THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2004! (joke)

[steph]

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]


Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]



Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]






Is There a Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]



Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]




Miners Refuse
to Work
after Death
[those good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]



Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]


Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]



Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]



Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]



Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]



New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]



Astronaut Takes Blame
for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]



Kids Make
Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]




Chef Throws His Heart
into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]



Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]



Hospitals are Sued
! by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]



And the winner is....



Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery: Hundreds Dead
[nuff said!]

 

[featherfingers]

Funny stuff, Steph! Funny 'Stuph', Steph? You always bring sunshine into my day!

 

[Newcastle Uni]

Some of those quotes are funny. I found a bunch of others at a website.

NJ judge to rule on nude beach

Squad helps dog bite victim

Dealers will hear car talk at noon

Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
9. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
10. Eye Drops off Shelf
11. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
12. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
13. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
14. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
16. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
17. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
18. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
20. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
21. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
22. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
23. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
24. War Dims Hope for Peace
25. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
26. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
27. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
29. Deer Kill 17,000
30. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
31. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
32. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
33. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
34. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
35. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
36. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
37. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
38. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
39. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
40. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
41. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
42. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
43. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
44. Air Head Fired
45. Steals Clock, Faces Time
46. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
47. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
48. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
49. Include your Children When Baking Cookies

 

[steph]

Then my work here is done, hon!
Those were cute Uni!

XOXO

Funny stuff, Steph! Funny 'Stuph', Steph? You always bring sunshine into my day!

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

Steph, I wonder what you actually do babe. You should have beena comedian. I think you would be great at it and you would make a lot more money.

 

[steph]

and YOU'RE so funny for bumping up all these oldie moldies!

XOXO

 

[ticklkitten]

Steph, you always know how to make me smile! I loved em... keep the jokes coming babe!

 

[steph]

You know I will sweet darlin'! Thank you...
XOXO

Steph, you always know how to make me smile! I loved em... keep the jokes coming babe!

 

[He-Man]

Chef Throws His Heart
into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]

Well, at least he wasn't like that lady at Wendys...she didn't like the chili, so she gave them the finger.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

Well, at least he wasn't like that lady at Wendys...she didn't like the chili, so she gave them the finger.

Now that was funny too. LMAO