Something terribly tragic happened...please read

[Skipadeedoodah]

So I found out about an hour ago that a very close friend of mine took his own life this past Sunday. His name was Rob, and he was 24.

The reason I'm choosing to share this with everybody isn't necessarily for condolences or prayers. I'm actually not 100% sure why I'm choosing to share this. I guess I just feel like his death was so tragic and unexpected, I'm hoping that some good can come out of it somewhere.

Rob was very depressed for a long time. He would often talk to me about feeling hopeless, binge drink at home by himself, engage in activities, like promiscuity, that were just so incredibly out of character for him. He often expressed feeling like he was in a rut, like he wasn't going anywhere in life. He couldn't keep a job, because he would lose the motivation to get up and go there in the morning. The only thing that ever seemed to fill whatever void he had in his life was working on cars.

Of course I'm asking myself all kinds of questions. Why didn't I see this coming? Why didn't he call me? Why hadn't I talked to him for a month? Why did I blow him off that one time he wanted to hang out? There is a crazy mix of emotions, but ultimately I know that I didn't see it coming because he didn't want me to. He didn't call me because he didn't want me to stop him. I didn't talk to him for a month because life gets in the way, and I blew him off that night because I was tired. None of that changes anything. Even if I had done everything 100% perfectly, this wasn't my choice to make for him.

That having been said, I do wish that I had taken him more seriously when he was upset. I would sit and talk with him when he was sad, and try to give him advice and help him to feel better, but I never realized the severity of the situation. I always felt like he was being dramatic and/or seeking attention. I never considered that he was actually in more pain than I ever imagined.

I don't really know what my goal is here - I guess I'm just hoping that somebody at some point might read this and pay more attention to a Rob in their life, or maybe someone in Rob's position will read this and realize that there are people out there who you they can reach out to, people who are going to be in unbelivable pain if and when you make the decision to take your own life.

Also, people out there who might be participating in other self-harming behavior, not necesarily suicide attempts, but something as minor as ripping off a hang nail to feel the pain -- I want them to realize that they're on a slippery slope. I bet if you asked Rob 6 months ago if he thought he was going to commit suicide, he would have said not a chance. But when you don't handle your emotional pain, and especially when you begin to self-harm as a crude form of therapy, you're in dangerous territory.

Maybe this will serve as a wake-up call to somebody somewhere - maybe not. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

 

[Cavum]

Im really sorry for your loss. I know how confusing this situation can be and I can promis you that you have NOTHING to do with this. Don't blame yourself for not being with him when he asked. Unfortantly he made that choise and nothing could stop him then. It can be really difficult to take all threats about suicide seriously. There are many people who use this as a bad way to get attention so even how sick it sounds, it get's a commun thing to hear.

A depression can be so much and I can promis you it's a very difficult thing to have. I used to have big problems with this myself and I still have some "after effects" from this. My main problem is that even how good I have it, I can't understand it. My brain focus to much on the negative. I have lost to much during my lifetime so no matter what happends I allways waits for the good things to go away from me and Im terrefied it's gonna happend. People can meet me and don't notice that anything is wrong. This can also be the thing Rob did at the end. He had made his choise and didn't want to bother anyone with it. It's allmoust impossible to stop someone who had made up theyre mind to end theyre own life.

My tip to you is to spend time with Rob's other friends/loved ones. Spend time with them, talk about him and deal with this together. Be there for eachother.

Again...Im really sorry for your loss.
If you ever need someone to talk with my PM box is allways open for you.

 

[sasaxrah]

So so sorry to hear this, Lyz. *hugs* I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your friend didn't want you to see how bad he had gotten. You can't dwell on the what-if's. Your post definitely made me think of the people I'm close to. As always, IM anytime.

 

[CarolinaTickler]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of you friend. Depression and self-harming are serious issues. I appreciate you posting it though and I hope it does wake people up about the dangers of depression and suicide.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I try to pay attention to anyone I know is in my life and depressed. Its a tricky thing--sometimes all it takes is to find the one thing that seems to be depressing them. Usually it comes from feeling of helplessness.

They have a desire for something that they can't get or get rid of on their own, once I find out what it is..hopefully I can get it for them.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Carsomyr]

First of all I just want to say I'm sorry this happened. I obviously don't know Rob but it's a damn shame whenever something like this happens. I hope you are doing ok, Lyz? It seems like you are at least taking it the right way, there is no point in blaming yourself for something like this - it is both irrational and it brings even more pain into your life.

I hope you feel better getting all of this off your chest, but if you feel you need to talk some more just send a PM my way. You also know how to find me on msn. 🙂

I always felt like he was being dramatic and/or seeking attention. I never considered that he was actually in more pain than I ever imagined.

It is very easy to brush something unpleasant off like that, simply because we don't always want to see the world for what it really is. I can say as much though, that people who are depressed often feel the need to act out their feelings in a dramatic way, that could be why you had such an impression.

I hope this doesn't sound cold, but the only thing you can really do now is to learn from this and move on. Of course, always keep Rob in your heart, but remember him in a good way and not because of the suicide. The most tragic thing is not always death itself, but the dark shadow it casts upon the world of the living. I hope that didn't sound too profound.

It's allmoust impossible to stop someone who had made up theyre mind to end theyre own life.

From personal experience, I can attest to that. Lyz, I bet you did what you could to be a good and supporting friend, and that's all that matters in the end.

 

[Sanhael]

I'm terribly sorry for your loss; please believe me when I tell you that there is nothing more you could have done. A seriously depressed person can act in ways that seem very inconsistent and irrational; a friend of mine once told me that a certain late-night phone call he made to me, which I didn't pick up, was going to be his goodbye. Because I didn't pick up the phone, he said, he didn't go through with it.

There's absolutely no way to tell what contributed to his decision, and what didn't, but in the end... it's a very personal decision. If a person truly wishes to end their life, they will do so, and nobody's going to be able to stop them.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Sorry for your loss.

I am very sorry about the loss of your friend and to be honest, I am glad that you shared this tragic story with us. Just so you know, this had NOTHING to do with you nor should you feel responsible. It was HIS decision and I don't understand why some people chose to commit suicide in thinking it's going to solve their problems because it doesn't. It creates sadness for a long time for the people who knew them.

I have thought about committing suicide myself when I was a teenager but I decided against it because I knew it wouldn't solve my problems. I chose to remain alive. Hope you'll be okay in time.

 

[Carsomyr]

I have thought about committing suicide myself when I was a teenager but I decided against it because I knew it wouldn't solve my problems. I chose to remain alive.

Same. It was just about a year ago for me, but ultimately I decided that suicide is a permanent and irrevocable solution to a temporary problem. ...that wasn't really the main reason as to why I decided against it, but I think it's a good thought to just, you know, throw out there while we're on the topic. It is very true after all, and the greatest truths in life are often also the simplest ones.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Skippeedodah,

I am so sorry to hear about your sad and tragic terrible loss of your dear and beloved friend Rob, that had to be pretty rough and absolutely horrible for you. I am very sorry you are having to go through this terrible rocky time in your life right now. Please don't blame yourself, it was not your fault, like many others have said and sadly this is true: when a person decides to take his or her own life-tragically that person is not thinking correctly and their thoughts are negative and clouded and not clear. I am sure you already know and have heard this. That is something I learned during college majoring in Psychology learned all about what suicide was and what it involved when a person wanted to take his or her life-sadly it is a horrible tragedy. Most times when this happens-a person chooses to commit suicide-like I said he or she is not thinking correctly and not thinking logically-ruled by severe terrible emotional depression and a feeling of absolute helplessness and have no hope.

So no matter how much you would have tried to have been there and loved your friend and shown emotional support and friendship-sadly it might have helped or might have changed the outcome-but hate to say it probably not-since your friend was terribly emotionally depressed and felt helpless and your friend Rob had no hope of things changing for the better and for the best in his life. It would have taken a professional psychologist or a professional counselor who is trained to handle things of this nature; yet however sadly many people that reach this point of utter despair: will isolate themselves emotionally from society and from loved ones and their family and friends-try to brave and tough it out alone-try hard to fight off the feelings of despair and pain but sadly too many times in the end-they don't seek or get the help they so desparately need-because a feeling of pride and not wanting to admit he or she needs help-sadly the downward spiral is inevitable and seizes him or her-sadly the person commits suicide.

Please don't blame yourself. Sounds like you were a great friend and only said and did what you knew to be best at the time and the best is all one can do. No one knows what the future or tomorrow holds, how did you know he seriously was going to do it, like others have said -sadly too many "cry wolf" and use the threat of suicide to negatively gain attention since other ways do not grab others attention. However I don't think that was what Rob was doing please know that. I believe he truly was depressed and feeling hopeless and even if you had tried to be there-it had to be his decision to make the counseling work and give it a chance-admit his negative thoughts and admit he had a problem. I am afraid even with counseling or even w medicine yeah it might have helped for a while but afraid the outcome sadly would have been the same, not a permanent resolution.

I hope what I have said has helped ease your pain a little bit and helped stop the self hatred and guilt that you are feeling friend. I am real sorry you are having to go through this. Please know you are not at fault, you did your best. Just do your best in future to try to learn from this and be the best friend that you can-might be a good idea to seize every day and every chance you can-show love and kindness and friendship when you can, since sadly this experience shows that we don't know ever what tomorrow brings. Just know I am here for you and if you want to talk please know I am here-feel free to contact me pm if you like or if you need someone to listen, always here for you.

Take care and may God bring you comfort in this rough terrible time and I pray your friend Rob is in Heaven with the Lord and God is giving him hugs and letting him know he is dearly loved and cared for-He forgives and understands why he took his life-your friend no longer has to feel pain and tears and misery in this life. That is my wish. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and also his family and friends in my thoughts too. God bless and just know friend God loves you and loves your friend-I feel and believe your friend is in a happier place now in Heaven and Rob would not want you to blame yourself-he would want you to remember him and great memories you shared and friendship you shared. Hope this helps. Hugs.

🙁:
🙂🙂sadcry:

 

[Adam]

Oh my God. Hon, I am so very sorry for your loss. I think you just need to talk it out with people and that's why you chose to share. That's just fine with us and we'll definitely be here to talk if you need to. I wish I had something more helpful to say. I just hope that through all the sadness and tears that you can get the clarity you need on exactly why this happened. Again, I'm so sorry.

 

[ticklishscribe]

I am sorry for your loss and my heart and prayers reach out to you, as I know well where you are coming from.

Several years ago a friend of mine committed suicide and all of her friends including me, could not understand why. We were also angry at ourselves for not seeing any of the signs, that even remotely would have told us she was headed down that path. In our case hindsight was a blind 20/20.

Perhaps we can never really understand why someone commits suicide and perhaps in individual cases, maybe it's best that we don't, as we may not like what we hear.

I regret to this day not seeing any signs and yes there have even been times when I have felt partly responsible for her suicide, as maybe I did see them and was too blind to recognize them. All of us who knew her feel that way and we wish we could turn back the clock. It doesn't matter how old the person is, but in her case she was 17 and had her whole life ahead of her.

My personal view is that suicide does nothing for the person committing it, but does leave a hell of a lot irrepairable damage to the ones that person leaves behind.

You are not alone in feeling your loss as I know well where you are coming from. Please feel free to contact me at anytime through here and I will pm you with my e-mail.

Gordon.​

 

[Gothika]

thats sad realy sorry to hear that had happend always sucks to loos family or frinds especialy like that

 

[Musicroxmysox]

I'm sorry to hear that Skippy....I'm sure he appreciated what you did for him.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

I've lost a couple of friends to suicide in the past. That questioning you'e doing is never easy. I applaud that you're bringing up the topic to help make folks more aware.

It's often said that apathy is the silent killer. There's a new replacement for apathy in today's world, I think. We're simply so damned busy in our lives that the signals don't always make it through the chaos. Even when little hints do make it through, they may not register completely. It's like trying to pick up on what someone is whispering to us in the midst of a rock concert. You want to hear, even try to hear. But, there's too much comotion in the way. It's not a choice that's made or a lack of caring and compassion. It just is. Any reminders are helpful.

You, he and all involved will be in prayer.

 

[Bugman]

Oh my God. Hon, I am so very sorry for your loss. I think you just need to talk it out with people and that's why you chose to share. That's just fine with us and we'll definitely be here to talk if you need to. I wish I had something more helpful to say. I just hope that through all the sadness and tears that you can get the clarity you need on exactly why this happened. Again, I'm so sorry.

What Adam said.

 

[kurchatovium]

So very sorry for your loss hun.

 

[venray]

I have a story to share, Pm me when you feel up to it.

Love ya hon....

 

[KoocheeKoo]

Several years ago, I lost a lifelong friend in the same tragic manner. Afterwords, I also second guessed myself; why didn't I and his other friends see the warning signs; what could we have done to have stopped it. You can't blame yourself.....sometimes it's difficult to know when someone is planning to end their life. My friend was joking aound and seemed fine the afternoon before he shot himself....you would have never guessed what he was going to do only hours later 🙁

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Thanks so much to everybody who responded and/or sent me PMs/VMs showing your support. It's been a rough couple days, but I'm doing okay, and his family about as good as can be expected.

Thanks so much 🙂 Ya'll are awesome

 

[DimpleToes]

I am sorry this happen. I know what it is like to loose a freind this way.. you always wonder if you had done something different it would of saved them. please dont take on this guilt for there is nothing you could of done except be the awsome freind you were to him. It was his choice to do what he did..
I am here if you need to talk.. hugssssssssss

 

[IrishLad]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I have lost two people that were close to me through suicide. My uncle and my ex-girlfriend's brother. The pain never really gets easier but hopefully life can go on for all of those that were close to your friend. My prayers are with you, and with Rob's family and friends.

 

[Lord Doctor]

This is always a horrible way to lose someone. Sometimes the hardest thing is the questions that keep turning up in your mind.

I wish you and all concerned all the best.

I'm sorry if that sounded clinical.

 

[nenezinho]

Sorry to hear also 🙁

I´ll share also a story i´ve been close to, don´t know if it helps, the pain is always different and this story so far as a happy ending.

Unfortunately, i´ve also been in the same boat, with the great exception that this guy was caught in time to save him and he is still living. But still, it creates yet a different problem as he still have problems and will likely have them forever. So we never know when he will do it again, difference is now we are a bit more on the watch for it.

My experience was also completely out of the blue...as it mostly is! My friend was the best student at his highschool, then a good medical student. There were some hints that now we realize. One could tell he was obsessive about his likings (still is) and somewhat odd in several aspects. But then again, arent we all crazy in our ways? Anyway this guy and one and only great love which was to be the best medical student around. Seems when he finally clashed with some weird teacher he went into a severe fight, loosing and becoming totally frustrated with medical science and then life in general.

To this day it´s a trouble because i canot really say to him that he is wrong because his motives are mainly a disgust on the human nature and human society. He claims that we make the world such a bad place that there´s no real point on living. I can surely disagree with this and i´m sure most of you around can also. But still to some persons things are seen in a different light. And who are we to blame or judge them? We all see things and feel things our way and no one knows how intense something really is for the next person.

To give some hope for those who might be in the same boat, my friend is still alive. He tried killing himself with several painkillers and stuff like that. He had the knowledge to make a deadly and non painful mix but he needed time for it to take effect and luckily his father found him just because he arrived home earlier than expected.

To this day i remember so well when i got my best friend on the phone asking me if i could leave right away because he was walking my way and we had to make it to the hospital as fast as possible. I still remember our concerned talks during the "flight" to the hospital, not knowing weather our friend was saved or already dead. I remember my best friend yelling at him because i was not driving as fast as he wanted, remember answering that we would not help anyone if we got into the hospital that way.

He was in deep coma for like one week or so. it was a disturbing week. On the following weeks between 3 of us we made a kind of watch to never leave him alone. I remember the hours of talking and how lucky i felt that i really had the chance of trying to talk him into living now that i knew this was necessary. It was a challenge a i´m glad so far we won the challenge.

Most important in these kind of situations is that we do all we can for our friends, keeping in mind there are limits on what we can perceive and do for them. we are not all-seeing and things will escape us. dealing with an adult person that person is also clever and if he/she is really comited they will know how to keep quiet about it and how to do it without anyone noticing. they will give alarms but it´s sometimes so hard to tell how to split those alarms from the usual frustrations. There´s no point on blaming ourselves neither relatives if the worst happens. We must fight, give our help, try that these people get professional help, but once there, it´s just give our best and pray for those who believe on that.

In the end, no one can be helped if they don´t really chose to be helped.

For my friend, i believe it was the time he spent at the hospital, the fear of living the rest of is life with some problem, i think going through this made him realize there are worst things in life and that there are lots of stuff which look really enjoyable when you are stuck on an hospital bed. I hope he never forgets!

But we never know 🙁