When sexual tickling meets "for-fun" tickling...what to do

[RobAce]

Ok here is a situation that I am presently in......

A friend of mine that knows of my fetish told me of a cousin of his that likes being tickled....playfully. Well since she does not know me he told her that he has a friend (me) that is really into tickling...he called me a "professional tickler" (cool name huh) and was messing with her about it....until she became interested. Of course he thought she was messing with him and he gave her my phone number.....thinking she was still fooling around.....but she was not. She has called and wants to "play"....but heres is my dilemma, for her as some on this forum are it is just something fun, not sexual at all.
But to me it is a sexual thing...and of course I do not wish to go beyond what someone else "expects". Now this woman is serious about it, and Ive tried being upfront by telling her for me it is not just fun, its one of those things that turn me on....it did not put her off, in fact she thought it was interesting and to a point does not believe me, she can't see how something so "cute" to her can be sexual to someone else.
I gave her the address of the forum, she has read some of the stuff here and still thinks this fetish is rather silly, and is still insisting that we "play".

My problems are a little more than that....she is only 20 years old (Im 35) and I don't want to break her of that "cute" feeling by seeing me become very turned on.....and of course if I do (and I would) get turned on...I would have no way to release it because she does not want to have sex with anyone until she gets married...and I wouldn't have sex anyways....shes way to young and immature for me.

Ive tried politely to turn her down several times, but she calls at least 5 times a week and does her best to try and "coax" me into doing it...she also knows I have a foot fetish and the pics she sends me and the calls are not helping.
I mean, I have a strong will....but even I can only take so much.
She is a cousin of a friend I have had for 10 years, he has tried talking to her but its not helping.

I don't want to alienate someone, or be rude....but perhaps that time is coming. I honestly for the first time in a long time am very confused on what to do. Maybe I should and get it over with, or maybe I try explaining again, or I don't know. Its frustrating for me because if it was just a "fun" thing for me, sure Id do it in a heartbeat most likely....but since it is not, thats what is causing me the trouble....perhaps I'm thinking too much into it...or not.

I don't know....
Well theres my situation....I guess Ill take any advice thats offered, especially from those of you that find tickling fun and not sexual. How would you deal with someone who finds it sexual, would you get grossed out, would it offend you...

Well, Ill be reading what you all think....

Rob

PS. Please don't post "Send her my way" because Id like to read real possible solutions to my problem, not solutions to your problem 😀

Rob

 

[Wolf]

First off...

Bravo, for being so ethical and upfront with this person.

Most of my play partners have been women who didn't have a fetish for tickling, they just thought it was a hell of a lot of fun. Everybody wins.

I think you're going to great lengths to make sure this person knows your feelings, to make sure you're not taking advantage, or luring her into a situation that she's not willing to go into. She's obviously interested, and you obviously have enough ethics and personal honor to not go too far. You've made your own feelings crystal clear, and she is still interested in having fun. Sounds to me like all the "good guy" bases are covered. How can anyone say you acted with anything less than honesty and consideration? If you want to, do it. If not, I'm sure you're honest and direct enough to send her away.

I say, Bon Voyage. And try to ignore the "send her my way" posts.

 

[RavenMoon]

Frankly, if you have told her no, then she is harassing you. You stated that you have explained to her you cannot play with her because it is a sexual act for you and it is not for her. That she would not want to take it to that sexual level. After telling her no, you can't play, and after your friend talking to her as well, she has continued to contact you, trying to convince you to play. I look at that as harassment.

Essentially, it is like a man asking a woman for sex over and over after she has said no (this situation is just used for a clearer example only).

You have done what you could to turn her away from you. You have even given her this forum's address so she can see and hopefully understand, or at least find a partner who is willing to give her what she desires on the level she desires. At this point, if I were in your shoes, I would do one of two things, depending on what my gut said in the situation.

I would either invite her to a gathering so that she could talk with others in person about their tickling and she can view actual tickling, perhaps finally seeing how arroused some participants get. It would either get her to finaly understand and maybe also put her in contact with someone else willing to provide what she desires.

Or I would drop the 'h' word and tell her flatly she is offending you and needs to stop immediately. No more nice politeness. She needs to be aware she is stepping over the line and putting herself in a very bad position with legal ramifications.

Good luck to you in this... I know it is hard and you have to now step carefully...

 

[drew70]

Rob, here's my opinion for whatever it's worth.

I don't believe there's any shame in having a tickling relationship with her, even given that it's sexually stimulating for you and only playful for her. If you avoid her private areas, then it is just tickling, and NOT sexual activity, regardless of your personal feelings about it. The fact that it excites you sexually is your business and nobody else's, not even hers.

If down the road you and she develop a more romantic intimacy, then maybe it could be argued that she has a right to know what floats your boat.

Finally, it's possible and even likely that dispite what she told her cousin (your friend), she DOES get aroused by the tickling, and she's simply not prepared to admit that to a family member.

I say go for it.

 

[Icycle]

That's a tough one Rob. One interesting difference between your situation and some similar situations that have been posted her before, is that it sounds like she would be going into it fully informed. You've told her point blank that tickling is a fetish for you and that it arouses you. You've pointed her at TMF, and if she's spent any time here at all, it should be pretty clear that there are plenty of people with a sexual interest in tickling.

One possibility is that she is actually aroused by tickling, but isn't willing to admit it to anyone. Another possibility is that she is attracted to you, and is interested in physical intimacy with you. It's also entirely possible that she is just interested in a very good, completely platonic tickling session by someone she has good reason to believe would be very good at it. In any case, it sounds like she has given or is willing to give her informed consent to be tickled by you.

But, clearly, for you, this would be a sexual situation. One question you have to answer for yourself: Is this someone you are willing to have a sexual relationship with? I'm not talking about sexual intercourse here or even any long term kind of relationship, but the broader definition of sexual intimacy. This is someone who is signficantly younger and less mature than you, and someone who is the cousin of friend of yours. If this is not someone you are willing to cross that line with, then you should say no.

As for the question of what to do with your pent up sexual energy after an intense, platonic play session, there are plenty of options. If your partner is not interested in sexual intercourse, but both of you are interested in other kinds of sexual intimacy, then something like mutual masturbation could be a good option. Otherwise, you could excuse yourself to the bathroom for a little bit of self stimulation. If you've been totally honest with her, this shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

I think the most important thing is open and honest communcation between the two of you, and being honest with yourself with your own thoughts and feelings.

Good luck with your situtation!

 

[tickles]

.....I think she is "playing" you...and here is why.

You have told her that you don't want to play with her. She persists and sends you pics of her feet....trying to "get" you. She has unstated motives because women generally, don't have to be told twice to get lost. It may just be attention getting....or enjoying teasing you.....but still, she is young....I think your instincts are right on.....stop taking her calls and don't play back.

 

[Redmage]

I'm a little puzzled by this young woman's reaction. If you've told her that tickling is sexual for you, and she says that it is not for her, but still wants to go ahead with a scene, then I think there's something that's not being communicated here. Some possibilities that come to mind...

• She doesn't quite believe you. You need to talk with her and make it clear that it doesn't work as non-sexual play for you.
• She understands, but thinks it would be fun to tease you. You don't need that aggravation.
• She believes you, but has not admitted (perhaps not even to herself) that it's sexually interesting for her as well. You need to sit down and talk with her about why she really wants to do this.

If nothing else, I think you do need to have a talk with her about her motivations. It seems unusual for someone to be this persistent about something that they perceive as no more than a bit of diverting play. If there's even the possibility that she'd be offended by you turning her down, then she cares much more about this than I would expect her to. I don't know if she's innocent, unpleasant, or simply confused, but there's something else afoot here.

I'd say you have two choices: A) Tell her that non-sexual play simply isn't an option, express your regrets, and refuse to negotiate further. B) Ask her to talk with you (preferably in person) about what's really going on, and proceed based on what you learn there (possibly going back to option A).

 

[KrazieDog]

Finally, it's possible and even likely that dispite what she told her cousin (your friend), she DOES get aroused by the tickling, and she's simply not prepared to admit that to a family member.

I say go for it.

I'm with Drew on this one Rob. It's what I was thinking as I was reading your post. I think she's hot for it but doesn't want to tell her cousin about it. Now if you don't want to "play" with her, so be it and be frank with her and tell her to stop calling. But if you are entertaining the idea, tell her again what it means for you and that you want to make sure she is clear with what you are saying. Beyond that I totally agree with both Drew and Icycle in their posts. You only live once!

 

[minerva]

First of all kudos to you for being so thoughtful and considerate of the girls feelings. Lots of guys would probably just jump at the opportunity without giving it a second thought.

I guess deep down inside you already know, it's probably best not to play with her.
After all you told her, I'm not sure, what this girl expects and of course it's difficult to judge since I don't know her, but well, she's still very young and obviously not half as thoughtful as you are. She might simply want to play and experience and hope for some reason you wont get turned on after all, but she might also - maybe even unconsciously - enjoy the fact, that she can turn you on and kind of 'play' with you.

You did not mention if you are attracted to that girl, but since tickling is sexual for you and you consider playing with her I guess you are in some way.
You might - perhaps also unconsiously - hope, she'll eventually enjoy your session in a more than fun way as well. Just a thought.

I don't see how this could be an experience really enjoyable for BOTH of you.
Since you really seem to be a very decent guy, I'm sure, you'll make it enjoyable for her, but I'm afraid, YOU might end up being frustrated.
You will probably have to ask yourself if it's worth the compromise - if you'll be able to find a way to enjoy it without feeling afterwards, that you missed more than you gained.

Whatever you decide to do - all the best to you 🙂

 

[lk70]

Boy, if the roles were reversed I think you'd be seeing so many different answers. I can't really tell if you WANT to play with her? If you do, then what the "go for it" people are saying could be applicable. You've done what you can to make her understand.

Of course, I do believe there are risks in this scenario. She's only 20 and young girls do have a tendency to over-react and over-dramatize. God only knows what she might tell your friend about you if she gets freaked out.

If you don't want to play, then you are well within your rights to get really really rude. She's been completely disrespectful of you. She's behaving like a self-centered immature brat and IMO you'd do best to stay away from her.

Icycle's scenario did cross my mind as well- that she's more into this than she's willing to let on, but that would still concern me. If she's not willing to be honest, there could be trouble later.

I don't think 35-20 is a horrible ratio, if the 20 year old is your more mature type, say like our own TG, but this girl is behaving very immaturely.

 

[marcusb]

Meet up and play with her. The age difference doesn't mean squat. (BTDT, only roles reversed).

I'll bet you anything she's not being honest how it effects her.

Play. See what happens. (blue balls only hurt for a short time 😉 )



.

 

[Capnmad]

First, kudos for being frank, honest, and even dissuasive in your approach. Good things have been said here:

.....I think she is "playing" you...and here is why.

You have told her that you don't want to play with her. She persists and sends you pics of her feet....trying to "get" you. She has unstated motives because women generally, don't have to be told twice to get lost. It may just be attention getting....or enjoying teasing you.....

• She understands, but thinks it would be fun to tease you. You don't need that aggravation.
• She believes you, but has not admitted (perhaps not even to herself) that it's sexually interesting for her as well. You need to sit down and talk with her about why she really wants to do this.

If nothing else, I think you do need to have a talk with her about her motivations. It seems unusual for someone to be this persistent about something that they perceive as no more than a bit of diverting play. If there's even the possibility that she'd be offended by you turning her down, then she cares much more about this than I would expect her to. I don't know if she's innocent, unpleasant, or simply confused, but there's something else afoot here.

I suspect she's sexually curious, and wants to explore what is arousing about this to you, and perhaps see if it is so to her. Of course, she probably won't say this outright, because she's young and you're older, and there are certain things she naturally feels inhibited about discussing, esp. her own sexual interests and curiosities.

You've said yourself that she's immature. Many are at that age -- even those who can put on a good show of apparent maturity for others. Understand there are serious risks involved, therefore, especially to your reputation, if things don't fall out as she wants them to at heart. Do you know what that is? I suspect the reality of it is hard to tell.

I don't tell people what to do, but I'll share with you what I tell everyone when confronted with dilemmas: The very fact that you're posing this question indicates that you're experiencing doubt. Doubt is there for a reason. The safest decisions are more often those that acknowledge doubt and move in the direction of it.


Read these lines carefully, and know that women know their own gender best:

Of course, I do believe there are risks in this scenario. She's only 20 and young girls do have a tendency to over-react and over-dramatize. God only knows what she might tell your friend about you if she gets freaked out.

but still, she is young....I think your instincts are right on.....stop taking her calls and don't play back.

Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

I can't respond but I will leave a comment, you little comment *****. 😀

 

[LD_Tickler]

In terms of why she persists, I think this is one of those very frequent times when occam's razor applies. The simplest answer is probably best. In this case, she's a tease. Many girls like to tease, and in this instance, she gets to tease you by trying to coax you into doing something she finds fun. It's win-win for her.

In any event, I think you're over thinking it. You've been perfectly clear with her. Don't worry about "being fair" to her or "ruining it" for her, or anything like that, because (frankly you can't possibly know and more importantly,) she's an adult - she can make decisions and take risks for herself. You've been as responsible and prudent as you need to be by explicitly telling her your concerns. Her decision after hearing that is hers to make, not yours.

So the only issue you should be mulling over is if you want to do it even though it's only playful. If you do want to, then do it.

 

[RobAce]

Well all an update on this, I talked to her tonight and it she did admit that she is attracted to me, thus her pursuing me. She admitted she might have been to forward with me but just did not want me to think she was messing with me.
She was serious about wanting to try a session with me, and yes she was hoping in her mind that perhaps it would lead to something more. She knows from my friend that I would not date anyone under 25 and she thought maybe she could find a way in. Again just to clarify my personal situation I normally would not consider dating anyone under 25, but there are some 20-25 year olds that are very mature and I would consider. But unfortunately this woman is not. Also she does not want kids or to deal with them right now, and I have my 2 girls living with me. So that complicates things further. Any woman my kids see me with and they start assuming it might be their new mommy someday and I don't want to expose them to someone that wont be there or when she is will not give them the attention I think they deserve.
My kids come first right now, and I have to think of them in every situation.

I explained that to her, and it seems to have taken root that I'm not a "guy" I'm a man. And as such I have responsibilities and I don't simply play for the sake of playing. She understands about my kids and said she didn't think of it, I am the first person she has been interested in that has kids so its new to her. She wants sometime to think about it and told me she will call me later. Personally I think I have discussed all I can and will simply forget about it.
Thanks all for the advice and the kind words.

But we can still continue the discussion about sexual tickling/fun tickling and the molding of two...if its possible.

Rob

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Well, I only read 2 or 3 of the responses, and I agree that you've more than lived up to your responsibility to let her know exactly what she's getting into. It's quite possible that it turns her on too, and she's just too shy to admit it to you because you might tell her cousin.

It sounds like you're not concerned that you're going to be so overcome with sexual frustration that you jump on top of the girl and have your way with her. You just don't want to be having fun tickling away and all of a sudden she notices that you've got a boner and she's grossed out and now she's offended, you're embarrassed, and the fun is out the window. She knows this is going to happen and she's okay with it. I don't believe that she doesn't believe you. I think that's just her way of saying it's okay without saying it's okay, because she's so sexually inexperienced, maybe she's not sure how to handle this situation.

Long story short, there's a guy friend of mine who has no idea that I like to be tickled, but still tickles me all the time. Do I get turned on? Absolutely! Do I tell him, "Please stop tickling me because you're turning me on and that's wrong." Hell no LOL If you're turned on and she's not, you're not hurting anything. Just know your boundaries and respect them, and you can tickle her all night 🙂

Good luck and let us know what you decide 🙂

 

[vsa7a]

perhaps as you may have indicated you want to retain your character. you may as well want to say sorry but you must decline because youre a grown man and shes only like a little kid compared to you so that would seem too awkward. sometimes some tickling as much as you want to do it you would agree you must decline. otherwise it would be a faux pas and even you agree that it would be a needless false move for yourself.

 

[jj82277]

I'm with Drew on this one Rob. It's what I was thinking as I was reading your post. I think she's hot for it but doesn't want to tell her cousin about it. Now if you don't want to "play" with her, so be it and be frank with her and tell her to stop calling. But if you are entertaining the idea, tell her again what it means for you and that you want to make sure she is clear with what you are saying. Beyond that I totally agree with both Drew and Icycle in their posts. You only live once!

WOW.

 

[jj82277]

Meet up and play with her. The age difference doesn't mean squat. (BTDT, only roles reversed).

I'll bet you anything she's not being honest how it effects her.

Play. See what happens. (blue balls only hurt for a short time 😉 )



.

another wow.

 

[jj82277]

Well all an update on this, I talked to her tonight and it she did admit that she is attracted to me, thus her pursuing me. She admitted she might have been to forward with me but just did not want me to think she was messing with me.
She was serious about wanting to try a session with me, and yes she was hoping in her mind that perhaps it would lead to something more. She knows from my friend that I would not date anyone under 25 and she thought maybe she could find a way in. Again just to clarify my personal situation I normally would not consider dating anyone under 25, but there are some 20-25 year olds that are very mature and I would consider. But unfortunately this woman is not. Also she does not want kids or to deal with them right now, and I have my 2 girls living with me. So that complicates things further. Any woman my kids see me with and they start assuming it might be their new mommy someday and I don't want to expose them to someone that wont be there or when she is will not give them the attention I think they deserve.
My kids come first right now, and I have to think of them in every situation.

I explained that to her, and it seems to have taken root that I'm not a "guy" I'm a man. And as such I have responsibilities and I don't simply play for the sake of playing. She understands about my kids and said she didn't think of it, I am the first person she has been interested in that has kids so its new to her. She wants sometime to think about it and told me she will call me later. Personally I think I have discussed all I can and will simply forget about it.
Thanks all for the advice and the kind words.

But we can still continue the discussion about sexual tickling/fun tickling and the molding of two...if its possible.

Rob

i fully understand the situation and i think that it worked out for both parties the best that it could. just to clarify for the psych 101 guys you said that she hoped it lead to something more. was it an actual interest in tickling that caused the attraction or was it the attraction that caused her to be neutral to okay with the tickling?

 

[leechmaster]

I'm not usually this pathetic, but I definitely think your girls are lucky to have such a responsible dad. When opportunities like yours arise, many guys wouldn't have given matters only half as much thought as you did. Bravo.

 

[RobAce]

First off....
again thanks to everyone who has replied.

just to clarify for the psych 101 guys you said that she hoped it lead to something more. was it an actual interest in tickling that caused the attraction or was it the attraction that caused her to be neutral to okay with the tickling?

It was the attraction to me that made her neutral to okay with my fetish. She always enjoyed tickling, but never thought of it as a sexual thing. Kind of like the friend that like giving indian burns to his friends. Not sexual just something he likes to do.

I'm not usually this pathetic, but I definitely think your girls are lucky to have such a responsible dad. When opportunities like yours arise, many guys wouldn't have given matters only half as much thought as you did. Bravo.

Thank you. Ive gotten a lot of responses like this. Its just the way I am. My kids will always come first.

Rob

 

[WorkInProgress]

The one thing I would toss in here, as a general principle, is that when you're a ticklephile, having a tickling session with someone can be the equivalent of making out with that person, and you have a much right to decline a tickling session as you do to decline to make out. From reading your first post, I'm not surprised that she turned out to be both a sexual ticklephile (if I'm interpreting your post correctly) and attracted to you, and the situation does boil down to a fairly simple equivalent of her wanting to make out with you. If you don't want to, you don't want to. (I know you're already several steps ahead of this stage, but I'm reading the whole thread for the first time now.)

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

you must decline because youre a grown man and shes only like a little kid compared to you so that would seem too awkward.

I disagree with this completely. I'm 22 and I am friends with people, men and women, all the up into their 50s, and none of them seem like "old men" or "old women" to me, and I'm sure I don't seem like "a little kid" to most of them. As far as tickling is concerned, I wouldn't feel awkward being tickled by any of them, and a few them I know don't feel awkward tickling me because they do it LOL particularly a guy in his late thirties. I think if you're friends with someone regardless of age, you can tickle or be tickled regardless of age.

 

[P[a]pi]

I think the whole sexual for you, not sexual for her thing would have been do-able, perfectly fine, actually.

The real problem was the age difference and the fact that you have kids.

No big deal. You want a female on your level and you want a motherly figure for your kids.

Good job at resisting your urges by the way. You did the right thing.



When I tie up and tickle my girlfriend it's not sexual to her, but it is to me. We don't have any problems because she is willing to give me a release at the end if I want one.

When she ties me up and tickles me it's sexual for both of us.