The Guys ask ALL your female related Questions to nessonite/Mistress Valerie Thread

[HOLLYWOOD]

I assure you HB that it is not intentional. Women are by nature more complicated creatures. We give signs as well that we probably think are rather obvious but guys just dont seem to pick up on. 😛
Also keep in mind that a lot of women are highly insecure. Whether it's true or not we feel like we are constantly being compared to the magazine girls that guys like to ogle. So we may be thinking "Yeah he's interested now but only as a cheap substitution to what he really wants" (ie 5'10" 110 lb blonde playboy bunny)
I will add further to me 'insecurity' theory by pointing out that the first thing I thought when I read your question was "How would I know? No guy has ever shown an interest in me for me to explain my reactions"
bahhh
Maybe Val ought to take this.

Ness: i thank you as always for answering my qustions but i am a little confused. how can you say no guy has ever shown interest when right under your very cute avatar is a thing that says married. Now i am no rocket scientist but i do know that if you married in the great garden state it is to the opposite sex. Why thinking is how can you be married if no guy was ever interested in you? Also you got n oreason to ever be insecure and neither do women. I have realized that guys need ladies a lot more than ladies need guys. We need women for companionshiop, love, and to keep us safe. I admit some guys only judge women on the body thing but there is a lot more. i will take personality over the body any day and i wish more guys would think that way.

I am a 29 yr old single white philadelphian male. I am not looking to nail cindy crawford so to speak. What i want and have wanted for years is just someone to share my life with. That is what most guys want. I have found that since i am looking more for a lady who treats me well than a lady who is a centerfold, i get shunned by most women. It seems that if they give off signals, it is another language too me or they can't grasp that there can be a regular guy out there who likes, walks on moonlight beaches and the jersey shore boardwalks; a guy who likes spending a quiet night at home; a guy who likes just spending time with the gal he loves and wants to form a life long love and relationship with. I guess that the old hollywood brother must be in the minorty. I just wonder what women really want out of a man sometimes so i know if what i offer is not what women want.

 

[nessonite1]

I'm sorry. I dont think I explained myself very well. 🙂

Also you got n oreason to ever be insecure and neither do women.

I am the first to admit that the physical insecurities women have are largely selm imposed. I don't blame Playboy or any other men's magazine. Take a look at women's magazines sometime. They are a woman's worst enemy, constantly shoving it down your throat that you're just not good enough unless you're losing 10 lbs in 10 days, making your partner deleriously happy in bed, and being Martha Stewart in your home. In a lot of ways they're much worse than men's magazines. All they do is emphasize a nice figure while women's magazines are constantly demolishing those with poor physiques.
What I'm saying is I could sit here all day and night and tell myself than men are looking for a woman who is good and decent and not necessarily a super model. But when it's pushed into your brain that looks are everything it's VERY hard to ignore that even if it's totally false.
Next...

how can you say no guy has ever shown interest when right under your very cute avatar is a thing that says married. Now i am no rocket scientist but i do know that if you married in the great garden state it is to the opposite sex.

I can explain that actually. I met my husband over the internet when I was about 13. 😛
We got married when I was 18 and I moved from CA to NJ to live with him. Very unconventional I'll admit but probably the only way I'd ever meet anyone to have a relationshiop with. I'll tell you something funny...
I've never had a boyfriend.
Never been on a single date.
Never been asked to dance.
Never been intimate with anyone besides my husband.
My relationship with my husband has been unconventional and just plain weird right from the start. My point in telling you this is to explain why I said in a previous post that no guy has show an interest in me. This is because it is true. No guy in a social setting has ever looked at me and shown the slightest bit of interest. The man who married me did so having spent a total of about a month in my physical company. 😛

 

[MistressValerie1]

I assure you HB that it is not intentional. Women are by nature more complicated creatures. We give signs as well that we probably think are rather obvious but guys just dont seem to pick up on. 😛
Also keep in mind that a lot of women are highly insecure. Whether it's true or not we feel like we are constantly being compared to the magazine girls that guys like to ogle. So we may be thinking "Yeah he's interested now but only as a cheap substitution to what he really wants" (ie 5'10" 110 lb blonde playboy bunny)
I will add further to me 'insecurity' theory by pointing out that the first thing I thought when I read your question was "How would I know? No guy has ever shown an interest in me for me to explain my reactions"
bahhh
Maybe Val ought to take this.

Hi, HB and Nessie ...

I did most of my growing up in rural Thailand, where dating was almost nonexistent and most partnerships were arranged through the parents. (Worse, I grew up in a Catholic girls' orphanage run by nuns!) Hence, when I was very young, I assumed that "somebody" would match me with a suitable boy when I was of the appropriate age.

I never acquired typical dating-type skills, so I felt quite alienated upon leaving the convent at 16. In fact, I was so alienated that I was considering becoming a nun myself.

Upon moving to the USA, I was very fortunate to have met my own Nissei hubby at a Japantown boxing gym in the Oakland area. What cemented our romance was our common interest in foot-dom (of course! 😉 ).

I do enjoy being flirty, e.g., addressing people as "luv," but I do it equally with males and females. To me it's just a way of being friendly and approachable, with no hidden meanings 🙂

I sum, I am probably not the most qualified to answer the question either, LOL.

"Luv" to all,

 

[nessonite1]

Looks like no one is qualified to answer this question! This leads me to believe that women are just as clueless and bewildered by the entire subject as you guys are. So don't feel bad! We're lost too!

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

Looks like no one is qualified to answer this question! This leads me to believe that women are just as clueless and bewildered by the entire subject as you guys are. So don't feel bad! We're lost too!

Dear ness: i am sorry no one ever really courted you. i can not for the life of me understand it. you are a smart person who is also funny and good to people. I know i tend to look for good in people and that is not the norm but it hard to believe all through your teen years you did not have all the male suitors in the USA after you. Anyway it is there loss and i hope they realize that by not noteceing you they missed out on someone pretty cool

i think i agree that guys and girls are both messed up. it be a easier world if people were more open and honest. i try that and it sends women away because they think i am not real. well it is there loss, not mine. maybe someday women will realize that as guys, we do not have any answers and the only sure fact we know is that we need women to live, love and survive. just remember people who need people may be depressedand lonly but they the luckiest people.

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

For some odd reason I feel all warm and fuzzy, as if I've just grown closer to Nessie and Val? Is that normal? I havnt had a drink. I dont drink. I'm only 18. Should I feel this way or should I be rushed to the hospital........................again?;-)

 

[nessonite1]

Oh certainly, Hollywood.I'd rather be a good person than popular with ever4ybody any day. I think much of the reason I never had any love interests as a teenager is because I am god awfully quiet and I kept mostly to myself. I didn't go to high school because I didn't want to hang out with a bunch of dingbat teenagers for 4 years and I never really made it a point to make friends. Ah well. I dont think I missed out on much. I'd rather have a serious relationship without the hassel of the dating scene. 😛
Iluv2btickled, you better check the expiration date on your Nyquil. 😉
There are half a dozen or so active females in this frat house. We gotta stick together. Better that we be close than cat fighting, though the guys I'm sure would enjoy the latter.😀

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

You didnt go to high school? :redface: oh well. "to each his own". Nessie, you couldnt be quiet around me. I wouldnt let you. *evil laugh* I figured it out. I havnt been taking Nyquil,(although I should.......hmmmmm......) so my warm and fuzzy feelings are from me settling down to being totally comfortable with you guys 😎

 

[nessonite1]

awwww that's so sweet! Really finding this forum has been a total release for me. I can finally relax and DISCUSS all the crazy thoughts that I've been keeping to myself all these years.
And no, I didn't attend high school. Just wasn't really my style I guess. I dropped out of 7th grade and occasionally attended various schools for kids who have dropped out or been kicked out of public schools. I tested out as soon as I was old enough (16 in california) and went to college 😛

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

YOU CAN DO THAT?????????? Now you tell me after I've graduated from high school already? Why didnt you tell me that sooner? *Wiggles my fingers at you*

 

[nessonite1]

LOL you didn't ask! I dont know about other states but in California you can take the California English Proficiency exam which is MUCH shorter and I think a bit easier than the GED but for some reason you can take it much younger (16 years old rather than 17 or halfway through 10th grade with the GED).
No joke...100 multiple choice questions and an essay and I was out of high school! LOL!
The good thing about going straight to college was that I went to a Junior College (they are way cheap in California because they are subsidized). There the population tends to be a bit older than a university and they are mostly people who WANT to be there and who WANT to learn rather than people just going because they have to or because daddy is paying for college so they can slack off for 4 years before getting a job. 😛

 

[nessonite1]

I'm still waiting for mine!
I hope you're not expecting a tip!

 

[MistressValerie1]

Dear ness: i am sorry no one ever really courted you. i can not for the life of me understand it. you are a smart person who is also funny and good to people. I know i tend to look for good in people and that is not the norm but it hard to believe all through your teen years you did not have all the male suitors in the USA after you. Anyway it is there loss and i hope they realize that by not noteceing you they missed out on someone pretty cool

i think i agree that guys and girls are both messed up. it be a easier world if people were more open and honest. i try that and it sends women away because they think i am not real. well it is there loss, not mine. maybe someday women will realize that as guys, we do not have any answers and the only sure fact we know is that we need women to live, love and survive. just remember people who need people may be depressedand lonly but they the luckiest people.

Hi, Hollywood -- I agree with yon on both points. First, I also am amazed and disappointed that guys weren't fighting each other to go out with Ness! She is one of the most interesting, charming, and cuddly 🙂 gals I have ever met.

Secondly, I also share your view that people in general seem to be extremely shallow. I often hear from people with the same problem that you have, the inability to meet a suitable partner.

These are some things that I have written in recent e-mails to a very attractive, charming, kind, generous 30-something gentleman who hasn't been on a date in several years. I think this applies to your situation as well:

"I agree totally with you about the general shallowness of my generation. I think that one need look no farther than the TV to find out why. Selfish and immature people, like the house guests on “Big Brother,” are role models for Generation X’ers. Bad behaviour is shown being rewarded, and kindness is ridiculed."

"I still blame much or even most of this on television, for creating unrealisitic expectations and unhealthy ideas about romance.

"I know a lot of guys who are having the same exact problems as you describe -- from age 23 to over 50, rich and poor, well-educated or blue collar, every possible shape and size you can think of. I see this as a problem which pervades the entire society."

Because I grew up in a non-Western society, AND my field is sociology, I have a uniquely unbiased "outsider's view" of what is happening to today's dating and romance scene. As bad as it seems now, forums like this give me hope that perhaps we non-shallow people are more numerous than I had believed ... and hopefully we can help each other and serve as a good influence on others as well 🙂

Best of luck and love always,

 

[MistressValerie1]

For some odd reason I feel all warm and fuzzy, as if I've just grown closer to Nessie and Val? Is that normal? I havnt had a drink. I dont drink. I'm only 18. Should I feel this way or should I be rushed to the hospital........................again?;-)

I am honored 🙂 The feeling is mutual.

I never had the "fun" of going to high school; my bizarre (trust me on that) Catholic school education ended when I was 16, and after that I hated school so much that I didn't do any formal education until I was 18 and living in the Philippines, where I attended a "colegio," sort of a cross between a vocational high school and a community college.

I was very fortunate to encounter some older adults there; in fact, I socialised more with the teachers than my classmates, lol. When I moved to California I followed the same pattern.

Once I had asked a very mature younger American friend (23) what he thought about high school, and he described it as a "teenage battlefield." When I was a practice teacher in Oakland's troubled public middle schools, I realised how lucky I was NOT to have had a high school experience.

Now that I'm (gasp) 30, I often find myself associating with mature younger people such as yourself and Nessie ... much as my 30-something teachers used to socialise with me when I was in my teens. I hope that my influence is a beneficial one 🙂

Warmest regards,

 

[nessonite1]

To be honest I never really consider age to be a factor. If someone is 18 or 19 and acts like an immature prick then I probably wont be talking to them. Likewise a 45 year old immature prick. 😀
Its true that as a rule the older a person is the more mature, self aware, and secure they are. But I have known too many great 18 year olds and too many rotten people in their 30s and 40s to make a statement any more geralized than that.

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

Well my high school experience wasnt THAT bad. I went to a Performing Arts school. You know the school Aaliyah went to. (R.I.P Baby Gurl) I went to the same school she did. Only thing that was unfortunate was my senior year, where I was diagnosed w/ cancer. So I spent most of my senior year in and out of the hospital and chemotherapy treatment clinics. But I still had my instrument and I was happy. As long as I can still play, that's all that matters. So I enjoyed high school.

 

[Amnesiac1]

A Few Quick Answers to GET TO A QUESTION!

I have the answer to most all of your questions.

Virtually everything you complain about (and rightly so) is the recent fallout from literally millennia of social ordinances that have been revised beyond the point of recognition...mostly because they stem from the days when written history did not exist, or information about proper translation was lost. These ordinances were created in whatever original format to create a pattern of stable and uncomplicated social reactions that facilitated order and calm. This was done for reasons no one knew at the time, but did not care because they worked. Now we have found out that the social fabric created by these rules work because the human brain is designed in such a way that it responds positively to shallow, superficial, narrow-spectrum(ed) activities because it can't do anything too complicated.

The only way to get around this is to destroy all associations we have with gender, race, religion, ethnicity, etc. and revise it with logical perceptions. We can't do this until our brains develop more advanced proclivities and abilities. We can't do this because we don't have technology sophisticated enough to explain every facet of the human brain...so we're stuck. That's why we argue and argue about things and never get anywhere...because we aren't smart enough as a species to figure out what to do next, and we don't know how to make ourselves smarter. I could go further but I would risk offending some people and sending the topic WAY off track. But now that I have given an answer to the things that puzzle people I have a question for the ladies.

Why can't women be straightforward?

Granted, most of what was said about men's egos and how they respond to teasing are true; yes, men and women doing this because of how they see themselves as dominant/submissive sex is true. But to be honest, there are guys like me out there.

Guys who don't have the impulse or nature or desire or physique to be manly. The ones who have no illusions about their own selves and take everything at it's word. WE HATE teasing! Mostly because when we want to be friends with a woman, we say so; when we want sex, we say what kind; and when we give an opinion, we don't mean anthing personal. But because of this "universal" game of tease & negotiate rituals (a.k.a "The Mating Game"), we don't have a chance! We can risk a bloody nose or a court ruling just for misinterpreting a signal and life's too complicated for more complications for us.

We're lame, we're desperate, and we just want what we want and nothing really more. We don't want to treat women like dirt unless we say so, so why don't women dispense with the games whenever they meet one of us? I'm not saying anything will come of it, but why is it so difficult to just get everything out in the open and accept hit or miss instead of dancing around the motives at hand?

Shit, I'd hand out brochures on myself in social circles if it wouldn't be a complete failure under the current social ordinances.

 

[nessonite1]

I'd hand out brochures on myself in social circles if it wouldn't be a complete failure under the current social ordinances.

LOL! That's a damn good idea I think! try explaining it to the folks at kinkos though. 😛

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

LOL! good one.

 

[Indy_JC]

Ok here is a question. I'm a huge F/M fan (m/f as well) and have recently been going out on a few dates. I'm not comfortable bringing up the whole tickling thing in casual conversation but if I could find a girl who shares the interest she would definately move to the top of my list. Are there any hints that could give an indication to if a gal would be into this sort of thing?

Thanks!
-Jason

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

Tickle her and see where she leads it

 

[general zod1]

Why is it if a man tells a dirty joke it can be taken as sexual harrasment,but if a woman tells it it's not? Why is it if a husband cheats on his wife she gets custody of the children But if a woman cheats on her husband chances are good she will get custody of the children? I know a few guys that happened to when I was in the Air Force

 

[Ticklshchic03]

Why is it if a man tells a dirty joke it can be taken as sexual harrasment,but if a woman tells it it's not? Why is it if a husband cheats on his wife she gets custody of the children But if a woman cheats on her husband chances are good she will get custody of the children? I know a few guys that happened to when I was in the Air Force

I think there is still the assumption that the mother is always better. It has nothing to do with who cheated on who. In alot of cases the mother is the best place for the chid. Not in all cases. I have know many horrible mothers, but I think for the most part it is still true that women are better at taking care of kids. This again isnt all situations. and the sexual harassment part is because most males dont mind when a girl tells a dirty joke, most guys love dirty jokes. As for women, more women than men find them offensive. I think that the guys also dont report it as sexual harassment. Women, if offended, will report it...

ok thats MY opinion........ there ya go!

 

[ladybird27]

Responding to Mayday...

I must admit that when I first began to explore the online tickling scene I was a bit distressed by the overwhelming ratio of guys to girls, and the tendancy for most tickling videos and clips to feature female ticklees. I don't know if I'd go so far as to claim that a preference for m/f tickling necessarily points to misogyny on the part of most of you guys, but I have a feeling that for some people the idea of having complete control over a bound female inflames your sense of being powerful. Duh, right--I'm a tickler by preference, so I know that's at least some part of the picture, even for girls--but I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is definitely room for reading mysogynistic intent into m/f tickling, if one is so inclined. That being said, however, I've become friends with a few male ticklers recently, and their reasons for tickling are first and foremost fun and sensuality, so I'm certainly not trying to criticize.

 

[general zod1]

Why do some women get real annoyed if the toilet seat is left up? If a guy sees the seat down they just lift iy up and don't fuss about it :weird: