What determines YOUR sense of self worth?

[BellaRisa]

You took the words right from me.

It seems to me that this thread has two topics, and I'm going to respond to both.

1.) I base my self-worth mostly on what I do for others, how I'm able to help them, and whether or not I improve the lives of the people around me.

2.) Regarding dressing up -- I think there's a big difference between dressing up i.e. the prom, and taking a moment or two to put yourself together nicely. Some people aren't going to feel comfortable in a dress and heels. If I was in a dress and heels, I would feel *anything* but confidant and self-assured. I'd feel awkward and uncomfortable in my appearance. Therefore, I won't be sporting a dress at NEST or any other event that doesn't blatently require it. But the beauty of NEST and other events is, nobody is saying you have to. Therefore, I'm not concerned about the fact that other people, who feel good about themselves in those types of clothes, choose to wear them because they feel it communicates a certain positive message to themselves, people around them, and the organizers of the event. I'll wear something that I feel comfortable in physically, emotionally, and socially, and I'll be quite happy with that. I strongly encourage others to do the same.

This, this right here? Why I love you so hard

(And I really only wear heels so I can see over the damn bar 😛 )

 

[BellaRisa]

I agree in part, Bella. I wouldn't want people wearing ripped jeans, etc. either. But, for some people, a nice neat pair of jeans and nice shirt IS dressed up. So, again... Who gets to decide where to draw the line on what is/isn't acceptable if not the host?

The only reference to manner of dress I've ever seen in the rules is that clothing is a must. If we want to further define that, that's cool. Until then, everyone should be free to do as they like. Those who feel the need or desire to dress up should be free to do so. Those who do not feel that need/desire should be just as free. Sure, it may be human nature to hope that others will do the same things we do. But, that doesn't mean that they must. That's all I'm trying to point out.

Enough about others. Now for us. In reference to your befuddlement...We aren't talking about ripped jeans and sneakers. But, we aren't dressing up, either. Drew & I are on vacation that week. As we generally do, NEST is the start of that vacation. To us, part of being on vacation is being able to relax and enjoy ourselves without having to answer to anyone else. For others, an important part of going to an event like this is getting all dolled up. More power to them. For us, that just isn't the case. We go to see friends, not what they happen to be wearing or not wearing. And, we both have a great deal of respect for Lee as a person and as the new host of NEST.

It doesn't have to be either/or. There's absolutely nothing wrong with both/and.

I agree with this, very much! Although

We go to see friends, not what they happen to be wearing or not wearing

adds a bit of "above the superficial, we know what 'really' matters " faux enlightenment that I gotta call shenanigans on ; those of us who enjoy spiffing up a bit are primarily there to see friends as well, I've never been to a single NEST where people, even we girly-girls, paid more than 20 seconds of attention to what others wore. Even shoes, which the guys pay WAY more attention to than we do

By constantly referring to "jeans and sneakers" I believe my point was a little lost, my bad. It's not about specific outfits. Hell, ladies have worn nice khaki shorts and a simple t-shirt and blown everyone away, and guys in nice jeans and a kick-ass sweatshirt (GO STEELERS ) were just as sharp! BUT, even in something so simple, you could tell that they'd thought about it and were proud of their appearance. I really do think that's important. In my mind, it's about making an effort to acknowledge that this event is special, which it really is, and honoring that by taking a bit more time to get ready than you would to run to the store or walk your puppy at 2am, even if the sweatshirt and jeans are remarkably similar 🙂

I don't think we'll agree on this 100% but we're mostly on the same page

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

OK, before I respond further, allow me to explain/apologize for the tone of my last post. I was falling asleep and rather doped up on pain meds. (I've been in a good deal of pain the last couple of days.) So, I wasn't thinking clearly. I fell asleep while writing and woke up to a partial post typed in front of me. Instead of simply closing things out and responding this morning when I was a bit more clear and could explain that properly, I obviously hit the submit button first. I wondered about that when I got upstairs and fell into bed. But, I honestly didn't have the strength at that point to get back up and come back down to check. Once again, my apologies.

I just dragged myself out of bed. So, I'm still rather spacey and in considerable pain. But, I didn't want to let this fester any more while I ate something and waited for the meds to kick in again. But, I promise, you have the normal me, not the crazy woman in this post.

Having said that. I'll respond to Jo as I should have and simply accept the well deserved kick in the pants that last night's crazy post got.

When I began this thread, it had two purposes. The first was to ask the question that I posed. Bella's post in the other thread did set me off because anyone implying (whether they meant to or not) that someone is less than respectful of themselves or others based on what we think they should or shouldn't do has always been a huge pet peeve of mine. So, I wanted to see what others had to say on the subject of self respect/self worth.

The second purpose, which my rambling stupid post last night totally blew out of the water, was to illustrate that two mature people could disagree and have even an intense debate without resorting to personal attacks and insults. That, I feel, is a further example of how we can show respect for ourselves and those around us. Point lost. My bad.

The NEST dress to impress idea was something that was used as one example since the way it is often presented (and was presented in the quote from Bella) is an issue for some people, myself included. It was one of the topics of the discussion, not the point of it.

Now, if the last post that Bella made here where she clearly stated things were the way the NEST dress to impress idea were always presented, there would be no problem from me or anyone. But, it has generally not been explained that way. Therein lies the issue for those who get upset about it. The tone and lack of explaination in some of the comments made the last few years (including the one I quoted) has given some people the impression that they are now expected to dress fancy. This includes multi-year vets. Since I was sick of having to calm that and explain that it is not the case, I chose to address it.

Oh, and for the record, the comment about being there to see friends was not intended as a slam...though I agree that it came across that way. Apologies again.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

I'm not dressing to impress for this NEST deal, Ann. I'm doing so because it started as a bet and then became something that I began to look forward to.

Having a 2 year old son and spending most of my time with him kind of limits my ability to wear nice things, unless I want to spend the money on dry cleaning to get mud/strawberry/juice/etc out of it. I don't have many opportunities to dress up, even though I don't get down with the dress concept. But thanks to NEST and other gatherings I've been to, it gives me a chance to ditch the sweat pants and baggy t-shirt and don something a little more... my age, I guess?

I don't have to be the frumpy, 20-something mom who is starting to get called Ma'am because I'm toting a child. I can be the 20-something semi-decent looking girl, even if it's just for a few nights.

I can understand the feelings of other folks who may feel "slighted" because they aren't "dressing" up. It's not a requirement. It's a choice. I know a few folks who went dressed in extremely comfort-casual clothing and not a damn person judged or slammed them at all. The clothes don't make the people in that aspect. It's the people who make the people.

However, I shouldn't (and others as well) feel that because I'm choosing to 'dress up', that I shouldn't talk out loud about it or I should feel badly because others don't want to. You need to take into consideration, Ann, that although it's a vacation for you and yours, doesn't mean that it's not a vacation of a completely different caliber for someone like me. Or anyone else for that matter.

 

[BellaRisa]

I don't have to be the frumpy, 20-something mom who is starting to get called Ma'am because I'm toting a child. I can be the 20-something semi-decent looking girl, even if it's just for a few nights...although it's a vacation for you and yours, doesn't mean that it's not a vacation of a completely different caliber for someone like me. Or anyone else for that matter.

Now this I have to identify with; I love the notion that I can spend entire DAYS wearing something cute at NEST and no one's gonna get fingerpaint or grape jelly on me. Not even Josh 😈

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Now this I have to identify with; I love the notion that I can spend entire DAYS wearing something cute at NEST and no one's gonna get fingerpaint or grape jelly on me. Not even Josh 😈

Aww. You're lucky. I like grape jelly. I get stuck with a loving mixture of snot and smashed banana. 🙁

 

[BellaRisa]

Aww. You're lucky. I like grape jelly. I get stuck with a loving mixture of snot and smashed banana. 🙁

Snot and banana are easy. Try gettin' grape jelly out of my braids. Just try

 

[Saeria]

heh, even at nest i will most likely have to contend with snot and mashed bananas. At least i won't have to worry about being the indoor jungle gym (squidlett's currently obsessed with climbing me).

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Snot and banana are easy. Try gettin' grape jelly out of my braids. Just try

I fold. You win this one.

heh, even at nest i will most likely have to contend with snot and mashed bananas. At least i won't have to worry about being the indoor jungle gym (squidlett's currently obsessed with climbing me).

Ha! Definitely can relate. 🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

no one's gonna get fingerpaint or grape jelly on me. Not even Josh 😈

Leave me out of this! I've staring down the barrel of a well-timed 'poutine' joke for about 12 replies now and held off because I didn't want any part of this.

😀

Snail Shell

 

[BellaRisa]

Leave me out of this! I've staring down the barrel of a well-timed 'poutine' joke for about 12 replies now and held off because I didn't want any part of this.

😀

Snail Shell

Honestly you'll never get a poutine joke from me, it's just gravy fries and gravy fries kick ass; Libby's at least 90% Vermont Gravy Fry, that's all I wanted when I was pregnant with her

 

[Excess]

My worth is determined by the amount of money I'm making. Simple as that. Oh, and by how much I've had to eat.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

I shouldn't (and others as well) feel that because I'm choosing to 'dress up', that I shouldn't talk out loud about it or I should feel badly because others don't want to.

You misunderstand my entire point, Jo. I have zero problem with anyone getting dressed up...or with them getting excited about what they're going to wear. I've said that several times. Thus, the 'more power to you' and 'You'll look adorable" comments.

The thing I took issue with was the statement that others not doing so were somehow being disrespectful of others or themselves. Can the two relate to one another? Sure. If there's a set dress code that someone chooses to ignore, that's being disrespectful. But, in a situation where there is none that isn't the case.

You need to take into consideration, Ann, that although it's a vacation for you and yours, doesn't mean that it's not a vacation of a completely different caliber for someone like me. Or anyone else for that matter.

Once again, the problem comes not in the dressing up or not dressing up or in the excitement one may feel about that. I think it's great. The problem lies rather in the way that comments about others not dressing up are often presented. I'm simply asking for the same consideration towards myself and others. We simply need to choose our wording more carefully...as I should have done last night and on plenty of other occassions myself.

I said in my OP that I wasn't perfect. You all got proof of that here last night. 😱

For the record...again...having looked at the pic of the dress you got, I DO think you're going to look amazing and I AM very happy for you to have the chance to do so. That's not an issue at all. There's no reason why it should be.
Peace!

Edit: I went back to highlight what I was trying to get across in this thread as opposed to what others may have read into it. I hope this helps those who think I'm trying to do something other than what my point was.

 

[venray]

that's it!!!Goth and I are coming naked and you will all have to deal!...

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

that's it!!!Goth and I are coming naked and you will all have to deal!...

Comic relief FTW

 

[venray]

It will only be comic relief when you see us Skip....





That or a real horror show....











Perhaps a little clown makeup....




To the point. There is no dress code at nest. We shouldnt look like slobs but there is no need to rent a tux. All should come and be able to be comfortable hangin out with all our old and new friends.......no matter how we choose to dress for the occasion. I would hate to see folks stay away from the talent show night becasue they think they would not "fit in" for what they wear...




It's all about the love folks as the great DVNC always says....

 

[Deleted member 66627]

You misunderstand my entire point, Jo. I have zero problem with anyone getting dressed up...or with them getting excited about what they're going to wear. I've said that several times. Thus, the 'more power to you' and 'You'll look adorable" comments.

The thing I took issue with was the statement that others not doing so were somehow being disrespectful of others or themselves. Can the two relate to one another? Sure. If there's a set dress code that someone chooses to ignore, that's being disrespectful. But, in a situation where there is none that isn't the case.



Once again, the problem comes not in the dressing up or not dressing up or in the excitement one may feel about that. I think it's great. The problem lies rather in the way that comments about others not dressing up are often presented. I'm simply asking for the same consideration towards myself and others. We simply need to choose our wording more carefully...as I should have done last night and on plenty of other occassions myself.

I said in my OP that I wasn't perfect. You all got proof of that here last night. 😱

For the record...again...having looked at the pic of the dress you got, I DO think you're going to look amazing and I AM very happy for you to have the chance to do so. That's not an issue at all. There's no reason why it should be.
Peace!

Edit: I went back to highlight what I was trying to get across in this thread as opposed to what others may have read into it. I hope this helps those who think I'm trying to do something other than what my point was.

Oh, okay.

 

[meangry]

I have no concept of what self worth is. Worth is merely an abstraction, and is ever shifting.

 

[Dussicar]

I have double-jointed thumbs.

If that ain't worth something, then I really have no reason to live.

They bend backwards!













Cool!

 

[TempstofLaughtr]

My self worth is determined by my accomplishments (slowly but surely meeting more and more of my goals and dreams) and those I look up to.


i'm sure there's other things i'd base it on, but eh..

 

[Perduabo]

My philosophy on the matter is incredibly simple.

I just don't give a rat's ass what people think of me. Oh yeah, I do to an extent, lets not gild the lily - but for the most part, I could care less if people don't approve of what I say or do. As long as I am comfortable with myself, that's all that matters to reaffirm my self worth.