The difference between how men and women view looks...

[chicago]

Depends what my goals are. If I was rich and my goal was to be seen with great looking women because that would carry the status befitting a rich person (which would be my goal in fact), then it wouldn't get me "nowhere". Also, if I was rich and my goal was to have physically attractive women "use" me for my money while I use them for their bodies, then it wouldn't get me "nowhere" it would get me to my goals. You only get "nowhere" if you fail to reach your goals whatever they may be.

Well we all need goals.

If you want a *****, I'm pretty sure you don't need to be a millionaire to achieve that goal.

 

[DannyMc]

If I can throw my two cents in , if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to use anyone for money and I wouldn't want her to be used for money .

 

[Strider]

Well, looks don't matter to me overly much as I don't have any sort of a set 'type' I'm attracted to as much as I have a set personality type I'm attracted to (and that isn't completely accurate, but it's the best way I can think of to describe it, maybe mindset would be more appropriate, anyhow).

One thing I have observed is that while looks may matter somewhat more for women when making it in society at large, when it comes to the nitty-gritty personal level (or, to put it bluntly, when it comes to getting laid); women have a slight advantage over men for the simple fact that the average male is generally less picky about who they sleep with than the average female.

 

[Tamia78]

Well, looks don't matter to me overly much as I don't have any sort of a set 'type' I'm attracted to as much as I have a set personality type I'm attracted to (and that isn't completely accurate, but it's the best way I can think of to describe it, maybe mindset would be more appropriate, anyhow).

One thing I have observed is that while looks may matter somewhat more for women when making it in society at large, when it comes to the nitty-gritty personal level (or, to put it bluntly, when it comes to getting laid); women have a slight advantage over men for the simple fact that the average male is generally less picky about who they sleep with than the average female.

Strider, I think that is so true. I mean, look what happens at the end of the night at a bar. The men scramble to pick up the average-looking chick that was "alright looking" because her hot friend turned him down earlier.

I've had alot of girl friends (and me included) who are attracted to a certain personality trait of a guy, and looks come later. I hear this alot- "Oh, I didn't think he was that cute at first, but it was his personality that made him cute!" or something like that. I don't think I've ever heard a guy say anything like that before. With them, it's seems to be important to be attracted physically before dealing with the personality. Nothing wrong with that, tho. 😎

--T

 

[CaptainQuantum]

I've had alot of girl friends (and me included) who are attracted to a certain personality trait of a guy, and looks come later. I hear this alot- "Oh, I didn't think he was that cute at first, but it was his personality that made him cute!" or something like that. I don't think I've ever heard a guy say anything like that before. With them, it's seems to be important to be attracted physically before dealing with the personality. Nothing wrong with that, tho. 😎

The most important part of having a partner is being seen with her.

 

[Capnmad]

I always thought that the stereotype that men are soooooo shallow and think of women as objects and only go for the ultra hot supermodel type was true. However, I have come to find that young women in their 20s, compared to young men in their 20s...actually that women are more shallow, more picky, and more critical than men are. Anyone believe that?

I think what you're really observing here are the results of increased feminine independence. As the ability to support oneself through earning wages nearer to equal that of men increases, and the notions of feminism, "girl power" and the like proliferates, they will become more selective.

Women no longer have to nor are ensnared by the mindset that they have to be a homemaker, dependent upon the man. They can be breadwinners, too. Equal opportunity in the workplace affords equal opportunity in status, and permits broader selection among mates. They needn't (as much as in past generations) reconcile their feelings for a man with his income or resourcefulness. They have the opportunity to accept or dismiss potential mates on more nuanced characteristics. This may give them the appearance of being more picky, when they, like men, have been selective all along, but are only now awakened to the full, real freedom they have in mate selection.

The stigma persists that men are shallow and picky, since that's what stigmas do, but it is more (at least in my humble assessment) evidence that the genders are acquiring greater equality if they can both afford to be selective of potential mates.

Identifying current 20-something women as being the harbingers of shallowness is attributable to the fact that they are possessed of this increased selectivity, but perhaps may lack nuance in their selections due in part to age and inexperience. However, one should never overgeneralize to an entire population, as there are exceptions. We hardly live in a world of absolutes.

Equality in selectivity results in some unfortunate repercussions that also speak of gaining equality -- perhaps in ways not so desirable. For instance, the percentage of males suffering from eating disorders and body-image problems is on the rise, and will probably soon approach that of young women. This, I believe, can be tied to unrealistic expectations of physical fitness idealized by the increasingly selective female population ("My God! Did you see Brad Pitt's abs in 'Fight Club'?"), but the high numbers of women who've long held the record for eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder and the like have dealt with this same thing ("Damn! Will you look at Jayne Mansfield?! Homina-homina-homina!") for decades longer.

Let women be selective. It's it's a sign of empowerment, I think, and it's about time.

If they're shallow, that's their problem -- not mine -- and not yours either, unless you're looking to snag a shallow girl.

 

[kis123]

Strider, I think that is so true. I mean, look what happens at the end of the night at a bar. The men scramble to pick up the average-looking chick that was "alright looking" because her hot friend turned him down earlier.

I've had alot of girl friends (and me included) who are attracted to a certain personality trait of a guy, and looks come later. I hear this alot- "Oh, I didn't think he was that cute at first, but it was his personality that made him cute!" or something like that. I don't think I've ever heard a guy say anything like that before. With them, it's seems to be important to be attracted physically before dealing with the personality. Nothing wrong with that, tho. 😎

--T

In my younger days, lots of guys turned to the skinny chicks at the bar/club. I used to feel rejected and undesirable. One day, I went to this bar and I just became myself-talkative, engaging, and fun to be around. Those extra drinks probably didn't hurt! The guys went nuts and I was beating them off with a stick and it's been pretty much the same since. Most men will refer to me as "cute" (which gets on my nerves) and they seem actually shocked that they were attracted to a big chick. I just love it when I convert em..........

My daughter hates going out with me-guys basically fall out of the woodwork! She caught one guy scoping my butt (a whole lotta' surface area) and she got really upset and told me I can never shop there again! I've had guys pull up alongside me in the street to try to talk to me. I just smile and tell my kids that "mamma's still got it!" Drives them crazy, but I can use the admiration sometimes................

Eventually the boys turn into men and pursue who really attracts them without concern from their buddies. Besides, I can do things for them their buddies can't!

 

[BellaRisa]

Thoughts and a very brief Bella-rant...

I think I might be a bit odd in my thinking on the whole attraction thing.

I've always kinda liked the fact that as a 4'11 brown girl with sideshow-worthy curves that aren't even thin in a funhouse mirror, my appearance is pretty removed from the stereotypical 'tall, thin, pale, blonde and blue-eyed' dealie; it meant that the guys who wanted that left me alone and didn't waste time better spent with more compatible gentlemen 😉 . Let the others keep walking, I wasn't concerned. The men that I'm spending my life with all adore me for what's attractive about me personally, not some narrow vision that I could never achieve; I could prolly become a slim girl and get the blonde hair a la Beyonce, but I ain't never gonna be over 4'11 no matter what vitamins I take or how much time I spend on the X-frame 😀.

(cue rant)

And that is NOT to say that it was my inner beauty that drew my loves to me, not initially (snort). I know, personality is most important, we all lose our looks, yadda dadda dadda. That's very true and words to live by, but you usually have to attract someone physically *before* they can find out how gorgeous your soul is. Y'know, I get a little weary of discussions of this type that go right to the old 'inner beauty' schmata if you're above a size 4 and under 5'8, as though the men who prefer juicy women of non-amazonian height don't exist. Trust me, they do. And they buy lots of video clips and write great fan letters btw You don't need to look like a model to be considered hot, nor to find a wonderful partner; many of us are proof of that. So why even think about those who want whatever it is you aren't when there are wonderful folks who want what you are? That's like being the world's best slice of chocolate cake and fretting over all the folks who prefer vanilla ice cream. Let the the cone lovers keep steppin' and wait for your cake man, I say. Society's pressures are more easily ignored than people think 😀

Bella

 

[drew70]

I would love to say that looks don't matter to me, but they do. So instead I try and do the next best thing which is to try and find something attractive in every woman I meet. It might be height in one woman, curves of another, and attitude in yet another. The older I get, the better able I become in appreciating the many facets that make up a woman. It's rare for me to encounter a woman for whom I can find no attraction whatsoever.

 

[isabeau]

it's funny, i got to know my best friend first by talking on the phone with him..and liked him for his personality without having a clue as to how he physically looked..and it wouldn't have mattered how he looked to me, since i enjoyed his conversation and his personality..he did send me some pictures after we had gotten to know each other more, and it turned out he is cute, very cute in fact..but that wouldn't have mattered..so i say personality far outshines looks, at least to me... my female cousin was beautiful when she was young, however she knew it and acted like she was hot stuff, so for me that ruined it and made her ugly...

 

[lk70]

Looks do matter to me, but only to the extent that I find him attractive- I don't care if he'd be considered attractive by others or not.

And as others have said, certainly personality traits go a long way in making him more attractive to me.

Here's an example if anyone knows country music. There's a singer named Billy Currington (pic attached). When he first hit the music scene and his videos came on, I'd drop everything just to watch him move- thought he was the hottest thing. Then as he started doing interviews it became apparent that he's dumb as a rock. He's not so hot to me anymore. All I see now is what appears to be a vast emptiness behind his eyes. FWIW, just in case he happens to read this- he does seem to be very sweet. I feel guilty saying mean things about him- like he'd give a poop that I don't find him attractive.

 

[maniactickler]

Ive always said looks and personality are completely equal. both are of equal importance to me.