Shrinking Ticklee (Tickler?) Hmmm...

An interesting thing has been happening to me lately- or rather, I find myself doing something that is different.

When I get to the point where I want it so badly I feel like I cannot contain my desires for it (and this is as the tickler or as the ticklee), I squash it. I hide it, ignore it, compartmentalize it until the feelings are barely above a whisper.

I literally breathe, close my eyes, and make myself ignore it. And it's been working too well. My resolve to live without this is too strong, way too effective.

Additionally, any thoughts of sadness about this, I find myself locking them up to. I work. I push myself. I find other things to do.

I know exactly why I do it. Part of me wishes I wasn't so very good at locking this part of myself away.

Do I want it 24/7? YES
Could I get it now if I wanted? Probably
Will I go for it? No

I'll just lock it away and pretend I'm bland, and each day is the same, like melting scoops of vanilla ice cream. Nothing kinky to see here.

SunsetTicklee?
Perhaps

Or maybe I'm just waiting for the embers to ignite and the fire to burn again.
Maybe.