Is the Tickling "Community" a Rigged Game? (UK Thread)

[benthetickler]

Hi all. This is a long post so all the TL;DR folks are warned to turn away now. It also relates specifically to the UK so may be less relevant for those from elsewhere.

This post is a bit of an observational rant plus an appeal. You'll see what I mean as we go on.

First, a little bit about me. I am a straight male ler in my mid-30s, currently living not too far from Peterborough, Cambridgeshire. I have been into tickling and fantasising about tickling girls since I was a very young child (I'm thinking 3 or 4), and rarely a day goes by when I don't think about it.

I was lucky enough, fairly young in life, to end up meeting and marrying someone who happily embraced my fetish, and my wife and I had quite a few tied tickling sessions together, and some of them were great. However, for various reasons personal to me that outlet has run dry, but the urge to still play at my fetish remains. Hence about 5 years ago I began to see if I could reach out into the wider scene to find anyone else to have some fun with.

I began by joining a couple of fetish dating-type sites specific to tickling. But despite a couple of near-misses I was not successful going down this route - sometimes directly contacting people but receiving no response. Then, back in the spring of this year, I was finally unexpectedly contacted by someone via one of those sites, and after a few false starts we ended up meeting and having a session together. Despite my relative lack of experience, having never tickled anyone other than my wife before, I received glowing compliments from my ticklee - who has a decent amount of experience herself - who told me that I was the first tickler she's ever played with who successfully "ruined" her to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Needless to say, I was quite proud of this review!

But this is where the gripes come in. When I first put myself out there looking for tickle partners five years ago, I never expected that it would be so difficult to find any, and yet my ticklee apparently had had huge success finding multiple partners in just a few months, and seemed to find it pretty easy. Encouraged by that, and taking some pointers from her, I went away over the next few weeks and began to widen my searches. I posted ads online in several places with big reach, including Reddit, FetLife and right here in the Personals section of the TMF.

I received precisely ZERO replies anywhere.

I learned some uncomfortable things during this period, as I consistently met with failure. Watching the ticklee I had met almost literally just having to stand up and ring a bell and watch them all come at her while I was having no luck whatsoever was very galling. During recent months I sank the closest to a form of depression I have ever experienced in my life. I wasn't sleeping. My failures were taking chunks out of my mental health. It is only in recent weeks, as I've come to some sort of acceptance about the hopelessness of it all, that I've gone back to something like normal again mentally and emotionally.

But what I discovered during those months since my first session with a real fetishist disturbed and disappointed me. Looking into these supposed "communities" made me realise how insular they are. From everything I've seen, it basically appears to me that the tickling "scene" in the UK, such as it is, is basically run by a handful of men who hoard all the spoils for themselves. If you are a woman (or a gay man perhaps), you can easily get into this club, because you are what they want. But if you're a straight male ler like me, you can't get into the club, because they have no use for you, and they also don't want you competing with them.

Looking around FetLife, for example, I found multiple female lees who seemed to be almost semi-pros, and their profiles all had a variation of the same message in them: "I am not doing private sessions, so don't ask. I am only playing with these specific people, or only working with professional video producers. This is a closed club, and you ain't in it."

So my extremely negative view of the tickling "community" is that it is in fact a rigged game. A handful of people have all the fun, and you can join the club instantaneously if you are what a handful of powerful guys are looking for - as my ticklee has found and taken advantage of - but if you're someone like me you can get stay in the car park and hope for a lucky stray like I got.

Does anyone want to respond to this and argue that this is NOT the case? Or do others agree with me? Have others had the same struggles I have? I'd love to hear people's take on it.

But here's the final part, where the appeal comes in. There's one way people can prove to me that my view of the tickling community is distorted or inaccurate - and that's to make me an offer. I have already met someone who happily travels all around the country meeting and being tickled by guys. There are undoubtedly many UK-based female lees here who must do the same thing. Among those, there MUST be some who would want to meet up with me for a tickling session some time. Even if you'd prefer to chat and get to know each other first, there MUST be some out there. And even if you are not a female lee, if you have spent any time on the scene at all you MUST know someone who might want to meet me. If any of this is true, respond here or PM me and change my mind about what I have experienced over the last few years.

If you have read this up until the end then thank you, and regardless of whether anyone has any offers for me or not, I hope this post might at least stimulate some interesting dscussion.

Cheers
Ben

 

[stacwday]

I agree with everything you say 100%!

I have bit the bullet and paid for a few sessions before with one of these ‘semi-pros’ and it was great. But for me in this country you’ve got to pay for it. I to have found it literally impossible to find anyone to have a tickling session for the pure point of sharing a mutual enjoyment of tickling.

 

[Myriads]

It falls to a much more simple fact then you are theorizing.

You are male. Your lees are female. And given the ratio in any fetish (or even sexual community) it's a females game. They get to pick out of uncountable partners. They are the choosers, and they don't need to chase any male offering ads or such as the number of cold approaches they see makes that simply pointless.

You the male can simply keep approaching and seeing rejection the vast majority of the time, because as a male you are a 'base' commodity in the market as common as dirt in a field.

It's not fixed, or under the thumb of some cable of Doms that hoard the lees. It's just social mathematics in action.

A depressing fact, but one that has always been, and will probably always be.

Myriads

 

[Jezebel Lee]

This thread absolutely REEKS of entitlement. I know I shouldn’t let some random internet post get to me, but I’m literally shaking and have so many thoughts rushing around in my head that I’m struggling to put them into words.

First of all… You are already married to someone who willingly embraces your fetish. You’ve even had sessions with them, but apparently that’s not enough. You want to play with others too while she presumably sits at home? You want to have your cake and eat it too. Unless you’ve discussed this with your spouse already and she’s okay with it, that’s pretty much cheating. But I digress.

With regards to “your ticklee” (as if you own this person) finding it easier than you to meet new play partners… I understand feeling sad about it, but it’s not healthy to place your entire mental well-being on the amount of people you’ve done kink stuff with. I strongly suggest, in good faith, to look into something like therapy or medication if it’s really having that much of an effect on your mental health.

From everything I've seen, it basically appears to me that the tickling "scene" in the UK, such as it is, is basically run by a handful of men who hoard all the spoils for themselves. If you are a woman (or a gay man perhaps), you can easily get into this club, because you are what they want. But if you're a straight male ler like me, you can't get into the club, because they have no use for you, and they also don't want you competing with them.

Now, granted, I know exactly which men you’re talking about here. The toxic “alpha male” types who claim ownership of tickle events and insist on collecting female play partners like dolls. Those people are abusive as fuck and shouldn’t be looked up to.

That being said, have you considered actually… stepping outside? Like, going to munches or some of the newer tickle events that are popping up. Or do you just sit behind your screen only posting personal ads, expecting women to flock to you? Part of the reason the toxic “alpha” guys are so successful is because they actually make an effort to meet people. Whenever someone asks me for advice on how to meet people on the scene, my first piece of advice is to visit one of the London munches or even one of the smaller ones in other cities.

Now… this bit pisses me off:

Looking around FetLife, for example, I found multiple female lees who seemed to be almost semi-pros, and their profiles all had a variation of the same message in them: "I am not doing private sessions, so don't ask. I am only playing with these specific people, or only working with professional video producers. This is a closed club, and you ain't in it."

Minus the “this is a closed club” part, this sounds like it’s ripped directly from my fetlife profile. Let me tell you, I do NOT view the kink scene as an “exclusive club”, nor do I view myself as inherently “better” than anyone else. Do you have any idea why I’ve said what I said on my page?

SEVERAL YEARS OF BEING PESTERED BY TICKLE GUYS WHO THINK I OWE THEM A SESSION

Yes, I’ve started to dabble in fetish modelling. I’m sorry if that offends you. But to be frank, part of the reason I started was because I constantly saw stuck-up, privileged blonde bitches demanding money for tickle sessions despite having the fetish themselves, receiving no backlash for it, AND having countless men throw money at them. No shit, of course that’s going to make me feel a bit inferior. Especially with the exact same anonymous guys throwing money at these girls in my DMs, insisting that not only should I provide them their dream session on the first meet for NOTHING IN RETURN, but also cover all the expenses myself. Can you really blame me for getting sick of this enough to put a stop to it?

The tl;dr of this part is, I’m sorry to hear that my boundaries, and/or the boundaries of other women online, hurt your feelings… but they are there for a reason.

Honestly, I strongly suggest that you change your attitude, among other things. I’m not really sure what else I can say on this topic so I’m just gonna leave it at that.

 

[benthetickler]

It falls to a much more simple fact then you are theorizing.

You are male. Your lees are female. And given the ratio in any fetish (or even sexual community) it's a females game. They get to pick out of uncountable partners. They are the choosers, and they don't need to chase any male offering ads or such as the number of cold approaches they see makes that simply pointless.

You the male can simply keep approaching and seeing rejection the vast majority of the time, because as a male you are a 'base' commodity in the market as common as dirt in a field.

It's not fixed, or under the thumb of some cable of Doms that hoard the lees. It's just social mathematics in action.

A depressing fact, but one that has always been, and will probably always be.

Myriads

This is definitely a great point, and it pays a huge role. I genuinely had no idea that female lees were such a small proportion of the tickling community until I tried to find some. That is the effect of the video market, I guess. But I dont personally think it tells the whole story. I am glad you mentioned it, though.

 

[LeatherRebell]

I agree with everything you say 100%!

I have bit the bullet and paid for a few sessions before with one of these ‘semi-pros’ and it was great. But for me in this country you’ve got to pay for it. I to have found it literally impossible to find anyone to have a tickling session for the pure point of sharing a mutual enjoyment of tickling.

Hey, as a matter of interest, where can I find out about these 'semi-pros' in the UK that are offering paid sessions?? Are you just finding general escorts that are willing to be tickled or are there some who are more specific to it?

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Hey, as a matter of interest, where can I find out about these 'semi-pros' in the UK that are offering paid sessions?? Are you just finding general escorts that are willing to be tickled or are there some who are more specific to it?

…Seriously?!

 

[benthetickler]

Hey Jezebel!

It is interesting that you recognised yourself in my post without me naming anyone. I will let readers decide for themselves if that’s just pure coincidence.

Most of your armchair psychiatry is risible and beneath response, but I do resent your accusation that I view the lee I met as my “property” just because of the wording I used. That is categorically not true, and in fact she has encouraged me down the path I am taking.

All that aside, you do seem like the classic gatekeeper type: A brat from a privileged group getting everything you want but portraying yourself as a victim. I am sorry my personal experiences and misfortunes have triggered you. Luckily for me I value the opinions of people who have actually met me more than yours.

Have a nice day.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Hey Jezebel!

It is interesting that you recognised yourself in my post without me naming anyone. I will let readers decide for themselves if that’s just pure coincidence.

Most of your armchair psychiatry is risible and beneath response, but I do resent your accusation that I view the lee I met as my “property” just because of the wording I used. That is categorically not true, and in fact she has encouraged me down the path I am taking.

All that aside, you do seem like the classic gatekeeper type: A brat from a privileged group getting everything you want but portraying yourself as a victim. I am sorry my personal experiences and misfortunes have triggered you. Luckily for me I value the opinions of people who have actually met me more than yours.

Have a nice day.

Yes, it’s totally a complete coincidence and not like you specifically took exact phrases from my fetlife profile to bitch about.

How the fuck am I gatekeeping when I’ve literally given you solid advice on how to actually meet people on the scene? If I were truly gatekeeping, I wouldn’t advise people to get out there and go to munches or play parties. Like it or not, that is the most efficient way to find potential matches.

And it’s pretty fucking audacious of you to call me privileged when I’m an ethnic minority who’s experienced a fuckton of racism in this community. Newsflash pal, I’m not getting what I want either. Obviously the dream is to get tickles and money like the actually-privileged blondes, but I recognised that by default that won’t happen. So instead of posting incel threads like you, I actually got off my ass made the effort to produce content.

It’s pretty clear you’ve made no effort to better yourself and clearly you’re just ignoring all the advice I’ve given you. With that in mind, it’s pretty laughable that you’re asking for people to do all the hard work of networking for you.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Oh and this part:

I am sorry my personal experiences and misfortunes have triggered you.

Are you fucking serious?

1) Who’s the one portraying themselves as a victim? Seems like you’re projecting to me.

2) It wasn’t your “misfortunes” that triggered me. It’s the incel rhetoric. The fact that you’re making no effort to actually meet people and just want everything you want handed to you. Plus the fact that you’re cheating on your wife, and of course the fact that you took snippets from my bio.

 

[MiamiLer305]

 

[Jezebel Lee]

View attachment 744978

Same honestly

 

[benthetickler]

“Racism”. “Incel”. You just need to add “far-right conspiracy theorist” and you’ve got the complete set!

“Advice”. ������

Come on, folks. I know that there are constructive people out there who have interesting things to say on this. Don’t leave me disappointed thinking this idiocy represents the rest of you. I want to hear your opinions and experiences. Not the wisdom of Dr. Shola.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Oh I was plenty constructive in my original reply. Get out there and meet people IRL. Period.

 

[grippedchimp]

OK, I may not post here that often any more, but I was made aware by this thread by ol' Jezzy here, so let me throw my views here.

As a male 'ler as well, I have to be honest with you. Us motherfuckers are a dime a dozen in the overall community. I've been drawing tickle art in this online community before the TMF came here on vBulletin (and still do almost 23 years later), and have longed to tickle women during that time. I had a very brief go at it in real life in 2005, but properly joined in 2018 by attending munches again, then I met with the right play partners for me, and never looked back. It was there that I learned that having a sense of humour (it's all about the laughter, after all), interests outside of tickling or having the ability to talk about non-tickling stuff really helps connect with those you want to play with, which develops trust and social connections. After all, tickling is a very communicative kink, and having different facets to your personality and interests would make people want to play with you. While I have paid for at least one session, I will say the best sessions or scenes I've had are the ones where I've truly connected with my play partner through banter, silliness and mischief.

As for you thinking this community is insular, it's both a yes and no. Yes, there will be inevitable cliques of folks who may gather around a few particularly "well-known" individuals, but I favour the no here. I've found in recent years that the tickling community in the UK is amongst the most accepting and friendly group of people I have ever come across. So much so, I have a close core of friends in the London scene along with further friends in it, and even more in the wider UK community, thanks to a certain Discord server. The community as a whole has helped me improve and grow as a person, yet have been nice enough to bring me up when I've had serious down moments. In turn, I will be supportive, give advice or even mentor others. It's not a competition, after all.

I'll admit - I wanted to have as many sessions as I could with numerous women when I re-entered the scene 5 years ago, and I've had the privilege of doing so in those years thanks to attending tickling events and negotiating hotel sessions. Recently however, I've been somewhat more laid-back in that approach. I don't mind saying yes to anyone who wants to play with me, but these days, I do focus on a few play partners who I'm REALLY close with now. I've proved it to myself that I am able to play with others, and I was just being myself. I'm not even a dominant person. I'm a self-deprecating idiot with a knack for winding my play partners up to the point that they insult me relentlessly. It's a shared power dynamic we have, despite me being a 'ler.

In short, all I'm saying is that the game isn't rigged. You're not aware of the rules and tactics to play the game properly.

Good luck on your kink journey.

 

[MiamiLer305]

I mean, i get the frustration of looking endlessly for a tickle partner to enjoy in the fun that is our fetish. The issue i have with your post is twofold.

First, it seems like you did meet someone who was open to share the kink with you. Not only did you guys meet, you married her. For reasons that aren’t very clear from your post (which they don’t need to be if you choose not to share), you no longer participate in sessions with your wife. I have read countless number of posts from members of this site lamenting that their spouse hates being tickled and/or it being a hard limit and them not being able to partake in their kink. Seems like you have/had that.

Second issue I had is the manner in which you communicate your frustration by making it seem like it’s some giant conspiracy theory. I don’t think it’s that complicated. Like Myraids pointed out, women are in an advantageous position when it comes to this kind of stuff. I don’t think we need to create a Tickle Deep State to explain why it’s easier for females to connect with other than it is with males.

Finally, you totally lose me when you issue the challenge at the end of your post. I don’t know if you did it as a way of landing your thoughts with an attempt at humor or if you were actually serious. I hope it’s the former and not the latter. Also, I’m not very familiar with Jezebel Lee but even I could see you were sub tweeting her. No need to resent her for monetizing something that she enjoys.

Anyways, hope you find happiness man.

 

[LeatherRebell]

…Seriously?!

Um, excuse me, but what's your problem? I actually kind of agree with what you're saying about the sense of entitlement that people have towards others and that no one is owed anything sexual by the random strangers they message out of nowhere, but I'm not asking about random strangers, am I?

I assumed the 'semi-pros' stacwday mentioned were sex workers offering services and I just wanted to know where they were finding them. I don't know where you live, but that's perfectly legal in the UK. I've paid some sex workers before to let me tickle them and it was fun but it wasn't a specialty of theirs and they weren't able to handle it so well. So my comment was just to see if I could find some sex workers I could contact who would be able to offer me more of a specialized service. You understand? I want to buy services from semi-professionals, not solicit strangers.

I don't know if you noticed this, but my comment wasn't even a response to you, so I have no clue why you decided to chime in. I have no interest in participating in this little argument you've instigated which is why I didn't reply to you. I know this is a public forum and my comment is public so you can do whatever you want, but I hope it's clear to you that what I'm asking about has nothing to do with what you're arguing against. So just do me the curtesy of staying out of my business. Sound good?

EDIT: Oh, and by the way. Saying 'same honestly' to the popcorn comment above was dumb as fuck on your part because you're not sitting back and enjoying the drama of this conversation as that image implies, you are literally the reason why it's happening and you've already made it clear how pissed off you are.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Um, excuse me, but what's your problem? I actually kind of agree with what you're saying about the sense of entitlement that people have towards others and that no one is owed anything sexual by the random strangers they message out of nowhere, but I'm not asking about random strangers, am I?

I assumed the 'semi-pros' stacwday mentioned were sex workers offering services and I just wanted to know where they were finding them. I don't know where you live, but that's perfectly legal in the UK. I've paid some sex workers before to let me tickle them and it was fun but it wasn't a specialty of theirs and they weren't able to handle it so well. So my comment was just to see if I could find some sex workers I could contact who would be able to offer me more of a specialized service. You understand? I want to buy services from semi-professionals, not solicit strangers.

I don't know if you noticed this, but my comment wasn't even a response to you, so I have no clue why you decided to chime in. I have no interest in participating in this little argument you've instigated which is why I didn't reply to you. I know this is a public forum and my comment is public so you can do whatever you want, but I hope it's clear to you that what I'm asking about has nothing to do with what you're arguing against. So just do me the curtesy of staying out of my business. Sound good?

EDIT: Oh, and by the way. Saying 'same honestly' to the popcorn comment above was dumb as fuck on your part because you're not sitting back and enjoying the drama of this conversation as that image implies, you are literally the reason why it's happening and you've already made it clear how pissed off you are.

Dude. I’ve been trying to offer paid sessions in the U.K. for 3 whole-ass years. So forgive me for being slightly flabbergasted when someone says ”where can I find someone who does it?” right in front of me.

You obviously know the context of this thread. You obviously know I’m one of those “semi-pros” in the U.K. that OP hates so much. Why did you choose to pretend there are no options? Like, I get that I’m not attractive, but that doesn’t mean I don’t exist. You are also proving my point about how men will only throw money at certain girls, so I’ve been working to become worthy of that.

Oh, and by the way, OP is “the reason why the drama is happening”. He’s the one who started this toxic thread in the first place. God forbid I respond to someone bitching about “my kind”.

 

[youngzillenial]

Hi all. This is a long post so all the TL;DR folks are warned to turn away now. It also relates specifically to the UK so may be less relevant for those from elsewhere.

This post is a bit of an observational rant plus an appeal. You'll see what I mean as we go on.

First, a little bit about me. I am a straight male ler in my mid-30s, currently living not too far from Peterborough, Cambridgeshire. I have been into tickling and fantasising about tickling girls since I was a very young child (I'm thinking 3 or 4), and rarely a day goes by when I don't think about it.

I was lucky enough, fairly young in life, to end up meeting and marrying someone who happily embraced my fetish, and my wife and I had quite a few tied tickling sessions together, and some of them were great. However, for various reasons personal to me that outlet has run dry, but the urge to still play at my fetish remains. Hence about 5 years ago I began to see if I could reach out into the wider scene to find anyone else to have some fun with.

I began by joining a couple of fetish dating-type sites specific to tickling. But despite a couple of near-misses I was not successful going down this route - sometimes directly contacting people but receiving no response. Then, back in the spring of this year, I was finally unexpectedly contacted by someone via one of those sites, and after a few false starts we ended up meeting and having a session together. Despite my relative lack of experience, having never tickled anyone other than my wife before, I received glowing compliments from my ticklee - who has a decent amount of experience herself - who told me that I was the first tickler she's ever played with who successfully "ruined" her to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Needless to say, I was quite proud of this review!

But this is where the gripes come in. When I first put myself out there looking for tickle partners five years ago, I never expected that it would be so difficult to find any, and yet my ticklee apparently had had huge success finding multiple partners in just a few months, and seemed to find it pretty easy. Encouraged by that, and taking some pointers from her, I went away over the next few weeks and began to widen my searches. I posted ads online in several places with big reach, including Reddit, FetLife and right here in the Personals section of the TMF.

I received precisely ZERO replies anywhere.

I learned some uncomfortable things during this period, as I consistently met with failure. Watching the ticklee I had met almost literally just having to stand up and ring a bell and watch them all come at her while I was having no luck whatsoever was very galling. During recent months I sank the closest to a form of depression I have ever experienced in my life. I wasn't sleeping. My failures were taking chunks out of my mental health. It is only in recent weeks, as I've come to some sort of acceptance about the hopelessness of it all, that I've gone back to something like normal again mentally and emotionally.

But what I discovered during those months since my first session with a real fetishist disturbed and disappointed me. Looking into these supposed "communities" made me realise how insular they are. From everything I've seen, it basically appears to me that the tickling "scene" in the UK, such as it is, is basically run by a handful of men who hoard all the spoils for themselves. If you are a woman (or a gay man perhaps), you can easily get into this club, because you are what they want. But if you're a straight male ler like me, you can't get into the club, because they have no use for you, and they also don't want you competing with them.

Looking around FetLife, for example, I found multiple female lees who seemed to be almost semi-pros, and their profiles all had a variation of the same message in them: "I am not doing private sessions, so don't ask. I am only playing with these specific people, or only working with professional video producers. This is a closed club, and you ain't in it."

So my extremely negative view of the tickling "community" is that it is in fact a rigged game. A handful of people have all the fun, and you can join the club instantaneously if you are what a handful of powerful guys are looking for - as my ticklee has found and taken advantage of - but if you're someone like me you can get stay in the car park and hope for a lucky stray like I got.

Does anyone want to respond to this and argue that this is NOT the case? Or do others agree with me? Have others had the same struggles I have? I'd love to hear people's take on it.

But here's the final part, where the appeal comes in. There's one way people can prove to me that my view of the tickling community is distorted or inaccurate - and that's to make me an offer. I have already met someone who happily travels all around the country meeting and being tickled by guys. There are undoubtedly many UK-based female lees here who must do the same thing. Among those, there MUST be some who would want to meet up with me for a tickling session some time. Even if you'd prefer to chat and get to know each other first, there MUST be some out there. And even if you are not a female lee, if you have spent any time on the scene at all you MUST know someone who might want to meet me. If any of this is true, respond here or PM me and change my mind about what I have experienced over the last few years.

If you have read this up until the end then thank you, and regardless of whether anyone has any offers for me or not, I hope this post might at least stimulate some interesting dscussion.

Cheers
Ben

Ok I'll bite.

I live in the USA and some of the complaints that you have about this space is completely valid. That's also why I've been in and out of the online tickling community for the past five years. I used to have a Tumblr where I would mostly searching for female lees that were also into tickling. But after a while, messaging these women and keeping up with them would just get tiring. That's when I would often delete my account and then get back on about four times at least.

Personally, when it comes to tickling, I have found more success from talking to women outside of the internet about it. By "outside of the internet", I mean women who are not in this community. I didn't necessarily have "sessions" with these women, but I was able to tickle their feet playfully with their consent. I have also had tickling sessions with women outside of the tickling community but within the BDSM community in general that were on FetLife which I had met at a munch. Neither of had a tickling kink/fetish, but they were very open to it. And both of them loved it.

With that being said, I have been trying to focus on other aspects of my life outside of this space. I mean, there's only one woman from here that I have been consistently messaging on Discord just about everyday. I think the most effective method on your would possibly be reaching out to other women outside of the online tickling community. And like Jezebel Lee said, it may be more effective for you to go out to the munches consistently and make you presence known.

The reason that women can get more "sessions" from men as opposed to men getting "sessions" from women, is that there are so many thirsty men in these spaces that continue harassing a lot of the women in the online tickling community. And it has gotten to the point where a lot of those women have decided to leave the space completely because of the behaviors from thirsty guys who just won't take "no" for an answer.

For me, tickling is not a main priority for me sexuality wise, because although I may get excited to tickle a woman's feet (in the consensual sense), it's not necessarily something that I completely need to get off on. Therefore, doing the regular "vanilla" stuff is just fine for me.

So in all honesty, you may need to change up some of the methods of how you are trying to meet women to accommodate your fetish. I get it. It's hard. But for most straight men that are mostly lers in this space, that's just the way it is. You're either going to have to adapt and figure it out or leave the space.

Best of luck.

 

[LeatherRebell]

Dude. I’ve been trying to offer paid sessions in the U.K. for 3 whole-ass years. So forgive me for being slightly flabbergasted when someone says ”where can I find someone who does it?” right in front of me.

You obviously know the context of this thread. You obviously know I’m one of those “semi-pros” in the U.K. that OP hates so much. Why did you choose to pretend there are no options?

Okay, first of all, I apologize. I didn’t read your full original comment. Specifically, I didn’t read the last part where you talk about your Fetlife profile and the fact that you’ve transitioned to modelling. I skim a lot when I’m in these detailed threads and I thought I had the full context by skimming this thread, which is dumb, and I was wrong. So I’m sorry, I didn’t know how close to the bone this situation was for you.

There are a couple of things I still think you’re off-base with though. You can say I acted like there were no options ‘right in front of you’ but again, I was responding to someone else in the thread, not to your comment, and I never actually said there were ‘no options’. I 100% believe there are options but I just don’t know how to find them.

Being a guy who lives in Dublin, where paying for sexual services is illegal and the scene is basically non-existent anyway, I can handily visit the UK on occasion and like to indulge in the privileges when I’m there, so I’m not that familiar with the wider scene and what’s actually available. I thought that commenter might be able to help me with that. So even if I did know who you were, it would still have been a bit unfair for you to assume I was deliberately trying to exclude you.

Another thing here that I’m confused about after having read your comment in more detail, is why it should even bother if I was ignoring your services. You said that you’re sick of men sending you messages acting like you owe them a session, didn’t you? So surely your thought process when you saw me looking for other options should have been something like: “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about this asshole bothering me.”

If you’re so tired of asshole men acting entitled towards you, one less asshole potentially showing up in your DMs is a good thing, right?

Like, I get that I’m not attractive, but that doesn’t mean I don’t exist.

Who said you weren’t attractive? I sure as hell didn’t. I don’t even know what you look like aside from the picture on all your comments (assuming that’s you) where your face isn’t even fully visible. And honestly, I like what little I can see of your face in that picture.

You are also proving my point about how men will only throw money at certain girls, so I’ve been working to become worthy of that.

You know, this is kind of a contradiction of aspects of your original comment, and actually sounds a little entitled on your part. Let’s assume for a second I have more knowledge of who’s out there and who I could potentially work with. It’s my money, and I have a right to be selective with who I spend it on, right? Sessions are expensive, as they should be of course. If a woman is going to offer her body to be used and abused by someone, then they should be charging high. But with that in mind, why is it an issue for customers to choose those they believe are most worth it?

If a 90-minute session with a girl is going to cost me an entire week’s wages, then yeah, there probably are only certain women I’ll throw my money at. It’s not personal, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or that you should feel inferior, it’s just common sense. If I could have a session with every ticklish sex worker in the entirety of the UK then I totally would, but I’m not a millionaire so I would have to make thorough decisions if I knew what my options were.

So can you see how you came across a little entitled there too? No one has an obligation to select you just because you offer the service. And I figured you realized that, considering you’ve already acknowledged that you’re not doing private sessions with everyone anymore.

Oh, and by the way, OP is “the reason why the drama is happening”. He’s the one who started this toxic thread in the first place. God forbid I respond to someone bitching about “my kind”.

Yeah okay, now that I better understand who you are, that's fair enough. He instigated this, so I'm sorry about that part.

I’m also sorry you’ve dealt with racial discrimination, that some people don’t find you attractive, and also just in general how difficult, and intimidating, it must be to be a woman in a community like this, but I wasn’t trying to insult you. You took offense to something that truly had nothing to do with you.

 

[Wolf]

(Edited for space, and my low tolerance for whining)
But here's the final part, where the appeal comes in. There's one way people can prove to me that my view of the tickling community is distorted or inaccurate - and that's to make me an offer. I have already met someone who happily travels all around the country meeting and being tickled by guys. There are undoubtedly many UK-based female lees here who must do the same thing. Among those, there MUST be some who would want to meet up with me for a tickling session some time. Even if you'd prefer to chat and get to know each other first, there MUST be some out there. And even if you are not a female lee, if you have spent any time on the scene at all you MUST know someone who might want to meet me. If any of this is true, respond here or PM me and change my mind about what I have experienced over the last few years.
If you have read this up until the end then thank you, and regardless of whether anyone has any offers for me or not, I hope this post might at least stimulate some interesting dscussion.
Cheers
Ben

If you want to "compete" with every other male 'ler out there, you have to bring something to the table aside from a big foil pan of resentment and self-pity. As the wise Myraids has pointed out, you are a base commodity in the market. So, offer something more than your need/desire to tickle someone. As someone who's enjoyed a baffling amount of success, far beyond what they should have, considering social status, attractiveness, etc...I can offer a couple of things I've learned;

Women with tickle fetishes are rare; women who are open to fetishes, as long as they're getting something they want/need/desire in return, are far more common.
But would you be okay with your wife seeking out other people, to provide whatever it is you're not giving her?

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Okay, first of all, I apologize. I didn’t read your full original comment. Specifically, I didn’t read the last part where you talk about your Fetlife profile and the fact that you’ve transitioned to modelling. I skim a lot when I’m in these detailed threads and I thought I had the full context by skimming this thread, which is dumb, and I was wrong. So I’m sorry, I didn’t know how close to the bone this situation was for you.

Thanks for the apology.

Another thing here that I’m confused about after having read your comment in more detail, is why it should even bother if I was ignoring your services. You said that you’re sick of men sending you messages acting like you owe them a session, didn’t you? So surely your thought process when you saw me looking for other options should have been something like: “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about this asshole bothering me.” If you’re so tired of asshole men acting entitled towards you, one less asshole potentially showing up in your DMs is a good thing, right?

You misunderstand this part. I was referring to the men who gladly throw money at others, while simultaneously demanding the exact same service from me but without pay. Especially when they ask me to cover all the travel and hotel costs. If they offered the same compensation as they did the other girls, that would be very different. That’s why my boundaries are in place and why I began to enforce them more strictly.

Who said you weren’t attractive? I sure as hell didn’t. I don’t even know what you look like aside from the picture on all your comments (assuming that’s you) where your face isn’t even fully visible. And honestly, I like what little I can see of your face in that picture.

You know, this is kind of a contradiction of aspects of your original comment, and actually sounds a little entitled on your part. Let’s assume for a second I have more knowledge of who’s out there and who I could potentially work with. It’s my money, and I have a right to be selective with who I spend it on, right? Sessions are expensive, as they should be of course. If a woman is going to offer her body to be used and abused by someone, then they should be charging high. But with that in mind, why is it an issue for customers to choose those they believe are most worth it?

If a 90-minute session with a girl is going to cost me an entire week’s wages, then yeah, there probably are only certain women I’ll throw my money at. It’s not personal, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or that you should feel inferior, it’s just common sense. If I could have a session with every ticklish sex worker in the entirety of the UK then I totally would, but I’m not a millionaire so I would have to make thorough decisions if I knew what my options were.

So can you see how you came across a little entitled there too? No one has an obligation to select you just because you offer the service. And I figured you realized that, considering you’ve already acknowledged that you’re not doing private sessions with everyone anymore.

With regards to this part, the “I get that I’m not attractive” was more like “I get why you wouldn’t want to book me”. That’s perfectly valid and I completely understand that. I would have more respect for someone who says “are there any people who do this besides Jezebel, as I find this person unattractive” than someone who completely overlooks the fact that I do this in the first place. That’s what my issue is. I don’t feel inherently entitled to your money in particular, or anyone’s, by default. If I was just sitting on my ass like some of these blonde girls, expecting people to throw money at me, yes that would be very entitled. As mentioned, I’ve been reaching out to producers, and creating my own content where I can, in order to compensate for the fact I wasn’t blessed in the looks department.

 

[benthetickler]

Thank you to those have responded to my post (including those who did so privately) with constructive feedback, criticism and advice. I am delighted to see that I was correct to assume that it was possible to critique my original post without being a massive arsehole. I vaguely recall what happened to the wife of Ahab and in my assessment it was probably no less than she deserved.

What I have taken from this is that really, it ain’t fair but there’s nothing I can do about it. None of you know me. None of you know my circumstances. None of you know exactly what I have done or not done. All I can say is, I think I have done everything I realistically can, and nothing has worked. So it is probably best for me to revert to the way I was a few years ago (a few months ago, even): That is, sit back and forget about it, keep a couple of profiles online and just wait and see if I get a lucky bite again. Such an approach was better for my mental well-being anyway.

If you have been successful in this game (and it is rigged, isn’t it, as most people have acknowledged even if they disagree about the nature of that rigging), then I have to say I am jealous and slightly resentful of you. I’m not going to hide it; I’m a human being, imperfect, and fall prey to negative emotions. I’m a good person and I deserve better than the circumstances I currently find myself in, but that’s life. If you are at the very least not a dickhead, then I wish you well. Stay away from windows!

Have fun everyone, and as you were.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Thank you to those have responded to my post (including those who did so privately) with constructive feedback, criticism and advice. I am delighted to see that I was correct to assume that it was possible to critique my original post without being a massive arsehole. I vaguely recall what happened to the wife of Ahab and in my assessment it was probably no less than she deserved.

What I have taken from this is that really, it ain’t fair but there’s nothing I can do about it. None of you know me. None of you know my circumstances. None of you know exactly what I have done or not done. All I can say is, I think I have done everything I realistically can, and nothing has worked. So it is probably best for me to revert to the way I was a few years ago (a few months ago, even): That is, sit back and forget about it, keep a couple of profiles online and just wait and see if I get a lucky bite again. Such an approach was better for my mental well-being anyway.

If you have been successful in this game (and it is rigged, isn’t it, as most people have acknowledged even if they disagree about the nature of that rigging), then I have to say I am jealous and slightly resentful of you. I’m not going to hide it; I’m a human being, imperfect, and fall prey to negative emotions. I’m a good person and I deserve better than the circumstances I currently find myself in, but that’s life. If you are at the very least not a dickhead, then I wish you well. Stay away from windows!

Have fun everyone, and as you were.

Now, regardless of what you’ve said to me and/or about me, I will say that there’s no need to lose hope. I still want to reiterate that engaging with the community, especially in person, will always yield better results than lurking. However, you may do so at your own pace when you’re in a better headspace.

Take care and good luck.

 

[benthetickler]

Now, regardless of what you’ve said to me and/or about me, I will say that there’s no need to lose hope. I still want to reiterate that engaging with the community, especially in person, will always yield better results than lurking. However, you may do so at your own pace when you’re in a better headspace.

Take care and good luck.

Thanks