why do some people feel compelled to ''share'' mundane aspects of ...

[steph]

on clearing one's good name and hopefully the air too...

Yikes. I leave y'all for a day and all hell breaks loose. I could have diffused this sooner had I seen it. Fortunately for me, I LIKE the taste of blood. (kidding)

Thank you flocky. As usual we see eye to eye.
Sam & I have discussed this and hopefully straightened things out.

In brief: Look, someone took a random example out of the blue and I went with it. I didn't know that statement to be directed at anybody here at all. I didn't know Chris had lost his grandmother, or I've forgotten--there's SO many dead relative announcements on this forum, who can keep track? And I don't mean that to be insensitive, just a statement of fact. Much easier to keep up with these things with those who are more than online friends, you know?

I said, we understand people being sad and needing to talk but running to the computer instead of running to support your grieving family members is a priorites issue. Again, simply my opinion. Chris my response had nothing to do with either of you guys. Certainly NOT a personal attack.

I've always liked you both. You know me better than that by now I should think.
I sometimes speak in generalizations, it's just my way: "People are idiots."
It sounds like I mean ALL people are idiots to me but obviously that's not true. Look how many friends I have. I certainly wouldn't be friends if I thought they were idiots.

XOXO

If she says she was referring to him then you have a right you gripe, but until then you are making assumptions.

Why would she apologize if she said it had nothing to do with him????????

 

[steph]

You are welcome honey. Now, back to the mundane idiots. 😀
XOXO

 

[Capnmad]

I said, we understand people being sad and needing to talk but running to the computer instead of running to support your grieving family members is a priorites issue. Again, simply my opinion. Chris my response had nothing to do with either of you guys. Certainly NOT a personal attack.

Thanks for clarifying your intent on that, Steph. I didn't believe it was a personal attack made by you or STU, but I thought it important to bring to light why some might take even a general statement of this kind (expressed as it was) in an offensive manner. Hope it didn't come off too harshly to anyone.

You are welcome honey. Now, back to the mundane idiots. 😀
XOXO

Huzzah for mundane idiots!

Hey -- guess what?! I posted to a thread today!

TWICE!!!

 

[SmarterthanU]

Here we see what we reap with abrasive statements. Much as I appreciate SmarterthanU, he sometimes comes off as a bit abrasive.

Moi'??????

Once you become accustomed to his character and delivery, you know it's nothing to get angry about. Still, for the less well acquainted, it can rub the wrong way.

I'm harmless. Really.

I had hoped I'd kind of nipped that one in the bud with my response regarding my own situation which sounded fairly similar to what STU described, by offering explanation of what I think is a reasonable response to terribly unreasonable times. But apparently, I was unsuccessful, as it seemed his statement was a more accurate description of someone else and their circumstance, and to which, they took offense.

Note to self: No more grandmother examples.

Any time that someone judges disdainfully the actions of another, they are liable to get a negative response.

True.

Each of us are entitled to our freedoms of expression, and I'd deny none of you any, but why is it important to go beyond saying "it's not something I'd do" and to say instead that "(doing this) is fucked up", especially if it's something that hurts no one?

No, if it hurts no one. But I think people do need to be mindful that posting personal things in public might be REALLY ill-advised.

To those who find themselves hurt by such remarks:

Thicken your skin, forgive, and grow strong. Like so many who inhabit the internet, some people may not always think through what they say as thoroughly or as accurately as you would, or as you think they do.


I think that part of the discussion is pretty much done, folks. Let's just try to move back to the topic of mundanities and away from eulogies, okay?

I never intended for anyone to think that I was suggesting that their grief is mundane, but instead, simply inappropriate for public consumption.

Look, if I suffer the loss of a loved one and I paint a sign that says "My _____ (insert dead family member name here) just died and I'm so sad" and stand on the street corner weaping, passers-by are going to think I'm nuts. Especially if the sign also says "- But I don't want to burden my real friends with it." It isn't a perfect analogy, but -- do ya get my point?????

 

[WorkInProgress]

Okay, let me just say this: When you have a cyber community, it makes the most sense for that cyber community to be a place where members provide each other with a sanctuary from feeling as if they have to be enthralling and entertaining with their posts. It should be a place where people can feel safe posting personal things. Now, in a community this large, it's impossible to count on being safe from any unfair criticisms, but really, ideally, it should be possible to post without having to think, "Is someone going to find this post too mundane or too personal?"

 

[steph]

You are welcome too m'sweets~no harm, no foul. Like I said, I'd have posted sooner if someone had mentioned to me there was trouble brewing before it escalated to this. I just...like I said, have a life (one that doesn't involve keeping a score card of all the members' dead relatives and previous posts about them) and in true ADD style, I do tend to wander off grounds for a bit.

I think I've been here long enough to have proven myself as anything but a "cruel and cheap shot" taker. Almost anyone who's been here as long as I have can tell you that. You'll meet few with a bigger heart. Now, I have little tolerance for assholes and I never apologize if I don't feel I've done anything that warrants it. When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. It's one of my better qualities.

Huzzah, indeed!
XOXO

Thanks for clarifying your intent on that, Steph. I didn't believe it was a personal attack made by you or STU, but I thought it important to bring to light why some might take even a general statement of this kind (expressed as it was) in an offensive manner. Hope it didn't come off too harshly to anyone.

Huzzah for mundane idiots!

Hey -- guess what?! I posted to a thread today!

TWICE!!!

 

[SmarterthanU]

Okay, let me just say this: When you have a cyber community, it makes the most sense for that cyber community to be a place where members provide each other with a sanctuary from feeling as if they have to be enthralling and entertaining with their posts. It should be a place where people can feel safe posting personal things. Now, in a community this large, it's impossible to count on being safe from any unfair criticisms, but really, ideally, it should be possible to post without having to think, "Is someone going to find this post too mundane or too personal?"

I agree with you to a point. And I also agree that if you are aware that this is a public forum, with thousands of members, only a handful of whom ever make their presence known and even fewer still who are the regular poster-children we think of as our brothers and sisters (for better or for worse), then - you now - whatever. I'm still going to think it would be more appropriate to contact the people who are close to you via email or PM, but I'm not going to bitch over the actual threads.

I do understand the comradery-factor. You see the same names, "converse" with people via posting, you get to feel like you know them. It starts to feel safe. But it just isn't. It's a false sense of security. Are there some people who absolutely do not want to hear that? You bet.

 

[LindyHopper]

The real question here is why do so many people nowadays read a topic of discussion and make a HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASUMPTION THAT SOMEHOW the thread in question or a reply is somehow about them.

Yes, that happens all the time, and in most such cases, the assumption is unwarranted. However, if a poster makes a very specific criticism, it doesn't matter who the original target was meant to be - the content is what it is.

For example, if I post, "Anyone who posts pictures of their cats on this forum needs to get a life,"* all readers should be able to take this statement at face value. Once people who've been posting pictures of their cat on the TMF start flaming me, I suppose I could backpedal and say, "Oh, I didn't mean your pictures of your cat! That thing I said was about someone else! Not you! I like you!!!" But the cat-lovers wouldn't have been wrong to take offense at the thing I said in the first place, regardless of whether or not I said it with them in mind.

Does this make sense, or have I just lost everyone with this analogy?

* For the record, I have nothing against people who post pictures of their cats on the TMF. No problem at all. 😉

 

[Ayla ny]

To be fair...I think flock's post was directed more at the continuous "mindless drivel" posters. I don't think he's saying, "don't share your feelings about something sad that's making you sad" especially if it's a real problem. I know such a term is in the eye of the beholder but a little common sense, as Danimal would say...

The people he's talking about are like...spammers with nothing to sell you. They're just talking to hear themselves talk, wasting people's time (especially those who wait 20 posts and say "oops--my bad, just kidding mostly, I'm not really whining.") Yes, you are, yes, you just did. We all heard you do it and all your backpedalling after the fact won't save you. They're making extra work for the forum owners and the mods, clogging up the pipes and just suck in general. A spammer in sheep's clothing, if you will. They haven't said anything offensive per se, so we can't report them.

"when someone creates a thread that says "My grandmother died two hours ago, and I'm so sad ..." If your fucking grandmother dies and the first thing you do is sign on to the internet so you can post the news on a tickling website, that, my friend, is pretty fucked up. What's even more fucked up are the "I gotta be ME!!!" threads or the "32nd anniversary of something very personal" threads."

I agree there. It's the people who lack perspective about their "problems" that I think flock was talking about. Look, it's still America, where you can still say whatever you want, whenever you want. But don't "shoot your whole load" and then wonder why people find you annoying or don't take you seriously. You did it to yourself.
XOXO

A hug for you! AND it just needed to be repeated.

 

[Capnmad]

Moi'??????

Sometimes, yeah. Not that I mind. It's not a big deal -- I like variety, and I appreciate your posts. Still, I can see where others may be chafed at times.

Note to self: No more grandmother examples.

Grandmothers are one thing, but death is a wider topic, and a touchy one especially among the grieving. Something to consider.

No, if it hurts no one. But I think people do need to be mindful that posting personal things in public might be REALLY ill-advised.

Do I detect a strawman in the fog? Or was someone's eulogy somehow hurtful to you or someone else?

You specifically had criticized public eulogies and similar cathartic expressions very unlikely to cause hurt or conflict, and now it's an ill-defined "personal things". Yes, some personal things might be really ill-advised to disclose publicly. No argument there. But that's not how you started.

I never intended for anyone to think that I was suggesting that their grief is mundane, but instead, simply inappropriate for public consumption.

And you're entitled to that opinion, and I thank you for clarifying it, sir.

Look, if I suffer the loss of a loved one and I paint a sign that says "My _____ (insert dead family member name here) just died and I'm so sad" and stand on the street corner weaping, passers-by are going to think I'm nuts. Especially if the sign also says "- But I don't want to burden my real friends with it." It isn't a perfect analogy, but -- do ya get my point?????

I understand what you're getting at, but yes, your analogy is flawed. A street corner is quite different than a message board, as the latter's primary function is communication and engagement and not something you just have to pass by to cross a street.

Keep in mind too, that consistent contributors get known to others here in a way that is completely unlike sitting on a random street corner. There are more aspects of community here than there. People know people here, and others are more likely to care even if they've never spoken personally with a poster because just seeing the contributions here creates a sense of familiarity and sense of character beyond those between we who pass each other by silently on the street on our way to work or dinner or whathaveyou.

Passersby on the street never see the thoughts of another. Passersby here can, and so, build an initial resonance and sympathy more easily. It's a crucial difference, and allows a sense of welcome we should try not to squander too much.

Okay, let me just say this: When you have a cyber community, it makes the most sense for that cyber community to be a place where members provide each other with a sanctuary from feeling as if they have to be enthralling and entertaining with their posts. It should be a place where people can feel safe posting personal things. Now, in a community this large, it's impossible to count on being safe from any unfair criticisms, but really, ideally, it should be possible to post without having to think, "Is someone going to find this post too mundane or too personal?"

Well said.

You are welcome too m'sweets~no harm, no foul.

 

[steph]

I wish more people would get it like you, m'gorgeous ayla, it's the CONSTANTS that are under fire here, not someone who occasionally shares good or bad news.
XOXO

A hug for you! AND it just needed to be repeated.

 

[tickleshotel]

After Reading the exchange in this thread, I am the first to admit that I stand as Guilty as charged when it comes to sharing with the forum sad news or sharing Happiness and Yes I have gone overboard sharing too much personal information about the happenings of my life and my heartfelt feelings. I know it could be said that there is a pattern to my Posting over the years I have been here .

All I can say right now is that it is not my Intention to annoy ,disturb or upset others or worse yet,have them avoid me and not want to get to know me or have me as a acquaintance,friend. I am really going to make a Effort to monitor myself and not sharing alot of my personal life out in public and use the PM feature for the purposes it was intended for and this forum be a fun place for all, and I am tired of the Negativity I see also.

 

[FlockOfSeagulls]

After Reading the exchange in this thread, I am the first to admit that I stand as Guilty as charged when it comes to sharing with the forum sad news or sharing Happiness and Yes I have gone overboard sharing too much personal information about the happenings of my life and my heartfelt feelings. I know it could be said that there is a pattern to my Posting over the years I have been here .

All I can say right now is that it is not my Intention to annoy ,disturb or upset others or worse yet,have them avoid me and not want to get to know me or have me as a acquaintance,friend. I am really going to make a Effort to monitor myself and not sharing alot of my personal life out in public and use the PM feature for the purposes it was intended for and this forum be a fun place for all, and I am tired of the Negativity I see also.

I think alot of people are missing the point to this thread. It has definately taken a turn towards the really personal threads rather than the mundane ones I was talking about.

let me give some ficticious examples.

1. I am getting ready to go to the supermarket, should I buy white or wheat .
bread.
2. My neighbor`s third cousin`s postman got a haircut.
3. I went for a walk and noticed they replaced the street sign.

Those who wish to post incredibly personal monumental events in his/ her life because it helps them cope was not the aim of my topic. It is not something I would do, but to each his own.

 

[SmarterthanU]

Do I detect a strawman in the fog? Or was someone's eulogy somehow hurtful to you or someone else?

Like I said, I never read threads that have titles that suggest TMI.

Keep in mind too, that consistent contributors get known to others here in a way that is completely unlike sitting on a random street corner. There are more aspects of community here than there. People know people here, and others are more likely to care even if they've never spoken personally with a poster because just seeing the contributions here creates a sense of familiarity and sense of character beyond those between we who pass each other by silently on the street on our way to work or dinner or whathaveyou.

Passersby on the street never see the thoughts of another. Passersby here can, and so, build an initial resonance and sympathy more easily. It's a crucial difference, and allows a sense of welcome we should try not to squander too much.

I think you're missing my point, which is that a public message board is a lot more like a collection of strangers than some people think. Yes, there are people here who are here all the time and people develop online friendships. I suggest that people consider sharing their most personal business with those people privately. What would be the difference, if the goal is to share one's innermost felings with one's online friends?

Also, the suggestion that uncomfortable personal posts and random mundane posts are better done here than discussed with "real friends" is still unaddressed. If someone's "real friends" don't want to be bothered, why inflict those things on others? THAT just smacks of selfishness. At any rate, you'll have to agree that you can't have it both ways.

 

[Dussicar]

* For the record, I have nothing against people who post pictures of their cats on the TMF. No problem at all. 😉

Lindy, you silly dilly. You didn't have to add that last line. I don't think anyone here needs confirmation as to what and what not to post on here.😉

 

[SmarterthanU]

Something I wanted to share that I think bears on this topic.

From Slate:

"In his apocalyptic nonfiction book Bowling Alone, Harvard-based political scientist Robert Putnam lays out in detail how, since the 1970s, American civic life has died ... He amassed a mountain of hard data showing that we're going on fewer church picnics, joining fewer bowling leagues, and taking fewer pies to our neighbors every year, and, as a result, community bonds are crumbling. We're not voting, we're not volunteering, we're not taking care of our kids; America has become a nation of demented shut-ins, dying all alone in houses full of moldering TV Guides and stray cats."

 

[Capnmad]

Like I said, I never read threads that have titles that suggest TMI.


I think you're missing my point, which is that a public message board is a lot more like a collection of strangers than some people think. Yes, there are people here who are here all the time and people develop online friendships. I suggest that people consider sharing their most personal business with those people privately. What would be the difference, if the goal is to share one's innermost felings with one's online friends?

Also, the suggestion that uncomfortable personal posts and random mundane posts are better done here than discussed with "real friends" is still unaddressed. If someone's "real friends" don't want to be bothered, why inflict those things on others? THAT just smacks of selfishness. At any rate, you'll have to agree that you can't have it both ways.

I've started a new thread here to attend to the matters of personal disclosures in the public forum and separate it from the notion of mundane topics. This way, we can move away from derailing Flock's thread.

 

[LindyHopper]

Lindy, you silly dilly. You didn't have to add that last line. I don't think anyone here needs confirmation as to what and what not to post on here.😉

Oh, sorry about that - never mind. I was probably posting while drunk. 😉 😀

 

[SmarterthanU]

I've started a new thread here to attend to the matters of personal disclosures in the public forum and separate it from the notion of mundane topics. This way, we can move away from derailing Flock's thread.

AHA! Jolly good idea!@

 

[steph]

And just a quickie update~not too much info, but I didn't want to leave anyone judging negatively about Chris (Chosen.) He sent me a lovely PM apology which I (of course) thanked him for. So, YAY, all's good with everyone, all misunderstandings have been cleared up. Blessings to all for a great weekend!
XOXO