why do some people feel compelled to ''share'' mundane aspects of ...

[drew70]

If someone wants to post on what some see as mundane topics where is the harm?Nobody is forced to read anything here.If you feel that someone has a history of doing so don't open the thread and move on.It really is that simple.I might suggest that people who worry about such things need a life themselves.

I'm curious, Bug. Why the hostility? If somebody wants to question the value of such mundane topics, where is the harm in that? Don't you have the same options to ignore their questions as they have in ignoring the mundane topics?

 

[CitY of MicA]

It's probably too late for me to tackle a dual-meaning thread such as this, but I shall try. It's hard to say why people feel the need to involve strangers in mundane details of life or why they snipe. On the one hand you probably have individuals who are lonely, who may not be able to speak about such details with those with whom they are close, who want to reach out and connect with others. On the other you may have people who are dealing in passive aggressive behavior; they cannot address whatever problem they have with specific individuals and instead resort to thinly-veiled criticism (often painfully transparent) as a means of expressing their resentment and anger. It's an act of malice and immaturity, and I suppose it can't be too subtle, lest it not meet it's target. The principal difference as far as I can see, is the former behavior involves potentially providing too much information-there's no lack of sincerity. The latter has it's basis in dishonesty.

 

[subZer0]

Hey weren't you the one who posted a thread about your shower? How did it go?

Nope.

 

[SmarterthanU]

When faced with such a circumstance yourself, you might find you do things you would ordinarily think odd, but for you, in that moment, they are perfectly natural. That's often the reaction to new experiences -- new responses.

So, STU, I understand your thought, but I also know that for me, my expression here was appropriate, natural, healthy, and what I needed at the time. I personally think the things one does in the wake of a loved one's death usually require no justification, but for others to better understand the whys and wherefores, and so you needn't question those who act similarly in the future, I offer the above.

I do feel sorry for people who don't have friends and family to turn to when personal tragedies occur.

I also agree with other posters to this thread who suspect that, for some people, all the attention and sympathy they can get is never enough.

But look - at the end of the day, it's about what a person is comfortable with. I don't use the internet that way. Other people do. I just read an article that said that some unbelieveable percentage of the people on MySpace and FaceBook put their full names, birthdates, phone numbers, etc. in their profiles, then wonder how come they are stalked, harrassed, and targeted by con men and identity thieves. They just don't understand that the internet is not their close, personal friend.

Again, as I said in my first post, it's about alienation. Online, you can be whomever you want to be (to wit: sig pictures). I understand that, but what I'm amazed at is when people are actually pissed off when real life supervenes. Some people feel entitled to create an impenetrable alternative world for themselves online. Others feel entitled to create an invisible force field around their online presence. These people actually get furious when their fantasies are smashed by people who are willing to take advantage of the risks people take when they blur the distinction between real life and virtual life.

This is all very interesting to me, from a psychological and sociological perspective. I suspect that the future belongs to people who can deliver on people's desire to live most of their lives in a virtual world of their own creation and under their control.

 

[Capnmad]

Buncha' wiseguys...

Is it done strictly for attention or are there other reasons for doing this such as having nothing better to do?

If someone wants to post on what some see as mundane topics where is the harm? ... I might suggest that people who worry about such things need a life themselves.

I'm curious, Bug. Why the hostility? ... Don't you have the same options to ignore thier questions as they have in ignoring the mundane topics?

Okay, let's review...

Flock questions the importance of posting mundanities and wonders if those who do so may have nothing better to do.

Bug implicitly questions the importance of questioning the importance of posting mundanities, and suggests that those who have time to wonder if others have nothing better to do likely have nothing better to do themselves.

Drew suggests Bug could opt to not question the importance of questioning the importance of posting mundanities just as easily as he in fact did question the importance of Flock's questioning the importance of mundanities, and so, employing the logic of the aforementioned, regarding those who "have nothing better to do", one could infer that those who suggest that those who wonder if others have nothing better to do likely have nothing better to do themselves... ...likely have nothing better to do themselves.




Ohsweetmotherofjeebus h.tap-dancin'christ.

That sucking sound you heard followed by a "pop" was my brain becoming an "innie". 😱

Guys, since when did this become a Three Stooges routine? And why do I feel like the fourth Stooge?

Larry: 🙁 Moe: Curly: 🙂 Cap:

Listen -- you all seem decent gents, but in the course of discussion, there often emerges a bit of hostility that almost seems part of the competitive instinct. It happens. It's a human thing. I do it. I try to comb through my language nowadays and remove it when I see it, but it still slips in there now and again. The problem is that pointing out a small thing often helps make it into a big thing.

Was Bug trying to be mean to Flock? I don't think so. I don't mean to put thoughts in Bug's head (and he's more than welcome to correct my assertion if I'm wrong), but I think he was trying to point out hypocrisy, just like Drew is trying to do of Bug. It's a debate thing, not a personal thing, I think. Sometimes it looks similar, but it's not, and you have to use your knowledge of that person's history and character to help discern. Once that's understood, it's not a big deal at all...

Now please, before we start the eye-gouges, nose-grabs, slaps across all three faces, and run to find the hammers, all of you need to kiss and make up.





Go ahead. We're waiting.






...and if it helps, it's Drew's turn to wear the lipstick and wig.

 

[isabeau]

as someone who does indeed have real life friends as well as a husband let me put my humble two cents worth in here...sometimes it's nice to vent to people that are for the most part faceless..that is, you are never going to meet them..and in the long run, you don't care if they judge you or not..as you can turn off the computer, go about then having gotten something off your chest that you would rather not bother your real friends with...or your husband..i don't like to bother my husband too much with my trivial problems as he is diabetic..and worry can increase his blood sugar..and also come on now...if you constantly did nothing but tell your problems to your friends you have in real life...it's going to get a bit old...don't you think? starting a thread about someone dying for example...it's nice to share something like that with anonymous people i think...i rather wish i had had the computer when my mother was dying..i wouldn't have gone on and on with details of how she was dying..but i could have come online, to an audience that can or could and still can switch me off anytime they choose..and just say like...i'm sad today...mom wouldn't talk to me..instead of constantly saying that to david..

the thing is..i have a sister who all she does is tell me her problems..i let it go in one ear and out the other...i can't become overwhelmed with her problems, because it would drag me down. i listen..i offer advice..that's how these threads should be treated...

and i do have online friends that i share things with...what's wrong with having online friends? i will never meet them in all possibility, but they have made a difference in my life..some of those online friends have posted on this thread..

Drew and buggy are both my online friends..one i've met in person, so i can call him my friend friend..the other i talk to occasionally on the phone..so i can call him my friend friend also...they each make sense..

i've been at fault myself of course for starting mundane threads...i'm open...too open probably for my own good...david gets extremely frustrated with me for doing that..sometimes i like to share with the forum things that have happened in my life..mostly happy things...but yes i've complained a bit in the past..i'm only human...too much so...i sometimes wish i were'nt so open, but i'm a trusting soul, and trust people far too easily...

i also at times try to start funny threads..which usually fall flat..

 

[Capnmad]

I do feel sorry for people who don't have friends and family to turn to when personal tragedies occur.

Not to pick a nit, but so you don't misunderstand -- my family was there with me, and my friends were either nearby or easy to contact. My family shared words and tears between us, but immediately after that, I just didn't want to confront my friends about it. Everyone knew it was coming for some time, and I could have contacted my friends over the phone, but like I said, it wasn't my desire to break down and cry at that moment, and that's what would have happened.

There's a difference between not having friends and family to turn to, and having them, but choosing to take some time for yourself.

But I echo your sentiment, and would likewise feel sorry for those who don't have friends and family to turn to in a time of tragedy.

I suspect that the future belongs to people who can deliver on people's desire to live most of their lives in a virtual world of their own creation and under their control.

I kind of doubt it, but okay.

Thanks for your input.

 

[steph]

To be fair...I think flock's post was directed more at the continuous "mindless drivel" posters. I don't think he's saying, "don't share your feelings about something sad that's making you sad" especially if it's a real problem. I know such a term is in the eye of the beholder but a little common sense, as Danimal would say...

The people he's talking about are like...spammers with nothing to sell you. They're just talking to hear themselves talk, wasting people's time (especially those who wait 20 posts and say "oops--my bad, just kidding mostly, I'm not really whining.") Yes, you are, yes, you just did. We all heard you do it and all your backpedalling after the fact won't save you. They're making extra work for the forum owners and the mods, clogging up the pipes and just suck in general. A spammer in sheep's clothing, if you will. They haven't said anything offensive per se, so we can't report them.

"when someone creates a thread that says "My grandmother died two hours ago, and I'm so sad ..." If your fucking grandmother dies and the first thing you do is sign on to the internet so you can post the news on a tickling website, that, my friend, is pretty fucked up. What's even more fucked up are the "I gotta be ME!!!" threads or the "32nd anniversary of something very personal" threads."

I agree there. It's the people who lack perspective about their "problems" that I think flock was talking about. Look, it's still America, where you can still say whatever you want, whenever you want. But don't "shoot your whole load" and then wonder why people find you annoying or don't take you seriously. You did it to yourself.
XOXO

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

To be fair...I think flock's post was directed more at the continuous "mindless drivel" posters. I don't think he's saying, "don't share your feelings about something sad that's making you sad" especially if it's a real problem. I know such a term is in the eye of the beholder but a little common sense, as Danimal would say...

The people he's talking about are like...spammers with nothing to sell you. They're just talking to hear themselves talk, wasting people's time (especially those who wait 20 posts and say "oops--my bad, just kidding mostly, I'm not really whining.") Yes, you are, yes, you just did. We all heard you do it and all your backpedalling after the fact won't save you. They're making extra work for the forum owners and the mods, clogging up the pipes and just suck in general. A spammer in sheep's clothing, if you will. They haven't said anything offensive per se, so we can't report them.

"when someone creates a thread that says "My grandmother died two hours ago, and I'm so sad ..." If your fucking grandmother dies and the first thing you do is sign on to the internet so you can post the news on a tickling website, that, my friend, is pretty fucked up. What's even more fucked up are the "I gotta be ME!!!" threads or the "32nd anniversary of something very personal" threads."

I agree there. It's the people who lack perspective about their "problems" that I think flock was talking about. Look, it's still America, where you can still say whatever you want, whenever you want. But don't "shoot your whole load" and then wonder why people find you annoying or don't take you seriously. You did it to yourself.
XOXO

Ahem sister!!!

I was talking about those individuals who feel the need to give out every MUNDANE aspect of his/ her daily life. I think most people, I said MOST;don`t really want to hear that a branch fell off your tree last night or that you got your puppy a new flee collar. Yet some people feel the need to post those things at nauseum.It is like they are trying to carry on a conversation with themselves.

 

[SmarterthanU]

as someone who does indeed have real life friends as well as a husband let me put my humble two cents worth in here...sometimes it's nice to vent to people that are for the most part faceless..that is, you are never going to meet them..and in the long run, you don't care if they judge you or not..as you can turn off the computer, go about then having gotten something off your chest that you would rather not bother your real friends with...or your husband..i don't like to bother my husband too much ...

I think this speaks volumes. Who wants to be on the receiving end of that? I don't come here to be someone else's faceless sounding board so they don't have to bother their "real" friends.

So basically, the posters who advocate just ignoring these kinds of posts are making the most sense. I think one poster advocated just putting the people who post these threads on one's "ignore" list. That seems like sage advice!

 

[Headsnap]

Ahem sister!!!

Amen, shurely? :-o

I was talking about those individuals who feel the need to give out every MUNDANE aspect of his/ her daily life. I think most people, I said MOST;don`t really want to hear that a branch fell off your tree last night or that you got your puppy a new flee collar. Yet some people feel the need to post those things at nauseum.It is like they are trying to carry on a conversation with themselves.

You can't argue with that. I'd also tack on "people who post !!!QUIT-THREADS!!!1" and "a duck".

 

[subZer0]

I think this speaks volumes. Who wants to be on the receiving end of that? I don't come here to be someone else's faceless sounding board so they don't have to bother their "real" friends.

Well don't bother reading/replying to it then if you think that's what will happen.

 

[Dussicar]

See? This is why I post drunk sometimes.

To spice things up a little!

PS: I'm not drunk right now but am hopefully going to be working on that tonight...Stay tuned!!!

 

[BigJim]

Or if they're post *****s like me, they're doing it because they're tugging themselves to death over their post count.

 

[Bohemianne]

Not everyone is compelled. People come and go. Some are normal, serious drunk, punk, hunks, emo, goth, nympho, priest, pastor, and maybe a senator... It just happens.

Others are perhaps half-asleep, posting things when the reflexes are still dictated by the kidneys...This is no longer mundane but silly. My apologies.

It's a syndrome...so I won't wonder if this thread lasts long.
😀

 

[subZer0]

I say sir, you're going to get arrested if you don't calm down!

Agh! Freedom of speech! Freedom of speech! Screw you!

.....

To recap - I almost forgot to put my bin out this morning ('morning' because I actually forgot to put it out last night). Then I almost forgot to put it the right way round - with the handle sticking out towards the kerb - but I'm pleased to report I did have the presence of mind to turn it the right way round, otherwise all hell would have broken loose, I can tell you!

 

[Bugman]

Well don't bother reading/replying to it then if you think that's what will happen.

You and i seem to be in the minority here.If i open a thread and its of no intrest to me i move on and don't worry about it.The ignore feature is also quite easy to use and i highly recomend it.

 

[ChosenofMystra]

To be fair...I think flock's post was directed more at the continuous "mindless drivel" posters. I don't think he's saying, "don't share your feelings about something sad that's making you sad" especially if it's a real problem. I know such a term is in the eye of the beholder but a little common sense, as Danimal would say...

The people he's talking about are like...spammers with nothing to sell you. They're just talking to hear themselves talk, wasting people's time (especially those who wait 20 posts and say "oops--my bad, just kidding mostly, I'm not really whining.") Yes, you are, yes, you just did. We all heard you do it and all your backpedalling after the fact won't save you. They're making extra work for the forum owners and the mods, clogging up the pipes and just suck in general. A spammer in sheep's clothing, if you will. They haven't said anything offensive per se, so we can't report them.

"when someone creates a thread that says "My grandmother died two hours ago, and I'm so sad ..." If your fucking grandmother dies and the first thing you do is sign on to the internet so you can post the news on a tickling website, that, my friend, is pretty fucked up. What's even more fucked up are the "I gotta be ME!!!" threads or the "32nd anniversary of something very personal" threads."

I agree there. It's the people who lack perspective about their "problems" that I think flock was talking about. Look, it's still America, where you can still say whatever you want, whenever you want. But don't "shoot your whole load" and then wonder why people find you annoying or don't take you seriously. You did it to yourself.
XOXO

I assume this bolded portion is in referance to a thread I made some months ago about this particular subject I made regarding my grandmother?

I had no idea coming to people I thought were my friends for comfort was something that would bite me in the nether regions later on.

If this was such a problem than I apologize. I thought I could come to people I had regarded as friends and talk through the emotions I was feeling. I see that is not the case. This really makes me question my standing on this forum and who my real friends are here, if any.

In any event, that was a cruel and cheap shot Steph, which I do not appreciate in the slightest. I highly doubt that matters much to you, or anyone else here. I hope you are happy with yourself.

I expect to be flamed and insulted for this post, but in all honesty, I don't care any more. Have your fun.

 

[SmarterthanU]

I've had moments where I'd rather vent to people on here than I would people in real life... either because the people offline were unavailable or I didn't want to disturb them.

See my comment above.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

The real question here is why do so many people nowadays read a topic of discussion and make a HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASUMPTION THAT SOMEHOW the thread in question or a reply is somehow about them.

 

[SmarterthanU]

I assume this bolded portion is in referance to a thread I made some months ago about this particular subject I made regarding my grandmother?

I can most honestly assure you that it was not.

I expect to be flamed and insulted for this post, but in all honesty, I don't care any more. Have your fun.

I don't think anyone will flame you.

Generally
Look, I think what people are saying is that it's one thing to PM or email people whom one considers to be close friends, and it's another to publicly post one's personal business online. But if posting the most personal of details for all the world to see doesn't bother you, then hey - go ahead. No one's forced to read it.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

in chosen's defense as well as mine, it was understandable about why it could be perceived that way.. Stephs first line in that bolded part of her statement was, for the most part the title of his thread he made months back. It only makes sense that we'd both think it was about him, but then for her to say posting that kind of thing is " f_cked up"?? THat is messed up on so many levels. So no, no one was mistakeningly thinking a post was about them. In this case, it was and the party that was hurt by such public cruelty ( in this case, the party being CHOSEN ) had every right to be upset at the comments made

C` mon now

So Steph has a photographic memory and that one particular thread she remembered out of all the posts she has viewed since then??? And you used the words '' for the most part'' as explaining your opinions. I feel she deserves the benefit of the doubt before you become judge, jury , and executioner.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

I said for the most part because the title was " my grandmother died an hour ago". IF she comes back and apologizes and says that it had nothing to do with him, fine. But for now, I don't think to highly of people that treat friends of mine badly.

If she says she was referring to him then you have a right you gripe, but until then you are making assumptions.

Why would she apologize if she said it had nothing to do with him????????

 

[SmarterthanU]

I said for the most part because the title was " my grandmother died an hour ago". IF she comes back and apologizes and says that it had nothing to do with him, fine. But for now, I don't think to highly of people that treat friends of mine badly. But anyway, I'm now walking out of this conversation as it is getting boring and having it drag on is not making me feel any better about this. On to other topics.

Well, if you'd read more carefully, you'd see that she was quoting me. I'm the one that said that. I was referring to no one specifically. It was an example I created, and if you think about it, it's a pretty obvious one. I can assure everyone here that I would never read an actual thread about the death of someone's grandmother, or any thread that shares very personal information publicly. I would feel like I was invading someone's privacy. It makes me uncomfortable to see people posting those kinds of threads, hence my comments here. If your grandmother was a famous public figure, that's different.

No example I have used in this thread should be taken personally by anyone. If you have posted threads like the ones in my examples, that only means my examples were good ones. If I'm "talking about you," that's an inference on your part, I assure you.

 

[Capnmad]

Hmm...

Here we see what we reap with abrasive statements. Much as I appreciate SmarterthanU, he sometimes comes off as a bit abrasive. Once you become accustomed to his character and delivery, you know it's nothing to get angry about. Still, for the less well acquainted, it can rub the wrong way.

Add to it a statement that is specific enough that it can be mistaken for actual events, and is disdainful of deeply personal expressions made in times of intense emotion, and you have the makings of a firestorm.

I had hoped I'd kind of nipped that one in the bud with my response regarding my own situation which sounded fairly similar to what STU described, by offering explanation of what I think is a reasonable response to terribly unreasonable times. But apparently, I was unsuccessful, as it seemed his statement was a more accurate description of someone else and their circumstance, and to which, they took offense.

This shouldn't be unexpected.

Any time that someone judges disdainfully the actions of another, they are liable to get a negative response.

If the actions being judged are tied to intense emotion as these were, criticism of them is more likely to get a very powerful negative response. Any critic should know that the loss of a loved one is an intensely emotional event.

The loss of a loved one is never mundane, profoundly impacts another human being(s), and its disclosure offers no criticism, nor antagonism of others. It only offers expression -- maybe a necessary bit of catharsis, as well.

But this is all painfully obvious, and I really shouldn't have to say any of it. So obvious it is that I practically bore myself writing it, and doubtless, others have abandoned this post before reaching this line.

So why do I bring it up?




To ask: Why, if these things are true and obvious, is it important to criticize and for others to echo criticism of such expression?

Each of us are entitled to our freedoms of expression, and I'd deny none of you any, but why is it important to go beyond saying "it's not something I'd do" and to say instead that "(doing this) is fucked up", especially if it's something that hurts no one?

If such remarks were made in the context of culture or lifestyle, they would be called intolerant, and would themselves be roundly criticized, as would those who make such remarks.

It's something when enjoying your rights to free speech to consider also your responsibilities in what you say if you are of the belief that you are open-minded and compassionate human beings.




To those who find themselves hurt by such remarks:

Thicken your skin, forgive, and grow strong. Like so many who inhabit the internet, some people may not always think through what they say as thoroughly or as accurately as you would, or as you think they do.


I think that part of the discussion is pretty much done, folks. Let's just try to move back to the topic of mundanities and away from eulogies, okay?