Advice

[TheJTickler]

Hi everyone, i am living with a girlfriend/fiancee for the first time. We have just gotten into a fight, and she won't talk to me. I have apologised, trying to engage her in conversation, but she is shutting me out. Advice, please?

 

[BlackestLily]

Sometimes people need to have time to process an apology and work things through their head a bit before being ready to move forward. How long has it been since the fight?

 

[john getty]

First, you have to understand that you can't win a fight with a woman. Even if you think you have, and all your facts are in order, if she thinks she's lost she'll drop the guilt bomb on you followed by the silent treatment and you'll wish you didn't win that fuckin argument. Best thing to do is feign ignorance about everything.

 

[Angel77]

Aw sorry to hear about the fight. Never a fun time. Maybe she just needs to be alone for a bit, to cool down some? I'm not much of a fighter but when it does happen, I have to be alone with myself for a time before I even feel like attempting to talk it out.

Best of luck to you guys!

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Sometimes people just need some time to themselves to get over things. If someone does something to really piss me off, hearing an apology is very much appreciated, but sometimes it doesn't magically erase my anger. Sometimes I just need time to finish being mad. For me, that doesn't include such childish games as the silent treatment, but unfortunately some people haven't matured past 14 and like to prove it every so often.

I don't know what the fight was about, but was it something you did wrong that you've done wrong in the past? If you keep doing the same thing to piss her off over and over, chances are you've apologized before. That might explain why hearing it again hasn't made much of a difference. Perhaps in addition to an apology, explain to her what steps you're going to take to try and prevent it from happening again.

Good luck!! 🙂

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Candles. Soft music. Cook dinner. 😉

 

[Angel77]

Candles. Soft music. Cook dinner. 😉

Man, I sure do hate it when we fight. Dinner is your choice. I'll bring the wine, you bring some Botti?

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Hmmm...gourmet croissants? 😀

 

[Angel77]

Hmmm...gourmet croissants? 😀

Strawberries and freshly whipped cream?

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Strawberries and freshly whipped cream?

RaaAaAAaAaWRRrr!! 😛

 

[Flatfoot]

If she isn't ready to talk to you, you can't really force the issue. Even if you've apologized, she may still be angry, and trying to push her to communicate could make her resent you more. Just give her a little space, find a way to go out and let her stew a little bit. Work some extra hours or hang out with friends, or something, and/or let/encourage her to do the same, until she cools off. We as men want to fix things as quickly as possible, and it's difficult for us to understand that even if WE have come to the conclusion of an issue, women can still have the aftershock of an emotional turmoil, and don't always want a problem "solved" until that earthquake subsides. The same could be said of some men, at times, myself included. I'm a very moody person, and I'll have my logic conflicting with my anger, and it's sometimes weird for me to watch myself act according to my emotion, even with my logic telling me I should do something else. Sometimes, it's the other way around, and I'll do or say something I know is "right" even when I don't "feel" that way.

 

[Coup de Grace]

If she doesn't want to talk, you can't force her and if you try, you'll end up pushing her further away. Give it time and sooner or later, she'll most likely break the silence. Have patience... Use the force.

 

[herts tickler]

if youve apologised there isnt really much you can do. it depends on how badly you messed up (i say you because your the man and us men are always wrong-FACT) but just give her time to come round

 

[TheJTickler]

Thanks everyone, the issue was resolved that day after apologising and cooking and my agreement never to object to her spending again and to pay for a bus or taxi if she doesn't want to walk home. Now I must endure waiting for my worthless left wing government to give her a visa to stay with me forever.

 

[TropicThunder]

Thanks everyone, the issue was resolved that day after apologising and cooking and my agreement never to object to her spending again and to pay for a bus or taxi if she doesn't want to walk home. Now I must endure waiting for my worthless left wing government to give her a visa to stay with me forever.

Fighting about money this early is never a good sign.

Especially if you're the one making it, and she's the one spending it.

just saying.

 

[Saeria]

Hehe never say "I'll never do _______ again" . That ALWAYS leaves you with one of two problems. Either you aren't able to say/do something to fix an issue, or you do wind up saying/doing it again and it's an even more heated argument. I often opt for "this is an issue I will honestly work hard to resolve within myself". That way if I screw up I can just say "I'm still working on it." 😀

Finances are tough. Sometimes the best way to handle them is to compromise which of the two of you can hold on to Jackson the longest and let that person handle all the money.