What's a Daddy to do?

[tkrexx]

My Son turned 18 yesterday, and I haven't really slept since. I really don't know how to express it, but it has affected me profoundly. It's not a depression, but it is a sadness. I try to imagine how this young man sees our world, the world he's next in line to try to tame. All I can envision are isolated moments of the past. The first time he said "Hi." When he figured out the difference between one puppy and two puppies. Chasing squirrells in the park. When he asked me why all the other kids had a Mommy, not a Daddy. The night he got stuck, head first, between the bed and the wall. His first stitches. The hot summer day when the kittens needed a bath in the rain barrel. When we saw a boy two years older than him run down by a car. The first time he saw a mouse, he said, "Zat a bug?" When he brought home the second place medal from the Iowa state JV wrestling tourney. The last time I told him I love him. When his baby sister would leave my arms to go to him. When he told me he'd had sex. (That's m'boy!) His first paycheck. The day he lit a cigarette in front of my Grandfather. When he asked me to shave his head. That Gawdawful lip piercing! When did his beard become thicker than mine?

I simply get the feeling my job is not done, that there's so much more for my Son to learn. I guess it's me who has to learn to let go. He's not going anywhere yet, but that bridge is officially one step closer now. I take comfort in knowing that the relationship he & I share is one of very few, and it's a helluva lot better than the one my Father and I ever had. It's as much of a triumph for me as it is a threshold for him. I suppose I'm allowed a few moments of sadness for that which will never be again, the shaggy-blond, blue-eyed little boy running thru the clover, eating mulberries right off the tree, taking his lack-of-sibling rivalry out on me...Well, I don't really miss that part, but you get the story.

My wife can't quite identify with how I'm feeling just yet...Probably won't until our daughter reaches the age. That's understandable. So, I bring my confusion to the good people of the TMF. Thanks, ya'll, You're great listeners!

Rxx

 

[kandykisses]

Tkrexx, that was so touching. Tears rolled down my cheek the more that I read!
It is nice to see a man, express himself from the heart like that. Most men I know anyway would never open up like that. I can almost see how you feel, but it is like my Gram told my Mom when I moved out. You got to let um go sometime, just don't stop loving them or caring about them. Sounds like to me your son has one great DAD!!!
Thanks for sharing that with us, it truly was touching!



🙂
Have a Merry Christmas!

 

[venray]

I can certainly relate Rexx..I have a 17 Y/O boy who is a senior in school and will graduate this year...My biggest issue is that his mom and I divorced when he was 10,and though I see him and talk with him quite often.....I do not really know the man he is becoming...I keep thinking that I have to do a better job with my now 3 1/2 Y/O and I
know I havent done nearly enough for my oldest.....It worries me greatly.....He is a great kid, but I worry that I did not give him enough of myself while he was growing up......The only thing I can say is to let your son know that he can come to you any time with anything at all and you will be there for him...sometimes that is all they need to form a comfort zone,knowing that dad has "got their back" so to speak.....


Ven

 

[amk714]

Do not despair, Rxx! It sounds like you and your son have a great relationship. I wish I had that good of one with my father--my parents divorced when I was very young, and I don't see him often. He may be growing up, but he'll always be your son! 🙂

 

[JoBelle]

Rexx,
I'm not a Daddy, but will a Mommy's comments be ok?

My son is a hearty kindergarten kid and I find myself wondering how I'll feel when he is of the age to move out on his own in the world. When the moments hit me, I already fret over times that I've made a choice I wish I could change. I suppose it's safe to say that your words alleviate some of that worry. I doubt I'll ever be fret-free so to speak!

I have 6 older siblings. We had the hard_working_dad who didn't really have time for us in our youth. Funny that....now we're closer to him than ever. All in our 30's now, and all turn to Dad regularly for his words. I have a feeling your son will still have at least another 18 years of learning, then the appreciating will kick in. 😉

Happy New Year Rexx! To you and your shaggy-blond, blue eyed little boy.
Joby

 

[tkrexx]

Originally posted by Kandykisses:

It is nice to see a man, express himself from the heart like that. Most men I know anyway would never open up like that.

Yeah, I'm a wuss.

Originally posted by Venray:

I have a 17 Y/O boy who is a senior in school and will graduate this year...I keep thinking that I have to do a better job with my now 3 1/2 Y/O

Ray, I thought I was the only TMF'er ignorant enough to put 14 years between children! Our daughter Eva will be 4 next month. My son Rus' mother & I divorced when he was 1 1/2 years old, and I never forget how lucky I was to win custody (and how lucky Rus is of that fact also; his mother is on her 5th husband as I write this).

Originally posted by Amk714:

It sounds like you and your son have a great relationship. I wish I had that good of one with my father

Alexander, you and I wish for the same thing. Hopefully the only wall between you & your father is getting to know each other. I truly hope you can manage that sometime soon...After all, you're very close to my son's age. But I warn you: It takes Courage on BOTH your part and his.

Originally posted by JoBelle:

I already fret over times that I've made a choice I wish I could change. I suppose it's safe to say that your words alleviate some of that worry. I doubt I'll ever be fret-free so to speak!

Jo, you wouldn't believe some of the things I left out of my little rant...All the things I would change in Rus' life, all the things he had to learn and endure too soon growing up with me as Dad...I hardly saw him for over 3 years, due to his school and my working nights, in fact, when he was YOUR son's age. He needed me then. He has respect for only 3 women I know of. This is due to watching his Dad's lame attempts at trying to please too many spoiled 3rd-grade brats dressed up like ladies. (His term for one of them is "Boiled Spitch!") He spent some really tough years on the verge of poverty, and most of the kids at school picked on him because of it. They don't any more, 'cuz at 5'3" tall he weighs 160#, bench-presses over 200# and wrestles 2 weight classes ABOVE. But he's still so angry. Not as angry as he used to be, he's mellowing some, but things like these don't heal, not completely.
And one very important factor that I always thought I could supply for him, and I was wrong: He's never known a Mother's love.
My Grandmother tells me the worrying, the fretting, never stops. I'll be 41 next month and she still fusses over me like I was 5. And I'll never stop loving her for it.


Thanks all of you, from my heart. Means alot hearing from folks with similar feelings...Kinda like when I first discovered tickling on the 'net! Happy Holidays, all!!

Rxx

 

[amk714]

Alexander, you and I wish for the same thing. Hopefully the only wall between you & your father is getting to know each other. I truly hope you can manage that sometime soon...After all, you're very close to my son's age. But I warn you: It takes Courage on BOTH your part and his.

Thank you, Rxx. My father doesn't live that far from me (3 hrs. by freeway), so it's not a problem as far as travel is concerned. Actually, I'm 8 years older than your son, but I guess that isn't too much of an age difference. It's not that we fight or anything, we just don't see each other a lot. Happy Holidays to you and your family, Rxx. 🙂

 

[venray]

"Ray, I thought I was the only TMF'er ignorant enough to put 14 years between children! Our daughter Eva will be 4 next month. My son Rus' mother & I divorced when he was 1 1/2 years old, and I never forget how lucky I was to win custody (and how lucky Rus is of that fact also; his mother is on her 5th husband as I write this). "


Rexx..LOL.. A combination of a little stupidity...and a little "accident" that resulted in a miracle boy that I wouldn't trade for the world...He keeps me young and wears me out at the same time...

😉

Ray

 

[tactillianlover]

Theres NOTHING wussy about it my friend! A man who isn't interested in his child, now ...

 

[tkrexx]

Apologies, Amk...For some reason I was thinking you were 19...😕

Rxx

 

[amk714]

No apology necessary, Rxx. Heck, I still get asked for ID sometimes when I try to buy a lottery ticket! 😛 And a man NOT interested in his child isn't a wuss, he's a !$#%$^&*! (Use your imagination.) 😀