THINGS TO DO WHEN JEHOVAH WITNESSES VISIT YOU

[shane2]

THINGS TO DO WHEN JEHOVAH WITNESSES VISIT YOU

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry.

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.

5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls - your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.

7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as above, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

9. Guys - part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7. If they're still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.

10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

 

[Snail Shell]

In 2008, NEST was sharing the hotel with a Jehovah's Witness convention. We had a contest to see who could get move converts. 😀

SS

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

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[usgrant]

Basically they are decent people and the Jehovah Witnesses are not into ripping people off like some of the other Christian Denominations, they are into giving what you got and not the 10% tithing thing. I went to his church once and they never passed the plate or asked for a contribution. Many Christians consider the Witnesses a cult, as they don't believe in the Crucifixion or the trinity.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Basically they are decent people and the Jehovah Witnesses are not into ripping people off like some of the other Christian Denominations, they are into giving what you got and not the 10% tithing thing. I went to his church once and they never passed the plate or asked for a contribution. Many Christians consider the Witnesses a cult, as they don't believe in the Crucifixion or the trinity.

A good friend of mine is a Jehovah Witness, and I've learned alot about the religion from her. It's true - they aren't as weird or different as I had originally thought.

That said, I don't think anyone thinks Jehovah Witnesses are bad people, but they're pushy about their religion and I think it's very rude to not leave when someone clearly expresses that they're not interested.

 

[Artoo]

Invite them in excitedly and when they come in, make sure you lock the door behind you.

 

[TropicThunder]

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This is the most useful video I've ever seen.

 

[Snail Shell]

A good friend of mine is a Jehovah Witness, and I've learned alot about the religion from her. It's true - they aren't as weird or different as I had originally thought.

This is true. As part of their religion, it's their duty to try to convert those who aren't part of their religion. While I do find them annoying, I respect their religious practice.

That said, I had one follow me to the venue as I walked my bag full of ropes and restraints to FROST last year. I almost invited him in. 😀

SS

 

[badreligion]

The only Commandment that religious people should abide by .. " Keep thy religion to thy self ." If people are curious as to your religion they will explore it on their own they don't need to be accosted by them .

 

[ndj101982]

Answer the door dressed as Jesus Christ

 

[Jagermeistered]

The only Commandment that religious people should abide by .. " Keep thy religion to thy self ." If people are curious as to your religion they will explore it on their own they don't need to be accosted by them .

^ Win. ^

Have a .

 

[Jagermeistered]

Answer the door dressed as Jesus Christ

Or, Mary Magdalene; either will work.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Paradoxically, they don't vote, because they regard the political system as "the world" and believe they're supposed to be separate from it, but the one outpost of "the world" that they don't mind taking part in is the Supreme Court: they've been there more often than all other religious sects put together, and any in-depth study of the history of religious freedom cases in constitutional history will include a long parade of JW cases.

The only times I ever got visited by JW's was when I lived in Bangor, Maine, in the mid-'80s. I believe I got visited twice, and in both instances, I engaged them in theological dialogue, and they were the ones who ended the conversation when I still had more steam left. Others talk of not being able to get rid of the JW's; I could never get them to stay.

 

[fireguardian]

I chased one off one time by actually being able to recite more of the stories they were trying to convince me with. Then had to explain I'm totally Agnostic but the nuns but the stuff into my head. They actually got a kick out of it said thanks and went on their merry way.

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

Yeah, My Jesus can beat the Hell outta your Jesus!!

My mother would always offer them pamplets from our Baptist church. They looked stunned and said we do not want those! Then maybe she did not want a Watchtower? Duh!! She also was amused by their jumping from verse to verse to ''prove" things. She said: Well then I can "prove" by the Bible you should kill yourself. She then quoted these three paraphrased verses: 1( Judas went out and hung himself, 2(Go though and do likewise 3) And whatever you have to do, do it quickly. They finally left, after having been asked nicely to do so before.

 

[Ticklish Old Man]

"Smithers!.......release the hounds!"

 

[Tickleslave83]

My friends and I created a fake religion called Fredism based on the belief that this plastic skull I have named Fred is God and created the world in 1980 (everything before that people remember are illusions put into their mind by Satan). We always wanted to go to the Jehovah's witness headquarters, church or whatever near a friend's house and try and convert them. In a contest we'd win cause they can see our God is real and can even drink booze out of him but can they show us their God so we can drink from his skull? We thought not!

 

[Dave2112]

Here's an idea to try out. Now, I'm not sure if the folks at my door were Jovies or not, they didn't stay long enough for me to find out...but they were asking to talk to me about Jeebus...

...anyhooo, I was just getting changed when the knock on the door came, I peeked out the window and saw the Sunday-Best suits and books...so I threw a towel around my waist, answered the door in just that, hair all fucked up, half-awake and just wrecked.

So, what you do is this. Do the above and then before they can get too much out, say in your most juvenile voice (never losing eye contact)...

"Excuse me! Do I come over to your house and bother you while you're in the middle of fucking your girlfriend?!? Nooooooooooo!"

They left.

(Disclaimer: I don't claim to have invented this approach, but I've field-tested it, and not only does it work, but it's fucking hi-larious.)

 

[brannyle1981]

Too bad we can't be like Skeletor from He-Man and have a pet like Panthor at our side when instances like this arise

 

[badreligion]

Too bad we can't be like Skeletor from He-Man and have a pet like Panthor at our side when instances like this arise

I sorta have something like that except it is chihuahua who only barks so it is somewhat useful .

 

[Cavum]

My choise of t-shirt was PERFECT TIMING when Jehovah Witness came to our door last year.

I was wearing my baphomet shirt

and they could see the 12" inverted crucifix on the wall right inside of the entrance.

"Seems we're in the wrong place" one of the Jehovah dudes sayd.
"You got that right" I sayd and slam the door in theyre face.

They have never been here since 😀

 

[Tickled Guy]

My favorite response was what a friend of mine did many years ago. He saw them coming down the street and made a bowl of corn flakes but used Apple juice instead of milk. When he answered the door they asked him if he knew god and he calmly answered "satan and I were just discussing him when he stopped by to piss in my corn flakes like he does every morning, come back tomorrow and talk to him yourself" They stood there dumbfounded as he took a big spoonful with a smile then shut the door.

 

[ndj101982]

I've actually yelled through the door that nobody is home.

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

I would love to read a book written by J.W's on their 10 or more most "bust da gates of Hell wide open" people they have ever talked too. Maybe they give an award each week at their group meeting for the strangest person they met or the newest brushoff technique they encountered. It's like selling eternal Amway or life (and fire and brimestone) insurance door to door.

 

[Tickleslave83]

My choise of t-shirt was PERFECT TIMING when Jehovah Witness came to our door last year.

I was wearing my baphomet shirt

and they could see the 12" inverted crucifix on the wall right inside of the entrance.

"Seems we're in the wrong place" one of the Jehovah dudes sayd.
"You got that right" I sayd and slam the door in theyre face.

They have never been here since

You should have said "Well as you can see I'm already pretty down with Satan but I've got a minute. What can you offer me that the Prince of Darkness can't?"