I need to talk about something. I, for about the past 9 years of my life, have searched for a answer to justify the many horrible things that have happened in my life. I try to portray a tough, strong-willed man that never gives up or takes any bullshit. Mostly, I do live that kind of life. I never could, and still have not, found any answers. This has caused me to swell with anger, and I have expressed it in ways I know are wrong. I let the thoughts of others and the actions of others enrage me. I am mainly talking about racism. I am not proud to admit that I have been a member of a racial group for about 10 years. I have the Rebel flag on my right arm. I am VERY ashamed to admit that I even have a nazi symbol on my left arm. I do not know what is wrong with me, why I am so angry.....I just can't seem to shake these feelings of hatred. Whenever I think of black people who still whine about slavery and are racist to Whites, and use us and slavery as scapegoats.....and act as if they are so mistreated, even though they have a better chance of accomplishing ANYTHING in this country, It makes me so mad that I could quite possibly kill one of them. I want it to stop.....I want my hatred to go away.....I recently saw the film American History X.....I do not want to go down that path.....But I am afraid that if my feelings of hatred persist, I will end up hurting someone for life. I just want you people to know that you are the ONLY people I have told this to. I feel that close to some of you. I would like some advice on this matter. If you do not have anything nice to say, please do not say anything. Thank you for understanding.
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A Discussion About Hate
- Thread starter Krokus
- Start date
strtbottomjim
TMF Regular
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2002
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First, I respect your honesty, and I'm not going to try and "tear you apart". I hope I can help.
Approximately 1958, my dad had just come to the US from Britain, and was working in a small machine shop in California, maybe 50 people total. He was still single.
A lady came in to apply for a job as a secretary. She was full-blood Hawaiian native, and as pop told the story years later, she was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. Ol' pop was absolutely smitten 🙂. He approached her while she was waiting to be interviewed, they had a pleasant conversation, he talked to her again after her interview and asked her how it went, she seemed confident it had gone well. Dear ol' dad-to-be was very much looking forward to her being around every day.
About half an hour after she left, a large group of the employees went to the boss, and told him that if he hired a "mud person", they'd all quit. The boss caved in to this pressure, and didn't hire her.
Pop was *pissed*, he had no idea he was working side-by-side with that many bigots, and quit shortly afterwards in disgust.
Now, let's keep in mind that we're not talking about bigotry towards blacks here - this was if anything even more deep-seated in that the co-workers hated *anybody* not exactly of their race. You can bet that their feelings towards blacks would be even worse.
And this wasn't the deep south, it was urban California for God's sake.
The degree of historical racism in the US is beyond what most people can even comprehend - and the blacks in particular haven't forgotten this, and many are indeed still bitter. In some cases, THEIR hate is to such a degree that they turn to crime, even though things HAVE (thank God) improved.
One reason it improved was the Civil Rights Act that banned such discrimination starting in 1964. That law allowed non-racist bosses such as the one that WANTED to hire that Hawaiian gal to "stand up to" bigots within the company. It also forced bigoted bosses to be less obvious, and has slowly eliminated a lot (but NOT all) of the problems.
---------------------
OK, enough history, let's switch to more recent events.
My kid brother used to be a process server. Which means he hand-delivered legal papers (which generally forced them to appear in court) to people who didn't want to recieve them. It was a dangerous, sometimes violently risky occupation, and I used to back him up on tough cases.
Well, a lot of his "business" involved some pretty nasty people in the most disgusting urban areas California has to offer, many of them black. Having to deal with such scummy individuals fairly often, within a couple of years he found himself "becoming racist" - basically, he was developing a distrust of anybody with black skin. He *knew* intellectually that that was BS, as a kid we'd gone to church with very nice blacks, played with black kids, we weren't raised racist...but here he was with his brain being twisted by the environment. Under the circumstances, he did the best thing possible: got out of that work, and moved to a virtually all-white area, to "give his head a chance to clear", basically.
Cops, on the other hand, deal with the same sort of thing, but all too many do NOT realize that their perceptions are being skewed and do indeed turn outright racist. Trust me, it *happens*, and happens a lot, exactly as happened to my brother.
-------------------------------
To understand what happens to inner-city cops (and my brother), we need to go back to a history lesson.
In coastal California, there was an industrial boom starting in the '20s and '30s, especially as related to shipping, dockworkers, low-grade ironworkers, shipbuilders and the like. There were a lot of lower-end blue-collar jobs that were considered "proper" for blacks, and blacks escaping far worse conditions in the South flocked to those jobs. So all around the San Francisco Bay Area, you had small black housing pockets that were set up as the bedroom communities for the workers in the "black sector jobs" - the Hunter's Point district of San Francisco, West Oakland, Richmond, Pittsburg, Bay Point, several others. The boom continued through WW2, and these lower-income areas did just fine, with crime rates not much different than anywhere else.
But then, in the late '40s early '50s, the boom times started to end. First ship building came to a screeching halt, as excess tonnage built up during WW2 became available for civilian trade. Then shipping and ironworking were badly hit by overseas competition. The "black jobs" being the ones with the least skills required, they dried up first. BUT the blacks weren't ALLOWED into other jobs, and weren't allowed to move elsewhere because it was only "proper" to house them in the "black areas" where the jobs had died out.
So the civil rights act of '64 came too late - the "black areas" were rapidly turning into the crime-infested ghettos we know today. Welfare rules that prevented the formation of black families with a male head of household made things worse, as did the "war on drugs" making crime obscenely profitable, and gun control applied more feircely to the blacks meant that armed black criminals didn't have to travel far to find unarmed victims among the remaining law-abiding blacks in their own communities. Besides, with racism rampant in the courts and police, black criminals found that crimes committed against whites were prosecuted to the max, while crimes against fellow blacks were shrugged at as "normal" or prosecuted half-heartedly.
Then when crack cocaine hit in the late '80s, these ghettos practically exploded, primed as social disasters anyways.
----------------------------------
How do I know all this? Why did I study it?
Because I've studied the history of gun control in the US, and it turns out the study of gun control laws IS the study of racism in the US - the two are inexorably linked. For more on the history of racism and racist laws in the US, see also:
http://www.keepandbeararms.com/information/XcIBViewItem.asp?ID=3202
I've lived in two of the SF area "ghettos", and in each case found that gun control was being applied more strictly as part of a pattern whereby even today, black access to self defense is being restricted (along "town boundaries") even for people of any race able to pass extensive background checks. Basically, because of where I lived, I was being subjected to racist patterns in police enforcement of gun control laws despite being white!
I've spent the last three years fighting this tooth and nail, after two years of study before that.
Approximately 1958, my dad had just come to the US from Britain, and was working in a small machine shop in California, maybe 50 people total. He was still single.
A lady came in to apply for a job as a secretary. She was full-blood Hawaiian native, and as pop told the story years later, she was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. Ol' pop was absolutely smitten 🙂. He approached her while she was waiting to be interviewed, they had a pleasant conversation, he talked to her again after her interview and asked her how it went, she seemed confident it had gone well. Dear ol' dad-to-be was very much looking forward to her being around every day.
About half an hour after she left, a large group of the employees went to the boss, and told him that if he hired a "mud person", they'd all quit. The boss caved in to this pressure, and didn't hire her.
Pop was *pissed*, he had no idea he was working side-by-side with that many bigots, and quit shortly afterwards in disgust.
Now, let's keep in mind that we're not talking about bigotry towards blacks here - this was if anything even more deep-seated in that the co-workers hated *anybody* not exactly of their race. You can bet that their feelings towards blacks would be even worse.
And this wasn't the deep south, it was urban California for God's sake.
The degree of historical racism in the US is beyond what most people can even comprehend - and the blacks in particular haven't forgotten this, and many are indeed still bitter. In some cases, THEIR hate is to such a degree that they turn to crime, even though things HAVE (thank God) improved.
One reason it improved was the Civil Rights Act that banned such discrimination starting in 1964. That law allowed non-racist bosses such as the one that WANTED to hire that Hawaiian gal to "stand up to" bigots within the company. It also forced bigoted bosses to be less obvious, and has slowly eliminated a lot (but NOT all) of the problems.
---------------------
OK, enough history, let's switch to more recent events.
My kid brother used to be a process server. Which means he hand-delivered legal papers (which generally forced them to appear in court) to people who didn't want to recieve them. It was a dangerous, sometimes violently risky occupation, and I used to back him up on tough cases.
Well, a lot of his "business" involved some pretty nasty people in the most disgusting urban areas California has to offer, many of them black. Having to deal with such scummy individuals fairly often, within a couple of years he found himself "becoming racist" - basically, he was developing a distrust of anybody with black skin. He *knew* intellectually that that was BS, as a kid we'd gone to church with very nice blacks, played with black kids, we weren't raised racist...but here he was with his brain being twisted by the environment. Under the circumstances, he did the best thing possible: got out of that work, and moved to a virtually all-white area, to "give his head a chance to clear", basically.
Cops, on the other hand, deal with the same sort of thing, but all too many do NOT realize that their perceptions are being skewed and do indeed turn outright racist. Trust me, it *happens*, and happens a lot, exactly as happened to my brother.
-------------------------------
To understand what happens to inner-city cops (and my brother), we need to go back to a history lesson.
In coastal California, there was an industrial boom starting in the '20s and '30s, especially as related to shipping, dockworkers, low-grade ironworkers, shipbuilders and the like. There were a lot of lower-end blue-collar jobs that were considered "proper" for blacks, and blacks escaping far worse conditions in the South flocked to those jobs. So all around the San Francisco Bay Area, you had small black housing pockets that were set up as the bedroom communities for the workers in the "black sector jobs" - the Hunter's Point district of San Francisco, West Oakland, Richmond, Pittsburg, Bay Point, several others. The boom continued through WW2, and these lower-income areas did just fine, with crime rates not much different than anywhere else.
But then, in the late '40s early '50s, the boom times started to end. First ship building came to a screeching halt, as excess tonnage built up during WW2 became available for civilian trade. Then shipping and ironworking were badly hit by overseas competition. The "black jobs" being the ones with the least skills required, they dried up first. BUT the blacks weren't ALLOWED into other jobs, and weren't allowed to move elsewhere because it was only "proper" to house them in the "black areas" where the jobs had died out.
So the civil rights act of '64 came too late - the "black areas" were rapidly turning into the crime-infested ghettos we know today. Welfare rules that prevented the formation of black families with a male head of household made things worse, as did the "war on drugs" making crime obscenely profitable, and gun control applied more feircely to the blacks meant that armed black criminals didn't have to travel far to find unarmed victims among the remaining law-abiding blacks in their own communities. Besides, with racism rampant in the courts and police, black criminals found that crimes committed against whites were prosecuted to the max, while crimes against fellow blacks were shrugged at as "normal" or prosecuted half-heartedly.
Then when crack cocaine hit in the late '80s, these ghettos practically exploded, primed as social disasters anyways.
----------------------------------
How do I know all this? Why did I study it?
Because I've studied the history of gun control in the US, and it turns out the study of gun control laws IS the study of racism in the US - the two are inexorably linked. For more on the history of racism and racist laws in the US, see also:
http://www.keepandbeararms.com/information/XcIBViewItem.asp?ID=3202
I've lived in two of the SF area "ghettos", and in each case found that gun control was being applied more strictly as part of a pattern whereby even today, black access to self defense is being restricted (along "town boundaries") even for people of any race able to pass extensive background checks. Basically, because of where I lived, I was being subjected to racist patterns in police enforcement of gun control laws despite being white!
I've spent the last three years fighting this tooth and nail, after two years of study before that.
Dave2112
Level of Cherry Feather
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2001
- Messages
- 10,292
- Points
- 0
Krokus...the biggest step you need to take is the one you have already taken. You know that the hatred you feel is wrong, and you feel ashamed of the symbols and morals you've adopted. There. The hard part's over.
Ok, maybe not over, but the Path has started...the right one. We all go through periods of hatred against others. Some of us individualize our targets, some generalize, but it's all the same thing. It's hard growing up in a world like ours, especially now that things have gotten so confusing. You have races fighting each other, religions fighting each other, sexes fighting each other...and all the while, the media machine banks on its' continuation.
Many people are going to use their race, creed or sex as an excuse to do bad things or support convoluted ideals. You have to follow what you know is right, regardless of what others think. Don't beat yourself up over what you've done and felt in the past, but look ahead to what you want to be in the future and what you are in the present. You are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror everyday, and you are the one who has to bed down with your own ideals every evening.
There are plenty of reasons to hate out there...let's face it, it's shoved down our throats all the time. But there are a million reasons to embrace love and compassion, even if those reasons take a little more effort to uncover. Look at it this way. We are a species, like every other species on Earth. No other species fights amonst themselves over the color of their fur, the placement of their scales or any other such nonsense. If we are supposed to be the dominant species here, don't you think it's time we started acting like it?
Start a new Path, it's never too late. Don't worry about what you've already done, it's over. It is a much bigger man who turns his back on evil than one who's never had to confront it.
Peace.😎
Ok, maybe not over, but the Path has started...the right one. We all go through periods of hatred against others. Some of us individualize our targets, some generalize, but it's all the same thing. It's hard growing up in a world like ours, especially now that things have gotten so confusing. You have races fighting each other, religions fighting each other, sexes fighting each other...and all the while, the media machine banks on its' continuation.
Many people are going to use their race, creed or sex as an excuse to do bad things or support convoluted ideals. You have to follow what you know is right, regardless of what others think. Don't beat yourself up over what you've done and felt in the past, but look ahead to what you want to be in the future and what you are in the present. You are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror everyday, and you are the one who has to bed down with your own ideals every evening.
There are plenty of reasons to hate out there...let's face it, it's shoved down our throats all the time. But there are a million reasons to embrace love and compassion, even if those reasons take a little more effort to uncover. Look at it this way. We are a species, like every other species on Earth. No other species fights amonst themselves over the color of their fur, the placement of their scales or any other such nonsense. If we are supposed to be the dominant species here, don't you think it's time we started acting like it?
Start a new Path, it's never too late. Don't worry about what you've already done, it's over. It is a much bigger man who turns his back on evil than one who's never had to confront it.
Peace.😎
krokus......
You've identified the problem and admitted to yourself that it is wrong and you dont want it to continue..Two MAJOR steps....You have then told those whom you consider your friends (us) about it...you're halfway home...You need to now seek out the advice of a counselor or
someone that can help you work through the feelings of hatred...as Dave said, you have taken the first steps down the long path towards
recovery..Count on us for whatever support you need....
Ray
[email protected]
You've identified the problem and admitted to yourself that it is wrong and you dont want it to continue..Two MAJOR steps....You have then told those whom you consider your friends (us) about it...you're halfway home...You need to now seek out the advice of a counselor or
someone that can help you work through the feelings of hatred...as Dave said, you have taken the first steps down the long path towards
recovery..Count on us for whatever support you need....
Ray
[email protected]
Practical Advice..
Just on a practical note, when you reach the point where you want to outwardly manifest the changes that you're beginning to feel inside, have a tatoo artist close off the swastika into boxes, and put something relevant to your life inside these boxes...having lived in a few nasty parts of NYC, I've seen the transformation you're going through a few times, and this "removal" of the symbols that externalize your past feelings can be very healthy...as for the Rebel Flag...beats me, we didn't exactly hit that much in the Bronx, ya know?
Your attitude towards "reparations" is generally that of most of the white population of the country, but I think we all need to take another look at what is actually being discussed, just as we did when the Swiss banking system came under attack in recent years by Holocaust survivors. The focus of this lawsuit is geared towards LARGE CORPORATIONS....not citizens. This point gets lost in the media frenzy and "spin" far too quickly. We take it personally. My ancestors came from Italy/Holland and sections of the US itself (native americans)....doubtful we were "in" on the big bucks reaped from slavery....and this is true of more than 95+% of the country. But...what about corporations that were in existence throughout that period? Are they any less liable than the Swiss banking system that hoarded Nazi assets and grew richer off the suffering of millions of Jewish victims? Nope...not from my standpoint anyway. As long as this effort stays out of the taxpayers pocket, I wish them luck...they're going to need it to sort out the incredible number of people claiming "harm" from slavery if they win the suits! Look at the deceit that even something as trgic as 9-11 brought into play...greedy assholes coming out of the woodwork to claim imaginary relatives and spouses....yuk...this will be a similar lesson in the low points our species can attain in the name of money. Avarice isn't pretty, just rampant...lol.
Back to your new point of view...it parallels the growth cycle of most people. As you age, you begin to reassess what you think you "know". Ever hear that old saying about how 16 year olds know everything and gradually get dumber until they turn into the next generation of parents whose 16 year know it alls stare at them with disbelief due to their ignorance...lol? As I approach 50, I look around at the material things I "possess" and realize that it's an illusion...I'm just "renting" them, despite what my younger selves thought...all too soon they will be gone and the world will continue rolling along quite nicely. We all have some sobering periods to go through in life, hope this one brings you to a new more peaceful and thoughtful place. Try to remember that although it all seems REAL serious at the moment, it will pass and the next step is right around the 'ol corner, bud! Good Luck and keep writing...healthy choice! Q
Just on a practical note, when you reach the point where you want to outwardly manifest the changes that you're beginning to feel inside, have a tatoo artist close off the swastika into boxes, and put something relevant to your life inside these boxes...having lived in a few nasty parts of NYC, I've seen the transformation you're going through a few times, and this "removal" of the symbols that externalize your past feelings can be very healthy...as for the Rebel Flag...beats me, we didn't exactly hit that much in the Bronx, ya know?
Your attitude towards "reparations" is generally that of most of the white population of the country, but I think we all need to take another look at what is actually being discussed, just as we did when the Swiss banking system came under attack in recent years by Holocaust survivors. The focus of this lawsuit is geared towards LARGE CORPORATIONS....not citizens. This point gets lost in the media frenzy and "spin" far too quickly. We take it personally. My ancestors came from Italy/Holland and sections of the US itself (native americans)....doubtful we were "in" on the big bucks reaped from slavery....and this is true of more than 95+% of the country. But...what about corporations that were in existence throughout that period? Are they any less liable than the Swiss banking system that hoarded Nazi assets and grew richer off the suffering of millions of Jewish victims? Nope...not from my standpoint anyway. As long as this effort stays out of the taxpayers pocket, I wish them luck...they're going to need it to sort out the incredible number of people claiming "harm" from slavery if they win the suits! Look at the deceit that even something as trgic as 9-11 brought into play...greedy assholes coming out of the woodwork to claim imaginary relatives and spouses....yuk...this will be a similar lesson in the low points our species can attain in the name of money. Avarice isn't pretty, just rampant...lol.
Back to your new point of view...it parallels the growth cycle of most people. As you age, you begin to reassess what you think you "know". Ever hear that old saying about how 16 year olds know everything and gradually get dumber until they turn into the next generation of parents whose 16 year know it alls stare at them with disbelief due to their ignorance...lol? As I approach 50, I look around at the material things I "possess" and realize that it's an illusion...I'm just "renting" them, despite what my younger selves thought...all too soon they will be gone and the world will continue rolling along quite nicely. We all have some sobering periods to go through in life, hope this one brings you to a new more peaceful and thoughtful place. Try to remember that although it all seems REAL serious at the moment, it will pass and the next step is right around the 'ol corner, bud! Good Luck and keep writing...healthy choice! Q
a little pop-psychology here.
hate seems to have two sources. hurt from love, or self hate turned outward in self preservation. sometimes both.
the way I see it, there are two ways to overcome this hate. forgiveness - not easy... but very freeing (this includes forgiving yourself!), and acceptance - of your own flaws as well as the flaws of others. when you accept that the human race (and your self) has it’s good and it’s bad, forgiving the bad makes it much easier to love the good.
I know this sounds all ‘peace and love-ish’ but I really do think it is just that simple. not easy to do... but simple.
I have had to do more than my fair share of forgiving and accepting, and it has made me grow. hate robs you. it really does. physically, mentally and emotionally. and love is healing.
ok, I’ll go back to the commune now... I have a peace sign to macrame. 🙂
Ayla
ps congratulations on wanting to get this behind you.
hate seems to have two sources. hurt from love, or self hate turned outward in self preservation. sometimes both.
the way I see it, there are two ways to overcome this hate. forgiveness - not easy... but very freeing (this includes forgiving yourself!), and acceptance - of your own flaws as well as the flaws of others. when you accept that the human race (and your self) has it’s good and it’s bad, forgiving the bad makes it much easier to love the good.
I know this sounds all ‘peace and love-ish’ but I really do think it is just that simple. not easy to do... but simple.
I have had to do more than my fair share of forgiving and accepting, and it has made me grow. hate robs you. it really does. physically, mentally and emotionally. and love is healing.
ok, I’ll go back to the commune now... I have a peace sign to macrame. 🙂
Ayla
ps congratulations on wanting to get this behind you.
TicklingDuo
3rd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2001
- Messages
- 3,733
- Points
- 0
Krokus...I can relate to your struggle. I grew up with a father who was so biggoted that it made me sick. I've always hated prejudice, though I haven't been 100% in avoiding it myself. My older brother, on the other hand, responded quite differently. Rather than rejecting it, he embraced it. He became involved in KKK and neo-Nazi groups and even spoke at rallies to promote hatred and prejudice.
I think the biggest struggle is to look beyond color and creed. See people as individuals. Befriend a person who happens to be black or hispanic or whatever. Learn to see that person as a human being. It's not the skin color or faith that makes a person good or bad. It's the person themself. We tend to notice the negatives about one another and blame entire groups for it. Why not notice the GOOD and credit those same groups. Individuals are good or bad. Groups are just groups...generally consisting of both.
As Venray said, if you don't feel that you can work through this on your own, don't hesitate to seek help in doing so. There's nothing wrong with that.
Ann
I think the biggest struggle is to look beyond color and creed. See people as individuals. Befriend a person who happens to be black or hispanic or whatever. Learn to see that person as a human being. It's not the skin color or faith that makes a person good or bad. It's the person themself. We tend to notice the negatives about one another and blame entire groups for it. Why not notice the GOOD and credit those same groups. Individuals are good or bad. Groups are just groups...generally consisting of both.
As Venray said, if you don't feel that you can work through this on your own, don't hesitate to seek help in doing so. There's nothing wrong with that.
Ann
Krokus,
It's easy to see that you're a very intense man. It comes through vividly in your posts and opinions! That thrilling aspect of you is likely the part that makes overcoming something you dislike more than a challenge...it's likely a quest. You've set your mind that you don't like it...now it's time for it to die. 😛
I can say that having lived in the "most traditionally racist part of the country," I've seen my fair share of folks taking your stance...and the opposite unfortunately.
Fact: For a young white male to change an "anti-black" attitude, it often involves changing your job, your social circle and it can mean alienating members of your own family. Where do you think you learned these behaviors? We're not born racists, or haters....we learn it from those around us. Granted, they often teach us these ways because it's what they feel is best for us, but it's a disservice nonetheless. You're about to shake a tree that those around you will try to steady. Just know that there are open minds all around you...here on this forum and elsewhere. You just have to be open to the people that you maybe haven't given a chance in the past.
I, personally, have been educating myself beyond what I've always known (religiously - GASP!) and I've found something that might be worthy of note for you. Bear with me...lol
In order for you to get past this hatred, I think you have to forgive (I use this word in the most realistic sense) others as much as yourself. It begins with the conscious intention to forgive yourself, but if it ends there, the feelings are going to resurface when you least expect it. You have to LET GO. You have to say to yourself that you don't need the past to be any different in order to be happy and open in the future. Cease to be consumed with guilt or anger or hate. Then there is atonement....in this sense, can you change your stance to better the world? You're full of passion....you're intelligent...channel it!
You may very well have opened someone else's eyes just by posting this with your desire to be a more productive citizen of the world.
Good Luck, K!
Jo
It's easy to see that you're a very intense man. It comes through vividly in your posts and opinions! That thrilling aspect of you is likely the part that makes overcoming something you dislike more than a challenge...it's likely a quest. You've set your mind that you don't like it...now it's time for it to die. 😛
I can say that having lived in the "most traditionally racist part of the country," I've seen my fair share of folks taking your stance...and the opposite unfortunately.
Fact: For a young white male to change an "anti-black" attitude, it often involves changing your job, your social circle and it can mean alienating members of your own family. Where do you think you learned these behaviors? We're not born racists, or haters....we learn it from those around us. Granted, they often teach us these ways because it's what they feel is best for us, but it's a disservice nonetheless. You're about to shake a tree that those around you will try to steady. Just know that there are open minds all around you...here on this forum and elsewhere. You just have to be open to the people that you maybe haven't given a chance in the past.
I, personally, have been educating myself beyond what I've always known (religiously - GASP!) and I've found something that might be worthy of note for you. Bear with me...lol
In order for you to get past this hatred, I think you have to forgive (I use this word in the most realistic sense) others as much as yourself. It begins with the conscious intention to forgive yourself, but if it ends there, the feelings are going to resurface when you least expect it. You have to LET GO. You have to say to yourself that you don't need the past to be any different in order to be happy and open in the future. Cease to be consumed with guilt or anger or hate. Then there is atonement....in this sense, can you change your stance to better the world? You're full of passion....you're intelligent...channel it!
You may very well have opened someone else's eyes just by posting this with your desire to be a more productive citizen of the world.
Good Luck, K!
Jo
Thank You
I want to thank you all for your responses. I am still a bit "shy" about getting this out into the open.....But with your help, I think I think I can change. JoBelle- I LOVE the whole "quest" idea. It describes me perfectly. "Now it's time for it to die" LOL....right on. Im gonna face this problem with that mentality. I respect and care about you all. I can't thank you enough. 😎
I want to thank you all for your responses. I am still a bit "shy" about getting this out into the open.....But with your help, I think I think I can change. JoBelle- I LOVE the whole "quest" idea. It describes me perfectly. "Now it's time for it to die" LOL....right on. Im gonna face this problem with that mentality. I respect and care about you all. I can't thank you enough. 😎
P.H. Tickler
TMF Regular
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2001
- Messages
- 245
- Points
- 0
on hate...
Hate is a focus of your energy. Love is a focus of your energy. You need to re-focus your energy into something more positive. Don't make the mistake of focusing your energy on forcing yourself to embrace that which you spent so much energy hating, rather direct it into a completely unrelated task. When you find yourself starting to focus energy on hate, just remember that everyone was a baby once, someone's son or daughter. All babies are cute, how could you hate a baby? THEN, go do something else. I suggest music (remembering from other posts that you are a musician). If you usually play angry, frantic music, try learning something different. Think about what it is that you DON'T hate and start a "songbook". Don't write the songs for others, rather, write the songs to yourself as reminders of what's good.
I know hate, I hate the corporate officers who recently shut down the company I worked for and moved it to mexico. I hate creditors who don't give a damn that you lost your job. I hate other drivers who cut me off... heck, outside of family, I pretty much hate everyone... BUT I don't focus energy on it. Rather than ram the idiot driver off the road with my SUV, I quick think about when my kids were just infants, and how there was nothing more peaceful than when I'd hold them in my arms and they'd sleep. I could remember feeling them breathe and just being amazed that I had anything to do with the miracle in my arms. It's anger management, and I didn't have to fork out cash to a therapist to learn it, I just had to refocus my energy. Venting on messageboards is also good, especially when you can do it anonymously.
I will never learn to like the CEO's, I hate them more and more each time I watch the retirement nest egg dwindle when I have to pay to carry health insurance myself because of NAFTA. I would never get out and shake the hand of the drivers who cut me off... but I will not devote energy to them either... I have more pressing matters (like finding a job in this market... yuk... I'm starting to despise interviewers and people with degrees and on and on... but not wasting any energy on it).
Ask yourself what your reward is for hating. If there is none, then just don't do it... If you can't stop, then seek counseling. Embracing that which you percieved as a threat before, however, isn't always the best course... Watching ROOTS and observing black history month will not cure the problem. Understanding where the hate comes from and choosing not to devote energy to it WILL cure the problem.
I wish you the best of luck.
Hate is a focus of your energy. Love is a focus of your energy. You need to re-focus your energy into something more positive. Don't make the mistake of focusing your energy on forcing yourself to embrace that which you spent so much energy hating, rather direct it into a completely unrelated task. When you find yourself starting to focus energy on hate, just remember that everyone was a baby once, someone's son or daughter. All babies are cute, how could you hate a baby? THEN, go do something else. I suggest music (remembering from other posts that you are a musician). If you usually play angry, frantic music, try learning something different. Think about what it is that you DON'T hate and start a "songbook". Don't write the songs for others, rather, write the songs to yourself as reminders of what's good.
I know hate, I hate the corporate officers who recently shut down the company I worked for and moved it to mexico. I hate creditors who don't give a damn that you lost your job. I hate other drivers who cut me off... heck, outside of family, I pretty much hate everyone... BUT I don't focus energy on it. Rather than ram the idiot driver off the road with my SUV, I quick think about when my kids were just infants, and how there was nothing more peaceful than when I'd hold them in my arms and they'd sleep. I could remember feeling them breathe and just being amazed that I had anything to do with the miracle in my arms. It's anger management, and I didn't have to fork out cash to a therapist to learn it, I just had to refocus my energy. Venting on messageboards is also good, especially when you can do it anonymously.
I will never learn to like the CEO's, I hate them more and more each time I watch the retirement nest egg dwindle when I have to pay to carry health insurance myself because of NAFTA. I would never get out and shake the hand of the drivers who cut me off... but I will not devote energy to them either... I have more pressing matters (like finding a job in this market... yuk... I'm starting to despise interviewers and people with degrees and on and on... but not wasting any energy on it).
Ask yourself what your reward is for hating. If there is none, then just don't do it... If you can't stop, then seek counseling. Embracing that which you percieved as a threat before, however, isn't always the best course... Watching ROOTS and observing black history month will not cure the problem. Understanding where the hate comes from and choosing not to devote energy to it WILL cure the problem.
I wish you the best of luck.
kurchatovium
Wielder of 100 Feathers
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2001
- Messages
- 166,036
- Points
- 63
The chinese have a saying "A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.". You have taken that first step by admitting you have a problem. How long your journey will be or where it will take you from here is largely up to you, but I would say you are on the right path.
Hatred is usually born out of having no knowledge about what it is you hate. I think once you start to get too actually know some of the very people you hate I think you will find your hate melting away. Take your time though, deal with your anger first, seek out professional help if you need it and hopefully you will reach a point where you can forgive yourself and like yourself. At that point all things are possible and then you can be the person you want to be. Gods speed my friend.
P.S. Remember God loves all of his children.
Hatred is usually born out of having no knowledge about what it is you hate. I think once you start to get too actually know some of the very people you hate I think you will find your hate melting away. Take your time though, deal with your anger first, seek out professional help if you need it and hopefully you will reach a point where you can forgive yourself and like yourself. At that point all things are possible and then you can be the person you want to be. Gods speed my friend.
P.S. Remember God loves all of his children.
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Strelnikov
4th Level Red Feather
- Joined
- May 7, 2001
- Messages
- 1,812
- Points
- 0
I made the same journey as strtbottomjim's brother. Under great stress, I still sometimes revert to the idiom and habits of my youth.
What (mostly) worked for me is something I gleaned from a biography of George Washington. He was a rakehell in his youth, but decided to clean up his act. He did this by first deciding what sort of man he wanted to become, and then acting the part until it became habitual. The mental adjustment followed, completing the process. It really works!
You've made a start by deciding that you want to change. Map it out and assume the role. It will feel fake at first, but keep at it. Try not to get discouraged if you backslide - just try again.
Good luck.
Strelnikov
What (mostly) worked for me is something I gleaned from a biography of George Washington. He was a rakehell in his youth, but decided to clean up his act. He did this by first deciding what sort of man he wanted to become, and then acting the part until it became habitual. The mental adjustment followed, completing the process. It really works!
You've made a start by deciding that you want to change. Map it out and assume the role. It will feel fake at first, but keep at it. Try not to get discouraged if you backslide - just try again.
Good luck.
Strelnikov
