Spoke To My Father Today, Will Be Seeing Him Saturday 7-18-09

[Mitchell]

Well, here's the continuing saga with my father. This morning I spoke to him for the first time since December 26, 2006. The phone call was brief, but civil. We discussed his ongoing problems with his neck and back, as well as an eye problem I've been having. He wanted to meet me in Philadelphia this weekend, but I have plans with a friend at King of Prussia mall, that were already cancelled once, so I wanted to keep that appointment. My father and I are scheduled to talk next Monday, and then to meet in Philadelphia on Saturday, July 18th. I haven't seen him since November 24, 2003. I'm hopeful that the visit will go well, but I'm apprehensive.

Anyhow, so that's the status. I will post again about this next weekend after I see him.

Mitch

 

[Helena]

Well, here's the continuing saga with my father. This morning I spoke to him for the first time since December 26, 2006. The phone call was brief, but civil. We discussed his ongoing problems with his neck and back, as well as an eye problem I've been having. He wanted to meet me in Philadelphia this weekend, but I have plans with a friend at King of Prussia mall, that were already cancelled once, so I wanted to keep that appointment. My father and I are scheduled to talk next Monday, and then to meet in Philadelphia on Saturday, July 18th. I haven't seen him since November 24, 2003. I'm hopeful that the visit will go well, but I'm apprehensive.

Anyhow, so that's the status. I will post again about this next weekend after I see him.

Mitch

Mitch,
I normally hesitate to offer advice to anyone who doesn't specifically ask me for it, but I am making an exception in this case. What you do with it is up to you. 😀
Six years is a long time to hold a grudge. I'm sure that you have stayed angry with him for good reasons. I think you'd like to go to Philadelphia and meet a father you've always wanted in your dreams. That person doesn't exist: Your father is not the person you wish he was.
I encourage you to think about your dad as he actually is. Will you be able to come away from your meeting with him and feel alright, or will it be emotionally draining? I ask because you say you are feeling apprehensive about the entire thing.
If he irritates you and angers you with mere emails and telephone calls, I don't think you should go and meet him in person. You aren't a little boy anymore, and I suggest you take care of yourself. If meeting him will upset you like I believe it will, perhaps you shouldn't go.

 

[Mitchell]

Helena, thanks for the advice. A therapist on my college campus who I was seeing during my parents divorce told me the same thing you just did, that I should take care of myself.

He has irritated me with emails, many times. He didnt say anything to me on the phone yesterday to cause me to be upset. The biggest thing he does to irritate me, is instead of focusing on he and I, is when he tells me how I should see all these other people he wants me to see, such as his wife, regardless of how I feel about it.

I'm not naive. I know that the father I dream of doesnt exist. I'm going to go there, hear him out, and see. I'm not making any predictions either way.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll keep you posted.

Mitch

 

[The Fallen Angel]

I hope this works out well fot you and maybe you will be able to establish a relationship with your father which i assume is what you are looking/hoping for. I wish you the best of luck

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Hope all works out for you Mitchell, I have a similar situation with a family member too so I can certainly understand how you feel

 

[syzygy]

You have my best wishes Mitchell. Best of luck to you.

 

[Mitchell]

Thank you, trez, luvgirlsfeet, and syzygy.

Trez, yes I am looking to establish a relationship with him, but only with him. I dont want to deal with his wife, because of the trouble she's caused me. My father's biggest problem for three quarters of my life, has been that he bases our relationship on how I treat other people in his family, and not how I treat him as my father. That I will not tolerate. I dont tell him he has to treat anyone else but me well, to have a relationship with me. I expect the same from him.

luvgirls, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation with your family member. I know that must be very painful. My sincere thoughts are with you.

Thanks again, everyone. The good wishes are appreciated.

Mitch

 

[kis123]

At this point I'm glad that you have openened your mind to at least meeting with him. A copuple of weeks ago, I never would've imagined you'd give him the time of day.

Put yourself and your needs first; don't set youself up for nonsense and come to the table with no expectations. It is what it is Mitch; I hope things turn out well for you.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks for the support, kis. I changed my mind for several reasons, some of which are personal.

I'm going to put my needs first. I'll hear him out. If he wants to discuss my relationship with him, and even criticize me for how he feels I've treated him, my father, fine, I'll listen, and respond. I will take his feelings as my father into consideration. If he's going to start his same crap of "My wife wants to meet you, and you have to see my whole cocksie army for me to be your father", then to hell with that, and it will be over after one meeting.

My mom says I'm obsessing over it, and that I should try to put it out of my mind for the next eleven days, until I see him, and I know she's right, but its easier said than done. All I can do is to go there, and hear him out. Whatever happens after that, will have to be taken one step at a time.

Mitch

 

[Lord Doctor]

I wish you every good luck 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, 9thDoctor. The good wishes are appreciated.

Mitch

 

[General Zod]

I'll send some positive waves your way Mitchell Here's hoping everything turns out great

 

[kurchatovium]

Good luck my friend. Hope all goes well. 🙂

 

[Babyshambles]

Hi Mitch,

You seem like a very decent person.

In fact, forget about "seem", you are a very decent person.

May I ask you a question. It can be rhetorical if you don't want to answer in this place.

• Why don't you want to see your father's wife?
• Do you dislike her as a woman, or do you dislike her because of what she symbolises?
• Do you blame her from coming between you and your father?
• Do you blame her for coming between your father and your mother?

Perhaps the easiest way to heal things over would be to meet your fathers' wife. To start to build bridges. To accept her, and then to accept your father.

Slowly, all four people involved (I am including your mother) could grow closer and start to put the events of the past behind you.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, zod, and kurch. The good wishes are appreciated.

Babyshambles, I'll be happy to answer why I dont want to see my father's wife. There are several reasons.

One, she married my father when we were estranged, without giving any thought to his situation with me.

Two, I was estranged from my grandmother the last seventeen years of her life, due to the problems she caused me and my father, and in my family. In 2001, without ever meeting me, my father's wife told my father that I should "call my grandmother". I dont appreciate some witch passing judgement on me on who I should "call", especially when she never met me, and wasnt around in my childhood, to see the problems between me and my grandmother.

I definitely blame my father's wife for coming between me and my father.

One other thing: Last week, my mom called my father's apartment to talk to him about her alimony. My father's wife answered the phone, and my mom and her got into a conversation. I happened to be listening on the extension, because my mom wanted me to, in case his wife answered. All my mom said to my father's wife was "Cheryl, Mitch and Alan are estranged, didnt you ever give any thought to why?" Cheryl got very nasty, and told my mom that her own daughter, and her daughter's father were estranged, and that "lifes tough, and she cant worry about anyone but herself, and it isnt her business why he and I are estranged". If it isnt her business why he and I are estranged, and she's his wife, then why the hell is it her business if I'm estranged from my grandmother? This woman doesnt give a damn about anyone but herself. My estrangement from my grandmother was a large part of the reason why my dad and I havent talked in many years. He felt I should kiss my grandmother's ass, no matter how abusive she was. Cheryl knows this, and used my estrangement from my grandmother, as a source to steam him up, and make things worse between he and I.

It isnt any one reason that I dont want to see her. It's many things. Plus, she's his priority, and has been for 12 years. If there would be a dispute between her and me, he would always take her side.

I'm just better off staying out of it. I dont tell my dad that he has to divorce Cheryl to have a relationship with me. I dont think it's right that he tells a man who is nearly forty, that I have to deal with some woman who doesnt give a crap if I'm estranged from him,

These are my feelings, and they arent going to change. I'll go there, and hear him out. As for what happens, I'll have to wait and see.

Mitch

 

[sabyra]

hope all goes well, good luck!!

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, sabrya. The good wishes are appreciated.

Mitch