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Worst....Joke....Ever
- Thread starter Mimi
- Start date
General Zod
Level of Triple Jade Feather
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2001
- Messages
- 70,436
- Points
- 0
A skeleton walks into a bar He orders a beer and a mop
One day Mother Teressa is walking around up in Heaven She see Princess Di and notices that Di's halo is twice the size of hers She asks Saint Peter about it Saint Peter says "don't worry That's not a halo That's a steering wheel"
One day Mother Teressa is walking around up in Heaven She see Princess Di and notices that Di's halo is twice the size of hers She asks Saint Peter about it Saint Peter says "don't worry That's not a halo That's a steering wheel"
BigBrownEyes
2nd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2001
- Messages
- 1,293
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- 0
A sandwich walks in a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here..."
lightninbug
TMF Expert
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2001
- Messages
- 574
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Hi, It's ME, I'm Back!!!!
A Guy walks in to the Lumber Yard & asks the Sales Clerk;
"Got Any 2 x 4s ?"
Clerk says , "Sure,Tons of 'em, HOW Many do you need?"
"Guy Says: "At least 300, maybe more."
Clerk says,"How Long will you need 'em?"
Guy says, "A Real Long Time, I'm Building A House."
There, now THAT wasn't so good, was it??
BUG
A Guy walks in to the Lumber Yard & asks the Sales Clerk;
"Got Any 2 x 4s ?"
Clerk says , "Sure,Tons of 'em, HOW Many do you need?"
"Guy Says: "At least 300, maybe more."
Clerk says,"How Long will you need 'em?"
Guy says, "A Real Long Time, I'm Building A House."
There, now THAT wasn't so good, was it??
BUG
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some
fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate
rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll upthe windows
first."
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some
fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate
rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll upthe windows
first."
lightninbug
TMF Expert
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2001
- Messages
- 574
- Points
- 0
Ahhhhhhh, Thank You Folks
Thanx Moses!!
PROOF POSITIVE THAT YOU CAN START AT THE BOTTOM & WORK YOUR WAY DOWN IN NO TIME.
Is This a GREAT COUNTRY Or What??
BUG
Moses25 said:BOOOOOOOO!!! Yep, that one pretty much wins the award.
Cheers.
Thanx Moses!!
PROOF POSITIVE THAT YOU CAN START AT THE BOTTOM & WORK YOUR WAY DOWN IN NO TIME.
Is This a GREAT COUNTRY Or What??
BUG
Bad Joke! Bad Joke!
One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells the tatto artist that he wanted a 100 dollar bill tatooed on his dick, the tattoo artist told him if he could give him three reasons why he wanted the tattoo he would give it to him. The man says. "Well, for one, I like to play with my money, two, I like to watch it grow, and three, if my wife wants to blow 100 dollars again, she doesnt have to go to the mall.
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
So Gandhi always walked around with no shoes on so he had really rough feet.
He is also renowned for his hunger strikes that made him very skinny.
He was also a very spiritual man.
But due to his poor diet he had very bad breath.
So what does that make Gandhi?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day:
First worm - dead
Second worm - dead.
Third worm - dead.
Fourth worm - alive.
Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms!
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.” The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.” The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”
Hope that aint too many entries, just had to get those outta my head and into all of yours
Thats just my dollar and 2 cents worth.
One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells the tatto artist that he wanted a 100 dollar bill tatooed on his dick, the tattoo artist told him if he could give him three reasons why he wanted the tattoo he would give it to him. The man says. "Well, for one, I like to play with my money, two, I like to watch it grow, and three, if my wife wants to blow 100 dollars again, she doesnt have to go to the mall.
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
So Gandhi always walked around with no shoes on so he had really rough feet.
He is also renowned for his hunger strikes that made him very skinny.
He was also a very spiritual man.
But due to his poor diet he had very bad breath.
So what does that make Gandhi?
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day:
First worm - dead
Second worm - dead.
Third worm - dead.
Fourth worm - alive.
Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms!
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.” The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.” The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”
Hope that aint too many entries, just had to get those outta my head and into all of yours
Thats just my dollar and 2 cents worth.
BigBrownEyes
2nd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2001
- Messages
- 1,293
- Points
- 0
Two canibals eating a clown.....One said to the other "Something taste funny to you?"
Hey, Merry Christmas!!!
Hey, Merry Christmas!!!
featherfingers
1st Level Green Feather
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2004
- Messages
- 4,121
- Points
- 0
A young cannibal kid was playing catch with an explorer's kid. The cannibal's mother yelled out to him, "Stop playing with your food!"
Once there were three Indian women. They were all pregnant, and they slept in their husbands' teepees on animal skins that they had killed or traded for.
The first slept on a deer skin.
The second slept on a bear skin.
The third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three had their children on the full moon. The first had a strong baby boy. The second also had a strong baby boy. The third had twins.
This just proves that the sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
The first slept on a deer skin.
The second slept on a bear skin.
The third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three had their children on the full moon. The first had a strong baby boy. The second also had a strong baby boy. The third had twins.
This just proves that the sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Ignatz
3rd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2003
- Messages
- 1,688
- Points
- 0
A young woman goes into a tattoo parlor and orders portraits of her two favorite singers, one on the front of each thigh near the top. The tattoo artist agrees he can do it, so she hikes up her skirt, slips off her panties and sits down. He works for hours, etching the likeness of Elvis Presley on her left thigh and Garth Brooks on her right. When he's done, she jumps up, looks in the mirror and squeals, "Oh, my Gaaawwd, they're gorgeous!"
She's so delighted she has to show someone right away so she runs out of the shop. But by now it's late evening and there's no one in sight on this side street except a wino sitting on the curb under the street lamp. He'll do....she rushes over and stands before him with her skirt pulled up, pointing at Garth. "Look at this! You know who that is, don't you?"
The drunk, startled, stares at the tattoo and says, "Never saw him before in my life, officer."
Miffed, the girl points to Elvis on her other thigh and says, "Well, I know you recognize him!"
The drunk squints hard, then replies, "No....but the guy in the middle looks like Willie Nelson!"
She's so delighted she has to show someone right away so she runs out of the shop. But by now it's late evening and there's no one in sight on this side street except a wino sitting on the curb under the street lamp. He'll do....she rushes over and stands before him with her skirt pulled up, pointing at Garth. "Look at this! You know who that is, don't you?"
The drunk, startled, stares at the tattoo and says, "Never saw him before in my life, officer."
Miffed, the girl points to Elvis on her other thigh and says, "Well, I know you recognize him!"
The drunk squints hard, then replies, "No....but the guy in the middle looks like Willie Nelson!"
