What does it mean when a woman says I don't "express myself enough"?

[CaptainQuantum]

I had feelings for this woman once and when I told her about my feelings for her she said I wasn't her type, because I don't express myself enough. I told another woman this soon after, and she said that means I'm not aggressive enough. I have for most of my life been on the quiet, passive side.

And another question while I'm at it: there is a lot of stuff out there about "how to seduce women" and "here are the secrets to making a woman find you irresistable", etc. This pretty much consists of not being too "nice", not wanting her too much, planting ideas in her head that she wants me without her realizing it, etc. My question is this: do these "tricks" only work on young immature women or also on more mature women? As I've said in another thread, "mature woman" to me doesn't necessarily mean age, but the way she carries herself, knowing what she wants, etc. Are these "tricks" still necessary when dealing with more mature women who've gotten the game playing out of their system, or are they even necessary at all? Thanks.

 

[kered]

We just recently celebrated my parents fifty year anniversary and I asked my dad if he finally understood women. He replied,"hell no!" and had another martini. Does this help? ......Me neither.

 

[Redmage]

I had feelings for this woman once and when I told her about my feelings for her she said I wasn't her type, because I don't express myself enough. I told another woman this soon after, and she said that means I'm not aggressive enough. I have for most of my life been on the quiet, passive side.

It might have meant that you didn't put yourself forward enough for her (another way of saying "aggressive," but in a broader sense). She may prefer a man who stands out as a leader in the group he's in.

Another possibility is that she felt she couldn't tell what you were thinking or feeling, and that left her uncertain about where she stood with you. This is a common complaint that women have about men.

In either case, though, it's a subjective judgement. What it really means is "your style doesn't fit my needs." This isn't a problem unless you find it happening with most of the women you're involved with. In that case you might ask a good female friend for her take on you.

 

[Fidji999]

great question! I consider myself a mature woman and I'm afraid I have to admit, that "these" tricks still work on me. Not that I want them to, but they do. Must be something unconscious. But then again, this is just me.

As for your friend, well, I guess what she really meant, only she can tell, but it could be, that she wanted to tell you, that you didn't express your feelings as much as she wanted you to. just a thought.

fidji

 

[steph]

Hmmm...what I hear her saying is that woman #1 didn't feel you were showing her enough of yourself. But, you were being you I assume and it probably wasn't meant to be.

I'd throw out all the "how to seduce women" advice. You'll be "mature" a lot longer than you'll be young, IMHO. Every guy I ever get involved with has been well aware that I'm the, uh, "hard-to-tame" type. So nothing I do really comes as surprise to them. Young girls tend to be stupid, and gamers, although obviously there are exceptions. A real woman looks for guys who treat her like gold and is grateful and mature enough to spoil him in return...

XOXO

I had feelings for this woman once and when I told her about my feelings for her she said I wasn't her type, because I don't express myself enough. I told another woman this soon after, and she said that means I'm not aggressive enough. I have for most of my life been on the quiet, passive side.

And another question while I'm at it: there is a lot of stuff out there about "how to seduce women" and "here are the secrets to making a woman find you irresistable", etc. This pretty much consists of not being too "nice", not wanting her too much, planting ideas in her head that she wants me without her realizing it, etc. My question is this: do these "tricks" only work on young immature women or also on more mature women? As I've said in another thread, "mature woman" to me doesn't necessarily mean age, but the way she carries herself, knowing what she wants, etc. Are these "tricks" still necessary when dealing with more mature women who've gotten the game playing out of their system, or are they even necessary at all? Thanks.

 

[slacker2114]

Truly mature women don't require tricks. By this I mean, they've had their fun and have been thru relationships/divorces and such and just know they're looking for someone. If they zero in on you, then she'll most likely come get you. No games, no bullshit. My kinda gals, really. But beware...Many mature women carry lots of baggage, so don't get stuck with all that crap either. If every other sentence is "my ex-husband/boyfriend used to say/do that...", RUN!!!!!! Trust me on this.

As far as not showing enough of yourself....eh, women. Who can figure them out?

 

[Deadsea7777]

I had feelings for this woman once and when I told her about my feelings for her she said I wasn't her type, because I don't express myself enough. I told another woman this soon after, and she said that means I'm not aggressive enough. I have for most of my life been on the quiet, passive side.

And another question while I'm at it: there is a lot of stuff out there about "how to seduce women" and "here are the secrets to making a woman find you irresistable", etc. This pretty much consists of not being too "nice", not wanting her too much, planting ideas in her head that she wants me without her realizing it, etc. My question is this: do these "tricks" only work on young immature women or also on more mature women? As I've said in another thread, "mature woman" to me doesn't necessarily mean age, but the way she carries herself, knowing what she wants, etc. Are these "tricks" still necessary when dealing with more mature women who've gotten the game playing out of their system, or are they even necessary at all? Thanks.

Long ago (decades) my italian teacher, told me her secret about women, she said: if she does not like you, then she does not deserves you.
And I suppose is true for women too.

 

[Mz Chaos]

Another possibility is that she felt she couldn't tell what you were thinking or feeling, and that left her uncertain about where she stood with you. This is a common complaint that women have about men.

That's usually what it means when I say it.
As far as "tricks" are concerned... I can tell when I'm being played or handed a line, but now it's the delivery I'm paying attention to.

 

[TKpervert]

What does it mean when a woman says I don't "express myself enough"?

It means she is insecure and doesn't trust you or the relationship.

Not sure what to do about that. I like kered's answer.

 

[maniactickler]

Im thinking you didnt light her fire or float her boat.

 

[Helena]

Redmage said your style didn't fit her needs. I think that's probably what she meant. I thought that was well said.

I know you may not realize it right now, but when you do find someone who you FIT with, you will actively persue her. I have no doubt. Best wishes!

 

[Moses25]

Q: What does it mean when a woman says I don't "express myself enough"?

A: You're not doting on her enough. Insecure women needs tons of attention...and it only gets worse.

Drop her like a safe, friend.

Cheers.

 

[MrPartickler]

kered, slacker, & moses: ROFL! Thanks for the laughs.

Well, CaptainQuantum how's this for consensus? lol Basically it means different things depending on the woman, the relationship, etc., etc. There's no way to tell from what we know. I'd say: just assume you didn't "click" and move on.

To me the key thing is that you seem to care. Something about the statement, from this woman, seems to make you question some things about yourself and/or what you're doing. That says that you're not very confident about those things. A lack of confidence, as you probably already know, is often a HUGE spash of cold water on almost any interactions with women.

If it's just this woman's comment and you <i>like</i> your approach and what you're doing, just ignore it and move on to someone else; she's not for you. If, however, you'd like to change something about yourself or just become more confident, you still ignore it and you still move on to someone else. But this time you do something <i>different</i>. Try it on for size and decide for yourself if you like it. The "tricks" you speak of really boil down to little more than being and projecting more confidence--and that just comes with practice. That's it, really.

 

[Strider]

Hmm.... well, I've gotten this before, but when I get it, it doesn't mean I'm being too passive (I'm nothing of the sort) it means I have a tendency to become emotionally unavailable. And, well, I do, and it's not necessarily easy for someone else to deal with. At times, I just sort of shut down (for lack of a better term), and even if you're standing next to me, you can just sort of feel the distance.