Like spider legs crawling along my bones, the small protrusion migrating with each careless step through the inside of my skin. My brain completely racked with some mixture of emotions which are not positive. Nothing feels good. My shoulders are tense and I've stared at this screen with a scowl. I'm in a staring contest with the faceless which have no interest.
I may be dancing on marionette strings, but I am self aware. So much so that I have fought off the urge to throw up.
I am disgusted. Angry. Confused. Bewildered. And I feel cheapened like a fucking ***** who lost her looks while taking a header off a steel barricade. At the sharpest point, I feel ashamed.
Shamed that I actually fell for practiced bravado.
Shamed that, for some of you, I cracked the hard exterior enough to show the insecurities of a man sequestered on an island all to himself without recourse.
I'm sure my emotions will simmer in the morning, and the pieces will slip into place and I will feel plenty good about no selling this.
But I'm leaving it as a testimony. So fuck it.
I may be dancing on marionette strings, but I am self aware. So much so that I have fought off the urge to throw up.
I am disgusted. Angry. Confused. Bewildered. And I feel cheapened like a fucking ***** who lost her looks while taking a header off a steel barricade. At the sharpest point, I feel ashamed.
Shamed that I actually fell for practiced bravado.
Shamed that, for some of you, I cracked the hard exterior enough to show the insecurities of a man sequestered on an island all to himself without recourse.
I'm sure my emotions will simmer in the morning, and the pieces will slip into place and I will feel plenty good about no selling this.
But I'm leaving it as a testimony. So fuck it.
