The urge to tickle outside of my relationship. (Genuine responses only please)

[sydney-buddy]

I would say I'm living the dream. 22 years of age, just finished my second degree and I have a beautiful girlfriend who has not only accepted my foot and tickling fetish but as adopted it as her own. She is gorgeous, ticklish and has the most beautiful soles i have ever seen. If i am in the mood to tickle her or engage in foot fetish activity (which, lets face it, is all the time) there isn't a single dispute, she is as down as down can be!
So i know it is only natural to fantasise about other members of the opposite sex white your in a relationship, but i do not necessarily feel any forms of sexual urges towards other women, apart from tickling. I still want to tickle other girls. I work in a health club which allows me to interact with HUNDREDS of good looking women every day. Just talking and the occasional playful flirtation. I would never think about cheating on my partner as i plan to build a life with her, but the thought of tickling other women drives me insane!!

Anyone care to shed some light, an opinion, or even just call me an asshole, whatever lol!
Im glad i have this forum to share it with.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

How open do you think your girlfriend would be to maybe playing around with both of you tickling a third party? Does she enjoy it on its own right or just because it gets you off?

 

[sydney-buddy]

How open do you think your girlfriend would be to maybe playing around with both of you tickling a third party? Does she enjoy it on its own right or just because it gets you off?

She was not into it and sort of oblivious to it before she met me, so she has definitely adapted to it just for my benefit. I am unsure as to how she would react to a third party member, and i wouldn't know where to begin haha!

 

[ElFewja]

Hm, I think you should talk with her about it and not us, if you think the risk is worth the reward. The reward, obviously, is the chance to play with more people but I believe this to be at the high risk of ending the relationship.

But definitely talk with her. While I don't think couples need to discuss everything with each other, there are some things that should be discussed. Some people would say this isn't one, by why not? You're being honest and if she says no, you (probably) won't pursue it. Personally I would invite her with you, or even spin it completely that way: that you want to tickle others with her (as in, going by yourself wouldn't be as much fun). Personally I think that would be way more fun, tickling the crap out of some third party with your significant other, sharing in that experience.

Just make sure that you go into this prepared because it is more than likely opening a can of worms with questions like "I don't satisfy you?" and things of that nature.

Further, be sure for yourself -- absolutely sure -- of what you want. Are you absolutely, positively, 100% sure that you don't want to go further with any of these imaginary girls? Based on your post I'm not convinced.

At the end of the day, no matter what advice you get you're the one making the decision and living with the consequences, good or bad. Just don't fuck up a good thing. That being said, even if you don't plan on going for it, still talking with her about your desires so that she understands you better is probably a good thing, and that's always another way to go about it: telling her you wouldn't tickle these girls and that you have no attraction to them (allegedly) and that sometimes it's difficult for you, maybe?

I forget. My post is all over the place.

 

[sydney-buddy]

No it isn't all over the place, i understand what you are trying to say. Thanks heaps 🙂

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I strongly recommend against talking to her about your desires to seek tickling outside of the relationship. Because if you do, she may set an expectation that you only indulge in tickling with her. Trust me, you don't want that. If you can avoid having that discussion, then you can tickle outside the relationship with a clear conscience, because you've never agreed to abide by that restriction. And as time goes on, that desire to explore other ticklish recipients will only get stronger.

Some people here will tell you that to tickle another woman is "cheating." The reality is that it's only cheating if you and she have mutually agreed not to tickle outside the relationship. If there's no agreement, there's no cheating.

 

[ticklemepls]

This is a never ending debate here...

There's nothing wrong with fantasizing it as long as it stays between your ears. It's natural to have fantasies.. UNLESS you talk to your girl and get the agreement that's it's ok to go outside the relationship for tickling. Everyone's opinion is different on this matter, but just remember your girl's opinions on the matter are valid and important 🙂

No one can tell you that you'd regret talking to your girl- that you'd be unhappy with the confirmation that she only wants you to engage in this activity with her. You said it yourself that tickling is a "sexual urge"- think about that. There's plenty of people who would be more than happy with the situation you've found yourself in (a partner going out of her way to adopt your fetish)... You're in a relationship, this isnt 1920- men dont make all the rules 🙂 If you cant talk to her and see her feelings on the situation, and feel you need to go behind her back and hide it - then you KNOW you're doing something wrong and your relationship will likely be over. Keep that in mind 🙂

Not everyone who's with a partner that shares the fetish is miserable engaging in it with only them- my husband and I are very happy with it that way.

 

[femfttickler21]

IN MY OPINION.....The distinction of cheating does not get to be made by the person doing it. If your girlfriend perceives it as cheating, it is. If she thinks it is cheating, then you can fight the battle of if tickling another is cheating or not with her, but the chances of you changing her mind would be much greater bringing it up before you do it. If you do it without talking to her, and she finds out, then I can promise that hurt and anger would be very difficult to contain after the fact. You are the only one that can decide if it is that important to you to risk the possible outcomes, one of which would certainly be her leaving. Yes the possibility of her not caring and is okay with it does exist, but are you willing to risk finding out that you are wrong?

 

[sydney-buddy]

Thanks for all the responses. I have definitely come to the conclusion that, being known how much of a turn on it is for me, that not only my girlfriend but I would consider it cheating. So i would never do it behind her back. That being said I'm definitely not in a position yet to bring up introducing a third partner to our sessions. I am definitely happy at the moment and wouldn't throw it away for anything. Time will tell!

 

[Wolf]

Thanks for all the responses. I have definitely come to the conclusion that, being known how much of a turn on it is for me, that not only my girlfriend but I would consider it cheating. So i would never do it behind her back. That being said I'm definitely not in a position yet to bring up introducing a third partner to our sessions. I am definitely happy at the moment and wouldn't throw it away for anything. Time will tell!

Good on ya, Mate. Sounds like you're well on the road to a long, happy relationship. As it goes on, and trust builds, who knows what kind of fun she'll want to have with you (and perhaps others)? There's nothing wrong with being tempted, or even flirting (hell, come home and lovingly take it out on her, you know?), but it seems like you know what boundaries there should be to avoid hurting your partner. And that's what having a partner is all about. It's not about getting away with something...it's about both of you being happy.

 

[hyped_up]

Just curious because no one else brought it up, what is the extent of tickling these other women? Playful pokes? Sessions?

I mean, when I was in a relationship, it wasn't a bad thing that I playfully tickled co-workers or friends. Although what it meant for me personally, it was never perceived anything but playful, and I never took it anywhere past that. That and because all this tickling would occur in public settings.

So again, to what extent would you want to tickle a third party? Similar to how you tickle your girlfriend currently? And if so, how plausible would that be to someone who has no idea about this fetish, or hates feet or something?

I don't mean to jam up your thought process, but I always look at issues from all sides. I'm not a very black and white guy...although ironically that's my background and the colors of my signature haha.

 

[sydney-buddy]

Just curious because no one else brought it up, what is the extent of tickling these other women? Playful pokes? Sessions?

I mean, when I was in a relationship, it wasn't a bad thing that I playfully tickled co-workers or friends. Although what it meant for me personally, it was never perceived anything but playful, and I never took it anywhere past that. That and because all this tickling would occur in public settings.

So again, to what extent would you want to tickle a third party? Similar to how you tickle your girlfriend currently? And if so, how plausible would that be to someone who has no idea about this fetish, or hates feet or something?

I don't mean to jam up your thought process, but I always look at issues from all sides. I'm not a very black and white guy...although ironically that's my background and the colors of my signature haha.

Hey dude, nah i know exactly what you mean! I wasn't really referring to playful pokes and such because this is what is perceived common and just all around humorous. I obviously more fantasise about having a proper session with a lot of random hotties i meet in my work place or in public. I would never really consider pokes and what not a problem as that is where it ends. Thanks for your input!

 

[smokinj]

I don't know anyone who would be ok with their partner having a tickle session with someone else unless they have an extremely 'open' relationship. Probably not a good idea.

 

[Brock Samson]

Would she approve? That's the question. And the only way you'll know the answer is to ask her. If you think it'll rub her the wrong way, then drop it altogether and keep this in your head. Even simpler, do you feel she would be hurt if she 'caught' you or found out? That question alone should settle this.

And for good measure, the notion of NOT asking her so that you can freely do as you please because there are supposedly no restrictions set in place is hilarious, and very bad advice. It's a common sense thing. I mean, I've never had to be told that I couldn't fuck someone else while in a relationship with one person, but I've always known that I shouldn't. Again, common sense at work. So use that, and go from there. Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

 

[-Hari-]

I had similar thoughts in my last relationship. I was honest and basically said it'd be fun to team up with her on someone else. She was bi and probably missed playing other girls so that may have helped but either way we had a few really fun 3 person tickle sessions. Whatever you do, keep it honest.

 

[piyr]

You'll get all kinds of advice. Some good, some not so good. If your struggling with this, and I assume you are since you're posting here, then counseling is a useful option. Not to fix you because you're broken, but to fix the dynamics. These conversations are difficult to navigate and a lot of harm can be avoided by seeking the professional help of people who are trained in these matters. You can start off with individual sessions and move to couples counseling if and when you decide it's appropriate. I'm in no way suggesting this route as the way to get what you want. I'm suggesting it as the route to figure out what you want individually and possibly as a couple. If you do seek this kind of assistance then I'd recommend a certified sex therapist.

 

[Talamantes]

DAJT is correct. Don't ask. And remember, as Bryan Brown said in Breaker Morant, "a slice from a cut loaf is never missed". Happy hunting.

Talamantes

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Maybe you shouldn't rock the boat, especially when you have a great looking girlfriend who has nice looking feet is ticklish and has approved of your fetish to me you've struck gold with in her try not to lose her because in the end you'll only regret it and wonder of what could have been

 

[Wolf]

I think you're coming from the right place on this. You know you've got a good thing going, you care about your partner, and you don't want to mess anything up; but you're in a target-rich environment, and it's probably more than a little distracting. Maybe this will give you a different perspective.

Imagine your girlfriend had her own fetish; say, she really liked a good hard spanking. You weren't particularly into it yourself, but since she's your partner, you got into it, really started to enjoy it yourself, and were pretty accommodating to make her happy. Would it be okay for her to go get a nice caning now and then from another guy (not a little stinging slap, but a good, long session)?....If you found out about it after the fact, would it be okay, just because you didn't know about it? Or because you hadn't specifically said not to?

Everybody fantasizes. It's what you do about it that matters, and if you give your partner the same respect and consideration you'd want from her, no more, no less, you have nothing to worry about.

 

[TicklishBlackGuy]

Everything always results in the comfort of the woman ya love. All of us are gonna fantasize about things when we see women or men ya know. We are human and fetish or not its part of our human nature. I don't know if work is a good place to want to engage in these fantasies as some work places may or may not approve of them. In the long run, it all runs back to the woman ya love adn if she's okay with it. Then its up to the woman you are fantasizing about to want to be engaged in that fantasy you have ya know. All and all, make sure everyone is on board before you agree or start doing anything, so no one is hurt and no one made to look foolish 🙂

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I think a lot of people have this idea that being in a relationship requires full disclosure.

Disclosure of any and all activities.
Disclosure of all individuals who participated, particularly those of the opposite sex.
Disclosure of the degree of any arousal that occurred during said activities.
Disclosure of any action that has the potential for arousal.

In my experience, the longest lasting relationships are those in which each partner understands and respects the concept of TMI. Too Much Information. You don't need to tell her how you feel about everything under the sun. Pick and choose carefully your moments of openness and the feelings you share. There's no crime in some healthy stoicism.

Sex and romance are strictly under the domain of the significant other by default. No verbal agreement necessary. Anything else, whether it's platonic friendship, lunch with a female, dancing, tickling, air hockey, whatever - all of that is by default okay. The only way for these non-sexual activities to be NOT okay is by shared agreement.

While it's good to go out of your way to make her happy, there nonetheless should always be something that you do to which she doesn't approve but you do it anyway. Whether it's occasionally hanging out with the guys on Sunday watching the game, or occasionally tickling a female friend. Otherwise, you will live a life of subservience, and your epitaph will be, "Yes, dear."

Wow, that girl in the bikini over there is hawt! But I dasn't stare at her. Rosie wouldn't approve, and according to what I read on the TMF, I'm obligated to abstain from anything she doesn't like me doing. If I have enough doubt about it to ask, it's cheating.

Guys, grow a pair and take a good long look.

The same goes with the women. You should all do or have at least one thing in your lives to which your husband or boyfriend doesn't approve but you do it anyway. Whether it's going to art shows downtown with your friends or occasionally tickling the milk man half to death. You are not bound to every whim and notion of your significant other. Otherwise, you might was well paint the word WELCOME up your body and lie on the porch at the front entrance.

 

[hyped_up]

DontAskJusTckle, that was absurdly profound. I can dig it 110%

 

[Vanillaphant]

You should all do or have at least one thing in your lives to which your husband or boyfriend doesn't approve but you do it anyway. Whether it's going to art shows downtown with your friends or occasionally tickling the milk man half to death.

This is incredibly irresponsible advice. What if the milkman spills his goods? (And that's not a euphemism, by the way. lol)

 

[YouNeverKnow175]

I also tend toward the non-black-and-white, and that every situation is different, and having hard and fast "rules" is usually not that helpful. Tickling can be a grey area for sure. I find it very interesting that after a bunch of responses to this post, the original poster came out and said, "Oh, well, of course, pokes and innocent tickles are fine, that's not what I'm asking about." I'm not mocking you at all - I'm just saying it shows just how grey an area it is - that you posted about it and all these people had very opinionated responses but we weren't even all clear whether we were responding to the same thing.

To me, arranging a "tickle session" with someone else when you have a sexual thing for tickling, without telling your partner, is in fact cheating.

Most of the rest is a grey area....and whether you talk about it with your partner or not....the reality is we all have to find out own way and make our own decisions, and no one else is going to answer this question for you, ultimately.

It's interesting when these posts come up because I think it can be helpful to get a sense of others' perspectives, but I'm also often struck by the strong moralistic overtones on here. But that's the outward thing we're typically taught by society, so it's not just the TMF, for sure.

 

[Brock Samson]

Talking about every thought and feeling isn't what we're saying, and you know that, DAJT. Engaging in a sexual fetish with someone other than the person your with is very similar to fucking someone else for more than 98% of people who have a sexual fetish, as you are indeed getting some sexual gratification out of it. To put it bluntly, it's about not being stupid rather than needing to grow a pair. What you're attempting to describe is an open relationship of sorts. That doesn't really work for everybody, and the OP didn't make it seem like that was the kind of relationship he had. Taking a good long look is fine and dandy, but common sense should tell you to keep your hands to yourself.

I'll make this as simple as possible. She doesn't have the fetish, but is merely very accommodating. She knows that it's your sexual fetish, therefore she knows that you get sexual gratification out of it and most likely sees it as a sex act, on par with a BJ or a friendly fuck. If she saw you, would she be mad? I'm willing to bet that she would. I'm willing to bet that she'd see that as grounds for leaving. I'm willing to go as far as to say that she'd probably compare it to blowing some other random guy. Would that piss you off? Of course it would. It's the same concept here. Regardless of the macho bullshit some people might tell you, it is always better to err on the side of common sense. Either have this talk, and know where you stand, or avoid it altogether, and keep it in your head.