Friends, who are objective, and would tell me if I was wrong, have logged into the forum as guests, and agreed with my assessment.
Mitchell- I consider myself an objective friend. And another objective friend, my husband, Alex Warfield, agrees with me. You- Mitchell- are wrong.
Why on God's green earth would I read the FORUM responses to my mother when she is battling CANCER! Why would I continue to carry and shovel negativity around like they are some kind of treat to someone who has enough on her plate? Why are you allowing yourself to be placed in the middle? Why do you continue to let people control you and toy with your emotions?
And if you are using what Aimee said as a way to justify what you are doing so much that you would read this thread to your mother and send friends to read this when I would think your time would be better consumed with bringing as much joy to your mother's life as possible- that speaks volumes on the kind of person you are, regardless of what Aimee or anyone else has said to you.
But this isn't even about Aimee, or anyone else on this thread. This is about you somehow needing support and using the forum as a way to vent your frustrations on how your dad is treating you and your mother. You opened your private life up for people to analyze and to discuss, and once you open up that can of worms on a public forum (and I mean REALLY public, as my 12 year old students can access this thread without signing in) you can neither monitor, nor predict how people are going to respond.
Having learned my lesson years ago, the one thing that emails, threads, and posts cannot project are intentions, emotions, and clear perspectives. And whereas, you may not have liked the blunt/ frank way some of the people have put things in regards to your situation, that doesn't mean they were purposely trying to be snide, rude, or ugly to you. And even so, there were enough genuine people on this thread who said some of the same things to you as the "snippy" people did.
ANYONE who has been in an abusive relationship (physical, verbal, sexually abusive.... etc.) needs professional help on some level. These things can be buried, but they never go away, and they tend to come out in other areas of our lives. We are not often equipped to handle these issues on our own, so we turn to our friends, or families, for advice, support, and release. To be honest, it's a bit unfair when there are people specifically trained to handle these situations.
So YES, you do need professional help. That isn't something ugly or mean spirited, it's the truth based on the emotion damage that you have that is affecting your life and the lives of the people around you. You need assistance and advice to be truly able to deal with what you are going through- because what you are experiencing is a lot for any one person to shoulder alone.
You can't make your mother and your father civil. You can't make your father love you. You can't make your mother get over it and live her life, but you can live YOURS! YOU can make steps toward healing for yourself. Think about it- You want a relationship, you want to get married one day- I've seen your posts about future relationships.... What woman is going to want to deal with all the baggage? the stress? the anger you have? What woman is going to walk around and NOT tell you exactly what she thinks about a situation? Who would want to edit themselves because you might take what they say and twist it around so that THEY have the problem and THEY are wishing bad things to happen to you... Are you serious?
So, I cared enough in my first post to put things in a positive way, although I wanted to shake you and tell you that in the spectrum of life and death, anger and hatred aren't worth it!
But this is what I was really thinking:
1. Move out! Get your own place, your own stuff, your own life.
2. Support your mother with your LOVE, but STOP letting her put you in the middle. And stop letting the choices THEY made dictate YOUR happiness. She doesn't like your dad, fine.... it's not helping her get better, stop addressing it, and move on. She's old enough to make her own decisions in regards to the check, and even deciding to let a man miles away make her angry. But a clean break for you is the only thing that will ensure that he won't bother you again.
3. Get some professional help so that you will be better able to let go of the baggage you are carrying around. It's time you got over your father, for real... not just saying that you don't care when we all know that's not true. (Being angry for your mother's sake is STILL BEING ANGRY! It is not healthy for either of you!)
4. Stop spending so much time online talking to your other male fetish buddies about life- Go out and live life for real... mingle, laugh, join some groups in your area, learn to be social, get a date.
5. Stop blaming other people for what sucks in your life and start taking charge. Change what you don't like YOURSELF, because no one is going to care enough to do it for you.
And if you don't do these things; your parents' fighting and your circumstances are going to literally SUCK the life out of you, and you will end up being physically sick, bitter, angry, unfulfilled, and alone!
This is called tough love. And this may hurt your feelings, or piss you off. And you are entitled to your feelings, but your feelings haven't gotten you anywhere except where you are right now.
You may not receive it, accept it, or do what anyone has suggested, but you sure can't say no one ever told you. You are a man- MAN UP! Stop letting life push you around!
