What if your partner is into tickling and your not?

[ellie]

Hello everyone,

I'd really love to hear from all you people who are into tickling... (which obviously pretty much everyone on here is!)

My partner is into it, but the problem is, I'm not... I'm a twenty something girl living in the USA and my wonderful boy is into tickling, but I don't like it... See, I'm really ticklish and its not a pleasurful thing for me, its more uncomfortable and a real turn off... He says that he doesn't mind and he loves me anyway, but sometimes Im not so sure, and I know he'd love it if I was more into it...

I guess my question here is - what do all you people suggest? Should I just put up with it and let him tickle me sometimes to help our relationship? What would you guys want? Him being tickled is good for him too, so I try and do it sometimes but I never know if I'm doing it right or what.... I love him so much, and hopefully this isn't being mistaken as me calling him a freak or watever, because I don't think that, its just something different than I'm used to and I'm not sure how to handle it.


Thanks everyone
ellie
California, USA

 

[Simm]

maybe compromise. Im into tickling (a tickler by preference) but my wife is not. She enjoys the bondage aspect of my fetish. She also enjoys the intimate touching, light tickling basically. just enough to get the nerves tingly, not tortueous. that is our compromise.

when it comes to foot tickling a nice feather or make up brush gives light enough touches to the point of pleasure, not torture.

 

[rhiannon]

If you seriously don't like to be tickled - and a lot of people don't, more than those who do! - , then there isn't much that can be done about it, it most likely won't change. He still wants to be with you, and I am sure there are more aspects of your love life than just tickling.

It is better to be upfront with it from the beginning than first letting him do it and then later on, possibly when you are married and have kids, not being able to bear it anymore and telling him then to stop.

Doing something that only one partner likes just as a favor will make you unhappy in the long run and will make your sex life very awkward.

If he likes to be passive, too, tickle him! Just go for it, don't worry if you are "doing it right". There is not very much that you actually can do wrong!

 

[daryl]

you guys are off to a good start in that you are so concerned about this. Rhiannon makes excellent points, though. You have to think long=term. Will you be upset if he watches vids on this site to get his fill? Would you be upset if he tickled someone else?

It is unlikely you'll simply stop hating it, but maybe it is something you might try out in different ways. Would he be happy with a much lighter session, where he "teasing tickles" you for only a few seconds, and heavily pleasures you in between those few seconds? Some people do find they come to enjoy it a bit in those circumstances? Perhaps if you have a safeword that INSTANTLY stops action, you'll feel more in control and make it less unpleasant? However you slice it, there are things to play with.

Don't worry about not tickling him right. He can give you feedback or tell you his fantasies so that you get direction.

and what are YOU into, and how indulgent is he with that?

 

[texastickler]

Hello ellie. I can't really say it any better than everyone else has. I was married for 7 years and my ex was not into tickling and was extremely ticklish. She did allow me to purge my fantasies on occasion. I also gave to her what she wanted in return. A little compromise is good in a relationship. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Flatfoot]

Only the two of you can decide what's best. Nobody should submit to something they're not comfortable doing, but I'm also willing to bet he's ultimately not gonna be happy without indulging him. If you're cool with tickling him, don't get all self-conscious about whether or not you're doin' it right. Just gauge his reactions and frickin' torture him! 😛 All kidding aside, it's not much different from oral sex, in that you look for positive responses and act accordingly.

Also, be aware that with him being a switch, he's probably gonna want to eventually reciprocate, so the best thing to do is to communicate with each other immediately about boundaries. I don't know him, but I'm willing to bet he'll just say that it's okay if you guys don't play at all, because he doesn't want to consider the prospect of breaking up, or at the minimum, an argument. That's why it's probably best for you to establish your comfort boundaries right off the bat.

Another option is to allow play outside the relationship. I don't know you, but I highly doubt you'd wanna go that route. One thing to consider about this route is that you'd still have an element of control, because you could have say in who he plays with, and restrict it to just tickling, as long as he's sleeping with only you. Still very strange to some, but it's better than the alternative of cheating.

One other option to consider is to simply break it off. Sexual fetishes are very deeply ingrained in some, and they can be unhappy if they have no outlet. Ultimately, only the two of you can decide what you're both comfortable with, not us, because we're a biased audience. 😉 😛

 

[rhiannon]

Flatfood, don't scare her! 🙂

For some it is just a preferrence, nothing more, and they can very well live without it as long as the sex life is good apart from that single aspect!

Since he still wants to be with her although he knows tickling is unpleasant to her, I don't think there will be a problem at all and I also don't think there will be a need for outside play or for her to go through something she doesn't enjoy!

 

[Radiohead 7140]

I would be disappointed if my girlfriend hated to be tickled, but it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. I had a girlfriend who really wasn't into it, and even though she'd let me tickle her as a favor to me, I never really enjoyed it knowing she disliked it.

It didn't harm the relationship, it just became something I fantasized about instead of acting on.

Good luck

 

[TickledToDeath]

Hello everyone,

I'd really love to hear from all you people who are into tickling... (which obviously pretty much everyone on here is!)

My partner is into it, but the problem is, I'm not... I'm a twenty something girl living in the USA and my wonderful boy is into tickling, but I don't like it... See, I'm really ticklish and its not a pleasurful thing for me, its more uncomfortable and a real turn off... He says that he doesn't mind and he loves me anyway, but sometimes Im not so sure, and I know he'd love it if I was more into it...

I guess my question here is - what do all you people suggest? Should I just put up with it and let him tickle me sometimes to help our relationship? What would you guys want? Him being tickled is good for him too, so I try and do it sometimes but I never know if I'm doing it right or what.... I love him so much, and hopefully this isn't being mistaken as me calling him a freak or watever, because I don't think that, its just something different than I'm used to and I'm not sure how to handle it.


Thanks everyone
ellie
California, USA

Well, perhaps compromising like say him tying you down on the bed and slowly tickling you, in a sensual manner. Perhaps you will build your way to liking it. Or perhaps you should tie HIM down on the bed and tickling him to various levels of intensity.Hopefully things will work themselves out and not become a do or die issue. I kinda doubt you will stand by and allow him to get his tickle fix with other women unless you become a tickler and you and your bf become a tickler team but again, not sure you would be comfy cozie with that scenario either. Either way I do indeed hope it all works out for you one way or another.


Sincerely,

TTD

 

[paracarl44]

HELLO ELLIE, and WELCOME TO TMF.

First of all let me say: . There are many sections to this forum, I hope that you will take your time and look them over. I think what you are really asking about is the intensity of the tickling. You can become aroused by VERY LITE STROKES, rather than hard intense tickling.

I hope to hear from you again, so please look in here and I am sure that your tickling questions will be answered.

 

[rhiannon]

I think what is actually important is what kind of tickling HE likes! If he is into the tickle torture thing, then feathers and light strokes won't do anything for him.

I know I find those arousing, but they are a whole different story than tickling and don't really have anything to do with it IMHO.

 

[maniactickler]

Leave him.

 

[rhiannon]

Don't listen to maniac, nobody does. 😉

 

[Flatfoot]

Flatfood, don't scare her! 🙂

For some it is just a preferrence, nothing more, and they can very well live without it as long as the sex life is good apart from that single aspect!

Since he still wants to be with her although he knows tickling is unpleasant to her, I don't think there will be a problem at all and I also don't think there will be a need for outside play or for her to go through something she doesn't enjoy!

I had no desire to scare anyone. Ellie, the most important thing you can pull from mine, or anyone else's post is for the both of you to communicate and establish your boundaries. Yesterday, I was in a bit of a cynical mood, so I may have let some of that seep into my advice. Like I said, I don't know either of you, so I can only speculate on how important it is to him. However, considering that you're doing research on this for the sake of your relationship, my intuition tells me you think it's pretty important to him. Establish the boundaries as soon as you can! It can spare resentment down the road.

 

[Cavum]

My best advice is to talk with him and not us...
A relationship is about being open with eachother and that you can talk about things. We don't know you or him, so it's only up to you two.

Good luck

 

[maniactickler]

Don't listen to maniac, nobody does. 😉

You do.

 

[rhiannon]

You do.

DAMN, you caught me!!

 

[maniactickler]

DAMN, you caught me!!

Yes. its so obvious.

 

[rhiannon]

Actually I was just looking for an opportunity to use this thing here:

 

[ellie]

Thanks everyone for replying to me!

There is some pretty good advice there, and some of it I took last nite - We talked about it more... I told him that I had posted on here (he is a member too, thats how I found about it)

I don't mind him watching vid's and stuff about it, I've never been the kind of girl to worry about that sort of thing in general, so it really doesn't bother me... It would however both me if he was tickling for sexual purposes with someone else... But I do really appriciate the suggestion and it did give me something to think about for awhile, because I really like him and don't want to lose him.

I feel like I'd really like to say an extra big special THANK YOU to Rhiannon!! Your imput and support on here has been exceptional and thats really fantastic, thats more than what I was hoping for when I first got up the courage to post on here 🙂 So thank you so very much 🙂

I think Im still going to hang around this forum a bit and ask advice when I need it and try and find out more so that I can please him and make him happy, I think he deserves it 🙂

 

[rhiannon]

You are making me blush. 🙂 You're very welcome, I am sure you guys will work everything out just fine, you both seem to be great people!