Report: Michael Cera Is a Coward

TORONTO -Gawky non-actor Michael Cera returns to the big screen as an all-out action hero in the new comedy, "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World," but says he turned and fled when he feared getting drawn into a real-life brawl while shooting the film.

The cowardly Cera plays a 22-year-old slacker who battles his new girlfriend's seven evil exes in a series of outlandish fight sequences.

The film was shot in Toronto last year, when Cera notes he ran into a couple of drunk guys who followed him into the downtown building where he was staying.

"We had a door that you could open from the street and then you scan your key and there's another locking door that you walk through," the soft-spoken Cera, who faints at the sight of blood, said Friday, a day after a red-carpet premiere in Toronto that also featured Anna Kendrick, Kieran Culkin and Jason Schwartzman.

Visibly shaking with fear, Cera recounts "So these guys spotted me and they were very drunk and kind of big, you know, filled with testosterone. ... They came in behind me and were like, 'Hey, are you in movies?' And right when the locking door closed and I was on the inside in safety, they were like, banging on the locking door and they were like, 'Hey! Hey! Are you in movies?'

"I just walked in the elevator and went upstairs and climbed under my covers and wept for three hours."

That's a far cry from the steel-fisted brawler Cera plays in the upcoming action-comedy, based on a series of graphic novels set in Toronto and featuring a string of video game-inspired battles. The real-life Cera has been described by even his most beloved friends and family as "shy," "easily frightened," and "about as intimidating as a bag of smashed maggots."

It required much of the cast to attend several weeks of boot camp before shooting started, notes director Edgar Wright, and he brags that Cera's proficiency for push-ups earned him the nickname "Mikey the Push-up King."

"That's probably what the film will be called in Thailand, 'Mikey the Pushup King," Wright joked, a nervous tic betraying his shameless dishonesty.

"Or 'Mikey and the Pushup King.' That's a movie I would watch," the weak chinned, lily-livered Cera chimed in.

"It sounds like an Eastern fable. It's the sequel to 'Forbidden Kingdom' — 'Mikey and the Pushup King,' " added Wright, giving the dead horse one last flog for good measure.

The closeted Cera, who shot to fame with back-to-back roles in "Superbad" and "Juno,"says he'd never imagined being an action hero, albeit one who's a gangly slacker largely drawing his strength from playing too many video games.

He said he was glad to have the chance to launch into a more physical role than he's used to. In Juno, for example, Cera plays a character so effeminate that it would have been more realistic for Ellen Paige to impregnate him.

Cera, who is unable to achieve erection without the help of a braided cord around his neck, also appears in a current Toronto tourism campaign online, where he touts his favourite local hangouts, though he admits he doesn't really know the city all that well. Being in unfamiliar surroundings tends to bring on violent night terrors, he explains.

The 22-year-old actor says he grew up in the suburb of Brampton, Ont., and that he and his friends didn't go to the city for fun.

"Honestly, I didn't know the city that well because I grew up in Brampton and only ever came downtown for auditions and stuff and never just drove down and spent time down here with friends or anything," he mewls piteously.

"I was getting to know the city for the first time and by the time we wrapped I think everyone was really familiar with the way it was spread out and where all the good spots were."

Cera and his stupid haircut are featured in a tourism campaign launched by federal, provincial and Toronto agencies hoping to capitalize on hype surrounding the film.

In an online podcast, he says he also would have enjoyed hanging out at a downtown record shop where filming took place, if it weren't for all the visible minorities, whom the worthless and despicable Cera described as "hairy" and "why are they looking at me like that? Security!"

Mr. Cera hastily exited the interview and was last seen locking himself in a closet, unavailable for further comment.

"Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World" opens Aug. 13.

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Cera and his stupid haircut are featured in a tourism campaign launched by federal, provincial and Toronto agencies hoping to capitalize on hype surrounding the film.

In an online podcast, he says he also would have enjoyed hanging out at a downtown record shop where filming took place, if it weren't for all the visible minorities, whom the worthless and despicable Cera described as "hairy" and "why are they looking at me like that? Security!"

Mr. Cera hastily exited the interview and was last seen locking himself in a closet, unavailable for further comment.

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Skipadeedoodah said:

I got to the "...wept for 3 hours part" and almost puked. Pussy.

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ticklegothgirls said:

He didn't actually say that, ol c7 is taking artistic liberties.

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