The Tickle Lover's Guide To Tickle Action

[FeatherFeet]

http://www.featherfeettickling.com/1/post/2013/08/tickle-lovers-guide-to-tickle-action-how-i-tickled-or-got-tickled-by-over-100-girls-and-how-you-can-see-si.html

Quite a few people have been bugging me to write about this.

 

[C.A.B.]

""but part of it is because people don't realize some simple truths about humans and human interaction.

Number 1: people like to be touched...in general, humans are social creatures who like to be touched so long as it's in a respectable manner.""

I couldn't disagree with you more on your presumption here. It is generally rude to break someone's personal space uninvited. Whether you think it is 'respectable' or not is irrelevant. "Respect' would be "hands off" until invited.

 

[FeatherFeet]

I couldn't disagree with you more on your presumption here. It is generally rude to break someone's personal space uninvited. Whether you think it is 'respectable' or not is irrelevant. "Respect' would be "hands off" until invited.

lol who said uninvited?

People like to be touched by friends and family members---whether it be a shoulder pat, a hug, etc etc.

No one is advocating the use of "uninvited touch" as you put it here, and no one is suggesting anyone violate anyone's personal space. And there are of course some people who do not like to be touched at all...but the typical person, when their guard is down and are around people they trust/like/are familiar with, enjoy simple touches. We're programmed by nature this way, touch equals closeness...touch equals bonding which we as a species yearn for.

Society might not think so, but deep down our lack of personal connection (which includes touch) is one reason so many of us feel unfulfilled.

 

[FeatherFeet]

I couldn't disagree with you more on your presumption here. It is generally rude to break someone's personal space uninvited. Whether you think it is 'respectable' or not is irrelevant. "Respect' would be "hands off" until invited.

but I would also care to point out CAB...who the heck in real life actually says "OK I INVITE YOU TO TOUCH ME!"

No one ever actually comes out and says that. It's a matter of being able to know the relationship you have with the other person. It happens from hanging out, verbal bonding progressing to hugs, cheek kisses, high-fives, etc etc. Comfort levels and familiarity are essential here of course, but if someone is waiting for a written invitation they're going to be waiting a long time.

I have never once in my life gotten an invitation to touch someone else like that in words, but I've gotten it in plenty of other ways---teasing, them touching first...playful pokes, hugs, high-fives, etc etc etc. And I've also never had a situation I was involved in personally that invoked as you put it, uninvited or unwanted touch either.

People are on the one hand, totally dismissive of rules of courtesy and at the same time totally obsessed with them to the extent that harmless friendships suffer from it. If you're going to have a relaxed friendship with someone--or a relationship with a partner that involves any kind of touch, someone has to make the first move sometime, right?

 

[Redmage]

but I would also care to point out CAB...who the heck in real life actually says "OK I INVITE YOU TO TOUCH ME!"

No one ever actually comes out and says that. It's a matter of being able to know the relationship you have with the other person. It happens from hanging out, verbal bonding progressing to hugs, cheek kisses, high-fives, etc etc. Comfort levels and familiarity are essential here of course, but if someone is waiting for a written invitation they're going to be waiting a long time.

You seem to feel as though there are only two choices: touch uninvited, or languish about waiting for an invitation that will never come. There is a third option: ask.

If you're thinking "C'mon. How would it sound to ask 'Hey, can I tickle you?'" then I suggest that if you wouldn't feel comfortable asking to do something then perhaps you shouldn't do it. Likewise, if you think she'd say "No" if you ask, then you shouldn't do it without asking.

If you're going to have a relaxed friendship with someone--or a relationship with a partner that involves any kind of touch, someone has to make the first move sometime, right?

As long as the first move is "May I...?", then sure. If your relationship already involves relaxed cuddling, then it's probably intimate enough for spontaneous tickling. Otherwise, ask.

 

[milagros317]

Very interesting article. Thanks for the link. 😀

 

[FeatherFeet]

You seem to feel as though there are only two choices: touch uninvited, or languish about waiting for an invitation that will never come. There is a third option: ask.

If you're thinking "C'mon. How would it sound to ask 'Hey, can I tickle you?'" then I suggest that if you wouldn't feel comfortable asking to do something then perhaps you shouldn't do it. Likewise, if you think she'd say "No" if you ask, then you shouldn't do it without asking.



As long as the first move is "May I...?", then sure. If your relationship already involves relaxed cuddling, then it's probably intimate enough for spontaneous tickling. Otherwise, ask.

lmao...I really don't mean to laugh at what you're saying...but I kinda can't help myself. This to me seems to be a giant case of theory versus practicality.

Let's take something else instead of tickling: hugging.

How many times have you asked friend's "can I give you a hug?" maybe you have...but I certainly never did. If the friendship is close enough, or getting to that point, then I will attempt to initiate it...not in words, but in action. 99 times out of 100, the person reciprocates the hug with a big smile. that 1 out of 100 time when they pull back for whatever reason, I pull back too. No harm, no foul.

I've also had plenty of times when others have initiated the hug with me as well.
These things might not be something for someone you first met, of course you have to judge how well you know them, how comfortable they are with you, etc etc.

I'm amazed how foreign this concept is to so many people. I'm also not talking about going up to random girls and tickling them. I'm talking about making friends with girls (or people) that tickling can come out of down the road. That or engaging in tickling fun with people whom you already have friendships with. The friendship is what counts first and foremost, the tickling comes second. At least in my opinion.

Now imagine a friendship in which you are asking permission for every little thing: can I give you a hug, can I high five you, can I touch your shoulder, can I poke you in the ribs...

seems a bit robotic to me.

Of course, I could be wrong here. This is just what has worked for me.

 

[FeatherFeet]

You seem to feel as though there are only two choices: touch uninvited, or languish about waiting for an invitation that will never come. There is a third option: ask.

If you're thinking "C'mon. How would it sound to ask 'Hey, can I tickle you?'" then I suggest that if you wouldn't feel comfortable asking to do something then perhaps you shouldn't do it. Likewise, if you think she'd say "No" if you ask, then you shouldn't do it without asking.



As long as the first move is "May I...?", then sure. If your relationship already involves relaxed cuddling, then it's probably intimate enough for spontaneous tickling. Otherwise, ask.

Let's take that one step further.

Ever try asking a girl "hey can I have sex with you?" I know I sure haven't...though of course I know plenty of guys who have but instead got slapped, laughed at or worse. Of course this doesn't mean I haven't had sex...now gee...how did we get to the sex without the asking part? And oh no, was this uninvited?

*shakes head*

I'm sorry for being rude, but I am so sick of seeing this theory only nice sounding advice on this forum.
I have been around enough women and have enough very close female friends and been in enough relationships to know another solid truth: women will say that they want a guy who asks permission for every little thing, but when they see a guy who actually does that, they find him to be a pathetic wimp and they tend to be attracted to the guy who is unafraid to GO for it.

Of course, we're not talking about slobberingly impatient monkeys, we're talking about guys with confidence, who also show respect and respect boundaries, but can judge where exactly a friendship--or a relationship is in it's stage.

 

[Redmage]

lmao...I really don't mean to laugh at what you're saying...but I kinda can't help myself. This to me seems to be a giant case of theory versus practicality.

I've been tying people up and doing a lot more than tickling them for longer than you've been alive. I'm very practical when it comes to kink, and not a word that I've written to you has been theoretical.

Let's take something else instead of tickling: hugging.

How many times have you asked friend's "can I give you a hug?"

Unless I know them well, every single time. I'm quite serious about that. My standard question is "Are you huggable?" And unless I've been intimate with that person, or known them for a long time, I always ask. That's just what a polite kinkster does.

I'm amazed how foreign this concept is to so many people.

I'm amazed that you've been doing kink for 9 years the way you describe doing it. In the circles I run in, someone would have explained things to you long before this.

Now imagine a friendship in which you are asking permission for every little thing: can I give you a hug, can I high five you, can I touch your shoulder, can I poke you in the ribs...

I don't have to imagine it. I do it. Unless I know someone well, or I have played with them with their clothes off, I ask before I touch, period. Sometimes, of course, asking is included in the gesture - if I offer my hand to a man, he knows I'm asking him for a handshake. If I hold it up in the air, palm out, he knows I'm asking for a high five. But casual touch is a specific level of intimacy that I never presume. Before I touch someone, I ask. And in BDSM circles that is always understood and always appreciated.

At a recent social event, I did touch someone without permission. I was on my out, I was in a hurry, and I let my manners slip. I touched her shoulder as I said goodbye, and I neglected to ask.

When I got home, I sent her an email and I apologized, because she deserved an apology from me. I should not have done that, and we both knew it.

I'll tell you straight out, if you ever get involved in the BDSM community you will have to moderate your behavior. If you start tickling someone without asking, just because you've known them for a little while and you like them, you're likely to get slapped. That sort of thing is not done where I come from.

 

[Redmage]

Let's take that one step further.

Ever try asking a girl "hey can I have sex with you?" I know I sure haven't...though of course I know plenty of guys who have but instead got slapped, laughed at or worse. Of course this doesn't mean I haven't had sex...now gee...how did we get to the sex without the asking part? And oh no, was this uninvited?

*shakes head*

I'm sorry for being rude, but I am so sick of seeing this theory only nice sounding advice on this forum.
I have been around enough women and have enough very close female friends and been in enough relationships to know another solid truth: women will say that they want a guy who asks permission for every little thing, but when they see a guy who actually does that, they find him to be a pathetic wimp and they tend to be attracted to the guy who is unafraid to GO for it.

My God.

Bud, I'm not going to mince words. By the standards of behavior that I and my friends observe, you sound like a rapist in training.

That's strong language, I know, but I think it's time to cut to the chase. Mind you, I'm not saying that you ARE a rapist, not at all. But you're using language like one.

Let me show you a little bit of what I do. All of the women in these photographs were bound by me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/redmageproductions2/

I ignited a flame war on this forum when I posted a video clip a few years ago of me playing with a bound and gagged woman using an electrical wand. People objected to the screaming.


I promise you that the women I did this with do not consider me a wimp. But I asked. In fact I did more than ask. I talked with the women in question about their likes and dislikes for some little while before we did anything at all, and they had at least a general idea about everything I planned to do with them. I talk with every woman that I play with like that.

And my God yes, that includes sex. That especially includes sex. The last time I had sex with a woman without asking her was when I was 15 years old, and even then it was only because she asked me first.

 

[C.A.B.]

...People are on the one hand, totally dismissive of rules of courtesy and at the same time totally obsessed with them to the extent that harmless friendships suffer from it.

Please site for us an example of how a friendship can suffer ill effects from courtesy.

 

[seanwoj]

I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say that no matter what you do to or with someone, be it tickling, bondage, sex whatever. You should always get permission to do it first. Be it verbal or written kind.

If you do not get permission, then other things could happen. The person could hit you, call you names or even take legal action without you getting their consent. If any of those happen, you may land in some serious trouble, and I'm sure the last thing anyone wants is to be trouble with the law or others.

 

[FeatherFeet]

My God.

Bud, I'm not going to mince words. By the standards of behavior that I and my friends observe, you sound like a rapist in training.

That's strong language, I know, but I think it's time to cut to the chase. Mind you, I'm not saying that you ARE a rapist, not at all. But you're using language like one.

Let me show you a little bit of what I do. All of the women in these photographs were bound by me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/redmageproductions2/

I ignited a flame war on this forum when I posted a video clip a few years ago of me playing with a bound and gagged woman using an electrical wand. People objected to the screaming.


I promise you that the women I did this with do not consider me a wimp. But I asked. In fact I did more than ask. I talked with the women in question about their likes and dislikes for some little while before we did anything at all, and they had at least a general idea about everything I planned to do with them. I talk with every woman that I play with like that.

And my God yes, that includes sex. That especially includes sex. The last time I had sex with a woman without asking her was when I was 15 years old, and even then it was only because she asked me first.

well, I don't run in the BDSM communities, all of my play has been from real life.

And you can be amazed by my actions all you want...but not once has anyone ever felt uncomfortable around me, and I am quite lucky to enjoy quite a few close friendships that have become lifelong friendships that go way beyond the scope of tickling afterwards.

And I'm not doubting that you've played quite a bit, but It seems very obvious to me that most of it is done within those BDSM communities...which I admit I know very little about, but you kind of seem more like a dungeon moderator than anything else.

The advice I was giving was not for BDSM communities where I know there are strict strict rules. These are playful hints for real life encounters with real people who aren't programmed like that.

lol and I'm a rapist in training because I don't ask with words every time its ok to touch a female friend or ask if its ok to have to sex with my monogamous partners? (partner now who I am planning to marry btw)

I think we're just going to have to agree different strokes for different folks my friend. Perhaps different rules for different centuries even, because I have never seem someone as uptight about the rules of "ask before every little thing you do" in real life as I've seen you here...

I think you are too used to seeing people abuse things rather than seeing my point---specifically the sex talk.

I didn't mean I shoved her into the wall and forced sex on her...I meant that when you are in the moment, the moment speaks for itself...if you start butting in with your mouth (at least in a way other than...you know) it kinda kills the romance, kills the flow, and quite a few other negative things. If the girl has taken her cloths off and is grabbing my cock...you think asking "is it ok to have sex with you" is the most intelligent thing to do? Or you think it's going to make you look like a jackass?

You're clearly seeing things one way, and I'm clearly seeing them another. Because you're also automatically thinking i just tickle people randomly without cause because I like them. You're not seeing the way they tease me first before the first poke (but after several hugs, high fives etc)...the conversation leading up to it. You're not seeing their usually delightful squeal and then the punch on the shoulder they give me which sparks a conversation about their ticklishness. You're not seeing the fact that I slowly spill my weakness to them in conversation---that they talk to my girlfirend about my weakness...that they gang up on me randomly when I make fun of them, that I beat them at a sport, or a video game or make a bet that results in me getting double-tripple teamed or worse and results in a plot for them to "capture" me. And you clearly don't see that this all is done with permission and fun on everyone's parts even if that permission is NEVER stated outloud--but instead is stated in quite a few ways.

And again, I reiterate:

not ONCE have I ever crossed a line, and not ONCE has anyone ever felt even the SLIGHTEST discomfort with me. In the real world anyway (on here I piss off plenty I'm sure) Maybe you've been strict BDSMing for so long you've forgotten how regular people interact. And also--what you're talking about...electric whips and stuff is not even in the same realm as what I'm talking about. OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEONE'S LIKES AND DISLIKES IN THAT SITUATION.

But in playful day to day encounters a shoulder touch...a hug, a high five? There is no guidebook, there is no textbook...there is no dungeon master, there either is or there isn't and that's it.

 

[Redmage]

well, I don't run in the BDSM communities, all of my play has been from real life.

Um, I'm going to have to assume that you didn't mean that the way it sounds.

And I'm not doubting that you've played quite a bit, but It seems very obvious to me that most of it is done within those BDSM communities...which I admit I know very little about, but you kind of seem more like a dungeon moderator than anything else.

I've done that too.

The advice I was giving was not for BDSM communities where I know there are strict strict rules. These are playful hints for real life encounters with real people who aren't programmed like that.

But the community has those "strict rules" - standards and ways of doing things for a reason: They work, they keep people from getting hurt, and they prevent miscommunication. They do that for anyone, no matter how they're programmed. They are common sense ways of making sure that everyone is on the same page. The only difference between BDSM and what you think of as "the real world" is that in BDSM someone would call you on your behavior rather than letting you get away with it until someone gets hurt.

lol and I'm a rapist in training because I don't ask with words every time its ok to touch a female friend or ask if its ok to have to sex with my monogamous partners?

No, because you think that the people who do ask are "wimps," and that what women really want is a real man who doesn't bother with all that permission stuff because he is "unafraid to GO for it."

If you can't see why that's a problem, try asking a few women. Seriously. Run that line past them and see what they think.

 

[Mac]

I for one am waiting for the next blog. I appreciate what you are trying to do. Ignore the critics and keep on writing!

 

[ISUmark]

Well this certainly got out of hand quickly.

 

[Redmage]

Here's a real-world site for you. Perhaps if you read what women really want from women it will help.

http://www.yesmeansyes.com/consent-0

 

[FeatherFeet]

Here's a real-world site for you. Perhaps if you read what women really want from women it will help.

http://www.yesmeansyes.com/consent-0

oh DUH, cuz what women SAY they want is always exactly what they are attracted to right? Cuz all those nice guys who listened to their bitching about that ex boyfriend of theirs did exactly what they said they wanted and then all wondered why 2 hours later they were back giving that ex boyfriend a blowjob when he "never listened to anything she said"...how old are you again? You say you've been doing this since before I was born but you're talking like a 15 year old virgin. *shakes head*

attraction isn't a choice based on a list of what they say they want, dude. and people (women especially, but all people) don't have a clue what they actually want, much less can convey it 99.99% of the time.

 

[FeatherFeet]

I for one am waiting for the next blog. I appreciate what you are trying to do. Ignore the critics and keep on writing!

Thank you, Mac. I appreciate your appreciation. 🙂

 

[Deleted member 143342]

My God.

Bud, I'm not going to mince words. By the standards of behavior that I and my friends observe, you sound like a rapist in training.

.

Redmage,

I'm Featherfeet's girlfriend.

And I just want to say how DARE you say this about him? How DARE you judge his actions based on your own preconceived notions based on your obviously limited worldview and narrow-minded vision based on your own experiences in a community that obviously exists with rules separate from how people do things in day to day life (for obvious reasons it's the fucking BDSM community you half-wit, of course they are going to have 10 fold the safety precautions you would in regular life) especially because you seem to have no idea how normal human beings interact with one another outside of that world and also seem to have no idea about how James (Featherfeet) goes about what he does.

I'll have you know that I knew NOTHING of tickle fetish when he met me---and now I am a full blown tickle lover and I love the heck out of it. Did he ask me for permission the first time he rib-tickled me? No...it was in response to me joking about his glasses...I laughed, and I tried to tickle him back. Why? cause that's how NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE BEHAVE. I swear to God if he did ANYTHING that you recommended in terms of asking my permission for everything like I was his mommy, I probably would not be here today to respond your incredibly close-minded, all knowing, rude-asshole post.

I'll also have you know that James is more respectful of women than pretty much every single guy I ever met in my life. He holds the door open for us, he always lets us order first, he still insists on paying for me for every single meal, and he is always the life of the party when we hang out with our friends. In fact, when I first met him he actually knocked a guy out for molesting a mutual female friend of ours (this was in college, at a party, there was no security and this guy would not let up) so for you to call him a potential rapist is an insult beyond a level I can't even begin to explain.

You are a closed-minded, all-knowing, snobbish asshole who while insulting the way other people word things, clearly give no thought to the fact that your words were chosen BEYOND poorly or to the fact that maybe things in the outside world with actual human beings might be just a little bit different than the community known for NEEDING extreme rules for risk of actual danger.

 

[Redmage]

I dare judge what he sounds like based on what he said. That's not really such a leap.

For example, would you say that you don't have a clue what you actually want? Because that's what your boyfriend says about women, and I'm assuming that you're a woman. Do you seriously believe that that's a good attitude for him to have?

You are a closed-minded, all-knowing, snobbish asshole who while insulting the way other people word things, clearly give no thought to the fact that your words were chosen BEYOND poorly or to the fact that maybe things in the outside world with actual human beings might be just a little bit different than the community known for NEEDING extreme rules for risk of actual danger.

We live in a world of actual danger, and "don't touch without asking" is not an extreme rule. The extreme rules are things like "no electricity above the waist," "use sterile needles," and "be careful about ligatures across the throat." BDSM knows the difference between safety guidelines and common courtesy.

Asking before touching is basic everyday stuff that everyone would be better off doing. That is why I linked to Yes Means Yes - a completely non-kinky site that's saying pretty much exactly what I'm saying. It's unfortunate that your experience has left you with the idea that this is not something you have a right to expect - because you do.

 

[Redmage]

oh DUH, cuz what women SAY they want is always exactly what they are attracted to right?...people (women especially, but all people) don't have a clue what they actually want, much less can convey it 99.99% of the time.

I see your training is coming right along.

 

[Deleted member 143342]

I dare judge what he sounds like based on what he said. That's not really such a leap.

For example, would you say that you don't have a clue what you actually want? Because that's what your boyfriend says about women, and I'm assuming that you're a woman. Do you seriously believe that that's a good attitude for him to have?



We live in a world of actual danger, and "don't touch without asking" is not an extreme rule. The extreme rules are things like "no electricity above the waist," "use sterile needles," and "be careful about ligatures across the throat." BDSM knows the difference between safety guidelines and common courtesy.

Asking before touching is basic everyday stuff that everyone would be better off doing. That is why I linked to Yes Means Yes - a completely non-kinky site that's saying pretty much exactly what I'm saying. It's unfortunate that your experience has left you with the idea that this is not something you have a right to expect - because you do.

Are you actually trying to act like you can change my mind about my boyfriend?

You also are more focused on what he SAYS and not what he means.

Of course I don't know what I want half of the time--anymore than he knows what he wants. That's called being human you short-sighted jack-ass. And that site you linked us too is the most extreme case of after school special and yet again, not even remotely close to what he is talking about.

He's not saying when a girl says no do something anyway. Which seems to be how you are equating something. He is saying you learn how to read a woman's signals, and how to create opportunities in day to day life for harmless fun.

I assume you are single, and get all your fun in these communities.

This fundamental lack of understanding of how women ACTUALLY work, or how PEOPLE actually work, is probably why.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

 

[Redmage]

Are you actually trying to act like you can change my mind about my boyfriend?

Nope. I'm asking you if you really think it's a good thing that he believes that women (including you) don't know what you want.

You also are more focused on what he SAYS and not what he means.

Well now, unlike him I don't claim to know what's going on inside another person's mind. I go by what they say. If he can't say what he means then that's really more his problem than mine.

However I'm inclined to think that he does say what he means, simply because he keeps saying the same thing in different ways.

Of course I don't know what I want half of the time--anymore than he knows what he wants. That's called being human you short-sighted jack-ass.

Sorry, no, we're not playing that game. He hasn't been talking about having trouble deciding what to have for dinner, and he hasn't been talking about "half the time." He has said, at least twice in two different ways, that what a woman says she wants in terms of having a man's hands on her body is not what she really wants, and that in fact she doesn't even know when she wants his hands on her body. But of course he does know, because he "reads the signals" and is "unafraid to GO for it."

That is what he has said, and that is the attitude you are defending.

He's not saying when a girl says no do something anyway. Which seems to be how you are equating something. He is saying you learn how to read a woman's signals, and how to create opportunities in day to day life for harmless fun.

Yes, I know. I never claimed that he was saying that people should ignore it when a woman says no. He's saying that people should not bother with getting her to say yes. That is a problem.

So, I do in fact understand what he's saying, and the "Yes Means Yes" website is not only remotely close to what he's saying, it's talking about exactly what he's saying.

Only "yes" means yes. Failing to say "no" does not mean yes. "Reading signals" means asking and getting an answer.

I assume you are single, and get all your fun in these communities.

LOL Nope. I'm married, polyamorous, have attended more tickle-gatherings and BDSM play parties than I can even count, and I tie up women and take pictures of them as a hobby. I have appeared in fetish videos for insex.com (hardtied.com these days) and Tickling Paradise. I even posted a link to my work in one of my notes to your boyfriend.

Speaking of tickle-gatherings, your boyfriend's attitude would get him thrown out of every such event that I have attended or even heard of. Even when we're talking about a room full of people who have come together just to tickle and be tickled, asking before touching is mandatory. It's not just a good idea or a nice custom; they will show you the door if you don't do it. And that's when everyone there is actively interested in the fetish.