hm.

i don't know if i should even be writing this here...but i just need to get this out of my system and this is the only *safe* place i can get it out, i guess.

okay..
so i've always had this rape fantasy...but mine is a lot different. i can't get into just acting it out...i actually want the real thing. which i know is totally awful and wrong, but i can't help it.

so anyways i told my friend that i've been seeing about this fantasy (he knows about my tickle fetish and all that) and he was really wanting to try this out on me.
here is where things went downhill.
i made it VERY clear to him that i do not want him to even try because he is just NOT that type of person. it is completely not in his nature to "rape" someone. or even be dominant in general.
BUT
he tried anyways. and FAILED miserably. just like i knew he would.
and now things are gonna get awkward. so completely awkward. and i hate it. i never asked him to do that to me. not once. and he said in his mind me telling him no meant secretly yes....
now i know i'm a girl and we are all types of confusing...but DAMN. really? really?????? i was 100% upfront and demanding that he not even attempt this. we had like a 30 minute discussion about it in a coffee shop just last week!

so now i feel lost.
he is such a great friend and i love hanging out with him. we always have so much fun...but now i don't know if i can get past this.