LovesHeels
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Alo
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Favorite sitcom one-liners
- Thread starter LovesHeels
- Start date
SirDigbyChickenCaesar
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Wow, when was that last one from, no way that sort of thing would be allowed on TV today (and for pretty good reason, imho)?
Its from All In The Family,a groundbreaking series from the 1970's.And the very reason it was allowed,and should be allowed today is because it pointed out the incredible stupidity of bigorty and intolerence as expressed by Archie Bunker.And there is that small matter we call freedom of speach.That does not mean we have the freedom to not be offended by what someone might say no matter how ignorant it might be.
SirDigbyChickenCaesar
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I'm not familiar with the show or the character, so forgive my ignorance, but hate speech is hate speech is hate speech.
Edited to note that I wasn't aware that it was used in a way to show a character in a bad light. That makes the word more acceptable, I suppose.
Edited to note that I wasn't aware that it was used in a way to show a character in a bad light. That makes the word more acceptable, I suppose.
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You should check that show out,its avaible on dvd i'm sure.You are not ignorant just because you have never seen the show.Its almost impossible to take that quote in context if you are not familiar with the history of the series.
One of my favorites from "Married...with Children", in the episode where Al gets a job at a bar (as a male stripper or somethin...I don't remember exactly what)
Peg "Ooh, Al...is that money in your pocket, or you just happy to see me?"
Al: "It's money, Peg. "
And another from that series when Kelly (damn Christina Applegate was hot in that show.....yumm....lol) was about to go to a basketball game, even though she had no money.
Bud: "How are you gonna get in without money to buy a ticket?"
Kelly: "Easy. I'm young, I'm available..and I'm dressed like this. "
Peg "Ooh, Al...is that money in your pocket, or you just happy to see me?"
Al: "It's money, Peg. "
And another from that series when Kelly (damn Christina Applegate was hot in that show.....yumm....lol) was about to go to a basketball game, even though she had no money.
Bud: "How are you gonna get in without money to buy a ticket?"
Kelly: "Easy. I'm young, I'm available..and I'm dressed like this. "
TklDuo-Drew
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The episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine is explaining how someone they know has Lyme disease. When the someone mentions they thought it was Epstein-Barr syndrome.......
Elaine: "He has Epstein-Barr......it's Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease!"
Drew
Elaine: "He has Epstein-Barr......it's Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease!"
Drew
maniactickler
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One of my favorites from "Married...with Children", in the episode where Al gets a job at a bar (as a male stripper or somethin...I don't remember exactly what)
Peg "Ooh, Al...is that money in your pocket, or you just happy to see me?"
Al: "It's money, Peg. "
And another from that series when Kelly (damn Christina Applegate was hot in that show.....yumm....lol) was about to go to a basketball game, even though she had no money.
Bud: "How are you gonna get in without money to buy a ticket?"
Kelly: "Easy. I'm young, I'm available..and I'm dressed like this. "
Another one from married with children. Als friends came over and asked his wife Peg if Al was home, she replied sarcastically, "no, im cooking feet"
Mistress Aura
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From Ally McBeal:
Ally: "Why is Nell in such a bad mood today?"
Elaine: "I'm not sure. Maybe her gynecologist pulled the wrong tooth."
Ally: "Why is Nell in such a bad mood today?"
Elaine: "I'm not sure. Maybe her gynecologist pulled the wrong tooth."
Edited to note that I wasn't aware that it was used in a way to show a character in a bad light. That makes the word more acceptable, I suppose.
I can't reply without hijacking this thread.I'm afraid you don't understand my position.Its to late tonight but i will start a thread in P&R tomorow so we can talk about this,i would like to explain where i stand here and i hope we can talk about it.
I can't reply without hijacking this thread.I'm afraid you don't understand my position.Its to late tonight but i will start a thread in P&R tomorow so we can talk about this,i would like to explain where i stand here and i hope we can talk about it.
SirDigbyChickenCaesar
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I suppose I should contribute a quote to this thread, lol.
I had to look it up to make sure I got it right, but my favourite sit-com quote comes from the venerable Cheers.
Woody: Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.
I had to look it up to make sure I got it right, but my favourite sit-com quote comes from the venerable Cheers.
Woody: Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.
goddess_nemesis
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A favorite of mine is from Still Standing.
Brian Miller: [Bill and Judy come to Brian's school] Oh no, it IS you two!
Judy: What do you mean, 'it is us'?
Brian Miller: Everyone's saying that a hooker and her parole officer are walking around looking for me. I was hoping...
Bill: Hear that, Judy? I'm married to a hooker!
Brian Miller: [Bill and Judy come to Brian's school] Oh no, it IS you two!
Judy: What do you mean, 'it is us'?
Brian Miller: Everyone's saying that a hooker and her parole officer are walking around looking for me. I was hoping...
Bill: Hear that, Judy? I'm married to a hooker!
From Coupling, about the only sitcom I've ever found funny enough to follow
- We are men. We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop. We do not own magazines full of photographs of celebrities with their clothes on.
- A relationship is a loving bond between two people, and a threesome can take the edge off that.
- Friendship's more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking.
- Patrick: People don't say one thing and mean another. It just doesn't happen.
Steve: People make sub-conscious slips. We all do it.
Patrick: Well, thank you Steve, but I think you'll find not everybody has a sub-conscious.
Steve: Very probably true. Okay, anyone want another drink?
Patrick: Better not, came in my penis. Been taking it to the garage, been having alot of trouble with it lately. Just won't start.
Steve: Your "car"?
Patrick: [beat] I said "penis" there, didn't I?
Jeff: So, having a bit of car trouble, are we?
Steve: Anything you want to share with us?
Jeff: About your motoring difficulties?
Patrick: Hey, now look you guys, you two may have sub-consciouses, but let me tell you there's nothing going on in MY head.
Jeff: I'm only joking.
Steve: Just kidding, Patrick.
Patrick: Yeah, anyway, it was your fault. You started talking about traitors in the first place... penises! Not traitors, penises.
- Jeff: I am a prison for sperms. Those poor little tadpoles have been sentenced to life in Jeff Murdock's groin. And let me tell you, that can be a pretty lonely place.
Steve: I'm sure you always... lend a hand.
Jeff: Well, yeah, there's that. But that's not what the boys are wanting, is it? See, they want to think they're going somewhere when they go. I keep thinking about my brave lads all excited on the launch pad, and then suddenly it's "Ohh, no! Daylight!"
- Patrick: Sometimes a man is faced with the right thing to do and the wrong thing to do. And he only misses by one.
Great show
Edit: OK, a couple of those weren't one liners, were they?
- We are men. We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop. We do not own magazines full of photographs of celebrities with their clothes on.
- A relationship is a loving bond between two people, and a threesome can take the edge off that.
- Friendship's more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking.
- Patrick: People don't say one thing and mean another. It just doesn't happen.
Steve: People make sub-conscious slips. We all do it.
Patrick: Well, thank you Steve, but I think you'll find not everybody has a sub-conscious.
Steve: Very probably true. Okay, anyone want another drink?
Patrick: Better not, came in my penis. Been taking it to the garage, been having alot of trouble with it lately. Just won't start.
Steve: Your "car"?
Patrick: [beat] I said "penis" there, didn't I?
Jeff: So, having a bit of car trouble, are we?
Steve: Anything you want to share with us?
Jeff: About your motoring difficulties?
Patrick: Hey, now look you guys, you two may have sub-consciouses, but let me tell you there's nothing going on in MY head.
Jeff: I'm only joking.
Steve: Just kidding, Patrick.
Patrick: Yeah, anyway, it was your fault. You started talking about traitors in the first place... penises! Not traitors, penises.
- Jeff: I am a prison for sperms. Those poor little tadpoles have been sentenced to life in Jeff Murdock's groin. And let me tell you, that can be a pretty lonely place.
Steve: I'm sure you always... lend a hand.
Jeff: Well, yeah, there's that. But that's not what the boys are wanting, is it? See, they want to think they're going somewhere when they go. I keep thinking about my brave lads all excited on the launch pad, and then suddenly it's "Ohh, no! Daylight!"
- Patrick: Sometimes a man is faced with the right thing to do and the wrong thing to do. And he only misses by one.
Great show
Edit: OK, a couple of those weren't one liners, were they?
From the New Muppet Show, sometime in the late 80's.
The set up for this is that Prince (at that time was "The Artist Formerly known as Prince) was attempting to get backstage to do his musical number and a large Muppet bear was the security guard.
Bear:Im sorry sir, your not getting in because your name isn't on the list.
Prince:Well Ive changed my name, perhaps its on the list under "The artist formerly known as Prince.
Bear: Well Im the bear currently known as not amused, your still not on the list.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From family guy (someone had this as a siggy line at one time)
Lois: Peter, stop acting like a child.
Peter: Well if Im a child then that makes you a pedophile, and Ill be damned if Im going to sit here and be lectured by a pervert.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fawlty Towers: Set up..Germans are in the hotel and after getting hit on the head, everyone is trying to get Bazil not to mention WW2 to the german hotel guests but he still constantly does and upset a female german guest. She starts crying and Bazil asks why she is crying for they blame it on him mentioning the war.
Germans: Will you stop talking about the war?
Basil (John Cleese) : Me? You started it.
Germans: We did not start it.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland.
Here is the link for the above line....watch the whole 3 minutes though...funny as hell.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UB5l5UIbSpc
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) Set up: Dr. Johnson's dictionary he hand wrote over 10 years was thought to be used as firewood, and Blackadder (Rowan) pulls Baldrick (the servant) into the hall where he tells him they will go and find where a copy is and Baldrick will steal it...
Baldrick: I dont want to steal, if I do Ill go to hell.
Blackadder: Baldrick, eternity with Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of torture will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me, and this pencil.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
All I can think of for now......Im sure Ill have more later.
Rob
The set up for this is that Prince (at that time was "The Artist Formerly known as Prince) was attempting to get backstage to do his musical number and a large Muppet bear was the security guard.
Bear:Im sorry sir, your not getting in because your name isn't on the list.
Prince:Well Ive changed my name, perhaps its on the list under "The artist formerly known as Prince.
Bear: Well Im the bear currently known as not amused, your still not on the list.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From family guy (someone had this as a siggy line at one time)
Lois: Peter, stop acting like a child.
Peter: Well if Im a child then that makes you a pedophile, and Ill be damned if Im going to sit here and be lectured by a pervert.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Fawlty Towers: Set up..Germans are in the hotel and after getting hit on the head, everyone is trying to get Bazil not to mention WW2 to the german hotel guests but he still constantly does and upset a female german guest. She starts crying and Bazil asks why she is crying for they blame it on him mentioning the war.
Germans: Will you stop talking about the war?
Basil (John Cleese) : Me? You started it.
Germans: We did not start it.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland.
Here is the link for the above line....watch the whole 3 minutes though...funny as hell.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UB5l5UIbSpc
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) Set up: Dr. Johnson's dictionary he hand wrote over 10 years was thought to be used as firewood, and Blackadder (Rowan) pulls Baldrick (the servant) into the hall where he tells him they will go and find where a copy is and Baldrick will steal it...
Baldrick: I dont want to steal, if I do Ill go to hell.
Blackadder: Baldrick, eternity with Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of torture will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me, and this pencil.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
All I can think of for now......Im sure Ill have more later.
Rob
kered
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One that has always stuck out in my mind is from the Dick Van Dyke Show from the mid sixties between the characters Mel and Buddy.
Mel stands in the room about to speak when Buddy walks up to him and says
" Is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?"
Mel stands in the room about to speak when Buddy walks up to him and says
" Is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?"
The Sean Man
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"Dr. Who"
After the doctor has shimmied up a shaft, he looks down at the pursuing Daleks (who in the old series could NOT levitate, thank you) and says:
"If you're supposed to be the superior race of the universe, why don't you climb up here after us?"
I was hooked.
After the doctor has shimmied up a shaft, he looks down at the pursuing Daleks (who in the old series could NOT levitate, thank you) and says:
"If you're supposed to be the superior race of the universe, why don't you climb up here after us?"
I was hooked.
The Last Laugh
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I understand that you're not familiar with the show, but wasn't it implied when Bugman said "it pointed out the incredible stupidity of bigotry and intolerance as expressed by Archie Bunker"? Sure doesn't sound like showing Archie in a good light to me.
SirDigbyChickenCaesar
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I edited it because I realized that I forgot to mention it in the first place. I probably should have just tucked it in like it was there all along but oh well.
Just as free speech is free speech is free speech and censorship is censorship is censorship. While I don't defend the content of hate speech, I feel compelled to defend somebody's right to express it without legal repurcussions.
One of my favorite one-liners from the TV sitcom, My Favorite Martian
Detective Brennan: O'Hara, I ought to give you a piece of my mind!
Tim O'Hara: Better make it a small piece, Brennan. You can't afford much.
TklDuo-Drew
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The "Newhart" show from the 80s.....
Dick Loudon complaining out loud, in front of his wife, that his handyman hasn't fixed his hot water heater:
"If George did what I told him, I wouldn't have to take cold showers!"
Drew
Dick Loudon complaining out loud, in front of his wife, that his handyman hasn't fixed his hot water heater:
"If George did what I told him, I wouldn't have to take cold showers!"
Drew
Ray<3tiklishft
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From Sanford And Son:
Fred: "Esther you're so ugly, I could stick your face in dough and make gorilla cookies!"
From All In The Family:
When Archie is on strike and Edith, who was temporarily working at Jefferson Cleaners, cashes her first check and brings home cake for dessert......
Archie: "Finally. Something other than Jello for dessoit.....(looking at cake) Happy Bar Mitzvah, Oiving. Who da hell is Oiving?"
Edith: "He's the little Jewish boy who got the mumps. The baker sold me a $10 cake for one dollar."
Archie: "Well couldn't you find one that said Merry Christmas?.....Ah just as well. Cut the Happy part for me, save the Bar Mitzvah part for the Meathead. He ain't a Jew but he'll eat anything that doesn't get away from him."
Fred: "Esther you're so ugly, I could stick your face in dough and make gorilla cookies!"
From All In The Family:
When Archie is on strike and Edith, who was temporarily working at Jefferson Cleaners, cashes her first check and brings home cake for dessert......
Archie: "Finally. Something other than Jello for dessoit.....(looking at cake) Happy Bar Mitzvah, Oiving. Who da hell is Oiving?"
Edith: "He's the little Jewish boy who got the mumps. The baker sold me a $10 cake for one dollar."
Archie: "Well couldn't you find one that said Merry Christmas?.....Ah just as well. Cut the Happy part for me, save the Bar Mitzvah part for the Meathead. He ain't a Jew but he'll eat anything that doesn't get away from him."
goddess_nemesis
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[Amy and Fry have just announced that they are dating.]
Bender: Congratulations Fry, you've snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics…
Leela: Bender! Romance isn't about money!
Bender: Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please!
Leela: For your information, it's because he's hideous!
Dr. Zoidberg: Awww.
Bender: Congratulations Fry, you've snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics…
Leela: Bender! Romance isn't about money!
Bender: Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please!
Leela: For your information, it's because he's hideous!
Dr. Zoidberg: Awww.
featherfingers
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There are so many but this seems to be the one I hold near and dear to my heart. I'm paraphrasing this since I haven't seen the episode since it aired around 1979 or so:
Reverend Jim Ignatowski (speaking to Alex or Elaine): "When I'm with a crowd of people, I'm the life of the party. But after I get home and I'm by myself, all alone, I clam up."
Reverend Jim Ignatowski (speaking to Alex or Elaine): "When I'm with a crowd of people, I'm the life of the party. But after I get home and I'm by myself, all alone, I clam up."
