if the guys aren't having fun. And a lot of the guys seem very down about their chances of finding any lee, much less the lee they really want.

Is that true? Because I wonder. It may very well be that there are some women who go to the chat to play like that and who respond positively when someone does the interview approach?

I'm willing to bet they wouldn't be likely to speak up here since so many other women have posted so vehemently against it.

I don't have a point to make, really, just wondering if maybe not all women feel the same as those of us who have posted?

 

[steph]

LindyHopper:
"Steph is rather more forgiving on this point than I am."

Meh, I had older brothers. They were popular too so there were always LOTS of boys in my house when I was growing up~I HAD to learn patience for boys early on... 😉

TickleMePleeze:
"I certainly don't want to come across as anti-ler or anti-men or anti-TMF guys. I just get sad because it seems like there are so few guys who are getting what they want (a lee to tickle). And I'd like to see the guys have better luck, more confidence and less walking on eggshells. It's no fun on the forum if the guys aren't having fun. And a lot of the guys seem very down about their chances of finding any lee, much less the lee they really want"

I totally agree with this!

All that aside, I think we did a pretty good job here gang, well, most of us anyhoo. We kept the discussion sane and civil, even when we disagreed and the mods didn't have to referee. And, hopefully we learned something, if nothing else, maybe a lesson in tolerance? Rational discussion CAN lead to a change for the better!

XOXO

 

[Senbab]

I think what we're overlooking here is everyone's right to privacy. If someone dosent answer a question after being asked many times, then guess what? DROP IT. dont keep asking. dont get all pissed off about not being answered. it's everyone's right not to answer a question if they dont want to. TG and all other members of this forum included.

Every time I go into the chatroom I see all the women in the room being hounded by guys desperate for a PC or to ask questions or to cyber. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only guy who's actually going in the chat room to (gasp!) chat. Are these people really that desperate?


sigh, you'd be amazed what can happen on the internet.

 

[gabrielle]

And gabrielle, about the typo - my bad. 😛 I'd go edit it, but you've already immortalized the thing. 😀

..and glad I did 🙂, hope you don't mind though.
It's just one of the funniest freudian slips I've seen in a while 😀

 

[fttickler]

Ok.. back I go....

If I understand this correctly.

CQ Did not care what she wanted and felt. This is wrong if you want to chat with someone. It is like some idiot who still believes going into a bar in a white leasure suit ( yes showing my age ) and asking a girl her sign is a good line ( please tell me none of our TMF ladies fall for this ).

If you want to be able to chat.. chat. Dont attack, pounce, pester or harass. No means No. Dont let someone complain to me about some yahoo harassing our chatters when I am in there or out you go and then you can go complain to Mimi or The Boss and see what they think. She said no in her way. That should be it. But no. CQ.. you felt you had to broadcast it. Well guess what my friend. You were wrong. Respect is a two way street and it is earned.. not assumed. Give respect and you will get it back. I have many friends here that I was able to meet with a simple line ( this is not meant to be a line ) " Hello, I am Adam, would you like to chat " If yes... you might make a really good friend, if no.. then.. well you did not know each other anyway. And if you are just here for your own personal satisfaction without regards for the other party, please take both your hands out of your pockets, type www.Iwantporn.com and have fun.


Just my 9.3 cent

Adam