fear of singlehood....

[aun_existe_amor]

Being alone doesn't always mean lonely 🙂

 

[kis123]

My apologies , I missed that.

That's what this thread is missing, a woman's pov, thanks kis

I feel better now-I do tend to come off a little strong in my posts, but I hope to never lose my femininity.

But there's nothing wrong with being alone. Sometimes it can be the best thing to ever happen. I didn't plan on being alone for those six years, but I got a lot done that I probably never would've pursued if I were involved with someone. Plus I thought my kids deserved a full-time mom that wasn't distracted with someone else. I think they are better off for the long run.

Just take the "alone time" and do something positive with it. Don't just brood and stew-get up and do something fun, insightful, or something that will help you get to know "you" better. How on earth can you be for someone else when you might not know yourself well?

 

[satintickler]

I feel exactly the same way as you do, Im 25 years old.
I used to think about being single all the time, and it would drive me into deep depression sometimes. I got through it by telling myself that the best was just around the corner. I distract myself from getting depressed about it.
Most of the time I do a good job of accepting my situation and just making the best of it. After all I/we have more than half our life ahead of us. Im sure things will get better for you, I, and everyone who is feeling lonley out there.

Sorry if none of this helps, I just felt I had to reply to your post because you and I think so similarly.

 

[Strider]

Just take the "alone time" and do something positive with it. Don't just brood and stew-get up and do something fun, insightful, or something that will help you get to know "you" better. How on earth can you be for someone else when you might not know yourself well?

I agree, there's simply no way I would have been able to get the direction I have in the past year if I'd been involved with someone. But like I said, the alone impulse I'm having right now is probably just an escape mechanism from my current situation because I've been forced into a position where I'll eventually have to make a decision I don't particularly want to make.

 

[kis123]

I agree, there's simply no way I would have been able to get the direction I have in the past year if I'd been involved with someone. But like I said, the alone impulse I'm having right now is probably just an escape mechanism from my current situation because I've been forced into a position where I'll eventually have to make a decision I don't particularly want to make.

You, my dear, have put yourself in a really crappy place. But you're going to have to "man up" and make a decision that you will inevitably be responsible for the outcome. You can only run for so long before it catches up with you.

It's better to release her now than them both finding out what you've been up to-you could lose them both.

Good luck with this. Stop procrastinating and do the right thing!

 

[Strider]

Both of them know what's going on and neither seem to have any qualms whatsoever with the idea of some sort of fight to the death over me. It's a complicated situation, I can get more into depth about the history here if you want.

 

[kis123]

Both of them know what's going on and neither seem to have any qualms whatsoever with the idea of some sort of fight to the death over me. It's a complicated situation, I can get more into depth about the history here if you want.

If you want to continue, we best switch to PM mode for the sake of this thread. But if you have two women who are willing to fight over you, you still have to make a decision at some point. Someone's going to win and someone's going to lose. I have an opinion about this, but I'm not willing to share it publically. But I think you know what I'm thinking at this point.

 

[TickleMePleeze]

To the guys worried about being single forever

I very much recommend a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It's kind of a revenge of the nerds story about nice guys who never get the girl and are always told "let's just be friends" by the women they go out with. Anyhow they get together and pool their knowledge and wind up getting pretty good with women. And Neil winds up getting his dream girl that he basically would have had no chance with before he put so much time into learning about women.

I totally love this book. I even have a signed copy and got to talk briefly to Neil (aka Style) and a few other of the characters in the book.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/00...102-0431149-4161739?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

This probably isn't for everyone but I really don't think there is anything wrong with men having some strategy and feeling like they have some options when it comes to women and dating.

 

[Ticklee1973]

I agree with what Steph said, occupy your time with hobbies and such in your life, and something always seems to happen when you aren't expecting it. Seems the more you worry about things, the worse they appear. Just going from my own personal experience, I tend to worry and spend too much time thinking about things and when I let them go, things always work themselves out. If what Steph says is correct, and I imagine it is, that you are a great catch, it's just a matter of time before someone snatches ya up.

Sandee

 

[steph]

Thanks Sandee~he really is a doll~just gives off a really positive vibe that you feel within seconds of meeting him! BTW~YOU are gorgeous!
XOXO

I agree with what Steph said, occupy your time with hobbies and such in your life, and something always seems to happen when you aren't expecting it. Seems the more you worry about things, the worse they appear. Just going from my own personal experience, I tend to worry and spend too much time thinking about things and when I let them go, things always work themselves out. If what Steph says is correct, and I imagine it is, that you are a great catch, it's just a matter of time before someone snatches ya up.

Sandee

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Maybe he should pretend to have a girlfriend, it seems that when you have a girlfriend ...all other girls seem to flock around you.

 

[kingp]

Let me just take a momant and say....

This Fear can make you do things that are not the best for you. I had it when I was single and most of my friends were married. I never dated in high school and lost my virginity late which compounded the fear. Three weeks before I met my current wife I remember whining to my best friend how I will never meet someone who would marry me thinking it would somehow keep me from being lonely for life. I was just coming off the worst relationship of my life and the prospects weren't out there.

Then I met someone on the rebound who was the prettiest girl I had dated up to that point and she was good to me. After about three dates she told her friends I was the one she was going to marry. 3 months into the relationship she flat out said she intended to get married one day and I suddenly got scared. It was early into the relationship and I didn't know if she was the One, she knew it but I didn't. She gave me a choice that night to back out or go on. The fear caused me to stay, besides it was early, I played for time, maybe she was the one.

Well today I wish I could smack my former self. I stayed with her for the wrong reasons, the fear of being single forever without any children took over. I had low self esteem and truely felt no one else would want me, especially with my damn fetish, so I stayed.

Today, if I were to become single, I would stay that way for a very long time until I was sure, really sure. It is true when they say the person you marry will determine 90% of your future happiness.

My advice, even if unwarrented. Screw the fear, take up hobbies and join groups if you are bored or lonely, but no one can make you happy, you have to be happy with yourself. You could be leader of the free world with dozens around you, but we all come into this life alone and we will go out alone. Be yourself, don't compromise too much, and don't care what others say. Being single for life is alot better than being stuck in a bad marrriage. You never know what life will throw at you from the wildest corners, stay hopeful. If marriage happens, it happens, if not, its NO BIG DEAL.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Very well said

 

[Ticklee1973]

Thanks Sandee~he really is a doll~just gives off a really positive vibe that you feel within seconds of meeting him! BTW~YOU are gorgeous!
XOXO

Thanks hon, YOU too!! From one Italian girl to another, lol.

Sandee

 

[lk70]

Being single isn't something to be afraid of. Being unhappy is. Many have said it well. Those who have suggested you focus on being happy with yourself and pursuing your interests with confidence are, I think, correct. You don't want to find yourself in a situation you regret. If you do, will you have the strength to get out of it?

Is it perfectly natural to have twinges of fear that you won't get what you want out of life? Of course it is. But you can't dwell on it. You can't sit and stew in your situation. Take some action to make yourself happy and it will draw others to you.

Ultimately you have no one to depend on but yourself.

But you know what? We can all spout answers and advice at you until the cows come home and it probably won't change what you're feeling. And that's ok too. It will all come with time.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Where are those @#$%^& cows anyway. *waiting*

 

[lk70]

Where are those @#$%^& cows anyway. *waiting*

You're the one in Wyoming! I know there are cows there.

 

[aryz75]

Fear of being single forever? You bet!! I'm 30 yrs old and have watched all my friends get married, divorced and remarried while I am still single and waiting on the sidelines. It sucks that's for sure!! And yes, I have been the bride's maid one too many times (4 infact) and each time during the service it has occured to me that I may never be the lovely bride in the stunning dress.

I have tried finding my Mr Right...online dating and blind dates. One guy I met online dumped me for a 16 yr old...but that's another story. My friend tried to hook me up with her husband's best friend....when I opened the door to his truck to get in about 10 beer cans fell out!! YIKES!!!

Not speaking for other women, I am just looking for a decent guy...one who doesn't do drugs, isn't violent, and can handle my whining.

Along with being afraid of being single forever is the fear of when I do find Mr Right. I have been on my own since I was 18 and I am used to doing things when I want, where I want and with whom I want. When my friends would start dating some guy they would tell me they had to check to see what he was doing before making plans. What?? Anyways, my point is I have been alone for so long am I now too set in my ways to allow for another person to be with me most of the time? Will I have to give up leaving my shoes all over the place, getting up at 2 am and watching CSI, letting my alarm clock go off for an hour? But I know that when I find him, Mr Right won't care about any of those things...well I hope anyways. :=)

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Not speaking for other women, I am just looking for a decent guy...one who doesn't do drugs, isn't violent, and can handle my whining.

Will I have to give up leaving my shoes all over the place, getting up at 2 am and watching CSI, letting my alarm clock go off for an hour? But I know that when I find him, Mr Right won't care about any of those things...well I hope anyways. :=)

Those doesn't seem like bad habits to me.

 

[aryz75]

Thanks Ticklerguy! Some people would find those very annoying! LOL

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

You're the one in Wyoming! I know there are cows there.

I saw my first cow a year ago. Their buggy eyes freaked me out.

 

[ticklishscribe]

I know how Primetime is feeling.

I feel in much the same boat, and yet while I am comfortable with being on my own, I still would like someone in my life. A Stephipoo, a Randi, a Kitten or a Hotel. But I find that as close as it gets, it slips further away too. My myspace page is wating for any single ladies to view it. (The link is in my profile here.) ......... 🙁

 

[steph]

EEEEEEEEEEEEE~you're Italian too Sandee~YAY!
Oh, prime's soooooooo gonna get me for this de-rail at the next party I'm afraid! 😀

Seriously guys~you too scribe, ya sweetheart~you know what's funny? When I was a little kid, my folks had an awful divorce which had an awful effect on me~I swore I'd NEVER get married. I thought, if I can't make myself happy, how will anyone else? I learned to be my own best friend. Fast forward 30 years: I now own five engagement rings, all which I tried to give back. It just wasn't all that important to me. I'm sure it's psychological~when you stop concentrating on it, it materializes~bizarre...
XOXO

Thanks hon, YOU too!! From one Italian girl to another, lol.

Sandee

 

[primetime]

thanks for all the people who responded to this thread. i do greatly appreciate the "love".

typically, i am a happy go lucky guy. it's always been my disposition. it just sucks to be unhappy. but every once in a while, you look at your life and wonder what will happen. my closest circle of friends are all married with kids, so i kind of stand out. there are times where i have nothing to do because my friends are occupied with family life. funny thing is, they always tell me "Primetime, dont get married...". i do understand that there is no "perfect" person. so i know if i ever do get with someone, i will experience some sort of drama. for me, i have no problems meeting people as i like to make people laugh (besides tickling them...) and try to have a good time. but somehow, someway, something goes wrong and i end up "standing on the sidelines". some people told me, it is destiny. i am not meant to be with those people. that doesnt make you feel good after you just had your heart crushed, but it does make sense. i know myself, and i know i am going to just keep plugging away. i have a never say die attitude. but the fear will always be there.

my mood was caused by reflection of my life, the hit and misses (more misses) and when i talked with my best friend, how we planned certain things, like having kids play football with each other. his part is in full swing, but i dont have any. it is something that i want in life, so it sometimes bothers me. dont get me wrong, there are advantages of being single. if i want to stay up all night and play video games, i can. all i have to do is take care of me. but, there is still that desire within me to have the special someone. it is who i am.

so, i thank all those who responded and can relate to my feelings. i am also thankful for the kind words that bellystrokes and Steph have said about me, although it still wont spare them from tickle torture the next time we meet!!! but, they are really wonderful people as i am sure most of you know. so thanks once again.

someone made a good point. doesnt it seem like once you are involved with someone, people all of the sudden have an interest in you. this has happened to me before and i was sitting there wondering, "where the hell were you before?" amazing...

 

[kis123]

Prime:

As soon as you stop looking, you will be found. You are going to be just fine my dear!