Traumatic Experience

[NG02]

Well first off I'd like to start this by saying that this isnt really about me, but it very interesting. Its like one little piece of insight into the mind of people who arent like us(or maybe even hates being tickled).

I have a friend who has known about my tickling fetish for some time now, and right from the jump she told me she hates being tickled. Well like most of us, I always want to try to prove to non-tickphiles that our kink is not that bad and/or even try to convert them to be able to tolerate it. Well ive tickled her afew times over the years and she is extremly ticklish, but I always stopped as soon as she tells me to(which is usually within 3-5 secs of when I start). Well also like most of us my initial thought with somone who hates being tickled is maybe they dont like the way it feels or they dont like the idea of somone being able to control the reactions of their body. And even in the most extreme cases at a young age they were held down and tickled by somone bigger and stronger than them(siblings, parents, bfs) until they cried or even peed themselves(which the embarrasment of such would def. put a negative look on tickling). But what I found out about my friend was even worse than any of that.

We still hangout every now and then when im intown and were texting the other day. I figured I'd just ask what the deal is with her and her true hatred for being tickled and what she told me really kinda caught me offgaurd. She told me that when she was alittle kid her older sisters would tickle her non stop, while also putting a pillow over her face(im guessing due to her loudness or maybe just to be truly mean). And anyone who has been tickled by more than one person at a time, or even one person who was just an awesome(or just plain rigorous) ler....that it can leave you pretty breathless. So imagine that same intensity while having a pillow shoved on and held down to your face. Just the trought of that seems crazy to me...kinda like I cant fathom the feeling. Oh but it gets just a tinsy bit worse...she also suffers from claustrophobia, so it made those situations as a kid that much worse. I know crazy right? Those experiences gave her tremendous anxiety and now even as an adult her brain associates tickling with anxiety...I know total buzzkill! Either way tho shes still my girl and im pondering ways I could possibly be able to help the situation for both our benifits(even if its not so much in the near near future)

So I figured I'd post this to see if anyone else has come across similar situations or just to see what others think on the subject.

 

[MrTicklefeet]

You sound pretty self absorbed. Usually when someone right out says they hate being tickled, it's usually for a reason. To still think about trying to 'convert' them for your own selfish pleasures shows a lack of empathy.

 

[SweTickler87]

You sound pretty self absorbed. Usually when someone right out says they hate being tickled, it's usually for a reason. To still think about trying to 'convert' them for your own selfish pleasures shows a lack of empathy.

I think you´re being a little unfair here. My experience is that most of the time when people say they hate being tickled, it´s simply because there not open to the possibility that it can be a loving and thrilling experience at the same time. I think NG02 was just curious about her hatred of being tickled and wanted to understand and help her, not to "convert" or push her into something. It must indeed have a shocking revelation for you and truly it does sound terrible what she went through.. But good luck anyways, perhaps you can actually help her into thinking that tickling can be nice if done in a loving and safe way? =)
Cheers

 

[stockytickler]

Her situation combined powerlessness with psychological trauma. It's going to be very difficult for her to associate tickling with anything positive because the stimulus itself triggers Very Bad Memories. So unless she's actively on board with trying to do so, I don't see this progressing very quickly, if at all. :\

 

[NG02]

You sound pretty self absorbed. Usually when someone right out says they hate being tickled, it's usually for a reason. To still think about trying to 'convert' them for your own selfish pleasures shows a lack of empathy.

Thanks ASS for misconstruing what I was trying so say! I didnt go through that whole explaination just so I could bring the situatuion to my want for her to like or want to partake in my fetish. Shes a great friend of mine and moreso im just trying to understand and help(if I even can) with her being able to get over or maybe even see a less menaceing side of tickling. We've talked many times of fetishes and such and she has quite afew of her own...so in order to better understand how she feels about hers im trying to show her a better side to mine(than she originally precieves)

I think you´re being a little unfair here. My experience is that most of the time when people say they hate being tickled, it´s simply because there not open to the possibility that it can be a loving and thrilling experience at the same time. I think NG02 was just curious about her hatred of being tickled and wanted to understand and help her, not to "convert" or push her into something. It must indeed have a shocking revelation for you and truly it does sound terrible what she went through.. But good luck anyways, perhaps you can actually help her into thinking that tickling can be nice if done in a loving and safe way? =)
Cheers

Thanks for having my back on this one. I think you actually understood what I was trying to say. Im not trying to set her back or even damage her mentally just for my own selfish wants, but more trying to unravel and maybe even seperate the thoughts she has of tickling and extreme negativity.

Her situation combined powerlessness with psychological trauma. It's going to be very difficult for her to associate tickling with anything positive because the stimulus itself triggers Very Bad Memories. So unless she's actively on board with trying to do so, I don't see this progressing very quickly, if at all. :\

I totally agree with you. I plan on talking about it much more with her. If she ever feels more comfortable with it, it will totally be on her and not on my influence....or should I say "my being self absorbed and lacking of empathy"

 

[Mane'o]

Sounds like it is best to just leave tickling checked at the door with this person. Bringing it up probably just stirs up painful memories.

 

[NG02]

Sounds like it is best to just leave tickling checked at the door with this person. Bringing it up probably just stirs up painful memories.

Trust me dude, tickling has been left at the door interms of her for quite awhile. I mean let me lay alil background...we worked together like 4 years ago(when we first met) and within the first year of knowing her I told her about my fetish. She told me she hated it but when I tickled her she never reacted in any paricular way to let it be known it was deeper rooted. We used to socially see each other back then aswell so the attraction may have always been a calming factor. And basically the only reason I posted this thread is because I just within the last week asked why she hated it, so for over 4 years of knowing her I actually just found out days ago why she hates it.

Also I dont think its so much the bringing it up that would effect her asmuch as the actual physical act would. I mean as of right now im more interested in talking with her more about it than anything else. An interestingly enough she can actually handle being tickled....I moved a couple of counties over recently and about 6 or so months ago when I was back intown I crashed at her place. While we were laying in her bed talking we were kinda in the spooning position(with like a foot gap between us) and I had my hand on her side where her shirt had riden up and I was tracing my finger lightly back, forth, up and down...basically drawing nothing....and she just giggled alittle and said "it tickled". Yet didnt move my hand or say stop. I kinda think her association with tickling mostly relates to the more torture side where somone would be holding her down and overpowering her.

 

[rhiannon]

This is the perfect example to show that people who say "I hate xy" probably have a reason for it. And even if they don't - why can't it just be respected? Why is it so hard to just leave it alone if someone says "I hate it - don't do it". Personally, when I don't like something, I do not want to be "converted". I just want to be left alone with it.

If I hate spinach, don't make me eat it, because I will puke it on you!

 

[makeUsquirm]

I had something like this happen to me once, and I didn't even know the person hated it. It was with a female co-worker I was goofing off with, she said something jokingly insulting at me so I gave her a quick tickle on her sides to get back at her. She absolutely exploded in anger at me when I did that, then she went on to explain how she had an uncle that would tickle her to tears when she was a little girl and couldn't stand to be tickled because of the memories it brought back.

I know we love it, but tickling can be quite traumatic for some people, usually based on something that happened to them with it early in their lives.

 

[robmic]

I hate people that tramatize others with tickling! Tickling is supposed to be fun!

 

[NG02]

This is the perfect example to show that people who say "I hate xy" probably have a reason for it. And even if they don't - why can't it just be respected? Why is it so hard to just leave it alone if someone says "I hate it - don't do it". Personally, when I don't like something, I do not want to be "converted". I just want to be left alone with it.

If I hate spinach, don't make me eat it, because I will puke it on you!

Maybe I shouldve used different wording when I first posted cause here is yet another person who mistook what I was trying to say. Yes I did say "convert" in the original post but I said it in reference to how we somtimes as people with a certain fetish do at times try to ease others into tolerating or even liking what we like. And I think I actually clarified that in my later post too.

I hate people that tramatize others with tickling! Tickling is supposed to be fun!

Yea it does really suck that people have had situations happen to them in their past that would make them not like somthing that we(and even other ppl who arent into it) find to be so simple or even fun.

 

[Irvine]

You're alright, man. Expect those posts to arise. I will say that they are definitely not wrong in how they view your story but I also understand you want to understand this situation from other people that might have had a similar experience. In this case, since it is such a bad memory, I doubt you can make your fetish appealing at all. I don't see a way, at all! This is a serious psychological issue, as you are aware of, and should be respected as such. If it took her four years to tell you then that is the pace that it will take. Naturally you are curious and wanted to consult the one place that has people that share your interest. Don't feel bad about posting and I hope my or anyone elses gives you an answer you are looking for.

 

[NG02]

You're alright, man. Expect those posts to arise. I will say that they are definitely not wrong in how they view your story but I also understand you want to understand this situation from other people that might have had a similar experience. In this case, since it is such a bad memory, I doubt you can make your fetish appealing at all. I don't see a way, at all! This is a serious psychological issue, as you are aware of, and should be respected as such. If it took her four years to tell you then that is the pace that it will take. Naturally you are curious and wanted to consult the one place that has people that share your interest. Don't feel bad about posting and I hope my or anyone elses gives you an answer you are looking for.

Thats about the best breakdown of all the replies on here. I appreciate your post. Its funny after reading your post it finally makes sense why some people think it seems as tho im doing this for meself. Its because its a fetish to me....basically becuase I see tickling as a fetish and people are seeing it more as me not being able to differentiate my fetish from her situation(and it prolly doesnt help that I posted it on a Fetish site lol). I get it...trust me I totally get it now! I just reread my first post again and I can definate see how it looks that way.

 

[rhiannon]

Maybe I shouldve used different wording when I first posted cause here is yet another person who mistook what I was trying to say. Yes I did say "convert" in the original post but I said it in reference to how we somtimes as people with a certain fetish do at times try to ease others into tolerating or even liking what we like. And I think I actually clarified that in my later post too.

I wasn't suggesting you would want to try and convert her. I didn't direct my post at you, if I did, I would have quoted you. 😉 I just think that your friend is a good example why there are people who really hate it, and why I believe you should just leave people alone with something they hate!

If someone just says "I hate it", but doesn't really truly do so, they will come around by themselves once they find out how much it means to the person who is into tickling.

 

[ticklehound]

This is definitely a difficult situation. I feel sorry for your friend, who went thru such a bad experience. But it sounds like she is not totally averse to tickling, if it's done casually, lightly & more importantly on her terms (i.e. when she tells you to stop, you do).

I think I know what you're driving at (follow me on this; correct me if I'm wrong). I've been in similar situations (tho not as extreme as your case). For me, as I've gotten older, tickling has become such a big part of my identity, that I naturally wanna share that with people, even though it's for selfish reasons (I wanna feel accepted and not considered 'odd'). So when a woman says "I hate it" - I think "well, she'll never totally accept me" and there will always be a barrier between us.

For me, tickling is so enjoyable to me, it's difficult to comprehend how it could NOT be for someone else... I feel like I gotta do what I can to change that perspective, if I can. (I know, even if partly for selfish reasons). I think Yea, I like her & we have a lot of things in common, and tickling should be one of them, right?

Talking about it is obviously the first step; beyond that, it's all on her. If she's interested, I am more than happy to help (again, even if partly for selfish reasons). I mean, she ain't gonna let you tie her up & seriously tickle her anytime soon (if at all)... but lemme tell you, I've had plenty of fun having her feet in my lap and challenging her to keep it there as long as possible (and more importantly, it was fun for her too).

I think as long as she trusts you and you respect her boundaries, there's no reason to think you can't help her to overcome her anxieties with tickling. That is, if you both wanna go down that avenue. I say, give it a shot; if it doesn't work, oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[NG02]

This is definitely a difficult situation. I feel sorry for your friend, who went thru such a bad experience. But it sounds like she is not totally averse to tickling, if it's done casually, lightly & more importantly on her terms (i.e. when she tells you to stop, you do).

I think I know what you're driving at (follow me on this; correct me if I'm wrong). I've been in similar situations (tho not as extreme as your case). For me, as I've gotten older, tickling has become such a big part of my identity, that I naturally wanna share that with people, even though it's for selfish reasons (I wanna feel accepted and not considered 'odd'). So when a woman says "I hate it" - I think "well, she'll never totally accept me" and there will always be a barrier between us.

For me, tickling is so enjoyable to me, it's difficult to comprehend how it could NOT be for someone else... I feel like I gotta do what I can to change that perspective, if I can. (I know, even if partly for selfish reasons). I think Yea, I like her & we have a lot of things in common, and tickling should be one of them, right?

Talking about it is obviously the first step; beyond that, it's all on her. If she's interested, I am more than happy to help (again, even if partly for selfish reasons). I mean, she ain't gonna let you tie her up & seriously tickle her anytime soon (if at all)... but lemme tell you, I've had plenty of fun having her feet in my lap and challenging her to keep it there as long as possible (and more importantly, it was fun for her too).

I think as long as she trusts you and you respect her boundaries, there's no reason to think you can't help her to overcome her anxieties with tickling. That is, if you both wanna go down that avenue. I say, give it a shot; if it doesn't work, oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

That was actually a very accurate depiction of my thought process on this situation. Thank you for your input. I do believe you are also one of those who truly understood the point I was getttng at.

 

[Cif]

I think you´re being a little unfair here.
Cheers

Definitely not being unfair here. It sounds pretty selfish from where I'm standing.

 

[Cif]

For me, tickling is so enjoyable to me, it's difficult to comprehend how it could NOT be for someone else...

I'm not sure you really know how that fucking stupid that sounds. You're not helping them in any way. Most people don't give a fuck about tickling you're just trying to exploit the vulnerable to fuel your seedy desires whilst using the therapy aspect to redeem your conscience.

I can just imagine the conversation now: "Thanks soooo much for tickling me and showing me how much I actually quite like it. You've changed my life. Its so careless of you. Is that a boner..?"

 

[firegod86]

I think this whole thing is really going off track with some people. Degrading into personal attacks and missing the point of the topic. The best advice i can think to give. If she actually wants to learn about it and is okay with you helping deal with the issue. Make it as soft an enviorment as possible. Keep it as light and as playful as possible and be as comforting as you can be. If she says she does not want to. Leave it at that.
Sometimes situations like that need to be left alone and move on. But it certainly does sound like you care very much and just want to help her through a traumatic experience. So really. Just speak to her about all of this and see what she wants to do.

 

[NG02]

I think this whole thing is really going off track with some people. Degrading into personal attacks and missing the point of the topic. The best advice i can think to give. If she actually wants to learn about it and is okay with you helping deal with the issue. Make it as soft an enviorment as possible. Keep it as light and as playful as possible and be as comforting as you can be. If she says she does not want to. Leave it at that.
Sometimes situations like that need to be left alone and move on. But it certainly does sound like you care very much and just want to help her through a traumatic experience. So really. Just speak to her about all of this and see what she wants to do.

Preciate the words. And your right there was alot of off track and personal like jabs thrown out on this subject. Like I said in an earlier post I can see how my initial post sounded selfish but anyone who were to read the entire thread and all the replies I've put would come to the same conclusion you did. Some people just really got caught on my opening post and that why the thread has been kinda a mix of some who understand and some who dont. Once again thanks for your insight.

 

[ticklehound]

The best advice i can think to give. If she actually wants to learn about it and is okay with you helping deal with the issue. Make it as soft an enviorment as possible. Keep it as light and as playful as possible and be as comforting as you can be. If she says she does not want to. Leave it at that. Sometimes situations like that need to be left alone and move on.

Thank you. Exactly my point.

 

[Crazy Wabbit]

From what I have read from all of the posters, neither side is wrong. It's a matter of perspective. I will say, though, that from what NG02 wrote, this lady friend of his must mean a heck of a lot to him in order for him to be this concerned about her and wanting to help her overcome her trauma. Most others wouldn't be bothered and would just as soon let that person be with their problems. And by themselves at that.

NG02, I think by only tickling her for a few seconds, trying to show her that you're not like her sister and that you will respect her limits is a great start as to showing her that tickling is not just an act of meanness and cruelty, but can also be done just as much out the act of tenderness, affection and love. Not only respect, but a good way to establish trust with her.

However, the others on here who are opposed of your ideas are not exactly wrong either.

What you are doing WILL ONLY WORK if she wants to overcome her trauma. She has to want that and want that only for herself, not you. And if she does, then you are on a great start. The next step would be to help her find a psychologist that's an expert in trauma and EMDR.

But at this point in time, if she decides to get counseling, the best thing you could give this woman at this particular point in time is your support. Because whether you realize this or not, this is something that is going to take a quite a bit of time for her to go through. It's not something she went through overnight, so it's not something she'll overcome overnight. Therapy sessions can be draining and very painful, especially if she starts reliving these horrid memories of her and they begin to surface in her sessions. Whether she needs you to physically be there, someone to listen to her, talk to her or your shoulder for her to cry on, give her whatever she needs. Because at that point in time, the worst you could possibly do would be to stand up and walk away.

Good luck to the both of you.

 

[Mane'o]

well here's a thought: someone abhors tickling from childhood "trauma" or whatever reason, just drop tickling as any part of that person's life, meaning friends, family, co-workers move on to other things. Just like some people hate spiders or have a distaste for anything to do with brussel sprouts.
Move on.
I don't like sticking my hands in dog poo. The fact that you love sticking someone's hands in dog poo is fine for you and whomever shares in that particular pleasure but don't be pestering me constantly to get over my distaste for it. I'm sure there may be wonderful things about sticking hands in dog poo and my life may be all the poorer for my short sightedness in not indulging but I don't care. It is your thing, not mine. Quit trying to convince me otherwise. You are not being a friend, you are being a pest and the fact that you get the warm fuzzies just thinking of me with my hands in dog poo does nothing whatsoever for me except conjure up disgusting thoughts of my hands in dog poo which I abhor because i had traumatic experiences with that very thing as a child. Move on. Quit trying to convince me otherwise.

 

[rhiannon]

I don't like sticking my hands in dog poo. The fact that you love sticking someone's hands in dog poo is fine for you and whomever shares in that particular pleasure but don't be perstering me constantly to get over my distate for it. I'm sure there may be wonderful things about sticking hands in dog poo and my life may be all the poorer for my short sightedness in not indulging but I don't care. It is your thing, not mine.

I completely agree! Personally, I don't believe this is worth getting into therapy over. It is not worth living through the memories again just so that someone is able to tickle her again. What does she have to gain from it? It's not like she gets a panic attack everytime she is supposed to sit in a car or something similar that can't be avoided or would make a normal life impossible. She just doesn't like to be tickled. Like thousands of other people who don't have a particular reason not to like it.

 

[NG02]

well here's a thought: someone abhors tickling from childhood "trauma" or whatever reason, just drop tickling as any part of that person's life, meaning friends, family, co-workers move on to other things. Just like some people hate spiders or have a distaste for anything to do with brussel sprouts.
Move on.
I don't like sticking my hands in dog poo. The fact that you love sticking someone's hands in dog poo is fine for you and whomever shares in that particular pleasure but don't be pestering me constantly to get over my distaste for it. I'm sure there may be wonderful things about sticking hands in dog poo and my life may be all the poorer for my short sightedness in not indulging but I don't care. It is your thing, not mine. Quit trying to convince me otherwise. You are not being a friend, you are being a pest and the fact that you get the warm fuzzies just thinking of me with my hands in dog poo does nothing whatsoever for me except conjure up disgusting thoughts of my hands in dog poo which I abhor because i had traumatic experiences with that very thing as a child. Move on. Quit trying to convince me otherwise.

Honestly dude its to the point now that I couldnt give two shits what the fuck you think. Ive already gotten what I had planned to get interms of advice(for and against) what my situation is. I keep trying to be as repectful as I can about this and I have even very much come to agree with alot that those who are against my situation have to say. But to somone like you Im just gonna say go fuck yourself. Your making it seem as tho I have asked her about this every day sense she told me of her feelings on it when we have actually only talked about it in detail once. I have not "pestered" her over anything so you can take you little dog shit analogy to somone else. I totally repect my friend and havent not tried to push my likes on her one bit...we havent even talked on the subject sense I found out about her past. I was just looking for some people who had opinions on the matter with the hope of them understanding what I was trying to say intead of being assholes about it. But you can only hope for so much on a public forum where everyone is entitled to their opion so ill leave it at that.

Crazy Wabbit- I see what you were trying to say. Both sides had very valid points and I was actually taking in what everyone had to say. I wasnt saying that what people who were against it were wrong...but the way a message is delivered will dictate how somone precieves it. I have no problem taking somones advice aslong as it is brought to me the right way, I mean who wants to listen to a word somone says when they address you negatively. I guess when some prople feel strongly on a subject they feel that insulting an opposer gets the message across better.