When Trust Is Violated

[steph]

some rambling thoughts...

Good call Stu. "We Know What You Did This Summer...and will track you down if need be..." I would totally pull something like this on someone who deserved it.

Seriously, he may have broken the law as some have mentioned, states vary and you might be able to prosecute (civilly and/or criminally) and could be entitled to damages if his "tape" gets out. (You'll pretty much 100% will never get back the original, BTW.) But it's a long process and esp if it's a first offense, probably nothing will happen to him. Unless he's making money off of it.

And this isn't legal advice but you can draft your own "attorney's letter" to this douchebag. He probably won't know how to verify if you're faking the funk.

This is a very stupid person~why the hell would he "confess" such a thing? Is he thinking he can scare you into getting money from you? You're not a Hilton or anything, are you?

If he's one of us, I'd out him here. Big time. He may take it further next time and with someone more naive. Speaking of naive, did you even check this guy out at all? Sorry, don't mean to come down on you (and I'll probably catch hell for this) but if you have hubby's permission and little or no killer instincts, you have to control the situation next time. (Read: YOU secure the joint so this never happens again with the next guy you meet with.) Even then, you might just have to chalk it up. These days, they can put a cam in anything. Best of luck and let us know how it goes, ok?
XOXO

Email him a copy of his check-in info along with a copy of his plate number.

It will create a stalemate and you should be safe.

 

[Capnmad]

If he's one of us, I'd out him here. Big time.

If you're going to "out" anyone anywhere publicly, I wouldn't do it here. Considered a GR Violation, it might get wiped within minutes to hours, depending on circumstances. Don't want you to get in trouble with a rule violation.

Tickletheater has mostly the same membership but different posting standards, including:

"Members may not post damaging comments or attacks on individuals or businesses without reasonable proof of wrongdoing."

(emphasis mine)

They prefer kindness, of course (who doesn't?), but according to their rules, will presumably accept this sort of "outting" provided you can offer justification in the form of "reasonable proof". What you're talking about doing is not acceptable here nor supported by any written rules, nor is there any standard of evidence of wrongdoing accepted unless you're given some special Mod/Admin seal of approval.

I'd just advise you stay within the guidelines set forth by the respective Forums, and therefore, recommend "outting"s be done where such actions would be supported. They don't seem welcome here.

And like I said -- free consultations with lawyers are still free. Review your options and your finances and act accordingly. If need be, save your pennies. I'm putting away money for a rainy day anyway -- this economy sucks. Saving's always good advice.

Best wishes and I hope the matter gets settled to your satisfaction.

 

[steph]

Thank you Cap. I do respectfully disagree with you. I'm not saying publish the guy's full legal name, license plate etc., BTW. To me, GR is more about hurting someone's feelings. He didn't care about the OP's feelings when he taped her without consent, why should anyone care about protecting HIM? I mean for a lot of people this is a private matter and this kind of behavior threatens that. People with professional lives, families even. What if this gal was YOUR sister?

I would leave that decision (to print or not to print) up to the mods~if it were me, I'd want to know there was some douchebag out there doing this. Of course I'm speaking as a woman, something you (hopefully) have no experience being. 😀 To me, it's an issue of safety and respect. This goes WAY over the line in my (never) humble opinion, as Knox would say. He's capable of this, then what else? Does he tape himself having sex with girls too? I mean typically this kind of behavior starts somewhere and then escalates. This gets dull for him after awhile and then he starts raping them, maybe murdering them. Maybe if the worst this guy does is tape you, you got off lucky is my point. The other is that as females we need to stick together and protect each other a community as a whole we need to do the same.


But since you mention reasonable proof, you made me think of something else.
The thought did occur to me that maybe the guy never taped her at all, maybe he's just trying to start trouble...
XOXO

 

[Ayla ny]

He most likely thinks of women as objects for his amusement and assumes that your husband does too (since he asked him if he wanted a copy). Your husband should kick his ass for assuming this of him as well as for violating the privacy of someone he loves.

But… since ass kicking is the stuff of high school … I agree with letting gathering hosts know and maybe even any women who PM you and ask who he is.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

here's my take on things.

First, do i think what this guy did was wrong? Deffinitly.

However, i do wonder if he really realized how wrong his actions were. I don't know the guy. I don't know how old or how experienced they are, but it seems a little strange to me that somebody who makes a secret recording would call up the other persons husband and ask if they want a copy. Thats like taking money out of a womens purse and then calling up the husband and asking if he wants to split it.

I would talk with this guy first and make sure he understands just how far he's crossed the line. Then go from there.

 

[Lttg]

Several people have given this advice already, but don't listen to the forum vigilantes. Possibly the community thinks that it can handle it's own problems but remember this is simply a public message board and any action like revealing details about this person can and will A) get you in legal trouble yourself B) harm your legal case.
Your first port of call in a situation like this is a lawyer, you need to contact one and find out exactly where you stand.

And to the forum members encouraging her to share the details: please don't . I know it would be satisfying to name and shame, but it really won't help with actually bringing this guy down (user names are so easy to change, after all). And metaphorically, you're the peasants gathered around the chopping block hoping to see someone get what's coming to them 😛 a hard human trait to control, i know, but it needs to be done so that the proper authorities can deal with it.

 

[PlayfulCarbonara]

Definately look into some form of legal action. Whatever the cost, if you don't do something about that video, there's a good chance it could end up on the net.

If you are going to tell the community about him, don't go giving personal information. Assuming the post isn't flat out deleted, you could end up getting into a little trouble yourself. Instead, if you know his forum name... post away! Let the community know. I would, however, alert the gathering people about him. Whatever info you have on him, you might want to let MTP Jeff, etc, hear about. Just don't post that stuff on a public board.

I know a few people were saying not to judge a person so harshly for their first offense... but I'm sorry, in this sort of thing I think you really only get 1 strike, depending on how far you go. This was not an "oops honest mistake" kind of thing. This man not only violated your privacy, but also possibly broke a law that could land him jail time and fines. He committed a criminal act with YOU as the victim... that's not something that I can condone the mindset of "Well, it was only 1 little mistake". His one little mistake went way too far. I wish that everyone who is saying that would stop and think what it would be like to be in her shoes right now. He has that video. With about 2 hours work, the whole WORLD could have that video. Friends... FAMILY... it would be available for anyone and everyone to see. Is that "1 little mistake"? No, I didn't think so.

If it were legal, I'd say tell the community all you know about him. But you can't. You CAN however, tell them his username. You CAN tell the info to gathering leaders. You CAN get a legal counsel. And maybe, if you're lucky, you can see this guy go to jail.

 

[Adam]

Hmmmm...

Wow, what an absolute prick! As others have said, a letter from a lawyer is probably the best way to go. However, I can see how that would be embarrassing for you to go through. I'd probably first call him and tell him that he violated a huge rule and see how he reacts. If he gets snippy, or doesn't react to the fact that you could a)ruin his reputation in the community and b) have his information, then the lawyer may be your only real option. As for outing him, I actually think it may be necessary. If he's done this before, he very well likely will do it again to another unsuspecting female. Just my opinion.

 

[BorisandNatasha]

In this case, the person should be made known so others do not get roped into the same situation.

Boris

 

[mustangtickler]

Im not tryin to speculate here, but im just sayin... I would sure hate to be some guy on the personals section right now with some dialogue with her about a tickle session with someone in their area.. 😵

nuff said

 

[Oddjob0226]

Maybe you should keep your eye on YouTube, MySpace, etc. in case that video starts to leak out. A little caution, just in case.

 

[kered]

I don't know your financial situation or much about this type of law so I'll leave that to you and your family bottom-feeder. But as to whether you let people know the screen name of this tick turd so others, including the people who hold gatherings, simply go to MTP Jeff or better yet Myriads. Just send either of them a short pm and have them read this thread. It's their website so you will at least get a final word about whether you want to let people know who it was that did this to you.

 

[tkrunner]

Who is this guy?

 

[giggle-maker]

Out him for the safety of the other girls in the group

 

[mustangtickler]

if they met on the forums, chances are it can be found out without her saying. Thats what i tried to say before.. Took me like 5 mins to get a PRETTY DECENT idea.. ppl should look thru the personals more

 

[mustangtickler]

Sheesh, this is turning into a witch hunt whether Kate wanted it to or not..

 

[TMF Jeff]

I just want to step in her and say that this is not the place for naming people who have allegedly done you wrong.

Whether it's true or not, one person "outing" another person for violating them opens us up to the possibility of people using the forum to assassinate another person's character by making a false claim of this kind.

 

[LuckyAndre]

...I guess the Prinicpal had the final say. Ok everyone, back to your seats and classes. Let's begin reading on page 31.......

*psst...Send "him" to LuckyAndre...I'll straighten his brusing ass out!