Will tickling ever turn her on..?

[tkler by night]

Hello all. So I've been on this site for a while now - and I have a question I think people here could help me out with.
I'm hoping Myriads will jump in with an in-depth analysis of the human psyche as well...

I've been in a relationship for a while now with this incredible girl. We're great together, and very happy - and somewhere along the way it was definitely revealed that I might have a minor penchant for tickling... (ok a huge fetish). Lucky for me, this girl of mine also happens to be ridiculously ticklish... something I didn't know before we started dating.
Anyway, so we haven't really gotten into any incredibly intense tickle sessions, but she's very tolerant of my tickling her every so often, and will even tickle me back or instigate tickle fights herself, only in short spurts though.

Here's where my question really starts. I feel like all this is great and wonderful, and we're good about respecting each others quirks, but I also can't help feeling like she'll never really enjoy the tickling as much as I do - mainly because it's a fetish for me and not for her, and if we were ever to try a more intense tickle session, she would have to 'tolerate' it while I was enjoying it.

Will tickling ever turn her on like it does for me? Has anyone ever been in this situation / grown into a tickle fetish that wasn't there before?

Any insight/help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Phineas]

Here's where my question really starts. I feel like all this is great and wonderful, and we're good about respecting each others quirks, but I also can't help feeling like she'll never really enjoy the tickling as much as I do - mainly because it's a fetish for me and not for her, and if we were ever to try a more intense tickle session, she would have to 'tolerate' it while I was enjoying it.

Have you actually asked her about this, or are you just assuming?

 

[tkler by night]

Have you actually asked her about this, or are you just assuming?

I believe 'painfully ticklish' is the term. When I've asked there's been reluctance - mainly because we both know how ticklish she is. She'd still do it for me, but it would be hard to enjoy.

Maybe we'd both be surprised though...

 

[brainiac]

Actually I am with a woman who is very ticklish and I would tickle her alot when she would sit on the couch barefoot or as she would raise her arms to put up her hair and she would always laugh but very soon say "stop" or start to whine like she didn't like it. Once she asked about what I liked sexually for her to do and I took the opertunity to tell herhow much I enjoyed tickling her, especially if I could tie her up. She said "Really? Tickling turns you on?" then I could see it in her face she was imagining it. Then she said "Ok lets try it, sounds fun, just a little at first though I am so ticklish."

We are at the point now that she asks me to do it and has started watching videos of it on her own and getting turned on. Every woman is different so you will have to evaluate her and take a chance if you want to share this with her, she may come to crave it after she has tried it. Good luck to you, I never thought it would happen to me.

 

[Kannax10]

I'm in this same situation with my wife. Phineas is right in that, if this a long-term relationship you're invested in, you have to communicate and put it all out on the table.

It sounds like you have and your girl-friend doesn't love it, but she is willing to endure it for you. I have found that my wife is the same way.

If my situation is any indication, I'm not sure she'll ever feel the same way about tickling as we do, but in the case of my wife, she will ask to be tickled from time to time, because it turns me on, which in turn turns her on. That's as close as we've gotten to complete "tickling harmony." But knowing that it is not her favorite, I do my best to keep the tickling to a minimum.

At the risk of sounding preachy, I love my wife a lot more than I love tickling, so it is a compromise I am more than happy to make.

I hope this one perspective helps a little.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Take it slow. Introduce light bondage - nothing scary - and tickle her in a way that you know she enjoys for a short amount of time. I don't know how long your playful sessions are, but keep it shorter than those. Stay well within her comfort zone the first time, and she'll be much more willing to try it again. Ask her when you're done if she had a good time, and if there was anything in particular she liked or didn't like, and adjust accordingly for next time. After a few times, you can push a little further - making the session longer or a little more intense, but not overwhelming for her. Rinse. Repeat. Hopefully you get the idea. As her tolerance for more intense play increases, mix it with sexy time. Maybe her brain will make the connection between sex and tickling all by itself if you do the legwork. Most important - don't be overzealous. Appreciate that she's going out on a limb for you, and take it easy.

Good luck!

 

[rhiannon]

Will tickling ever turn her on like it does for me?

No, probably not. A fetish is just not something you can learn or grow into, it's just there, just like people can't get homosexual over time.

I've had someone try it with me with a different fetish...it just doesn't work.

 

[daddy]

She may never be actually turned on by it, but there is always the "reward" factor in her knowing that if you tickle her, you get turned on which means she is gonna get what she wants if the tickling leads to sex, and especially if it is good intense sex! ;-)

peace out,
daddy

 

[GQguy]

She may never be actually turned on by it, but there is always the "reward" factor in her knowing that if you tickle her, you get turned on which means she is gonna get what she wants if the tickling leads to sex, and especially if it is good intense sex! ;-)

peace out,
daddy

^^^That's it. When it comes to sex there are some things that simply feed off of one another. For instance...I dated a girl that liked spanking. I didn't like spanking. But to please her i'd spank her while we had sex. She would get really turned on by this making the sex better for me and her. Win win. My current girlfriend isn't into tickling but she knows when I tickle her the sex is 100 times better. She's not into it now...but I can see her craving tickling and sex as the relationship grows. I've had it happen numerous times with different girlfriends.

So yes. She will get turned on by tickling. Just like pavlov's dog. Bell equals treat. Soon the dog starts salivating at the sound of the bell. Tickling equals great sex. Soon your girl will start getting turned on simply by getting tickled knowing what's next. The main thing is to ensure that she orgasm after each tickle session. Especially the really intense ones!

GQ

 

[LD_Tickler]

It might start to turn her on a bit - she might start to associate it with what comes after. But will she ever enjoy it as much as you do? No.

 

[NonConTickler]

She does what you want...who cares if it turns her on?!? That's what relationships are, doing things you don't particularly feel like doing to make your partner happy. That's why I don't want a relationship lol. Maybe if I won the lottery someday and could dictate the terms of the relationship...she does what I want or there's the door, and no more money. But yeah, NEVER complain that a woman is doing what you want, just try not to screw it up and hope things stay the way they are lol

 

[sasaxrah]

She does what you want...who cares if it turns her on?!? That's what relationships are, doing things you don't particularly feel like doing to make your partner happy. That's why I don't want a relationship lol. Maybe if I won the lottery someday and could dictate the terms of the relationship...she does what I want or there's the door, and no more money. But yeah, NEVER complain that a woman is doing what you want, just try not to screw it up and hope things stay the way they are lol

And who said romance was dead?

 

[LD_Tickler]

She does what you want...who cares if it turns her on?!? That's what relationships are, doing things you don't particularly feel like doing to make your partner happy. That's why I don't want a relationship lol. Maybe if I won the lottery someday and could dictate the terms of the relationship...she does what I want or there's the door, and no more money. But yeah, NEVER complain that a woman is doing what you want, just try not to screw it up and hope things stay the way they are lol

Some people's pleasure is enhanced by the knowledge that their partner is also pleasured.

Or maybe he's worried about whether or not this good stuff can continue in the long run if it's not turning her on.

Or maybe he wants to step up the intensity, and is worried she'll draw a line if it doesn't turn her on.

There are several good reasons to care if she's turned on or not.

 

[tkler by night]

Thanks for all these posts! It's really encouraging to hear that people have been in similar relationships that have turned out well!

It's probably true that she'll never enjoy it quite as much as I will (it's a lot to catch up to but it's good to know she might start to enjoy it (even if it's just in anticipation of other things to come... pardon the expression)

Any other examples of this? People who used to not be but are now turned on by tickling?

 

[Jagermeistered]

If she's not into it now... She's on her period! Run your ass away!!!! Either that, or she's no fun.

 

[rhiannon]

How weird this is....women also never will be turned on giving blowjobs as much as guys receiving it, but nobody ever expects us to be!

 

[Myriads]

I'm sorry that I didn't answer this sooner. I've been busy with a few things over the weekend.

Several of the posters have hit upon the key idea that plays into your situation. The concept of reflected gratification.

Lots of us do things for loved ones that we have no active like for (we are neutral) and some things perhaps we even dislike (we are negative) because we know that they take enjoyment in it. Simply put, we want to please our partner, and act in ways to do that.

Now we may take no direct pleasure in what we do. Might even hate it, but we get a POSITIVE emotional feedback from our partners pleasure. This is a second level response. It's removed from the action, but a result of taking it. We like this positive, and will continue to do the things which provide it.

Over time one *may* build an association with the feeling and the behavior. This is not something that will always happen. But it can. So yes, your partner might come to "Like" the tickling, but not because or for the tickling, but for the positive it causes you to feedback to her.

So the short answer to your question is probably not. But it's possible that she will encounter other positives from the interaction that she values.

One cannot 'cause' a fetish in a mature partner. You can bring out or magnify an existing one, or uncover an unknown one. Aspects of one fetish might be concurrent with aspects of another fetish that your partner holds (For example, the reason some folks like bondage is that it allows them to be out of control, unable to prevent anything from being done to them. They may not like the things done, but love the feeling of not being able to stop it. Tickling would be an overlap here.) Many partners become 'accepting' of a partners fetish, and take part in them to please the partner, and over time learn to pull enjoyment from second level responses of the partner that holds the fetish. These folks are often called 'converts' in the community, when in fact they are what I call "Good to go". A blanket term I use for a partner that will indulge a partners likes because they know it pleases them.

To the OP. It sounds like your girl is "Good to go" in respect to tickling. She will do it because it makes you happy. Just as you are doing some things that she likes that you don't spend time thinking about often.

I'd say discuss. Find the edges of how far her good to go-ness spread, and play. That is part of the sexual discovery part of any healthy relationship. She might be up for some harder tickle play over time, and how you get there will be worked out between you over time. No rush. You have a partner that accepts you, and will indulge you. That is the foundation for a solid and healthy sex life.

Good luck.
Myriads