Tempted and worse... how terrible am I?

[tickleboynyc]

fine, whatever, mr. hoitytoity. get off your pedestal.

 

[FeatherFeet]

fine, whatever, mr. hoitytoity. get off your pedestal.

lol because i think infidelity is wrong im on a pedestal huh?

so i guess being unfaithful is just normal now? *rolls eyes*

 

[tickleboynyc]

i never said that... *rolls eyes*

 

[MrMidnyte]

two cents

After reading Lea's replies revealing a bit more I have a few questions. Did guy #2 know you have a bf before all this started? If you are feeling a guilty, why does it seem like your still taking his calls?

I just dont condone cheating, I have a friend that dated his best friends girl for about a year. Whats worse is he tried to justify it ( he doesnt treat her right, he's never there for her, etc). To me those were empty words. I lost all respect for him as a person, and he asked why, I simply replied "If you can do it to him, no doubt you'd see my girl behind my back"

Other replies were right also, cheating is a double standard, but not everyone is going to defend their own race. In the past 2 years I witnessed 2 of my friends cheating, and attempting to justify what they do. Since they never listen I just sit back and watch their world fall around them. I can't even say I told you so afterwards.

 

[FeatherFeet]

After reading Lea's replies revealing a bit more I have a few questions. Did guy #2 know you have a bf before all this started? If you are feeling a guilty, why does it seem like your still taking his calls?

I just dont condone cheating, I have a friend that dated his best friends girl for about a year. Whats worse is he tried to justify it ( he doesnt treat her right, he's never there for her, etc). To me those were empty words. I lost all respect for him as a person, and he asked why, I simply replied "If you can do it to him, no doubt you'd see my girl behind my back"

Other replies were right also, cheating is a double standard, but not everyone is going to defend their own race. In the past 2 years I witnessed 2 of my friends cheating, and attempting to justify what they do. Since they never listen I just sit back and watch their world fall around them. I can't even say I told you so afterwards.

i completly agree with you. people always try to justify it, but there is no justifcation.

they act like "were only human, everyone slips up now and then." the only response i have to that is; just because more people do it now a days, doesnt make it any less wrong. or even any more understandable if you ask me.

(also , i didnt say EVERYONE would defend their own, i was talking as a general rule. there's always exceptions.)

 

[kis123]

personally though, people who find theyr mates after cheating never really works out with either of them. to be honest, cheating is usually a one way ticket to losing both of them, whether the person cheated with was looking for a one night stand or not.

as far as most woul dbe concerened (including the first boyfriend prolly) you most likly lost your right to be with him the second you cheated on him, circumstances down, and even if by some miracle he forgives you, niether of you will ever be able to get over it. people always think they can look the other way, they cant, they will never trust theyre partner again and the one who cheated unless theyre divoid of guilt will never get over what they did to the person. its like a natual cause to break up.

and even if the second person is the right one for you, which is prolly doubtful and more likley he wanted a screw, because people who will go for a girl who is already taken as a RULE have no honor. you woul dnever be able to get over the terms in which you met. and even if you got with the person, its a breach in trust for THEM to know that you got with them based on cheating on someone else, cuz sooner or later they will start to wonder "how long before she cheats on me too"

hoenstly, you dont have a decision to make, because the act of cheating itself prolly made you lose both of them.

one option most people take is blowing off the guy you cheated with and never tleling the boyfriend you cheated in the first place, which is just another testimate to how the person doesnt deserve to be with the origional partner in the first place, by placing TWO breaches of trust.

yes we're human, but some things can never be taken back, this is one of them.

This post is dead on!

Lea, I'm not trying to beat up on you; you feel badly enough. But I have to tell you that you've really messed up. You should always protect yourself from the one-night standers. You knew you had a bf and no amount of alcohol should've clouded your judgement.

Leave this new guy alone; if he'll do it with you he'll do it to you. Figure out to talk to your bf and hope he forgives you. If not, then move on with your life and do not continue relations with the other guy. That is, unless you keep it as a "benefits" kind of deal.

There is no win-win on this one; you're going to feel some real pain for awhile. I hope you've learned a valuable lesson and can move on from here.

 

[tickleboynyc]

i'm glad both posters seem so rock solid in their beliefs...

dating somebody else's gf for a year is just plain scummy. IMHO this is just totally different. you didn't go out looking for someone to cheat on your bf with.

what would be wrong, again IMHO, would be to NOT resolve this. you obviously have to make a choice. but i'm not quite so ready to beat up on you, you seem to be doing a good enough job of that yourself.

here's the thing. you're young. your relationship with your bf is very new. NOW is the time for you to find out what you need and want in a mate. youth is a time to explore and experiment. it will serve you well later in life!

'new' guy obviously did it for you in bed. sexual chemistry may not be everything, but it sure is important. maybe you didn't know guys like him even existed! then again, maybe neither of them are the right one for you.

either way, i think you definetely learned something from 'new' guy and you should not pooh pooh that, and neither should anyone else. if old bf isn't gonna work out, better you find out now.

i think you have a right to ask for some time by yourself. maybe neither guy will agree to that, and you'll find yourself alone. but that's life, and there's other fish in the sea.

i'm not one to condemn people so easily for cheating. i already said it's not nice, but some people make it seem like you committed a crime. you're just young, horny and confused. and that's pretty normal.

don't be afraid to live! just try to be as honest as you can.

 

[FeatherFeet]

i'm glad both posters seem so rock solid in their beliefs...

dating somebody else's gf for a year is just plain scummy. IMHO this is just totally different. you didn't go out looking for someone to cheat on your bf with.

what would be wrong, again IMHO, would be to NOT resolve this. you obviously have to make a choice. but i'm not quite so ready to beat up on you, you seem to be doing a good enough job of that yourself.

here's the thing. you're young. your relationship with your bf is very new. NOW is the time for you to find out what you need and want in a mate. youth is a time to explore and experiment. it will serve you well later in life!

'new' guy obviously did it for you in bed. sexual chemistry may not be everything, but it sure is important. maybe you didn't know guys like him even existed! then again, maybe neither of them are the right one for you.

either way, i think you definetely learned something from 'new' guy and you should not pooh pooh that, and neither should anyone else. if old bf isn't gonna work out, better you find out now.

i think you have a right to ask for some time by yourself. maybe neither guy will agree to that, and you'll find yourself alone. but that's life, and there's other fish in the sea.

i'm not one to condemn people so easily for cheating. i already said it's not nice, but some people make it seem like you committed a crime. you're just young, horny and confused. and that's pretty normal.

don't be afraid to live! just try to be as honest as you can.

by both posters i assume u mean me and the other guy who was against cheating? since our numbers seem to be in the few.

in my experience, people who tend to think cheating as not such a bad thing, have done something of the sort themselves, if this is not the case for you, then its probably you havent had someone cheat on you, or know anyttone who has been cheated on. it is just short of a crime, to be honest, and its alot worse than most crimes, because you are betraying the person who is trusting you at the deepest level, and many times people never recover from such a betrayl, often second guessing people they dont have to second guess because of the infidelity.

its normal to be young horney and confused yes, and because of that cheating is becoming more and more normal, yes. just goes with what i said before, if more people comiited cold blooded murder, it wouldnt make it any more right than if one person did it, wrong is wrong, no matter the number of occurances or excuses you put behind it.

personally, as the one who did the cheating, she doesnt have a right to ask for anything. think about it for a minute dude, how would u like it if your girlfrined cheated on you and then said "im sooo confused i need time to myself now!" would u honestly put up with that bullcrud? i wouldnt;, few people would.

you also arent thinking realistically, because she admitted already that the other guy just wanted a night and pushed her buttons based on facts he knew before he met her about her sex interest and he used it to get a night out of her, that was all. so theres obvioulsy nothing with that person, (even if the trust issue owuldnt have been a factor, which it most certainly would be)

and blatenly speaking, she doesnt deserve to be with the guy she cheated on. regardless if he would be stupid enough to attempt to give her a second chance, and realize later he couldnt bury the issues of trust.

the situation here is obvioulsy one of a woman who was taken by surprise because of her appeal to someone who could read her mind and make her feel special without her having to say anything, alot of women seem to expect men to be mind readers, and so they dont tell the people what they want sexually expecting them to guess. and then if they dont guess, they somehow find justification in cheating on them for someone who can guess, without giving the first person a chance. it IS scummy, it IS wrong, and there is no excuse for it.


but i guess ur just going to call me mr hoity toity and roll your eyes at me. ^.^

and yeah everyone says go experiment, theres nothing wrong with it. but the people who say that have no regard whatsoever for the lab rats, and in this case, all the men or women who would be treated as lab rats just for someone to find what they want.

 

[tickleboynyc]

okkayyyyy....
can't even roll my eyes anymore...

 

[FeatherFeet]

okkayyyyy....
can't even roll my eyes anymore...

you could roll your eyes all you want, but when you roll your eyes its implying you think what the person said is stupid,

so until you can prove what i said to be stupid...it would prolly be a good idea not to roll your eyes, thats all im saying. ^.^

 

[tickleboynyc]

i get it...

 

[SlaverTickler]

It's Sunday night; my bf is in Southern CA for a week and I went to a friends 30th birthday party last night... I met a new boy, we kissed, he tickled me, and I think I'm in love...

I'm glad your not my girl friend. Go out with this other guy, I hope he breaks your heart you would deserve it.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

All I can tell you is this: even though you may be floating on Cloud 9 right now, feelings will always fade. Love is a commitment, not a feeling. A real relationship is hard work, no matter how much fun you have in the beginning. I've learned this in less than one year of marriage. I'm sure other married people here can tell you the same thing. In a nut shell, the grass is never greener. In some cases, when you follow the greener pastures, you end up looking back and the grass you left wasn't so brown in the first place. Just my opinion. That and a dime will get you nothing. 🙂 Best wishes!

 

[FeatherFeet]

All I can tell you is this: even though you may be floating on Cloud 9 right now, feelings will always fade. Love is a commitment, not a feeling. A real relationship is hard work, no matter how much fun you have in the beginning. I've learned this in less than one year of marriage. I'm sure other married people here can tell you the same thing. In a nut shell, the grass is never greener. In some cases, when you follow the greener pastures, you end up looking back and the grass you left wasn't so brown in the first place. Just my opinion. That and a dime will get you nothing. 🙂 Best wishes!

pretty well stated if you ask me.

feelings DO fade, especially sexual feelings. people still fail to realize that our sexual impulses are just a trick mother nature plays on us to get us to reproduce. then people find someone who does it for them sexually and tries to make everything else fit into that based on the sex alone. they justify the person never being there, not having anything in common, maybe not even relaly caring about the eprson at all out of the bedroom. bottom line, couples founded on sexual feelings, never work, period.

this is why there's no such thing as love at first sight. its lust at first sight, and that's all.

one in about TEN MILLION will get someone based on sexual feelings who fits everything else. that's about all. that leaves 9,999,999 people who went that way who will never find the perfect partner.

people really need to learn theres more to life than sex....or tickling for that matter.

 

[kis123]

pretty well stated if you ask me.

feelings DO fade, especially sexual feelings. people still fail to realize that our sexual impulses are just a trick mother nature plays on us to get us to reproduce. then people find someone who does it for them sexually and tries to make everything else fit into that based on the sex alone. they justify the person never being there, not having anything in common, maybe not even relaly caring about the eprson at all out of the bedroom. bottom line, couples founded on sexual feelings, never work, period.

this is why there's no such thing as love at first sight. its lust at first sight, and that's all.

one in about TEN MILLION will get someone based on sexual feelings who fits everything else. that's about all. that leaves 9,999,999 people who went that way who will never find the perfect partner.

people really need to learn theres more to life than sex....or tickling for that matter.

PREACH!!!!

I couldn't have said it better myself (which is probably why I didn't)!

I tell my daughter regularly that she has the rest of her life for sex and so-called "fun." Get the business taken of first so she won't be 20 years later wondering what the hell happened! But I digress........

You have to look at the big picture and not make sex the center of your relationship. It's easier to train the right person the sex stuff than it will ever be to untrain the wrong one who can only satisfy you sexually and no other aspect of the relationship.

 

[Lea28]

Thank you all; this is over now

I told my bf, he didnt understand (don't balme him) and i am with the new guy Ben... and for the last 3 nights very, very happy.

My former bf says he never loved me, thought my feet (size 8) were too big, and did not like to be tickled himself...

He also has been seeing someone else on the West Coast (secretly) who seems much more tame (boring) than me, and he said sex witn me was "too much work".

Let's end this now please; I now feel ok... i think at some level i knew the old bf and i were going nowhere...

Oh, new boy... he likes to be tied up too... so I gues I am having some fun that I have not had before. And with him I experience multiple sensations that would be impossible to describe... he's more than just a tickleboy, but he certainly is great at Ticklesex.

Thanks for all the help, including the tough critiques...

Lea

Thank you all...

 

[FeatherFeet]

I told my bf, he didnt understand (don't balme him) and i am with the new guy Ben... and for the last 3 nights very, very happy.

My former bf says he never loved me, thought my feet (size 8) were too big, and did not like to be tickled himself...

He also has been seeing someone else on the West Coast (secretly) who seems much more tame (boring) than me, and he said sex witn me was "too much work".

Let's end this now please; I now feel ok... i think at some level i knew the old bf and i were going nowhere...

Oh, new boy... he likes to be tied up too... so I gues I am having some fun that I have not had before. And with him I experience multiple sensations that would be impossible to describe... he's more than just a tickleboy, but he certainly is great at Ticklesex.

Thanks for all the help, including the tough critiques...

Lea

Thank you all...

eitehr way, if you knew it, you should have ended it before cheating.

and if he's cheating on you too, he's a douchebag of all rights himself, though i cant say his infidelity justifies yours anymore, (especially since u didnt know it) and even if you did i would have said break with him before you cheat.

personally, i dont think he's going to last with any other girl after that cheating phase, (any girl who knows it iwll never trust him)

but i still dont think this guy no matter how great the sex is is going to trust you fully forever either knowing you cheated onur former bf. how long before this guys new and excitedness gets boring and you go seeking again? or how long before he goes seeking someone else who already has a boyfriend (no honor there if you ask me)

personally, this whole thing sounds like a bunch of honorless people crazed me sex and nothing more if you ask me. but that's just my opinion.

 

[ViperGTS]

I tell my daughter regularly that she has the rest of her life for sex and so-called "fun." Get the business taken of first so she won't be 20 years later wondering what the hell happened!

If you could explain this a little more, I would appreciate it...because I don't understand.

What do you mean by 'business?' What's wrong with having all your fun when you're young and able to enjoy the freedom (as long as you're safe, of course), and settle down later on in life?

 

[MrPartickler]

I told my bf, he didnt understand (don't balme him) and i am with the new guy Ben... and for the last 3 nights very, very happy.

My former bf says he never loved me, thought my feet (size 8) were too big, and did not like to be tickled himself...

He also has been seeing someone else on the West Coast (secretly) who seems much more tame (boring) than me, and he said sex witn me was "too much work".

Let's end this now please; I now feel ok... i think at some level i knew the old bf and i were going nowhere...

Oh, new boy... he likes to be tied up too... so I gues I am having some fun that I have not had before. And with him I experience multiple sensations that would be impossible to describe... he's more than just a tickleboy, but he certainly is great at Ticklesex.

Thanks for all the help, including the tough critiques...

Lea

Thank you all...

Classic. There's a saying that goes something like: Whenever something goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.

It's always humorous to me to hear how people describe their relationships while they're in them contrasted against how they describe them the instant they're out of them. Phrases like "We're so happy" and "We're soulmates" often turn into "I knew it wouldn't work" in a heartbeat. It'll be really interesting to see what gets said about Bachelor #2 in a few weeks or months.

As far as the cheating thing goes, I'm sort of ambivalent actually. It's bad, and not something to be repeated for sure, but it's not tantamount to murder or anything. Live, learn, grow, and try not to make the same mistakes and/or hurt anyone else next time. I personally wouldn't even have recommended fessing up; I'd have advised (gently) breaking up with the original b/f and moving on. It's just less messy that way, and a sudden breakup is usually tough enough.

Anyway, to me, there's no reason to be too judgmental since most of us tend to have other (secret) parts of our lives--past, present, or future--that are probably pretty shitty in other ways.

 

[kis123]

If you could explain this a little more, I would appreciate it...because I don't understand.

What do you mean by 'business?' What's wrong with having all your fun when you're young and able to enjoy the freedom (as long as you're safe, of course), and settle down later on in life?

Nothing wrong with having fun if you can keep it balanced. A lot of people are not able to maintain that balance, especially college students. The Freshman year is the most imporant because all that new-found freedom must be tempered with responsibility.

I say do whatever you need to in order to take care of business; a person has the rest of their life to have fun and explore their freedoms. Get the business out of the way first; get the degree, get the job, meet your goals first, then go play! I say that out of experience because my 'fun" cost me about 20years of my future. I come with an approach of if a person isn't willing to accept the consequences of their behavior, then they shouldn't be having the "fun" until they can.

 

[FeatherFeet]

If you could explain this a little more, I would appreciate it...because I don't understand.

What do you mean by 'business?' What's wrong with having all your fun when you're young and able to enjoy the freedom (as long as you're safe, of course), and settle down later on in life?

there's alot wrong with that policy actually, because having all that fun early in life costs you your future.

young people always think that they have they're whole lives to smarten up and take responsibility, the truth of the matter is, if you dont have some responsibility when you're younger, you will NEVER grow into it.

also this "fun" you speak of, shouldn't matter with age, sex, or whatever, because this fun that is being referred to in this thread is the momentary tempting of a sexual attraction that always grants instantanious pleasure but also always (in the case of anyone with half a brain of a consiounce) comes back to bite the person in the ass later on in life (if not very soon after the act)

so what it comes down to is this "fun" you have when you're young ends up haunting you for the rest of your life, and i dont care how many people say "get over it, that was when you were younger" or the more famous "that was college it didndt count" it always counts and 9 times out of 10, the person will always remember and regret the action.

once or twice? happens to everyone right? nothing anyone can do about that, we all make mistakes. but "having all this fun" when you're young, and saving the responsibility for later is just a repating cycle, those are the people who drop out of college and have to work crap jobs theyre whole life just to stay afloat, they're also the people who never commit to anything, and even the few people who manage to "grow up" and get theyre lives in order after that, seldom look back on their past with pleasent memories,

and those memories ALWAYS leave emotional baggage that scars people from doing things that woul dbe ok later on in life because they're immediatly brought back to a time when things werent the same.

 

[FeatherFeet]

Classic. There's a saying that goes something like: Whenever something goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.

It's always humorous to me to hear how people describe their relationships while they're in them contrasted against how they describe them the instant they're out of them. Phrases like "We're so happy" and "We're soulmates" often turn into "I knew it wouldn't work" in a heartbeat. It'll be really interesting to see what gets said about Bachelor #2 in a few weeks or months.

As far as the cheating thing goes, I'm sort of ambivalent actually. It's bad, and not something to be repeated for sure, but it's not tantamount to murder or anything. Live, learn, grow, and try not to make the same mistakes and/or hurt anyone else next time. I personally wouldn't even have recommended fessing up; I'd have advised (gently) breaking up with the original b/f and moving on. It's just less messy that way, and a sudden breakup is usually tough enough.

Anyway, to me, there's no reason to be too judgmental since most of us tend to have other (secret) parts of our lives--past, present, or future--that are probably pretty shitty in other ways.

ur first paragraph is dead on,

happens all the time, and i always laugh at it.


second paragraph, well, hiding the truth is never an honorable thing, ever. if she cheated on the guy, he had a right to know, otherwise that's just covering one dishonorable action with another. you can use the excuse of "its protecting him" but it's not, not really anyway. besides, sooner or later the news would come back around. better he hear it from her than someone else.


third paragraph, yeah people always accuse people who tell the truth about a matter as bieng too judgmental. but it is possible to state the facts of the situation, when someone does something wrong, sticking only to fact without judging. even so though, judging something is not a bad thing, despite what people says. every aspect of our lives invovles judging in one way or another. how do you know what beverage you like? you judge which one tastes better to you, its the same thing with choosing what people to hangf around, you judge them, and personally i would never choose to be around someone who cheats.

and the part about everyone having a secret life, you're right, most people do, and most people hide behind the phrase "everyone does" to hide things they arent proud of. people feel this gives them a free pass. well despite what poeple wanna believe, it doesn't.
and yes it makes the few people who are totally honest about everything good or bad they've done, look worse, even though they are the ones to be praised, because they are the genuine articile, what you see is what you get, whereas anyone who looks too good to be true, is, because it just means they're hiding someone.

along the same lines as "anyone who has no enemies, is no friend of mine" why's that make sense? because its not possible for everyone to like you unless you lied about yourself somewhere along the way.

 

[FeatherFeet]

Nothing wrong with having fun if you can keep it balanced. A lot of people are not able to maintain that balance, especially college students. The Freshman year is the most imporant because all that new-found freedom must be tempered with responsibility.

I say do whatever you need to in order to take care of business; a person has the rest of their life to have fun and explore their freedoms. Get the business out of the way first; get the degree, get the job, meet your goals first, then go play! I say that out of experience because my 'fun" cost me about 20years of my future. I come with an approach of if a person isn't willing to accept the consequences of their behavior, then they shouldn't be having the "fun" until they can.

sister, i think you're one of the few enlightened ones, heh.

 

[Lea28]

You are very sweet

i'm glad both posters seem so rock solid in their beliefs...

dating somebody else's gf for a year is just plain scummy. IMHO this is just totally different. you didn't go out looking for someone to cheat on your bf with.

what would be wrong, again IMHO, would be to NOT resolve this. you obviously have to make a choice. but i'm not quite so ready to beat up on you, you seem to be doing a good enough job of that yourself.

here's the thing. you're young. your relationship with your bf is very new. NOW is the time for you to find out what you need and want in a mate. youth is a time to explore and experiment. it will serve you well later in life!

'new' guy obviously did it for you in bed. sexual chemistry may not be everything, but it sure is important. maybe you didn't know guys like him even existed! then again, maybe neither of them are the right one for you.

either way, i think you definetely learned something from 'new' guy and you should not pooh pooh that, and neither should anyone else. if old bf isn't gonna work out, better you find out now.

i think you have a right to ask for some time by yourself. maybe neither guy will agree to that, and you'll find yourself alone. but that's life, and there's other fish in the sea.

i'm not one to condemn people so easily for cheating. i already said it's not nice, but some people make it seem like you committed a crime. you're just young, horny and confused. and that's pretty normal.

don't be afraid to live! just try to be as honest as you can.

I know there ismuch more to relationships than sex, and I know i was wrong, and I am beginning to not regret it anymore for many reasons...

All herehave been helpful... and i appreciate it alot.
Lea

 

[FeatherFeet]

seems this thread's discussion is coming to a close.

the OP has obviously convinved herself she was "wrong" but not "that wrong" as always happens in this situation. and as usual with giving very minimle to no reasons why and only talking to those hwo shed positive light on her situation. (lol just wait about 6 months and see if the same opinion applies, or if the new relatoinship is still there for that matter)
and thanks to the few enlightened people here, all the arguments FOR the cheating have been obliterated.

its nice to know there are at least some people out there (and here) who know the way the real world works and dont think the bottom line is always sex (or tickling)