Why are women so concerned about a guy being "fun" and "exciting" when that's not how

[kered]

I don't believe your problem has anything to do with women themselves, its how your viewing them. Times have changed. "get with the times man". (that phrase just seemed appropiate) Women have ambitions and dreams just like men.


More often than not, Women want many of the same things guys desire. We want a life where we are fulfilled, wanted, needed, loved ect. For some people, being a wife and mother is enough. But, that isn't true for us all! Some of us need/desire to be more than that. Having a guy who is fun or exciting adds spice to life and relationships but it's not all we look for.

^ Very good points indeed!
I realize that the OP has probably had a different view of life than I did bit here goes.

Connecting and having fun with someone doesn't really require a lot of work or money. I learned from my parents that spontineity is a great boost to a relationship. My mother lived over fifty years with my father and had a great life with him. It is all about how you perceive the other person. both had great senses of humor and though both my Dad and Mom busted their asses working they made everyday fun and exciting. Please don't confuse the responsibilities of adulthood with giving up on living. And 35 years of age is just a starting point. Believe me! If you have a mind for it it can be the best time you could ever have and just gets better every year.

So I would suggest sticking your neck out every once in a while. There just might be a chance for you to get to know someone who makes everyday an adventure if that is what you are truly seeking.

 

[Saeria]

Hehe, the whole conforming to gender roles bit always kinda gets me. There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting things a certain way, or even having them in a traditional fashion as likely some were raised. Once upon a time, the man worked hard for his family and the woman worked hard to keep the home and children in working order. Unfortunately these roles tend to get skewed through the events that shape a person's life.
I'd much rather do the providing myself, at least then i know my daughter and i are taken care of. Meh, maybe it's a control thing, but really, nothing beats coming home to a clean house, a well taken care of kid, and a warm bath. So i guess, with all this said, i kinda understand the OP a little. But wait, i'm a woman...
Maybe this, then is what happened to the traditional housewife. Too many of us get burned by men posing as "providers". It's not really a gender thing at all, it could happen to any house husband just as easily.
We find the niche in life that best suits us. Man or woman, we all have a set of expectations we place on ourselves. For some, they are traditional, for others they are morphed and made personal. Both ways are good, but there is always a such thing as expecting too much. No one is ever going to fit "just perfect" without help. Love fills in the gaps that are created by a person's imperfections, that is where one finds someone who is "just perfect."

 

[Capnmad]

What the hell happened to women whose only real goals in life were to be a wife and a mother?? And that was all they really cared about...they didn't care how "fun" or "exciting" he was, just that he was safe. Not that I want kids, I don't like kids they would inconvenience me and impose on my "me time" which I need a lot of.

First, a little bit about me. I'm 35, never had a girlfriend and a virgin. Its mainly because I care much more about a woman loving me, being "mine", wanting only me, than I do about sex. When I tell a woman I like her romantically, she always says "sorry I don't feel the chemistry, I only like you as a friend", which makes me feel very unattractive which I am very insecure about to begin with. For my sexual urges I would much rather tickle a woman's feet and then masturbate on her feet, than have sex with her. What I want from a woman most is for her to want ONLY me, be in love with me, treat me like I'm attractive, important, stroke my ego, etc. I'm rather timid and very passive. I'm not the high testosterone, competitive, Type-A Personality. In fact, I'm probably pretty close to the opposite. I like to play video games and surf the internet. That's it. I'm very lazy.

My problem with women is how they all seem to be looking for a guy who is "fun" and "exciting", "unpredictable", etc. If a guy needs her too much, he must not have much to offer, according to what I read about women on the internet. My problem is, that's not how real life is! Fun and exciting is for young people, adult life isn't fun or exciting, and it should be as predictable as possible, to avoid anything bad happening. Real life is going to work, paying the bills, coming home and watching tv, eating dinner and going to sleep, then you do the same the next day. This is why women get hurt so much by guys who seem "fun" and "exciting" but end up cheating on or abusing them. They have to realize they basically have 2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy.

Oy.

Okay, so honestly, let's tally this up...

What you want:

A wife and at least prospective mother who loves only you.
Get a chance to tickle and masturbate on her feet now and then (not for me, but we all got our kinks).
Emotional security ("being 'mine', wanting only me", "for her to want ONLY me, be in love with me, treat me like I'm attractive, important, stroke my ego, etc.").


What you offer:

Passivity.
Laziness.
Your face watching a screen.
Your personal emotional needs.
Knowledge of a woman gleaned from what you read.
Being a male of the species, presumably a phallus.
Presumably financial stability with a steady job.


Look at that list. There's several instances in which a good dildo would break even or surpass what you offer. Simply, you're not offering enough for what you're seeking. It's like going to a supermarket to buy a bunch of groceries, and when the tally comes up on the cash register now that they've scanned everything in, you say, "Okay, now I want to haggle it down. Waaaaaayyyy down."

Guess what you're not going to get?

Groceries.


Believe it or not, there are happy middle grounds between dull and reliable and being an exciting bad boy. There's the fun, interesting, and stable good guy.

But until your desires for female companionship (or simply a better life) are such that they motivate you to stop using "passivity" and "laziness" as character traits, and you realize they can be unlearned as easily as they are learned in pursuit of the woman and the life you want; until you get motivated enough to offer something in return and seek to fulfill her needs beyond financial stability (which most women can do themselves, hence your total obsolescence), you will be in the same state of affairs. Right now, you're in your comfort zone, and too content to move, asking instead that women offer themselves to you at your doorstep. And it's not going to happen.

But as long as the contentedness of being where you are outweighs the desire for female companionship, you'll stay there, comfy in your trappings, and totally alone.

Decide what you want. You haven't done it yet.

 

[slacker2114]

You know, I've been coming back to this all day, trying to think of something insightful and useful to say. But every time I read the original post, all I see in my head is this...

Yeah. If you want a woman, don't be like this guy. Seriously.

 

[BlackestLily]

Oy.

Look at that list. There's several instances in which a good dildo would break even or surpass what you offer.

I kept looking at the original post, trying to ponder a more eloquent way of describing my feelings upon reading all of this, but quoting this ends up representing my thoughts without nearly as many words as I would use.

So there, that.

 

[Dussicar]

stoopit peepl hoo mak flame-tard threds iz roxxor!

 

[NukeLaloosh]

I forgot that it's not 1954.

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Okay so I mean it's your opinion and all, but wow.....it just does not sit well with me, and I really don't know how you can find happiness thinking this way. I promise to be diplomatic though in my responses to several of your more interesting quotes.

Not that I want kids, I don't like kids they would inconvenience me and impose on my "me time" which I need a lot of.

I understand you want to be cared for and loved (we all do,) but you make it sound as if a child is a major problem. I mean are you like jealous of kids? Yes kids are needy, but they are supposed to be they don't have the skills to take care of themselves. It's your choice whether or not to have them, but for a lot of women this can be a relationship deal breaker. Many want kids. Most do not want to also slave to a man.

I'm 35, never had a girlfriend and a virgin. Its mainly because I care much more about a woman loving me, being "mine", wanting only me, than I do about sex.

I really don't think it's a big deal you are a virgin or have never had a girlfriend. I mean hey, maybe it just didn't work out for you or whatever. Again though it sounds like you want a slave. No one wants to be a slave. Man, woman, cat, whatever. Most people are not going to want to "belong" to another person and have no official control over there own life.

What I want from a woman most is for her to want ONLY me, be in love with me, treat me like I'm attractive, important, stroke my ego, etc.

If your ego and such are getting stroked I sure hope you are giving this woman as much back as you except to receive.

adult life isn't fun or exciting, and it should be as predictable as possible, to avoid anything bad happening. Real life is going to work, paying the bills, coming home and watching tv, eating dinner and going to sleep, then you do the same the next day.

Maybe for some people this is true, but with my line of work I do find it very fun and exciting. Yes there are bad days, but in general I love what I do because there is so much constant movement. It's not to predictable that it is boring. And furthermore lots of people do a lot more then just come home and watch Tv. People have plenty of different hobbies that they dedicate time to, in addition to also many times doing good things like helping others.

They have to realize they basically have 2 choices...a life of pain with a bad boy, or an unexciting but safe life with a nice guy.

So all nice guys are boring? Damn that sucks. Oh wait I sincerely doubt that. Just because someone is nice doesn't mean they are boring. I mean heck you don't have to be into anything crazy like extreme sports or something, but you also don't have to be as dull as a rock. The trick is finding someone who shares the same interests as you. One person boring could be another person's exciting.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

....

 

[Aimee]

You know, I've been coming back to this all day, trying to think of something insightful and useful to say. But every time I read the original post, all I see in my head is this...

Yeah. If you want a woman, don't be like this guy. Seriously.

I.Can't.Breathe.Right.Now.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH slacker you are awesome! the end.

 

[Babyshambles]

I.Can't.Breathe.Right.Now.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH slacker you are awesome! the end.

a bit arrogant to say that? or should this thread now be locked, because its the end?

 

[Jazzland]

EDIT: Ill save the advice. Im still a virgin myself (for other reasons..) =P

 

[Jazzland]

OMG that simpsons pic is priceless... Im sorry bud but that is F%^ing funny.

 

[Sandrock74]

a bit arrogant to say that? or should this thread now be locked, because its the end?

What was so arrogant there? He posted a hilarious and relevant picture, she laughed (as did I), whats the problem?

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

You know, I've been coming back to this all day, trying to think of something insightful and useful to say. But every time I read the original post, all I see in my head is this...

Yeah. If you want a woman, don't be like this guy. Seriously.

I take back anything bad I've ever said about you. You. Are. My. Hero.

This pic is fucking priceless.

 

[subtle_feather]

Everything has already been said, but kudos to Capnmad and Slacker for being both funny and right!

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

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[CurtWild]

http://www.club10.com/MailOrderBrides.cfm?eckpage=K20576&track=fromgoogle&mtype=exact

 

[Marquis De Sade]

http://www.club10.com/MailOrderBrides.cfm?eckpage=K20576&track=fromgoogle&mtype=exact

HA!!

 

[Jazzland]

I think the point they are trying to make here is: You can either continue to be yourself or you can change and maybe stand a better chance of getting a girlfriend?

Personally I would rather be myself 😛 If you dont feel the need to change then dont. There may still be someone out there who wants you. If you really do want to change, but cant figure out how (or have motivation problems?) then maybe you should seek help. It really depends on YOU. We dont know enough about you to make that decision for you.

If you are living an unhealthy lifestyle then maybe you should change for your own sake. Also... I am no expert on women, but I have a feeling that most of them do appreciate a man who is motivated and has his own ambitions. If your goals in life are to sit around playing video games, and masterbait on womens feet then maybe you dont really have anything to offer? Women have just as much right to be here as you do. Give them a reason to want you and maybe they will? You have to get out of the boy/girl mindset and realize that everyone makes their own decisions. You are responsible for your own situation. Master of your own destiny...

 

[NonConTickler]

I not only don't think I have anything to offer a hot looking woman, I resent having to have anything to offer. I guess because I was spoiled and sheltered as a kid (I'm 35 now), I've always resented having to give something of value to get something of value back. But anyway, you've probably all heard people talk about some hot babe, with some "loser" and "what could she possibly see in him". I know I'm a loser: I'm fat, lazy (even though unfortunately I have to work to survive), selfish, have little interest in other people unless I need them for something. If I never had anywhere that I had to be, I would sleep 16 hours a day and spend the other 8 playing video games and surfing the internet. I have no ambition and no interest in participating in life in general.

Now, there are guys just like me, with the same attitudes as me, who have hot looking girlfriends who adore them. The girls cry and complain to their friends and family but when asked why they stay they say "because I love him". Like I said I would much rather tickle a woman's feet and then masturbate on them, than have sex with her. And I can pay women to let me do that. But I want to be able to say I have a girlfriend. I want to be able to say to co-workers "my girlfriend this, my girlfriend that". I want a hot woman to be seen with. I want a girlfriend to fool around with, and to cook and clean for me and look pretty for me, take care of me.

As I said there are guys just like me, who think just like me, with nothing to offer a woman, who have hot girlfriends who do all this. I wish I knew what I need to do to be like them.

 

[Sanhael]

Oy.



Some people wouldn't know constructive criticism if it bit them in the ass and injected them with win.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I am at a complete and utter loss for words....

Here's the deal - you get out of something what you put into it. If you're not willing to put anything in, you won't be getting anything out.

If you know some hot woman who's in love with a guy such as yourself, he probably has a shit-ton of money, or the girl has absolutely no sense of self worth. Believe it or not, that can happen to hot girls too.

My only advice for you to be able to even remotely attain your "goal" .....mail-order bride?? Speaking English wasn't a requirement, right?

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

Some people wouldn't know constructive criticism if it bit them in the ass and injected them with win.

...win? I want win! Where to get some.....

 

[Artoo]

I resent having to have anything to offer...
I've always resented having to give something of value to get something of value back...

Don't resent having to give something to get something. Deal with it, it's life. It's how social contracts are forged.

I have no ambition and no interest in participating in life in general...

If you have no ambition, and no interest in participating in life in general, why on earth do you want/need a girlfriend?

Like I said I would much rather tickle a woman's feet and then masturbate on them, than have sex with her...

A heads up - most girls like sex. Denying any hypothetical girlfriend that, just so you can splooge on her feet is not going to work in the long term...you have to give things to get others.

I want to be able to say I have a girlfriend.
I want to be able to say to co-workers "my girlfriend this, my girlfriend that".
I want a hot woman to be seen with.
I want a girlfriend to fool around with, and to cook and clean for me and look pretty for me, take care of me.

Sounds like you want any girlfriend of yours to be at best a trophy, at worst a slave. Girlfriends aren't a social status, they're someone special who you (ideally) connect with in an emotional, mental, and physical way.
If you feel unable to change your attitude, well, best of luck in the remainder of your very single life.