Do you believe "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater" ?

[Tamia78]

What do you think? I hear of alot of divorces because of infidelity. I have a friend who was with her husband for 3 years, and now they're getting divorced because she caught him cheating on her. They got together because he was cheating on HIS wife with her. He asked her to marry him, and so on and so forth. Should she have seen this coming from a mile away?

--T

 

[milagros317]

Just my personal opinion, but somebody who committed adultery in one marriage will more than likely do it again if married again. They just may be more careful and try harder not to get caught.

 

[TicklishGrl4Lfe]

Yes I do belive that.

My friend was supposed to get married this year, but she walked into her apartment and caught her was-to-be husband in bed with another womna. What's worse is that she had miscarried her twins just days before.

 

[steph]

I think "cheating" is a subjective term, it means different things to different people. Some think if their guys get a lap dance at a strip club or log on to "facial cumshot of the day" it's cheating. Me? I could care less. They have their thing, I have this, get over it.
XOXO

 

[fttickler]

Hmmm....

Though I have a relative ( close so no names mentioned ) who is or was in same boat.. caught several times. finally first wife divorced him, He marrieperson he cheated on his first wife with... then cheated on her with current wife. Should they see something coming.. prolly.But unless I walk a mile in his shoes.. I cast no jusdgements ( he and first wife are good friends now ). As for cheating.. I agree with T.. and steph for differnt reasons... just remember folks, it is not always us males who cheat.

 

[Stugots]

The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior! Sooner or later a person with cheating in his/ her history will cheat again...whether it is in relationships, video games, board games schoolwork, taxes, etc. People that do cheat have great rationalizations for why their behavior is not cheating or on the path that eventually leads them to cheating. A cheater in denial is somebody you should be careful with.

 

[ChosenofMystra]

I always used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt...but I found out tonight just how much of a yutz that really makes me. 😡

 

[Saeria]

I think the definition of cheating is a difficult one .. for me at least. What truly defines it? If one is in a dismal relationship with one person and unable to get away and seeks emotional comfort from someone else, what does that say? I wouldn't think in a situation like this it is cheating but then i think others would disagree. Fun little hypothetical 😀 But in a sense, i think that some people are simply predisposed to be unfaithful... and others are only unfaithful when being faithful hurts too much.

 

[Tamia78]

just remember folks, it is not always us males who cheat.

Oops, sorry. The particular cheater was male, but you are correct.....women do it too. AND because I wasn't clear earlier........."cheating" in this sense is defined as having sex with another person who is NOT the spouse.

You guys have raised some interesting questions tho--cheating is different to different people. To me, cheating is when someone seeks emotional and physical comfort from someone other than me. I could care less if he goes to strip clubs, watches porn or anything else like that, but totally giving himself to another person is what causes me to say enough.

--T

 

[german]

I don't think its so black and white, but I would say most probably people who do it once will do it again.

But one of my friends cheated of his girlfriend and said he did it because he wasn't happy and didn't "really" know the girl he started the relationship with, the girl he cheated with is now set to be his wife and I can say most confidently that he will remain loyal to her.

Kust

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I can state unequivocally that this "once/always" concept does not apply to everyone. From personal experience.

I cheated on my last girlfriend. Happily, as I recall. It was like sitting down and playing a challenging video game. You see, I was unhappy in my relationship, I was unfulfilled, I was going through tough times. At the same time, though, I was loath to end the relationship, because my insecurity was kicking in. It became an elaborate game...making time for both women (and even a third!) and not getting caught, inspired deceptions, intricate lies. Eventually, the fun became a drudgery, and even then I knew it really wasn't fair to anyone involved. Eventually, my girlfriend broke up with me...to be honest, I would've broken up with me. Starting an real relationship with the 'other woman' turned out to be a non-starter, as I should've assumed it would, and a month later, my future wife and I met. We have been together ever since that first night, bound at the hip. Eight years. And, I've been a good boy, not even an inkling of becoming a bad one. We're both justifiably proud of this marriage.

So, this "once a cheater, always a cheater" thesis is a crock of shit.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

By the way...ex girlfriend NEVER found out about my dalliances. Never found out. And, believe me, I didn't do THAT great a job of hiding it!

The reason she broke up with me was because she was sick and tired of being with this asshole who wasn't getting with the program and entertaining her, which she always thought the sig other should be doing twenty four seven.

Hubris is a very interesting thing.

 

[Tamia78]

Okay, then what is it that makes people NOT want to cheat again after doing it before? Is it that they've found that one perfect person, and they didn't have the same feelings for the one they had cheated on? Or do you think it's just a matter of time?

--T

 

[Mz Chaos]

The girl who I am still mourning (and probably always will) killed herself over a guy that cheated on her after he cheated on his wife to be with her after he was kicked out of another relationship to be with her.

To be fair...

I, myself stepped out on my husband, but never have during other relationships. However... during the times I cheated I wasn't looking to start another relationship... nor did I with the man I cheated on him with. I was just in it to feel the affection I wasn't getting at home.
My husband and I were friends only and there was never any love there to begin with. Not only was it a marriage of convenience but we were friends who had no business being married.

My mother told me long ago (during those mother/daughter talks) never to marry a man who cheated on his wife to be with me because if he cheated on another woman to be with me there was nothing guaranteeing that he wouldn't do the same to me.

So... I would say that it all depended on the circumstances in the relationship and the track record of the person who is doing the cheating.

 

[phfttklr]

I agree with a couple of posts. Once a cheater does not mean always a cheater. It depends on what the situation of the failing relationship. For men, most likely, it is in the sex department and women in the stimulation department. The biggie is after the children come along. I often hear complants that the woman is just too tired from taking care of the child/children. I even told my sister. A man has needs and probably a little more apt to stray than the woman. I also told her that she probably needs to hear some encouragement for doing a good job of taking care of the house and kids.

The one piece of advice I give to any woman who asks of me, is try to find out that one deep dark secret in bed that a man likes, and you'll most likely keep him for a lifetime. Good looking women are a dime a dozen and just like those childhood toys, they quickly become discarded as soon as a new one comes along...BUT your favorite one never makes it to the bottom of the toy chest!
Women who cheat( last poll was 30% ) are usually bored in their marriage. The husband works too much or doesn't pay attenton to her. I read one article where 5 housewives, of very wealthy men, talked about cheating on their husbands because they were never home. They said they would give up the million dollar living, just to have a husband who is around. The husband left early and didn't come home until late or traveled over seas all the time. One said that her young child was standing in the doorway when the father came in the door, and the child asked who he was.

The moral of this...don't get involved in a relationship. 😛





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[Knox The Hatter]

Great insight, phfttklr.

All the evidence presented in our society, where the divorce rate is somewhere around 50%, proves that marriage is not for everyone. I guess serious relationships can fall into that category, too.

And also, given the rampant STDs about, you have to really ponder who you're getting in bed with nowadays. The libido doesn't have a brain...

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

I cheated on a couple of tests in grade school because I was playing with the girls in the neighborhood instead of studing. Does that count???

 

[lojak]

What do you think? I hear of alot of divorces because of infidelity. I have a friend who was with her husband for 3 years, and now they're getting divorced because she caught him cheating on her. They got together because he was cheating on HIS wife with her. He asked her to marry him, and so on and so forth. Should she have seen this coming from a mile away?

--T

i'm going to be bunt
tell her to lift up her right leg, fart real hard so she can get her head out of her ass

 

[vhinten]

Re:

I believe all men/women are as faithful as their options allow them to be. Pretty simple I think

 

[Knox The Hatter]

i'm going to be bunt
tell her to lift up her right leg, fart real hard so she can get her head out of her ass

How succinct!

No sympathy from my end. Tam, here's what you do, you give your friend a sign she can put on the top of her head...

GULLIBLE!
Take advantage
of me.

Sadly, it doesn't sound like your friend will smarten up any time soon.

 

[SlaverTickler]

Heres what I think bout this...

I think if a person is unfaithful, they will be unfaithful again to the person the cheated on. Simpke because if they are "forgiven" one they will think thy=ey can get away with it again. I also beleave in "If they'll cheat with you, they'l cheat on you.". This meaning if you whoring with somebody ells' guy or girl, don't be surprised if they mess around on you latter.

 

[vhinten]

good points in here

I think it would be hard to ever get the memory of someone cheating on you out of your mind.

But I date many women at a time. Usually see 4-5 women. But if you are up front with them and they accept the terms. Then they can never call you a cheating bastich.

However, I'm not stupid, I'm sure the women I date are not only excusively seeing me either 😀

 

[kis123]

Some women simply amaze me! This reminds me of a former friend who had a habit of dating attached men. In high school, it was her friend's boyfriends. She even screwed around with her cousin's boyfriend! She went the the military and married someone else's man right after boot camp. She wondered why he never contacted her again after training. 😕 She then got pregnant with someone else's husband because she was jealous that I had a baby (folks, I didn't intentionaly get pregnant so I basically thought she was crazy)! She subsequently married him, then wondered why he'd cheat on her constantly. She's now twice divorced with a son who I'm sure has witnessed a revolving door from her bedroom.

My stepmother was another one....knew my mother personally and started screwing around with my father. My father left us to go to a family with over two times the children to take care of (my stepmother conveniently forgot to mention the kids). She and my father fought constantly because of his serial-cheating! I'll never understand women thinking they have the golden arches between their legs. It's like "I know I give the best sex in the world and I know he won't leave this!" Here's a clue ladies-there's always going to be someone who knows it better than you. If you're counting on sex to keep a man, you are a complete fool!

Slaver beat me to it, but it bears repeating: If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you! But this type of stuff will continue as long as there are stupid women to do it with.

 

[Tamia78]

I'll never understand women thinking they have the golden arches between their legs. It's like "I know I give the best sex in the world and I know he won't leave this!"

I just had to point that out....I LOVE it! Golden Arches....I needed that! Thanks Kis!

You guys are all making some really good arguments. But I think Knox said it earlier...........he was cheating, and now he's not. So apparently there's people who quit after a time. I'm sure they're in the lower 1% of the population.

I agree with the stupid women who stay in a relationship like that AFTER he cheated with her. Seems like more women/men NEVER stop once they know they can get away with it. So, should we trust anyone these days? Or just expect them to one day stray away? Truthfully, I'd just rather stay single instead of always having to wonder about it.
--T