Stroking delicate egos

[Adam]

I should actually mention, in case anyone was wondering, that this is not something that happened on the TMF. Online, yes. But not here. The good thing is that we were able to talk it out like adults and all is good now. 😀

 

[Capnmad]

Cheers to optimism, and good luck.

 

[Leo tickles]

Well, this prob won't be what some want to hear but I'm gonna put it out as per my usual me: a big believer in the old, "best predictor of the future is the past" theory. Some dumbass noob with no credibility, all of a whopping six months onboard and 200 posts will NEVER get thru to the TMF masses like someone who's been posting here for years. You have to be careful, and flexible on this slippery slope, methinks. Sometimes I'm fighting for months to get (for example) one of my amputee patients funding and for whatever reason it's not working and I might take it out on someone in a post, but when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. It's all subjective, y'see?
XOXO

People with more posts are favored here?


I understand.

 

[Bohemianne]

Adam, look how type-written words and keyboard mishap can cause some misunderstood meanings... A lot of folks thought your rant is specifically for TMF. Argh! Of course we can't castigate you for that, can we?

 

[steph]

Smartypants! I'm far from favored but have a half a decade of longevity and a bazillion posts, what does it count for?
XOXO

People with more posts are favored here?


I understand.

 

[Leo tickles]

That you like the people here and post a lot? What do you want it to count for?

I've been here since the start, though didn't register 'till whenever it says. What does that count for?

Other people have been registered since the start, and do post, but not a lot, what does that count for?

A community can't expand or grow if only regulars are acknowledged.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Maybe instead of dwelling upon semantics such as numbers behind a post count and your 'status', you could enjoy the community and what it tries to give to everyone everyday. Unless the goal is to spend your time here dwelling on post count and your status. 😕

 

[Leo tickles]

Maybe instead of dwelling upon semantics such as numbers behind a post count and your 'status', you could enjoy the community and what it tries to give to everyone everyday. Unless the goal is to spend your time here dwelling on post count and your status. 😕

No no, silly girl, that's what I'm debating with Steph over.

How can one (not me) enjoy the community, when nobody takes them seriously because they don't have a post count of 791456934900, and have not been here for a lot of years?

The way I read what Steph what saying, to get somebody to talk to you, you have to continue stroking delicate egos (good thread title) for many years, and only then, will the community acknowledge you.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

The way I read what Steph what saying, to get somebody to talk to you, you have to continue stroking delicate egos (good thread title) for many years, and only then, will the community acknowledge you.

I hope that's not what was meant. Because that's kind of unfair. They're so many folks here that are amazing people to talk to, whom would never judge or request any type of special treatment.

I think the community acknowledges two things; What you contribute, and what they want to percieve. Not always are the perceptions accurate. (I used to think SnailShell was the biggest jerk, and once I met him I realized what a truly sweet and compassionate guy he is.)

But, feeling as if one needs to give anyone an ego stroke isn't fair to the person feeling they have to do it.

 

[Leo tickles]

I hope that's not what was meant. Because that's kind of unfair. They're so many folks here that are amazing people to talk to, whom would never judge or request any type of special treatment.

I think the community acknowledges two things; What you contribute, and what they want to percieve. Not always are the perceptions accurate. (I used to think SnailShell was the biggest jerk, and once I met him I realized what a truly sweet and compassionate guy he is.)

But, feeling as if one needs to give anyone an ego stroke isn't fair to the person feeling they have to do it.

All sarcasm aside, good post, and agreed. 🙂

 

[Sandrock74]

How come no one strokes my delicate ego? Is there a seperate line for that or something? 🙂

 

[Adam]

Adam, look how type-written words and keyboard mishap can cause some misunderstood meanings... A lot of folks thought your rant is specifically for TMF. Argh! Of course we can't castigate you for that, can we?

It is quite ironic. 😉

 

[Bohemianne]

It is quite ironic. 😉

^ No it's not, believe me. 😀 😀

 

[kis123]

No no, silly girl, that's what I'm debating with Steph over.

How can one (not me) enjoy the community, when nobody takes them seriously because they don't have a post count of 791456934900, and have not been here for a lot of years?

The way I read what Steph what saying, to get somebody to talk to you, you have to continue stroking delicate egos (good thread title) for many years, and only then, will the community acknowledge you.

You get others to talk to you by contributing something of substance. That's what gets others' attention. Not by creating threads solely for attention then gettng angry because you got the attention you asked for.

There have been members who post often and contribute little or nothing. There are some who rarely post but when they do, it's pretty profound. Some people download their clips and keep going. There are all types of posters here; but respect begets respect and stupid is as stupid does.

Simply put, you get what you give.

Now as far as the OP is concerned:

I've been lurking this thread for awhile because my emotions are mixed. Is the issue stroking delicate egos or is the issue your own ego? Truth is subjective; your truth is different than someone elses IMO. And I absolutely hate people who always find fault and criticize others but won't check their own mirror for their own faults and flaws. Life is way too short IMO for the constant judgement of others; deal with me as I am or leave me the hell alone!

I just ended an 11yr friendship because he can shove his truth down my throat and try to guilt trip and manipulate me into getting his way. I have no more patience for that crap and told him such. I also told him this wasn't the day for this conversation, but he pushed the envelope. So I let him have it and it's been long overdue, trust me. I'm never letting another person control me; I'd rather be alone than controlled.

So maybe you (all "you's" hypothetical of course) can express your truth diplomatically with some compassion and respect for the other person or you can continue to feel others have the ego problem. I don't know what you situation is personally, but sometimes it does boil down to the man in the mirror.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

I agree with you Kis123 and I agree with what a lot of all of you had to say-what you say makes a lot of sense-in order to receive respect and honor-one must give respect and honor to the other person. If the person does not show respect and honor-then the other person has every right not to show respect and honor. Yes, I must agree I do find it important and very key to gently but firmly tell the truth and I do try my best not to sugar coat what I say. I try to be gentle but emot sensitive but firm, sometimes being gentle does not work the few times-then I have to get firm and a bit harsh. I don't like doing that but I have done that with others I have not seen eye to eye on. Or especially when I have been provoked or have gotten really upset w someone.

I try to be nice and kind and gentle but firm when I feel passionately and strongly on a issue or on something but lots of times that does not work. So I end up I have to get a bit tough and harsh, don't like to do that, hate when I have to do that.
That is when I am "real" and I share what I feel is the truth and don't say what a person wishes to hear-but say how I feel and what I feel and see to be the truth, say and call it like I see it. Not meant to hurt the person because that is not the intention but if it does, I am sorry-but it is the truth, I am being "real" and being honest. I am sorry if the truth hurts, I am sorry, way it has to be sometimes. This especially goes for if I feel strongly and passionately on something-some things I feel very deeply about I won't budge or compromise on.

I do my best to try to help others feel good and do my best with actions and words, kind and loving to express and show affection and love to my friends and loved ones-compliment and hug them and tell them I love them, do my best-but still if my friends or family or loved ones don't feel I am there for them or don't love them,or that I am being too critical when I am only wishing to help and be there for them, maybe give some advice if they wish to take it, do what I can for them-then sadly that is not on me. I do what I can, do the best I can do, that is all that can be done. all I can do all anyone can do.

Sadly yes if still they are feeling emotionally insecure and feeling emot unloved and not cared for and not feeling a strong emot bond with me..that is not my fault, there is nothing that can be done. yeah, I do what I can to time to time compliment and make the person feel good and say what I feel is true-compliment their strengths and great qualities; however I can only do my best and compliment and stroke the ego so much; then it gets tiring. Especially if I am not believed I care and really love the person...when I did my best w my words and actions to show I did love the person.

That is when stroking the ego gets really old and very tiring and emotionally and mentally exhausting; I get fed up. I don't want to do that anymore for a while. When I show affection and show love, compliment a friend or a person-want them to believe I believe the best in that person and love them-don't want to be doubted-don't want to feel I have to constantly compliment and feel like I have to do things for them-do what they ask or wish to stroke their emotional egos.

That is something I don't like, becoming a big pet peeve and aggravation for me. Just recent thing; finding out how much I don't care and don't like it. Dang it when I love someone and care for someone and want to encourage and build a person up-don't want to be disbelieved. I want the person or friend or whoever it is to feel cherished, cared for, and loved, don't wish to feel I got to express and show that every minute after I have done my best to show how deep my caring and friendship and love goes.

Does that make sense? What are your thoughts u all?

 

[PiperGK1]

Although I understand the general topic of your post, it is rather vague. Can you specify what has irked you enough to make these comments, or are you just generally trying to get an allowance to act like an asshole if you feel like expressing yourself?

 

[Strider]

Personally, I long ago realized that there's some folks out there who basically cannot listen to anything even remotely critical, and will continually seek out folks who tell them only what they want to hear. I don't really bother with them, as I don't generally censor myself, even around new people, and I don't pretend to be interested in small talk when I'm not (must be why people sometimes think I'm an arrogant jackass when they first meet me).