As many of you who are my friends know, Iam currently estranged from my father, and will be spending this father's day with my mom, as well as my friend whose father was tragically killed in an auto accident in 1983. As Father's Day approaches, I wanted to post my thoughts on Mother's Day, and Father's Day.
My mom is a warm, loving individual, probably the kindest person you would ever come across. Iam 34, and we have always had a great relationship. Beyond times in camp when the camp wouldnt let us call our parents, I have never gone more than a day or two without talking to her, unless one of us was away on a vacation.
My father is a different story. As many of you know, he was a verbally abusive monster to me growing up, trying to control my life and my feelings by repeatedly demanding that I kiss the ass of his abusive troublemaking mother, Finally, at age 18, I had enough, and estranged myself from her. A year later, my parents divorced, and I desperately wanted him to see a therapist, and work with him, so that we could have a better relationship going forward. His priority was to be the Romeo of New York, and to harm my mom and I financially. He never went for help, and always did the worst things to me, until an incident I had in 2000 brought us together. I saw him for four years, before we were again estranged this March. While Iam very sad about the outcome, I hope this time to move forward and for this to be the final chapter, so that one day my wife and children will not have to suffer the torment of his rage.
The purpose of my post is this. My mom knows how I feel, and understands. Iam one who has never been in agreement with Mother's Day, and Father's Day. To me, while I believe we should celebrate out parents if they are good to us, parents are parents 365 days a year, at any age, until the day they die. I certainly dont mind taking my mom to lunch and buying her a gift on Mother's day. She has been a great mom, and she deserves it. I know that during all of my childhood when I used to ask my relatives why there is no children's day, and they said" children's day is every day". That is true, that parents have to be parents all the time, but I'm one who believes that there should be a national children's day, where parents should celebrate their children of all ages, from infants to 60 year old children. My father was always a misguided putz. He believed that I owed him honor and glory always, on father's day, and any other day, and it was his right to treat me like crap all the time. I believe that if there is a mother's day, and father's day, as there should be, that day is a celebration of children celebrating their parents who are good parents to them 365 days a year. If one's parents treat them like crap, as my father did, and the child desires, that child, no matter what the age, has the right to shun their parent on that day, and any other day. Last year, when I was still talking to him, I couldnt spend father's day with him, because I was getting over a nasty cold that landed my mom in the ER, and he later berated me for not spending it with him. This is a man, mind you, who hasnt celebrated a birthday with me in 17 years, including the 4 years I was with him, even though I did celebrate 3 father's days, and his 60th birthday with him. Now, as he has since July 1997, he has a stepdaughter to ackonowledge him on father's day. Many years, when we've been estranged, he has contacted me on father's day, and my mom and I have a friendly bet going about what will happen this year. I say Iam going to get either a spewing email or card from him either Sunday or Monday saying what kind of a terrible son Iam to him. Iam terrible for cutting off an abusive father, who cut me down financially after my business failed, who is living in a $4000 a month apt with his second wife, and harmed us financially? I dont think so. My father just doesnt get it, and he never will. My mom thinks I'm not going to hear from him, but I just have this feeling that I will. I say, if you are going to do horrid things to your son, let go, and leave me alone. So far, he hasnt done this. Since there is no snail mail Sunday, I may not know til Monday whether I hear from him, as when we were last estranged on father's day in 1999, I got a card from him on the Monday after father's day. This time is a bit different, because I have email, which I didnt then, so he can contact me by email on Sunday.
Okay, I know I've ranted about a lot of different things in this post. My main point, I think, is that if one wants to be acknowledged on parents day, be a parent then and always, and I think there should be a national children's day. as for my father, he will spend it with his second wife, and a girl who he didnt meet until the girl was 20 years old, and whos life he had nothing to do with. He is a pathtetic human being, and the one good that comes out of all this, is that if we remain estranged forever, I have suffered so that one day my future wife and kids do not have to endure the wraith of this emotionally disturbed man. All I have to say to you, my "father" is to spend fathers day without me, you miserable pathtetic excuse of an individual. At age 63, you never grew up and got it, and if you live another 30 years, you just never will!
One other point I forgot to make in this post that led to our estrangement. I have been estranged from his mother and brother since I was 18, due to their horribly abusive treatment of me in my childhood, and I've never met his wife, because she married him when he and I were estranged, and passed judgement that I should call my grandmother, without knowing the situation. I was honest with him in 2000 that I could never see these people, and told him to walk away then if he couldnt deal with it. He lied to me and said it was no problem, and spent four years abusing me over them, feeling that he has a right to tell me who to see. I dont recall if I posted that last year when he had his angioplasty, I committed to going up to New York from Lancaster for the surgery, stating that I would be civil to them for that one day. He informed me that if I did not have a "relationship" with them, that he didnt want me there, an outrageous condition. Thus, since I wasnt going to let him control me, I didnt go, another sign of how I mean nothing to him.
So, due to all this, it is fitting that he and I are estranged this father's day, and forever. I hope and pray that I will never have to see him, or utter another word to him again, as long as he lives.
Mitch
My mom is a warm, loving individual, probably the kindest person you would ever come across. Iam 34, and we have always had a great relationship. Beyond times in camp when the camp wouldnt let us call our parents, I have never gone more than a day or two without talking to her, unless one of us was away on a vacation.
My father is a different story. As many of you know, he was a verbally abusive monster to me growing up, trying to control my life and my feelings by repeatedly demanding that I kiss the ass of his abusive troublemaking mother, Finally, at age 18, I had enough, and estranged myself from her. A year later, my parents divorced, and I desperately wanted him to see a therapist, and work with him, so that we could have a better relationship going forward. His priority was to be the Romeo of New York, and to harm my mom and I financially. He never went for help, and always did the worst things to me, until an incident I had in 2000 brought us together. I saw him for four years, before we were again estranged this March. While Iam very sad about the outcome, I hope this time to move forward and for this to be the final chapter, so that one day my wife and children will not have to suffer the torment of his rage.
The purpose of my post is this. My mom knows how I feel, and understands. Iam one who has never been in agreement with Mother's Day, and Father's Day. To me, while I believe we should celebrate out parents if they are good to us, parents are parents 365 days a year, at any age, until the day they die. I certainly dont mind taking my mom to lunch and buying her a gift on Mother's day. She has been a great mom, and she deserves it. I know that during all of my childhood when I used to ask my relatives why there is no children's day, and they said" children's day is every day". That is true, that parents have to be parents all the time, but I'm one who believes that there should be a national children's day, where parents should celebrate their children of all ages, from infants to 60 year old children. My father was always a misguided putz. He believed that I owed him honor and glory always, on father's day, and any other day, and it was his right to treat me like crap all the time. I believe that if there is a mother's day, and father's day, as there should be, that day is a celebration of children celebrating their parents who are good parents to them 365 days a year. If one's parents treat them like crap, as my father did, and the child desires, that child, no matter what the age, has the right to shun their parent on that day, and any other day. Last year, when I was still talking to him, I couldnt spend father's day with him, because I was getting over a nasty cold that landed my mom in the ER, and he later berated me for not spending it with him. This is a man, mind you, who hasnt celebrated a birthday with me in 17 years, including the 4 years I was with him, even though I did celebrate 3 father's days, and his 60th birthday with him. Now, as he has since July 1997, he has a stepdaughter to ackonowledge him on father's day. Many years, when we've been estranged, he has contacted me on father's day, and my mom and I have a friendly bet going about what will happen this year. I say Iam going to get either a spewing email or card from him either Sunday or Monday saying what kind of a terrible son Iam to him. Iam terrible for cutting off an abusive father, who cut me down financially after my business failed, who is living in a $4000 a month apt with his second wife, and harmed us financially? I dont think so. My father just doesnt get it, and he never will. My mom thinks I'm not going to hear from him, but I just have this feeling that I will. I say, if you are going to do horrid things to your son, let go, and leave me alone. So far, he hasnt done this. Since there is no snail mail Sunday, I may not know til Monday whether I hear from him, as when we were last estranged on father's day in 1999, I got a card from him on the Monday after father's day. This time is a bit different, because I have email, which I didnt then, so he can contact me by email on Sunday.
Okay, I know I've ranted about a lot of different things in this post. My main point, I think, is that if one wants to be acknowledged on parents day, be a parent then and always, and I think there should be a national children's day. as for my father, he will spend it with his second wife, and a girl who he didnt meet until the girl was 20 years old, and whos life he had nothing to do with. He is a pathtetic human being, and the one good that comes out of all this, is that if we remain estranged forever, I have suffered so that one day my future wife and kids do not have to endure the wraith of this emotionally disturbed man. All I have to say to you, my "father" is to spend fathers day without me, you miserable pathtetic excuse of an individual. At age 63, you never grew up and got it, and if you live another 30 years, you just never will!
One other point I forgot to make in this post that led to our estrangement. I have been estranged from his mother and brother since I was 18, due to their horribly abusive treatment of me in my childhood, and I've never met his wife, because she married him when he and I were estranged, and passed judgement that I should call my grandmother, without knowing the situation. I was honest with him in 2000 that I could never see these people, and told him to walk away then if he couldnt deal with it. He lied to me and said it was no problem, and spent four years abusing me over them, feeling that he has a right to tell me who to see. I dont recall if I posted that last year when he had his angioplasty, I committed to going up to New York from Lancaster for the surgery, stating that I would be civil to them for that one day. He informed me that if I did not have a "relationship" with them, that he didnt want me there, an outrageous condition. Thus, since I wasnt going to let him control me, I didnt go, another sign of how I mean nothing to him.
So, due to all this, it is fitting that he and I are estranged this father's day, and forever. I hope and pray that I will never have to see him, or utter another word to him again, as long as he lives.
Mitch
