When Trust Is Violated

[kate_bbw_lee]

Before beginning, I just wanted to make the point that anyone with scene experience, either in tickling, bdsm, or both, knows that you NEVER take pics, video, or record a session by any means without an agreement between all the participants or viewers involved.
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I am a lee and my husband is a ler. Although we enjoy playing together, we periodically will meet with another ler or lee, usually in a roleplay scenario. Anytime that we meet others, we insist that the meeting be discrete.

After meeting a ler today, he called my husband to let him know that he secretly recorded the session. Then he asked him if he wanted a copy. Can you believe the nerve of this jerk? He thinks that we don't know who he is, but have his license plate number and his check-in info.

To say the least, we are both appalled. To say that we are pissed would be an understatement. We know what we would like to do, but bullets have become rather expensive.

I would like a consensus of opinions. What would you do: out the guy to warn other couples/ladies, beat him with a sack of oranges, invite his wife to lunch, or what? I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation.

Thanks,
Kate

 

[Bugman]

What would you do: out the guy to warn other couples/ladies, beat him with a sack of oranges, invite his wife to lunch, or what



Sounds like a good start.What a gigantic ass!

 

[Chaneda]

...

Before beginning, I just wanted to make the point that anyone with scene experience, either in tickling, bdsm, or both, knows that you NEVER take pics, video, or record a session by any means without an agreement between all the participants or viewers involved.
----
I am a lee and my husband is a ler. Although we enjoy playing together, we periodically will meet with another ler or lee, usually in a roleplay scenario. Anytime that we meet others, we insist that the meeting be discrete.

After meeting a ler today, he called my husband to let him know that he secretly recorded the session. Then he asked him if he wanted a copy. Can you believe the nerve of this jerk? He thinks that we don't know who he is, but have his license plate number and his check-in info.

To say the least, we are both appalled. To say that we are pissed would be an understatement. We know what we would like to do, but bullets have become rather expensive.

I would like a consensus of opinions. What would you do: out the guy to warn other couples/ladies, beat him with a sack of oranges, invite his wife to lunch, or what? I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation.

Thanks,
Kate

1) NEVER play with this individual again. This breaking of trust, at this level and of this magnitude, is, in my humble opinion, not forgivable.

2) No need to really out him in public, though if this happened at a gathering word of it would spread like wild fire and he'd never get any more play time or might not be invited back to the next iteration of the gathering.

3) Let him know how wrong this was of him to do.

In any case, I am sure there are others who can keep more specific advice. Good luck trying to deal with this in a non-violent way. (If someone did this to my wife I'd hire the Peruvian mafia to take him out.) 🙂

- Chaneda

 

[StuGatz9]

Email him a copy of his check-in info along with a copy of his plate number.

It will create a stalemate and you should be safe.

 

[Coda]

Kate,

If you think it's even slightly possible that he isn't as clear on the rules as you are, send the person a letter immediately (from you and your husband) that makes it clear that recording without full consent is completely unacceptable to you. The process of reading clear verbiage on this sort of thing does help it be understood, probably better than face-to-face or the phone.

 

[marcusb]

Have a lawyer draft a stern letter demanding that any and all copies of the tape be surrendered immediately or you will take action.

That should do the trick.

 

[Oddball]

What Marcusb said, get a lawyer and have all the recorded information about it all be sent back to you, and if it gets leaked at all, I'm sure you have plenty of grounds to take legal action.

And if this person is someone that goes around to gatherings, do make sure to get the word out about him. Just because he told you both he secretly video taped it, doesn't mean he will tell other people he mets, and this problem has to be nipped in the bud.

 

[the wiz]

He is the reason why people are so apprehensive about sharing their love for tickling with others. This sub-human (for lack of a better term) has broken the essences of trust.

He needs to not only be banned from any and all gatherings; he needs to be banned from this community.

 

[venray]

Contact him and let him know he violated the rule..(amonst other things)

In the email let him know you have his plate and other info...

Tell him if the tape gets out in any form that you will sue him..

Out him to those that run gatherings and anyone you know that plays with other couples that may come into contact with him..

 

[PiperGK1]

That's so immoral. Sack of oranges sounds good, especially if its strapped to the hood of your car at 50mph.

I'd kill the fucking jerk myself. However there are probably more discrete ways of handling it. Find out exactly where he lives, hire some goons and rough him up until he gives up the tape.

Oh, and definitely out the bastard. What's his name and license plate number?

 

[alex]

I'm with Oddball. A letter from a lawyer will put the fear of God in him. The small expense will be worth it.

 

[tickmankyle1]

He is the reason why people are so apprehensive about sharing their love for tickling with others. This sub-human (for lack of a better term) has broken the essences of trust.

He needs to not only be banned from any and all gatherings; he needs to be banned from this community.

wiz i agree that is so wrong hearing that pisses me off so much. later

 

[RobAce]

Contact him and let him know he violated the rule..(amonst other things)

In the email let him know you have his plate and other info...

Tell him if the tape gets out in any form that you will sue him..

Out him to those that run gatherings and anyone you know that plays with other couples that may come into contact with him..

I agree with all that Venray said. I especially would let those that run gatherings and other couples you know.
Very important for those that run gatherings to know these things.

Rob

 

[TicklingIsLife]

why not out him to everyone else?
keep his identity secret so he can do this to someone else...

 

[FeatherFeet]

people who have never (or at least never been discovered doing something immoral) really dont get that ruining someone's life for it (by banning them from a community for one mistake) never helps anyone. the act is already done and I agree it was very wrong, but perhaps the person didn't understand just HOW wrong it was. I'd talk to him first, feel him out, see if he feels remorse for it and will give the tapes back willingly. If he doesn't, then persue legal action like others suggested. if that doesn't work, and he seems to have intentions of doing it again (or has already done it before this time) and has been previously warned, then it would be good cause to tell people all about him and warn them.

the problem with our society is people dont take a warning as a warning, it becomes a witch hunt. and yeah yo ucan be all like "well people should know to stay away from him because of this!" but alot of times that type of mentality about a person just causes the person to become that type of person, when in the first place they just made a mistake.

its like the jail system. you have someone whose young who made a mistake and then they get a record and no one wants to hire them because they have the record so they cant get honest work. what choice do they have to live except to steal at that point?

people get too desensitized in this world, but its not to violence...people get too desensitized to the sentances they issue for crimes that might not be worth it. how many judges do you think have ever spent a day in jail? none prolly. because you cant become one with a record. so...these people sit on their high horse and hand out sentances that they have no idea what they must be like for looking at sheets of paper that said "this person did this." seems a little screwy if you ask me,

just as screwy as someone saying "BAN HIM BAN HIM, KEEP ANYONE FROM PLAYING WITH HIM EVER AGAIN!" when they don't know much about the situation other than the immoral act itself, or anything aobut the intentions or the person, or even if the person actually did it. (cuz its possible that he only said it to get them riled up)

just my two cents...which is really more like a quarter i guess ^.^

 

[AffectionateDan]

I would like a consensus of opinions. What would you do: out the guy to warn other couples/ladies, beat him with a sack of oranges, invite his wife to lunch, or what? I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation.

All of the above, for starters. This turd needs be flushed before he pollutes the room. Whom else has he done this to, I wonder? And what would motivate someone to do this to another person? What an asshole. Better off spending the rest of his life in the foundation of a new building somewhere.

 

[TicklesFemales]

Kate you are so right this guy is a jerk it sounds like. I have advertised in here that I would tickle another man's wife or girlfriend while they watched, took photos or videotaped the action but I would never secretly do something like this. If a videotape or pictures are to be made of any tickle session it should be agreed upon by all participants involved. I if I were you would never meet this guy again if he secretly did this and then called your husband asking him if he wanted a videotape of it. I would be very upset also. Discretion is a must for most people and I respect that wish, as I want discretion too. Hope this guy gets to read all these messages in here that others have posted on this subject. Anyway nice to meet you Kate....

TicklesFemales

 

[DimpleToes]

He is the reason why people are so apprehensive about sharing their love for tickling with others. This sub-human (for lack of a better term) has broken the essences of trust.

He needs to not only be banned from any and all gatherings; he needs to be banned from this community.

I agree.... TELL US HIS NAME>> SO WE CAN GIVE HIM THE COLD SHOULDER AND HE WILL GET THE MESSAGE... that was so wrong.... and ppl wonder why I dont play like that....this is just the reason....

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

Lots of understandable angry responses, but the legal approach sounds the correct one to me.

At one end of the scale he could have filmed this, in order to get his rocks off at a later point, at the other end of the scale he may be thinking that this is something he can blackmail you with later (say sending it to an employer etc.). By getting your lawyer involved straight away, he will be left in no doubt of the severity of the consequences if he doesn't return all copies of the tape.

The other point is members here do have a right to protection, so as part of a legal condition of no further action, he should be instructed to come onto this forum of his own validation and both apologise and explain himself.

 

[the wiz]

Can we bring back Tar, feathers and then run him out on a rail?

 

[booberrytickle]

Sorry, to pipe in with a legal opinon. While the descrete nature of the situation may make anyone apprehensive about enforcing legal rights, it should be noted that secretly recording someone in a private setting is illegal in many states (Pennsylvania and Illinois are two examples). Pennsylvania's wiretapping law is a "two-party consent" law. Pennsylvania makes it a crime to intercept or record a telephone call or conversation unless all parties to the conversation consent. The law typically does not cover oral communications when the speakers do not have an "expectation that such communication is not subject to interception under circumstances justifying such expectation." Therefore, you may be able to record in-person conversations occurring in a public place without consent. In some other states (and under federal law) a "one party" consent law is in effect, under which someone can record a conversation if only one party consents.

Aside from the moral and ethical issues with this type of behavior, let's not lose sight of the fact that the recording likely was an illegal act (if in Pennsylvania or any of the other "two party consent" states). Civil and criminal penalties may also be applicable. I know that there is diminished practical likelihood of reporting a "crime" like this, given the nature of the "meeting". But awareness of potential legal issues may be some deterrent (maybe).

 

[xSamanthax]

Oh wow, hon, I am sorry this has happened to you guys. I have no problem being on camera but I would still be pissed if it was done without consent. That is just all kinds of wrong.

I think I would get a lawyer involved. Like someone else suggested, have the lawyer send a letter demanding the destruction of the tape, all copies, the master, everything or face legal action.

And I would absolutely let the community know. As someone trying to organize a tickle party...these kinds of things are a real concern. Spy cams these days are tiny and easy to hide. Could you imagine if this guy made it to a gathering or tickle party?? I think he gave up his right to privacy when he violated yours.

 

[Capnmad]

Totally unacceptable.

Advice has mostly been said already -- I echo 1 & 3 of Chaneda's remarks, and all suggestions of Ray's.

Secondly, first consultations with lawyers are usually free and can inform you as to your legal options. Check it out and explore the angles. No one here will help you like a lawyer will.

If they do anything to damage your reputation or even threaten to do so, and you have the option, and the wherewithal including money, sue the fuck out of them. And if you don't have the money yet, start saving so you eventually can.

People have to learn, and really, you can tell folks here whatever, but no one here will teach them.

Judges, and garnished wages to pay compensatory and punitive damages will.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

Your anger is totally understandable. I'd want to take his head off. However, since that's not an option here perhaps some other things to do.

To handle this guy...

Send him a copy of the personal info. you have on him. (There are some here who can probably get you more info. if he's active in the community...especially if he has any web sites.) That alone should convince him to watch his step.

Let him know that his actions were/are totally unacceptable and that you want the original recording and any potential copies destroyed or legal action will be taken...whether civil, criminal or both.

Let at least gathering hosts know of his identity so we can all be on the lookout. (It may or may not mean him being banned. But, we'd be damned sure to pay special attention to him in explaining the rules to people.)

For future encounters....

Write up what is or isn't acceptable to you (point by point) and make anyone you meet with read and sign it before you agree to play. Then, they can't wuss out and claim ignorance later on.

Good luck! There are plenty of great folks in this community to meet up with. I'm sorry you got screwed by this guy. I hope it doesn't color your opinion of the community as a whole.

 

[booberrytickle]

Just to follow up on the lawyer angle (with the caveat that I practice in Illinois and not Pennsylvania), the costs of getting an attorney involved, even to write one letter, cannot be undersestimated. "free consulatations" will not result in any actual legal work, but merely an explanation of potential rights and remedies. Actually pursuing a civil case (for an injunction, damages or otherwise) is not likely to be cheap, easy or quick. I brought up the statute to just make everyone aware of it in this context, and to reiterate the real lesson to be learned here...that trust should be the paramount concern in any meeting. Unfortunately, access to the legal system is often reserved for people with the means to pay for it (although I try to do pro bono work, too) and, based on some cases in which I was personally involved, getting a remedy once an image or recording is out on youtube or otherwise on the internet is not an easy process. There is sadly a big difference between what remedies you may be legally entitle to and the practicalities relating to getting to achieving those remedies. That being said, you never know which lawyers out there (like me) who may be especially sympathetic to tickling community issues.