This Shit is hysterical

[giantfan121262]

The worlds' religions according to Shit
Taoism
Shit Happens
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Shit is the highest good. When shit happens, it benefits all things
generously and is without strife.

Confucianism
Confucius say "Shit Happens"

Buddhism

If Shit Happens, it really is not Shit.

Zen
Shit only Happens when it does not Happen.
Shit is, and is not.
What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism
This Shit Happened before (and it will Happen again).

Islam
If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah.
If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
If shit happens, blame Israel.
We don't take any shit.

Sunni Islam
If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!
Shiite happens.

Shi'ite Islam
WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!
If shit happens, take a hostage.

Nation of Islam
Don't take no shit!

Protestant
Let Shit Happen to someone else!
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!

Catholic
If Shit Happens, you deserve it!
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.

Charismatic Catholic
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

Presbyterian
This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine
with it.
If shit happens, hold a procession.
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.

Methodist
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice
with it.

Congregationalist and Unitarian
Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens
to another.

Lutheran
If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Have faith that shit will happen.

Fundamentalism
If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again(Amen!
Shit must be born again.

Conservative Judaism
Why does Shit always happen to us?

Judaism
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

Reform Judaism
Got any laxatives?
Shit happens to whom it may concern.

Orthodox Judaism
So shit happens, already!

Atheism
Shit Happens for no apparent reason.
No shit.
What shit?
I can't believe this shit!

Agnostic
I think Shit Happens.
Maybe shit happens; then again, maybe not.
Did someone shit?
What is this shit?
It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not
sure whether its shit or not.
Baptist
I believe Shit Happens! (Amen!)
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the shit right off you.

Southern Baptist
Shit will happen. Praise the lord!

Shi'ite Baptist
Shit will happen, but only the way we say it will happen and if it
doesn't happen we will make it happen because that's God's
will and we know it...

Calvinism
Shit happens because you don't work.

Seventh Day Adventism
No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Creationism
God made all shit.

Televangelism
Send more shit.
If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening...

Amish
Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.

Secular Humanism
Shit evolves.

Christian Science
When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray.
Shit happening is all in your mind.

Quakers
Let us not fight over this shit.

Unitarianism
Come let us reason together about this shit.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.

Utopianism
This shit does not stink at all.

Darwinism
This shit was once food.
Survival of the shittiest.

Capitalism
That's my shit.

Communism
Let's share this shit.

Feminism
Men are shit.
This shit happened before, and WE won't clean it up!

Chauvinism
We may be shit, but you can't live without us...

Commercialism
Let's package this shit.

Impressionism
From a distance, this shit looks like a garden.

Idolism
Let's bronze this shit.

Existentialism
Shit doesn't happen, shit IS.
What is shit, anyway?

Stocism
This shit doesn't bother me.

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormons
If shit happens, the Church gets 10%
God sent us this shit.
This shit is going to happen again.
Hey, there's more shit over here!

Scientology
If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p. 157.
Feces occurs.

Jehovah's Witness
Let us in and we will tell you why Shit Happens.
May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall
survive its happening.
Knock, knock. Shit happens.
No shit happens until Armageddon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.
Open the door and I'll show you what shit is.
Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.

Hare Krishna
ShitHappensShitHappensShitHappens...
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it...
(Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.

Paganism
If you send shit out into the world, it will return to you threefold.

Stoics
This shit doesn't bother me.

Moon-ism
Only really happy shit happens.

Zoroastrianism
Shit happens half of the time.

Practical
Deal with shit one day at a time.

Satanism
SNEPPAH TIHS.

Nihilism
No shit.

New Age
This shit has an aura.
This shit is all ONE shit.
Shit came to me in a vision...
That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honour it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
Were all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Astrology
If shit happens, blame Saturn.
Shit is written in the stars.

Wiccan
An it harm none, let shit happen.
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.




Shit happens in various people

George Bush: Read my lips, no nude shit. But a thousand points of shit.

Saddam Hussein: This shit happening will be the mother of all shit
happenings.

Martin L. King: I have a shit...

John F. Kennedy: Ich bin ein Scheisser.

Vladimir Lenin: The fastest and most complete way to destroy a culture is
to make its shit happen.

Joseph McCarthy: Are you now, or have you ever been, a happening shit?

Richard Nixon: I am not a shit.

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall if shit happened.

Nancy Reagan: Just say, `Shit happened.'

Socrates: I am shit. But I know I am shit.

Aristotle: Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens
in its original shape.

Galileo: They say shit isn't happening. Nevertheless it still happens

Blaise Pascal: We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.

R. Descartes: I shit therefore I am.

A. Einstein: God does not play shit.

W. Heisenberg: The more accurately we observe when shit happened, the less
accurately we observe how big the shit was that
happened.

E. Schrodinger: There's a 50% chance that shit happened. And a 50% chance
that it didn't.

F. Nietzche: If shit had never happened, man would create shit.

Ayn Rand: Reason and shit are corollaries. Where reason is used, shit
happens.

Sturgeon: 90% of everything is shit.

Yuri Gagarin: Shit was blue.

Neil Armstrong: For me, that was just a little shit. But when that shit
happened, it was one giant leap for mankind.

Bart Simpson: I will not say, `Shit happened' in the class.

Al Bundy: This is shit. This is shit when you get married and drop
the shit on the ground.

Bill Cosby: Shit is happening to _The Simpsons_.

Buckaroo Bonzai: No matter where shit happens, there you are.

HAL: Dave, I'm in deep shit.
Dr. Chandra, will I shit?

Dave: Oh my god! It's full of shit!

Obi Wan: Use your shit, Luke.

Marty Mcfly: Don't ever never call me shit.

Gremlins: Don't shit after 12 o'clock.

Jessica Rabbit: I'm not shit. I'm just drawn that way.

Robocop: Please stay out of deep shit.

Michael Valentine Smith: Shit groks.

1st Law of Robotics: Robots should not shit or let shit come to happen.

Hari Seldon: Each shit is random. But mob shit is predicable.

Yuppie: It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?

God: Wholly shit!

 

[amk714]

Shit, that's a lot of funny shit! Thanks for posting this shit, Giantfan.

 

[RobAce]

Thats just way too much shit to handle in one post.
A diaper perhaps????
ROFL good ones Giantfan.

Rob

 

[TKpervert]

This is the shittiest post I've seen on the entire internet since last Tuesday. 😀

 

[sole seeker]

Wherever did you find all this shit? (Sorry - these other guys inspired me to do it.)

Thanks for the laughs, GF.

 

[TKpervert]

(Sorry - these other guys inspired me to do it.)

oh sure blame it on us.
.
.
.
.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I'll just rofl and leave the punnery to other, more talented posters. XD

 

[milagros317]

LMAO 😛
Very funny, and much longer than versions I'd seen before. 😀

 

[Dave2112]

Jedi

Shit Happens to all living things.

You must become One with your Shit

Shit or Get off the Pot. There is no Try.

The Shit is what binds us together.

Shit leads to Tired. Tired leads to Lazy. Lazy leads to Hungry. Hungry leads to Food. Food leads to Shit.

Shit has a powerful impact on the weak-minded.

 

[isabeau]

ok you do know what happens when that word is said too much dont you? ever see southpark? actually i dont remember what happened, but something came rising up out of the earth.

isabeau

and omg i cant believe i posted on this thread lol

 

[He-Man]

Shit happens in various people

George Bush: Read my lips, no nude shit. But a thousand points of shit.

Saddam Hussein: This shit happening will be the mother of all shit
happenings.

Martin L. King: I have a shit...

John F. Kennedy: Ich bin ein Scheisser.

Vladimir Lenin: The fastest and most complete way to destroy a culture is
to make its shit happen.

Joseph McCarthy: Are you now, or have you ever been, a happening shit?

Richard Nixon: I am not a shit.

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall if shit happened.

Nancy Reagan: Just say, `Shit happened.'

Socrates: I am shit. But I know I am shit.

Aristotle: Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens
in its original shape.

Galileo: They say shit isn't happening. Nevertheless it still happens

Blaise Pascal: We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.

R. Descartes: I shit therefore I am.

A. Einstein: God does not play shit.

W. Heisenberg: The more accurately we observe when shit happened, the less
accurately we observe how big the shit was that
happened.

E. Schrodinger: There's a 50% chance that shit happened. And a 50% chance
that it didn't.

F. Nietzche: If shit had never happened, man would create shit.

Ayn Rand: Reason and shit are corollaries. Where reason is used, shit
happens.

Sturgeon: 90% of everything is shit.

Yuri Gagarin: Shit was blue.

Neil Armstrong: For me, that was just a little shit. But when that shit
happened, it was one giant leap for mankind.

Bart Simpson: I will not say, `Shit happened' in the class.

Al Bundy: This is shit. This is shit when you get married and drop
the shit on the ground.

Bill Cosby: Shit is happening to _The Simpsons_.

Buckaroo Bonzai: No matter where shit happens, there you are.

HAL: Dave, I'm in deep shit.
Dr. Chandra, will I shit?

Dave: Oh my god! It's full of shit!

Obi Wan: Use your shit, Luke.

Marty Mcfly: Don't ever never call me shit.

Gremlins: Don't shit after 12 o'clock.

Jessica Rabbit: I'm not shit. I'm just drawn that way.

Robocop: Please stay out of deep shit.

Michael Valentine Smith: Shit groks.

1st Law of Robotics: Robots should not shit or let shit come to happen.

Hari Seldon: Each shit is random. But mob shit is predicable.

Yuppie: It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?

God: Wholly shit!

And shit happens to alot of superheroes and villans



Flash : Batman's got a shitty attitude

Superman: Kryptonite! Shit!.... There's shit colored Kryptonite now?! But how is it different than blue, red, green, gold or.....or wait, is that...GREAT SCOTT!..IT'S NOT SHIT-COLORED KRYPTONITE....I'VE BEEN EXPOSED TO KRYPTONITE SHIT! !!

Wonder Woman : Man's world is full of such strange shit.
My magic lasso will cause you to not tell me any shit.

J'onn J'onzz (Martian Manhunter): Oreos are the shit.

Shredder: The turtles have escaped again! I'm so tired of this shit!

Rita Replusa (MMPR) Magic wand, make my shit growwwwww!

MMPR: IT'S SHITT'N TIME!

Evil Green Ranger (MMPR): Before I destroy you, I will beat the shit out of you, for my Emperess, Rita. MWHAHAHAHA!

Red Ranger (to E.G.R. ) : You think you're tough shit? Then take ME on!!

Evil Green : With pleasure, shitthead!

Sorceress : Prince Adam-- He-Man is needed immediately. Castle Grayskull is in deep shit!

Cringer: Oh no, I know what shit's coming next....

Adam: Come on, Cringer, we've got shit to do!...BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!!

Batman: Don't start shit in MY city.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

J'onn J'onzz (Martian Manhunter): Oreos are the shit.



Batman: Don't start shit in MY city.

J'onn saying that would be most amusing indeed. XD And there's a good line for the next Batman movie if I ever saw one.

 

[He-Man]

Drew Carrey (on Who's Line is it , Anyway?): Welcome to Who's Line is it Anyway, where all the shit's made up, and the points are worth jack shit. That's right, the points are like the security guards at Arkham Asylum.

 

[He-Man]

And there's a good line for the next Batman movie if I ever saw one.

lol Yeah, he basically does say that to the villans he faces (except it's just "Not in MY city"...)


Hawkgirl (to Flash after he's annoyed her too much): YOU LITLE PIECE OF SHIT!

Flash (zooming away from Shayera--Hawkgirl-- fast as possible) Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit......guess J'onn didn't hide his Oreos in THERE.......shit, I'm hungry, I'm gonna go eat four or five pizzas.

 

[He-Man]

and omg i cant believe i posted on this thread lol

Yeah, I bet that surprised the shit out of you.

Shit, this is one shitty thread full of shit.