Despising Someone So Much.. You Can't Even Say Their Name..

[venray]

For my part, I have zero interest in what you do or do not do. I don't know you, know next to nothing about you, and have never followed your various threads detailing your personal troubles. Fact is, I can't attack you personally, because I know almost nothing of you. I answered a question about a particular kind of behavior, and I stand by my answer, though I will elaborate a bit.

Such behavior is the domain of the childish and immature because it is short sighted and counterproductive. A name only has as much power as you allow it. By allowing the mere utterance of a name, such a small and meaningless act, to cause you such dissonance, you have granted the offending party all the power they need to hurt you again, should they so desire to force their way into your life again, and let's be honest; some interaction can be unavoidable, whether we want it to be or not. So, this behavior only hurts one person: yourself.

You are not paying attention. I'm not judging you. I couldn't care less about what you do. What I DID do was answer a question posed to the whole forum, with total honesty. There was no target for either of my initial posts. I found the question interesting, and so I answered it. You, feeling victimized by posts that did not approve of the behavior about which you inquired, applied additional context that simply was not there. I'm sorry for your troubles, but frankly, if you don't want opinions like mine, you should either not phrase such an open question, or keep it to your blog.

Both intelligent and legitimate responses to the original question asked...

Sorry Mitch, but these were not attacks against you, but an opinion on the behavior asked about.....

You unfortunately have always taken anything said in any of your threads personally which is why I have not been responding in them as of late. You want a lot of opinions that back up your own to make you feel you are right and dismiss all other opinions as attacks and all who post them as trolls...

You are wrong here Mitch.....sorry....but tis true...

 

[Mitchell]

Once again, my intent here is misunderstood. It is the DELIVERY of it, that is key.

Does anyone here think for a minute that there are times I don't get harshly criticized by my mother? It happens ALL the time. She's told me that it's my fault that I went back with my father, that I allowed an online relationship to go on too long, and that I stayed here, and opened myself up to the type of crap that's gone on in this thread.

Once again, there is a big difference. It is HOW it's said that's key. I've already been told by a mod, that the person who said I was "whining" on here, did not commit a violation, because, in the mod's view, it is a "subjective" term. That's the mod's opinion. He has power. I told him, I dont agree.

I don't look for "sympathy", or for everyone to agree with me. I'm not narrow minded enough to believe that in a forum of 100,000 plus people, everyone is going to agree with Mitch all the time. I do, feel, however, that some civility should be shown in certain situations, especially when it comes to serious life circumstances.

Say, if a forum member had posted that..for example... their significant other left them, or... their close family member, parent, sister, brother, etc, wasn't talking to them. Instead of saying that person was "Whining" about it, as the person who has attacked me for a year said, my reply would be a bit different. It would be something like "Gee, isn't that unfortunate. If you need to talk, I'm a good listener". Or... as Babbles has stated.. I would look at the thread, and not reply, feeling that person had enough shit to deal with, without my heaping negativity and attacks on to their situation.

Once again, the difference.

Destructive, Attack: "Mitch, stop whining about your father".

Constructive: "Mitch, instead of focusing on the negativity with your father, focus on worrying about taking care of your mom, and your own life. You have better things to do, then think about him.

A very valid argument, and presentation, I think. I'm not asking everyone to agree with me. To think that is possible, is not realistic on my part. What I do feel, is that, if one disagrees, we can do so without saying someone is "whining", or reducing it down to such a level.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

ray, I've always respected you, but I disagree.

"Such behavior is the domain of the childish, and immature", as Korastus stated, is to me, an attack. To call someone childish and immature is lashing a personal salvo at them.

I respect if you don't want to respond to my threads. I guess that the post about me "whining", from Banshee, who is someone who has attacked me for a year, is fine too.

As I said before, it's the delivery.

It is within my control once this thread dies, to not post such things again. I was feeling very betrayed by, and angry at, my father, and chose to unwisely express it here. I must make sure that doesn't happen again.

Mitch

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Where's Nurse Ratched when you need her?

 

[Korastus]

Honestly, I was done here, but one last time, I will attempt to make you understand that I was not talking about you. I could not possibly care enough about you to try to insult you. It would be an utter waste of my time and energy. I was describing a set of behaviors you asked about; whether you're guilty of that behavior or not, and let me make this clear, I DON'T CARE. I answered a question, that had almost nothing to do with you aside from you being the one asking it. I assumed, as did many, that this thread was an attempt at discussion, rather than one dwelling on your personal troubles, of which I know only what you've posted in this thread since then. I answered the question, the perceived purpose of this thread with utmost honesty, and I won't be called a troll for doing so. This thread has become an absolute circus, and it's your paranoia about being attacked that made it so.

I'm done here, trying to have an intelligent discourse in a thread like this is futile and exhausting. I wish you the best of luck, but please, make your purpose clear next time and perhaps things like this won't happen

 

[venray]

ray, I've always respected you, but I disagree.

"Such behavior is the domain of the childish, and immature", as Korastus stated, is to me, an attack. To call someone childish and immature is lashing a personal salvo at them.

I respect if you don't want to respond to my threads. I guess that the post about me "whining", from Banshee, who is someone who has attacked me for a year, is fine too.

As I said before, it's the delivery.

It is within my control once this thread dies, to not post such things again. I was feeling very betrayed by, and angry at, my father, and chose to unwisely express it here. I must make sure that doesn't happen again.

Mitch

Look at the words "such behavior" Mitch....He didnt say "Mitch your behavior is childish and immature".....He stated that the behavior . in his opinion. was.. and I agree....

You took it as a personal attack by your own admission, because you see yourself exibiting a behavior that others see as childish......

As for your other points, many have told you to forget your father and focus on your life and your mom, but you choose not to listen and accuse them of attacks also...so the delivery means little in this case...

 

[AmericaRocks]

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Look at the words "such behavior" Mitch....He didnt say "Mitch your behavior is childish and immature".....He stated that the behavior . in his opinion. was.. and I agree....

It's obvious at this point that he's refusing to see that. I don't know if it's about a persecution complex, insecurity, or drama but nothing anyone says is going to have an affect here.

 

[Banshee]

Well Said venray

Very well said.

 

[Babbles]

You can disagree nicely. Disagreement isn't an excuse for disrespect.

No, you can disagree, but Mitch has a point ---- it's the "delivery." And the apparent intent.

Wonderful, it's great some trolls have grown up -- but it also seems others' responses are just getting a bit more sophisticated.

The antagonism is still present and uncalled for.

There's an obvious gap

---between those who have put forth constructive criticism in a positive manner 🙂

---and those who are unnecessarily negative & antagonistic, and it's thinly veiled.

Both can disagree. The second group should never have clicked on the link.

It's not like Mitch is promoting anything harmful, that such outrage could be warranted ---- everyone else can use the Forum to say whatever they want no matter how ridiculous
----- but they don't all get a slew of unnecessarily negative shit, again, no matter how ludicrous their topic.

Most of the "disagreements" in this thread are just disrespectful.

It doesn't take a genious to realize those who say "I don't care about you" but "you're a whiner" and "best wishes" ( 🙄 ) --- would have best never posted.

------ Believe or not, I would STILL use the PM FUNCTION if I thought someone was "childish," you can tell them that PRIVATELY ---- It won't (normally) kill you to take the time to help someone privately without embarrassing them if that's how you see it.

If you don't care, or you find a topic uninteresting --- DON'T DROP IN ---- nobody's forcing you to look much less post.

 

[2000 Man]

Something happens with my father, I will pm the friends on the forum, who truly give a shit about me, and my situation with him, and keep the rest to myself.

Mitch

Is there an echo in here?
Seems like I've heard that one before...before...before...before

 

[Babbles]

God forbid we post on topic much less with a positive twist.

Is there an echo in here?
Seems like I've heard that one before...before...before...before

Is there a real huge Troll in here? 🙄 I believe we've met.

Seems I've seen this MO before...before...before...before...

How the fuck COULD you have heard (seen) that if you only "just" joined in Aug. 2010?

I keep giving you too much credit. You DO have the capacity to be a great guy, it's a shame.

If you gave others the same, you wouldn't have to keep re-creating yourself.

Next.

 

[2000 Man]

It doesn't take a genious to realize ...

But it does take one to know a "genius" from a "genious".


It's called the search function, and it's quite useful when researching posting history.

 

[Babbles]

Not quite.

But it does take one to know a "genius" from a "genious".


It's called the search function, and it's quite useful when researching posting history.

Then it's a good thing I don't consider myself Einstein. Who couldn't spell well, by the way.

And you searched Mitch's threads? That had to be the case, since there isn't another question quite like this one posted.

That was one reason this thread should've been valuable ---- the question was something different. And individuals could answer however they wished, from their own experience --- didn't need to be negative.

Words --- misspelled or otherwise --- have effect, have some power....

as I said, like "tickle" ---- just depends upon the word and how it impacts you.

 

[Mephistopheles]

What can we really get from GD if we need life help? Seriously... If one can't really get what he/she exactly wants from a conversation, then it is time to use money and hire a paid listener.

Yeah, or get some hard liquor and get hammered.

 

[Speedbump]

It's obvious at this point that he's refusing to see that. I don't know if it's about a persecution complex, insecurity, or drama but nothing anyone says is going to have an affect here.

As I said before, Mitchell absolutely loves drama. It's why he won't see reason here, and it's why he continues posting in the thread.

 

[Bohemianne]

Yeah, or get some hard liquor and get hammered.

Drunkards will drink just the same.

-o0o-

Is there anyone who can testify that venting too personal issues at GD while consistently getting sort of unwanted comments had resolved things healthily for them in real life?

I did one and only death related personal post here in the past... never I get a single bashing. And why?

-o0o-

Back to OP. I find solutions and work hard not to despise one so much to the point that I can't say their name.

 

[Canadian_Eh]

Then it's a good thing I don't consider myself Einstein. Who couldn't spell well, by the way.

And you searched Mitch's threads? That had to be the case, since there isn't another question quite like this one posted.

That was one reason this thread should've been valuable ---- the question was something different. And individuals could answer however they wished, from their own experience --- didn't need to be negative.

Words --- misspelled or otherwise --- have effect, have some power....

as I said, like "tickle" ---- just depends upon the word and how it impacts you.

Why do you proceed to attack anyone who doesn't agree with what Mitchell is doing?! ...

I have seen a lot of posts where he has been given good advice. HE chooses not to listen to that said advice, and to be honest, I' don't think it's that nobody cares, I think it's just that there's only SO MANY TIMES you can hear about the same thing all the time.

If he never does anything about it, how can he expect a different outcome?! ... That's what everybody's saying. He's your friend, and I get that's why you feel the need to defend him, but to be quite honest, for pages now all i've seen is YOU going off on people and making yourself look like the troll that you accuse others to be.

 

[Mitchell]

ray, tell you what, everyone who says I'm exhibiting "childish behavior" doesnt know how they would react if they were in my shoes.

While you have a valid point that I should forget my father, and focus on my mom, such isn't as simple as that. There are financial issues between my father, and my mom, plus emotional issues, that my mom is fucking pissed about, regarding how my father treats me, that just can't be "forgotten".

I told her today: "Mom, aside from the financial issues, forget him, just worry about getting well. I'm here for you". Know what her reply was? She said :"Mitch, you wont understand, until you have a child with someone, no matter what age the child is, how it feels as a parent, to have the child stabbed in the back by the other parent. " Simply put, she wants to wring his neck.

Someone said that I talk the same thing, without doing anything. Well, one thing has changed in the short term. I'm not talking to him, and don't plan to. I guess... I blame myself, because I was advised not to reconcile with him last year, by family members, and friends, who know how he treats me. I didnt listen, because I'm the type who believes I can make situations better. Now, I have a lot of guilt. I asked for what happened, considering our past history. Many people have told me that I have no one to blame but myself.

There are only two things I can do. One, not talk to him. Two, not post it on the forum. If I do what I'd really like to, which is kick his ass, I'd receive a penalty he isn't worth. So, I just wont talk to him, and I'll let my mom deal with him, legally.

One other thing: If anyone believes I'm the type of person who goes ballistic anytime I'm told something I dont want to hear, they are dead wrong. My mom advised me to get rid of a person who was not treating me well, to get rid of my father, and to leave TMF. I listened, calmly, without flying off the handle, and said to her "Mom, I can only do those things when and if I'm ready to". She told me, in no uncertain terms, that she thinks I'm an idiot for not following her advice. I'm the type that has to do things when I want to, not when someone else tells me to.


I just came off the road for seven hours after having to go up to NJ, to have very important meetings with my mom's doctors. I'm exhausted, so I'll retire from this thread. Oh, and for those who think I'm keeping this thread going. FYI, I have 22 posts here, to everyone else's 96. So, its not all me.

I'm going to have to learn to exhibit self control. That is my main problem, being very impulsive. Hopefully, this thread will cause me to do so henceforth.

Mitch

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Why do you proceed to attack anyone who doesn't agree with what Mitchell is doing?! ...

I have seen a lot of posts where he has been given good advice. HE chooses not to listen to that said advice, and to be honest, I' don't think it's that nobody cares, I think it's just that there's only SO MANY TIMES you can hear about the same thing all the time.

If he never does anything about it, how can he expect a different outcome?! ... That's what everybody's saying. He's your friend, and I get that's why you feel the need to defend him, but to be quite honest, for pages now all i've seen is YOU going off on people and making yourself look like the troll that you accuse others to be.

This thread has been a train wreck from the moment Mitch took responses wrong. There were jokes initially which Mitch jumped on and one post that was directed at Mitch because he used his father as an example for himself for the question he started this thread for.

Jokes will happen in threads; it's a part of being on a forum, but as long as they're not horribly derailing the thread, it's best to ignore them. My own "Holding grudges" thread has them, but I won't jump down anyone's throats just because a couple members decided to "lighten" the thread.

Babbles didn't help matters by jumping to Mitch's aid and attacking those who weren't even attacking Mitch. There are maybe three different individuals in this thread that lobbed attacks in Mitch's direction, but everyone else tried to post their opinions and tried to reason with him in response to his overreactions.

 

[Speedbump]

ray, tell you what, everyone who says I'm exhibiting "childish behavior" doesnt know how they would react if they were in my shoes.

While you have a valid point that I should forget my father, and focus on my mom, such isn't as simple as that. There are financial issues between my father, and my mom, plus emotional issues, that my mom is fucking pissed about, regarding how my father treats me, that just can't be "forgotten".

I told her today: "Mom, aside from the financial issues, forget him, just worry about getting well. I'm here for you". Know what her reply was? She said :"Mitch, you wont understand, until you have a child with someone, no matter what age the child is, how it feels as a parent, to have the child stabbed in the back by the other parent. " Simply put, she wants to wring his neck.

Someone said that I talk the same thing, without doing anything. Well, one thing has changed in the short term. I'm not talking to him, and don't plan to. I guess... I blame myself, because I was advised not to reconcile with him last year, by family members, and friends, who know how he treats me. I didnt listen, because I'm the type who believes I can make situations better. Now, I have a lot of guilt. I asked for what happened, considering our past history. Many people have told me that I have no one to blame but myself.

There are only two things I can do. One, not talk to him. Two, not post it on the forum. If I do what I'd really like to, which is kick his ass, I'd receive a penalty he isn't worth. So, I just wont talk to him, and I'll let my mom deal with him, legally.

One other thing: If anyone believes I'm the type of person who goes ballistic anytime I'm told something I dont want to hear, they are dead wrong. My mom advised me to get rid of a person who was not treating me well, to get rid of my father, and to leave TMF. I listened, calmly, without flying off the handle, and said to her "Mom, I can only do those things when and if I'm ready to". She told me, in no uncertain terms, that she thinks I'm an idiot for not following her advice. I'm the type that has to do things when I want to, not when someone else tells me to.


I just came off the road for seven hours after having to go up to NJ, to have very important meetings with my mom's doctors. I'm exhausted, so I'll retire from this thread. Oh, and for those who think I'm keeping this thread going. FYI, I have 22 posts here, to everyone else's 96. So, its not all me.

I'm going to have to learn to exhibit self control. That is my main problem, being very impulsive. Hopefully, this thread will cause me to do so henceforth.

Mitch

The thing you don't understand is saying you have 22 posts to everyone else's 96 doesn't mean anything. The fact is, people are replying now because you continue to reply, and you just aren't grasping anything anyone else is saying. Because every reply is a long, personal message about your emotional and family issues, and at the end you talk about how you're gonna stop doing that. You know what's gonna happen on your next post? I do.

You know what your post could have been to stop all the negativity towards you? Nothing. No post whatsoever.

Or maybe "I just drove for 7 hours and my ass hurts, but bitch bitch bitch, am I right guys? Yeah, time for ice cream! WHO'S IN!?"

Then we'd all be like, "Ohhh shit, gonna get some ice cream up in this mutha!"

Then there's ice cream, no more complaining, and everyone's happy.

Back to business as usual.

 

[Mitchell]

Speed, I wasn't home for ten hours, and several people replied, so what you're saying, to me, isn't valid.

Fine, tell ya what, after this, I'll make no post whatsoever. We'll see how long this thread goes on after that? My guess: A long while.

Mitch

 

[storm7400]

Speed, I wasn't home for ten hours, and several people replied, so what you're saying, to me, isn't valid.

Fine, tell ya what, after this, I'll make no post whatsoever. We'll see how long this thread goes on after that? My guess: A long while.

Mitch

Classic deflection syndrome at work, you can't admit the slightest hint of being in the realm of wrong its always someone else's fault. Part of being a man is admitting your own faults and insecurities, whereas a child would blame anything and everything for their failures. Mitch you can continue to "take your ball and go home" strategy, but at the end of the day you always come back to these threads. Plenty of people have suggested things to help you, wished you well in your dealings, and even poked fun at things in yes a negative manner, but also in joking manner because such is the internet method.

We all draw some joy out of seeing suffering of others its in human nature. We can read the post and then speculate how we would handle, thus feeling better about ourselves. Thats what the internet generation has brought to society, the inner sarcasm reigns abundant under a cloak of anonymous typings.

You choose to take things to heart because you perceive everything as a personal attack. Thats your method, many do not share that mentality because time and time again it proves ineffective. But no one here wishes harm on you or your mother and I say that with the utmost confidence. There has been plenty of displays of sympathy for that situation with your mother and I, myself will say clear as day I WISH YOUR MOTHER NOTHING BUT THE BEST IN THIS BATTLE WITH CANCER.

But in terms of you and your father, you are the boy that has cried wolf too often and frankly most do not care to see it clutter up the forum. Doesn't mean its not a clusterfuck of a situation, nor does it mean that I or anyone else doesn't want to see that prick get whats coming to him in some form of cosmic way. Just means we've grown immune in terms of sympathy to that topic because it seems as though a majority of your posts give us a play by play report on a "dead horse" situation.


Still, all the best and if you want to try to attack these feelings of resentment and betrayal in a productive way I would be more then happy to take a few minutes to lend an ear so to speak.

 

[Speedbump]

Shhh, responding proves him right about that last post. You delete yours, I'll delete mine. GO GO GO!

 

[Mitchell]

storm, I'm going to pm you to try and sort this out constructively.

Mitch