Why aren't there more women on these forums?

[jhop220]

This has been a fascinating discussion.

My Two Cents:

There are many issues which could contribute to why there are less females contributing on this site. Hidden seems to have hit the nail on the head with her explanations of the advertising plus the color scheme. I know it sounds ridiculous, but there are innate psychological happening when it comes to color. How one perceives this site is mostly based on what is first seen. So what do you first see when going to www.ticklingforum.com? The heading picture and the site opening picture...both have images of three women being tickled or restrained. I understand fully that this site caters to males because I'm pretty sure if we had a statistical analysis on who buys clips, pics, etc...that males would probably have a substantial gain. Do I know this for fact? No, but all indications seem to point that way.

I think a way to help fix the problem would be to allow users to pick the color scheme for the site. You don't have to go crazy with skins but a general color scheme would be okay. Also, as someone else mentioned, you could just have a close up pic of a person's face giggling at the beginning.

I also see how females could be turned away by just the sheer ratio of male/female contributing users. I know some women are bombarded as soon as they start posting admitting to being a woman. I'm sure you get those creeps. Typically that is because men usually think with their penis before brain especially on a kink site. What a lot of people don't realize is that this place is much more then that now. It gives you an avenue to indulge, but this place is also a community where we can all come together and talk. It puts an ease to those who feared that "I'm the only one."

I sincerely believe that while there aren't as many females as males...the gap is closing. I'm encouraged by seeing more women coming on, posting, and being treated with respect.

 

[MacD]

Yeah, accept it as a fact and be patient.

I do. My text was not supposed to me more than my explanation to this thread's question.

A different point of view. There is not *the only advice*, but here is mine.

Guys are going to keep trying to PM constantly. Just ignore if you don't know them that well

Well until today not "talking" to someone never helped me getting to know this person better ;-)
My experience: I only start to know someone when I met the person in reality. Everything before is illusion. Sometimes I make this experience but I do not see another chance.
This needs time of course. But unfortunately the rule "let's not talk about us until we know us very good" is a lot of chatters' principle. And then they wonder...

My advice: Don't waste time with those who only play stuid games. Find out who someone is instead of only interpreting public text. Talk to them, get YOUR impression with YOUR questions and the other's answers to exactly what YOU ask!
Don't let your illusions fool you constantly.
Think about what real life is, how it works there. It won't work
Very few want to get into contact beyond "how are you today? fine? oh cool, that's just like the last 100 days. see you tomorrow". Make clear if this really gives you any hope?
But some will. This is a great chance. Take it! The rest? Let them play their games with someone else.

Sounds hard but it works. Since I realized this and stopped wasting my time with that stuff, I'm having nice virtual contacts that have changed to real ones. The rest did not work. Too many disappointments.

 

[AquaFeline]

The landing page screams porn site geared towards men, not a place to meet and greet. And given this is the tickling *media* forum anyone who is not into tickling media will probably not engage in this website.

Maybe there should be a name and style change from "tickling media forum" to "tickling forum" to reflect the wider subject matter than just media. The URL is already ticklingforum.com so I don't see there being a huge technical hurdle.

So I think changing the name and the landing page could help a lot to reach out towards women.

Toning down the ads would not be a bad move either. The ads could be toned down based on the page and not overall if the revenue stream is super important. For example the ads could be as they are now when browsing the media section but be lower key in the interaction section.

 

[GQguy]

Is the color scheme really a problem? Facebook uses a blue color scheme and the ratio of female to males is likely even.

Ads. I'd suggest if possible that ads be made catered to the individuals taste. You like M/F then you get M/F ads ect. This benefits both the advertiser and the potential consumer.

A PM system where people would first have to send a friend request with a short note before PM's could be sent would be great. Making the option optional would be even better.

More member pics would be great too. This gives a face to our users and makes people more honest. Again think Facebook, hitting up random girls there doesn't work because the anonymity factor isn't there.

Just a thought.

GQ

 

[Libertine]

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showth...s-been-a-long-time-brewing&highlight=chatroom

and see where it got me. Matthew 13:57, 'And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house.'

Yea, verily, and that applieth even unto Libertine and the TMF and the Room of Chat. :

 

[Jelly Bean]

Because men are evil on forums so we steer clear.

Im joking.

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

Here's another take on why we may have so few female members on this site. I may have mentioned this upthread, but I lurk and sometimes post on a site for female sex workers. Since sex workers are mostly female, this site is pretty much run by women, and most of the members are women. Now, I know what you're thinking if you're a guy: sweet, a site full of hot female sex workers! Well, that's what most guys who come to that forum initially think. And then most get bored and leave within a few days, or get banned for being a jerk to the women. The reason that most men on that site don't last very long is that men and women just communicate so differently that on a site dominated by one gender, the other gender is going to be at a distinct disadvantage, and is going to regularly be confused, frustrated, and generally unhappy contributing there.

On this sex worker site, which I will refrain from identifying, the men who last are the ones who understand how women think. The guys who are able to be supportive to the women and who understand and accept their emotions even when they don't make any sense generally last the longest and become very popular among the women. The guys who come in expecting to cyber-smack a bunch of girls on the ass are gone within a week. The guys like me who come in and want to participate but who are too set in our ways as men, and who try to make rational points that the girls may feel invalidate their feelings, often find ourselves creating problems even with honest questions and posts and generally get bored and leave the site shortly.

So maybe a male-dominated sexually oriented site like TMF works exactly the same way, but in reverse. The women that enjoy this site are the ones who understand how we men think. They roll their eyes at all the pictures of models with perfect bodies overreacting while being tickled, knowing that we guys need that fantasy even if it isn't what real life is like. They have thick skins and are able to deal with the creepers and the guys who don't understand women. My guess is that the average woman, even if she wasn't freaked out by all the porn and pics, would be bored or frustrated by all the conversation, which is very male-oriented in nature.

 

[socalpunkrock]

This is just my perception on some of this stuff.

For the most part people need to consider the organic nature of how these scenarios are formed. For example a visually male oriented site as well as discussions predominantly geared towards the male mind.(I know that's generalizing a bit since many male minds, mine included, aren't pigeonholed towards typical sleazy male pattern thinking but I'll generalize for the sake of argument for the females.)

These things tend to develop naturally because of behavioral patterns. Perhaps men are less likely to lurk in such an environment where as some women are more likely. Also perhaps initially there was a much larger gap between the number of women and the number of men who even visit such an enviornment such as this with men being largely the majority. Whatever the case is, women are just as socially active as men as well as open sexually. If you ask me it comes down to this enviornment in which women started off in the minority numbers and are late to the party for lack of a better term.

Like it or not this is naturally(not maliciously) going to cause an unbalanced flow of attention towards the females coming in.

After this it's about act and react. The natural unbalance will lead to unwanted attention, the unwanted attention leads to rejection and isolation, and in this case the rejected happen to be the majority in numbers therefor they will dictate what little they can and the enviornment will cater to that unfulfilled majority.

In short, the unwanted attention is a social shortcoming from the giver, but the fact that the rejects actually have labels like "creeper" is also a social shortcoming from the receiver. For the women, Not that I'm advocating the unwanted attention, but this site is geared towards those people because they feel they can't get through to you so they might as well just entertain themselves. I know many, if not most, guys attempts at social interaction are poor, but the response doesn't have to be poor either. Also I know from experience that even up front and honest guys fail to connect with any of the women even with a wholesome friendly attitude. I'm sure many can attest to being flat out ignored when giving their best effort. That is going to enable poor rejection behaviour even more. It's not socially as easy as the women make it seem. Simply being honest, friendly, and like minded often leads to the same exact rejection.

Its kind of a chicken or the egg thing I think. I'm sure the women are thinking "well why can't people be more sociable and have a more accommodating and wholesome thought process?" However the men are probably thinking "why do we have to start off in the negative?" and "if you won't let us connect with you in some manner then why can't we just appeal to ourselves?"

Neither side happened first, nor is right or wrong. It's just a vicious cycle.

I'm a male. I know what it's like to try and meet people honestly and get rejection right out of the gate if a response is even given at all. That's why I rarely post anything because it seems futile. Also, in real life I have a very public job and have at times garnered unwanted attention from females the same which exist here only opposite. So I understand what the females go through, but I also have never had a problem being patient with that and accepting that the attention will exist rather than label it and reject it. And trust me it has been just as crude as anything here from the men.

In all honesty the only way to break the cycle is to stop enabling it to begin with.

I'm not advocating poor social behaviour what so ever. However, you can't blame them for catering to themselves in this enviornement because they are made to feel helpless in connecting with others whether they are making social faux pas or not.

Changing the discussions or the logos or color scheme of the website won't change any of this stuff. The double standard of women and men will exist regardless. It will still be acceptable for women to have a dirty mind socially but not the men, and men being the majority will continue to cater to themselves as a result of rejection.

It begins and ends with men developing better social filters for their behaviour, and women need to be WAY more patient and accepting of the circumstances.

 

[Sunjob]

The generalisation that all men think with their penis and that men just want sex is a little bit sexist. At least say "some men" because as this thread shows there's quite a lot that don't just think with their penis.

I'm pretty sure people have covered the loop issue enough but essentially the lack of females causes any females that do try to come here to end up being bombarded by the percentage of people who are creepers causing them to leave continuing the lack of females.

I haven't felt compelled to engage in a lot of dialogue on here either because most of the time it's a little bit daunting. Sometimes it can be cliquey or confusing trying to get involved in discussions. I'm sure there are quite a few guys who have been turned away from this forum similarily.

In the end though some areas of the internet will be male dominated and some female dominated. I agree to some of the ideas for changes but I doubt they'd cause a majority change in people who "look and leave".

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

Also I know from experience that even up front and honest guys fail to connect with any of the women even with a wholesome friendly attitude. I'm sure many can attest to being flat out ignored when giving their best effort. That is going to enable poor rejection behaviour even more. It's not socially as easy as the women make it seem. Simply being honest, friendly, and like minded often leads to the same exact rejection.

I feel like a lot of what you're saying really has no solution. Women and men are wired and socialized a certain way, and I feel like most of what you suggested in your post is about more than just the way guys and girls interact at TMF. For example, you talk about how women have minds that are just as dirty as men but there are different cultural standards for women and men on the subject. Well of course there are. Female sexuality was made taboo thousands of years ago and no one seems able to change that. Maybe someday that will change but I doubt it's going to happen because of anything we do here at TMF. Best thing is just to understand all the nonsense that goes on in society and try to do your best to live in the world that we have instead of the one we should have.

But I highlighted an excerpt from your post above because there I totally agree with you. It's really hard here for a guy who's not doing anything at all creepy to meet women. If you post in the personals section as a guy indicating that you're looking for love, you'll get no replies. If you post looking for a tickling buddy with benefits, you'll get maybe one response. If you post looking to pay someone to engage in tickle play, you'll get a couple of responses. So yes, many of the women here are very cynical about the men on this site and seem to view them as guys that they wouldn't want to get to know personally, romantically, or socially.

 

[socalpunkrock]

Totally echo what you are saying. I wasn't sure if it was going to come out concise as I did write a lot but yeah my observation was totally just that, merely an observation. I agree it really has no solution it's just the nature of things. Which is why I suppose the best ingredient would be patience.

Also I'm glad you addressed the part you highlighted. Again not to advocate the more crude behavioral patterns of some, but in all honesty there are many who give their best wholesome effort to meet someone or socialize or make a connection and are met with the same harsh response or none at all.

Cynical was a great word to use.

If we are to all be honest about what is going through the privacy of our own heads during 1 on 1 social interaction here in these forums.....I'm sure the men are a lot less wholesome than they want to admit and the women are probably a lot more narrow minded or perhaps judgmental in their responses than they would like to admit.

 

[TicklishGinger]

Indeed. It's the creepy messages. Personally, I don't mind a creepy message here and there because some of them are actually pretty sexy. But I can totally see how it would turn other girls off to a site like this.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Indeed. It's the creepy messages. Personally, I don't mind a creepy message here and there because some of them are actually pretty sexy. But I can totally see how it would turn other girls off to a site like this.

haha I would just ignore them

 

[Sunjob]

I've had some creepy messages from people, usually in chat. I think it's a bonus being unticklish because most creepers aren't interested in you after they find that out.

It doesn't really bother me to be honest, I quite like talking with anybody even if they're creeping. Fun to try and get a regular conversaiton out of them. I'm sure I get a lot less than women though so that's why it doesn't bother me.

 

[Ticklelore22]

I've also noticed that alot of threads/posts end up being quite male oriented. Eg. So i did this to my gf last night in bed, thoughts? How hot is this model in this new video and how much do her feet turn you on? I like to be tickled here, here and here. How do i get my gf to tie me down and tickle me more?

You can kind of see where women are left out and therefore end up feeling its not worth their time to post any feedback. Hence most of them don't. Just sayin'

I think this is the real problem. The forum is MALE oriented. Although creepers that annoy the ladies in this forum can be a real pain in the ass.

I know i'm new in this forum, but i am quite experienced in forums and ill tell you, if the whole site is one-sided don't expect to much people from the opposite I mean, look at your left, that vibe is really scary if you were a girl that is new to tickling. It's really unfair that all the guys push the females of the forum away and then complain that there are none of them 'cause they are "too scared" of interact with the community...

Either way, if you see at the whole picture its just about a sexist issue. ¿Why they can't be ads of men being tickled? i don't have a problem of seeing men being tickled or most stories of f/m in them (I'm aware that also many females like the m/f too.... so yeah.)

 

[socalpunkrock]

I think this is the real problem. The forum is MALE oriented. Although creepers that annoy the ladies in this forum can be a real pain in the ass.

See this is exactly what I mean, no disrespect or anything. The majority of the people here, creepy or not, are being socially rejected therefor they will cater to themselves, hence the */f material and subject matter. It also doesn't help to label anyone stuff like "creeper". That enables the cycle itself.

Both ends of it have to be more understanding of that. People need to understand that their best effort sometimes might not be good enough socially(although it should be) and therefor not downgrade their behaviour to creepy. However at the same time, Women for example, need to understand that the subject matter of the forum will cater towards the majority if you continue to isolate them, creepy or not.

A few posts above this someone jokingly me toned they just ignore the creepy messages. Patience of that nature is a great start. It might be helpful to engage socially with people who may not appeal to you at all but you can see they are at least giving their honest try at being social.

I think people would be surprised at how quickly the gap closes if these things could happen.

 

[Daedra]

Hello there!

As a new member I can say that all advice that has been posted here is definitely awesome to read. Exactly threads like this one have convinced me to start posting in the first place. The variety of topics is incredible, not depending on a person's age or gender, it feels like there's something to discuss for everyone.

Developing a proper opinion usually happens by reading around the place for a while, seeing how members interact with one another, if the atmosphere is friendly. Of course there will always be some rude appearing messages among all the different people; and opinions tend to differ from human to human, everybody has their own reason to be here or on any other board.

Considering tickling can be both, an interest and/or a fetish some of the PMs one could receive might be of an unwanting nature, not that this happens only on TMF, just have to have an interest that mostly guys spend their time on, the interest in the ladies tends to grow, followed by personal questions or demanding to see a photo. I can understand that this can be hard to cope with, it was for me, too, when I was new to the internet. I mean, it's understandable and has to be respected that everybody has their own preferences about how they want to keep their website or forum visits, if they want to make their experience more personal, by adding photos to their profile or just come to chat without wanting everyone to know who they are and what they look like, taking a break from their usual daily life. And who would want to be told how to spend their time online when there is enough to take into consideration out there, after all it's about having a great time, not getting more stress. What is so great about the web is that you can freely choose whom to interact with and when. Took me years to get that, by the way, since then things have been easier.

I think the TMF is a place for men and women alike to be as active as they feel is comfortable for them. The option to disable PMs is great in case somebody would just like to browse around or keep conversations on the forum itself. Having an opportunity to choose a different site look would be great though, the bondage pictures might appear frightening to some as they are perhaps interested in tickling itself, not tying or being tied up. The idea to provide the choice of advertising for every user account is pretty cool, too.

Before I began posting myself it was great to check out BellaRisa's post about dealing with unwelcomed attention. Also I wasn't really aware that some messages aren't written to insult, rather out of nervousness or inexperience to approach someone, but it's good to be prepared for such situations. My start here has been really great though.

Best wishes,

Daedra

 

[Cavum]

My first thought why is CREEPERS!

 

[emilyemilyemily]

i find it very hard to feel comfortable on this forum due to the creepy messages i get from guys. i can disable PMs, sure, but i still have dudes hitting on me on public threads and it's inescapable. everyone is always saying it comes with the territory and i shouldn't be complaining, but i frankly think that's bullshit. i deserve to be able to frequent websites i like and discuss things i'm interested in without having to put up with sexual advances from strangers. full stop.

 

[Cavum]

i find it very hard to feel comfortable on this forum due to the creepy messages i get from guys. i can disable PMs, sure, but i still have dudes hitting on me on public threads and it's inescapable. everyone is always saying it comes with the territory and i shouldn't be complaining, but i frankly think that's bullshit. i deserve to be able to frequent websites i like and discuss things i'm interested in without having to put up with sexual advances from strangers. full stop.

THIS!
Sad but true. I get embarrassed on behalf of my gender when I hear of all fucked up things desperate idiots does.

 

[weeping_guitar]

THIS!
Sad but true. I get embarrassed on behalf of my gender when I hear of all fucked up things desperate idiots does.

Even ignoring the issues of morality and decency, I wonder what world some of these people live in. Some of these creepy PMs I've seen posted here are so far removed from their desired effect it'd be laughable if it wasn't sexual harassment.

 

[Cavum]

I wonder what world some of these people live in. Some of these creepy PMs I've seen posted here are so far removed from their desired effect it'd be laughable if it wasn't sexual harassment.

My guess would be a pathetic world of loneliness because they have absolutely no social antennas. The only way they ever will experience anything they fantasise about is by paying for it. They will never experience something real. Imagen playing with someone and knowing they just do it cause you pay them. The free way is to try act like men and try to win the girl with methods that would even make a caveman embarrassed.

Even how disgusting and pathetic the messages they send is, I laugh at em and you girls should do to.
Imagen a lonely guy with no social life who can't even be man enough to talk normal to a girl without pretending to be something he is not (which is a man).

Any "guys" here who got offended by this? Well start working on your fucking self!

Have a nice night!

 

[voided9]

My guess would be a pathetic world of loneliness because they have absolutely no social antennas. The only way they ever will experience anything they fantasise about is by paying for it.

I think this is true in a way. It's sad - I don't mean in a pathetic way, I mean actually sad - that a lot of people on here have so much trouble finding women to have tickling fun with, that they just take what they can get. Yeah, some messages are way creepy and unnecessary. I absolutely hate how every fucking time a girl posts anything, there is a "Oh I wish I could do that to you" type of response. It's off topic and really obnoxious.

 

[iloveddub]

Fact is, being a woman with kink is hard. If you're a ler, good luck finding a man that shares the fetish, and isn't creepy. Female lees should have no trouble finding a man to tickle them.

 

[Phineas]

I think this is true in a way. It's sad - I don't mean in a pathetic way, I mean actually sad - that a lot of people on here have so much trouble finding women to have tickling fun with, that they just take what they can get. Yeah, some messages are way creepy and unnecessary. I absolutely hate how every fucking time a girl posts anything, there is a "Oh I wish I could do that to you" type of response. It's off topic and really obnoxious.

That, and the constant begging/demands for video of the experience. Yes, I realize that since so many pay-to-pay models hang out here hawking their services y'all think that every female member is really a tickle-pornstar here to serve your every whim, but it's not true.