Foot Fetish / Tickle Fetish Husband with Insecurity Issue?

[closettickle]

Ok this may be a question for the ladies in here but guys feel free to chime in. My husband has had a foot fetish all his life, something I LOVE about him. We pretty much do foot activities every night including massages, tickles, worshipping and sometimes even more. We are very exclusive and committed to each other and would never even consider being with another person in any way. He adores me and my feet and is very proud and happy to consider my feet "his". All was good until we were on vacation about 1.5 months ago. We stopped at this foot massage spa. We were both going to get our feet rubbed by these Chinese ladies. Once we were comfortable, the girls left and these four guys walked in. Mu husband immediately got up and said "no thanks". Before I had the chance to move, I had one guy at each foot massaging me. I remembered my husband telling me he would not like other guys rubbing up on me but I thought at the time it was no big deal. After my 15 minute massage, I could tell something was not right with my husband, he just seemed down. Going forward his foot fetish just turned off. He no longer has the desire to worship, rub or tickle them. He tickles me everywhere else and sexually things are good, but the foot stuff has ended. I tried getting a fresh pedicure, he pretty much just said they looked nice.

Last week I finally confronted him about the lack of foot play. He told me now that other dudes got to rub all over them, he just doesn't feel the desire to go near them anymore. I'm trying to get him to reconsider all of this. I feel really bad. I'm hoping he will at least consider tickling me soon. I think his biggest insecurity is he feels his foot rubs will always be compared to the massage I got from those two guys. Bottom line is he puts tons of love and effort into his love of my feet and I really miss it. Nobody compares to what he does for my feet.

What can we do to get past all of this? What should I say or do?

 

[TJDoom]

I'd tell him straight up that it's important to you to keep it in your love life. Tell him that no one on the planet gets to enjoy yours like he does and that your feet are rubbed during pedicures all the time, but it's just like the spa thing: it's winding down. Tell him that you get excited thinking about how much more fun, thrilling and satisfying it will be together later when you're playing.

His ego probably took a little bit of a hit. It probably won't have to be a big deal. He just needs to know that it means a lot to you too and that you fantasize about the next time becaaaausssse *drumroll*...

You only love him. And you only feel a special, sexual connection with him including your feet. Drive home how average it is when other people touch. Ask him to TRUST you and that he should pay attention every time you guys play because THOSE reactions aren't for anybody else.

 

[Kinky Couple]

😱

 

[Kinky Couple]

We agree with TJ Doom!! Just keep telling him what he does for you is one of a kind. Hopefully he will come around.

 

[Antarion]

I thought at the time it was no big deal.[/B]

Let me get this right... He EXPRESSLY told you he wasn't OK with you getting massaged by these guys... And you basically said "My husband's opinions aren't as important as me feeling good, right now."

I would be ticked at you as well. I'm actually not sure what's worse. The fact that you did this, or the fact that you don't seem the least amount of concern to how your husband feels. The post doesn't say, "How can I fix the bond between my best companion and I?". The question is, "How can I convince my husband to tickle me again?" You nearly sound like you seem him as an object.

Matter of fact, I'm too ticked right now to offer any good advice.

That was really not cool, OP.

 

[TicklesXXX]

You should not have thought originally that "it was not a big deal". But you did it and you can not change it. So now you ought ask for forgiveness from him, tell him that you are sorry, that you will never do it again, and then do what the other answer told you, about telling him how special he is and how only he can make you feel delicious.

Eventually he will forgive you and forget this horrible event, but you please never think that an explicit request is not a "big deal".

 

[stockytickler]

Hi. Welcome to the forum, closettickle. From your post -- and we haven't heard from him at all in this -- my suggestion is that you make some calls because this is going to take some counseling. A half-dozen sessions at least. During which you will both talk to each other about the nature of intimacy, the role of foot play as part of your intimacy and yes, the words "betrayal" and "cheating" are likely to come up. This may have seemed like just part of the spa, but he clearly sees this as a much bigger deal than you do and you are going to have to get him to tell you why, and discuss whether he will be able to forgive you and get past it.

The fact that he seemed OK with the session while it was women and why he completely shut down when it was dudes suggests he pretty much equates footplay with sex, which means he pretty much sees you as pretty much having had sex with these guys. That said, why he thinks you should've just been OK with the girls touching his feet should probably come up, too.

I've never met either of you and don't know you beyond a post in a fetforum, so ... just my $0.02.

 

[rhiannon]

What can we do to get past all of this? What should I say or do?

Personally I think therapy is the right path here. I doubt you can overcome this issue by yourself.

By the way, what kind of place was that where you get one-guy-per-foot-massages?

 

[dskodj]

Let me get this right... He EXPRESSLY told you he wasn't OK with you getting massaged by these guys... And you basically said "My husband's opinions aren't as important as me feeling good, right now."

I would be ticked at you as well. I'm actually not sure what's worse. The fact that you did this, or the fact that you don't seem the least amount of concern to how your husband feels. The post doesn't say, "How can I fix the bond between my best companion and I?". The question is, "How can I convince my husband to tickle me again?" You nearly sound like you seem him as an object.

This totally.....couldn't have said it better myself. I'm shocked he even has any sexual or emotional feelings towards you after that. And people wonder why there's so many divorces. What happened to the days of true love and loyalty in relationships and marriage? Sad..

 

[closettickle]

Wow...ok....well when he told me he wouldn't like other men touching my feet I truly thought he meant like other guys like him or whatever. I really didn't feel it applied to older chinese men at a foot massage spa. The spa was in a touristy area where you walk alot. I remember him telling me a while back that he looks at my feet the same way that other guys look at breasts. So basically I let other men rub my breasts, at least that's how he sees it. The thing I don't get is I get pedicures all the time and girls rub my feet then..I guess this only applies to guys.

 

[closettickle]

I am ok with other women touching his feet or any other non sexual part of his body. I probably feel that way because even though I enjoy his foot fetish, I personally don't have a foot fetish myself. Listen, I do feel horrible about this and I was just looking for advise. I felt joining the forum and talking about what happened to other people who may have the same fetish as him would help me understand exactly how he is feeling plus provide some tips to overcome this and get back to what we once had. I really miss his foot fetish.

 

[rhiannon]

Now where are the "tickling is not cheating"-people when you need them? They should have a talk to your husband. 🙂

But seriously - it will probably take some counseling here. He seems to have really taken it rough.

 

[TJDoom]

Yeah, it's a two way thing. He needed to make sure you understood that it was a proper big deal and not a "I don't like the idea but I'll stomach it anyway cause this is a spa after all" type thing. You probably should've asked him how bad it bugged him and then you both could've found a compromise.

You can still do that now, but communication is the biggest part to get down with these sexual kinks. Whether therapy is needed is totally up to you both. He's likely uncomfortable with guys doing it because that's a sexual thing you share, you're into guys sexually and you're together (unless you're bi which I'm assuming you're not). So you both can work on things. It could be as simple as an apology and "hey, let's be clear about this with each other. You're my guy and I need to *clearly* know what bothers you and what doesn't. I can't have nobody else touch them because I get pedicures and stuff, but I will do my best to avoid guys. Deal? Let's trust each other."

 

[strokerace]

As Robert De niro said to Sylvester Stallone in the movie Copland "Yew Blew it!"

 

[closettickle]

Maybe we will need the counseling. I posted this dilema on another marital advise board and people said he needs to get over it and that he is an insecure wierdo. I post on here and it looks like I'm the one who messed it all up. Nothing against old asian men, but why would my husband consider them a threat or be insecure about them touching my feet? If a couple of normal aged, normal looking guys came out, I would've probably said no to the massage.

 

[closettickle]

Advice....not advise..dumb phone

 

[Deleted member 2452]

as a guy, i understand him, and his reaction to this. you don't, as proof of this you asked for the opinin of other women. they can not help you get into your husbands head.
he will need to see a therapist, a hypnotherapist maybe the best rout to take, and both of you will need to seek out couples counciling. do not be suprised if he never gets past the hurt this has caused. your feet, have been spoiled for him.
steve

 

[squeak toy]

if he's going to continue seeing himself as a helpless foot cuckold victim, i would at least ask him why the fuck he didn't speak up at the time. he sure wasn't bashful about expressing that *he* didn't want massaged. and my question to you is why did you wait over one month to even discuss such an obvious point of tension?

 

[strokerace]

Foot Fetish / Tickle Fetish Husband with Insecurity Issue? This is the problem you were the one who went against his wishes and you start the whole topic as it is him to be the problem.

Most foot guys see you allowing men touch your feet just as if they are having sex with your feet. Your guy happens to be jealous so there is the problem. You are the problem not your husband so you have to deal with it. Start by changing this post title to, I let men play with my feet against my husbands wishes and....

 

[C.A.B.]

 

[Antarion]

if he's going to continue seeing himself as a helpless foot cuckold victim, i would at least ask him why the fuck he didn't speak up at the time. he sure wasn't bashful about expressing that *he* didn't want massaged. and my question to you is why did you wait over one month to even discuss such an obvious point of tension?

Read the OP. He clearly said "I don't feel comfortable having other men touch your feet." He said that, right after he backed out.


The difference, OP, is that when you have girls touch your feet he knows you aren't sexually attracted to them. There's a very large difference between having a member of opposing gender mess with your girl and having another girl mess with your girl.

 

[helplessandhappy]

Maybe we will need the counseling. I posted this dilema on another marital advise board and people said he needs to get over it and that he is an insecure wierdo. I post on here and it looks like I'm the one who messed it all up. Nothing against old asian men, but why would my husband consider them a threat or be insecure about them touching my feet? If a couple of normal aged, normal looking guys came out, I would've probably said no to the massage.

Did you tell those people that he has an intense foot fetish and that is something the two of you actively share and play with in your relationship? Because that's the factor that matters here. This situation may not matter as much to other people, but there's only one relationship you're working with here: yours. All issues of fetishes aside, I find massages incredibly weird and creepy, personally. I don't understand how it's supposed to be "relaxing" to allow strangers to touch you like that. But that's just me. Different people are comfortable with different levels of touch from others. Maybe you're more comfortable than him, which is fine. You two just have to be in communication about what's acceptable.

I'd say the entire situation was a mistake on both your parts. You entered into a scenario that was a gray area and you hadn't properly communicated about it. Your mistake was sitting there getting massaged while your husband had just walked out uncomfortable. I don't get that--if I thought my partner was upset or angry for any reason, I would have to chase after him. I couldn't sit there and enjoy a massage.

So just own that mistake, and tell him that you learned from it and now you both know more about what's acceptable in your marriage. You've learned your lesson, and now it's time for him to communicate to you what he needs to move on from this. Pouting and shunning an activity that used to connect the two of you is NOT a mature or healthy way to handle this. It's time for him to sit down and talk to you about what you both need to move on.

Sorry you went through this. It sounds like one of those nasty situations in a relationship that it's difficult to plan for. I believe you can survive it! Good luck! 🙂

 

[Myriads]

The issue here lies in how your husbands foot paraphilia expresses.

From what you describe, there seems to be a component of exclusivity/virginity/purity at play in the behavior. In short, in his unique sexual expression, not only were your feet an important sexual aspect, but ALSO the status of your feet. Something in having the male massage folks crossed a line in his sexual psychology that was important. He might not have even known it was there. But the result is that your feet have become 'despoiled' in his eyes with regards to his paraphilia. They simply don't work anymore. With the exclusivity gone, they can't function as sexual objects in his reference frame now.

You've come to see the foot play as an important part of the intimacy exchange between you and he, and it's lack is reading to you as a withdrawal of affection and care. Thus you are now unhappy also.

Solutions to this are not simple. Conversation is the basis that it needs to start with, and professional help could be a plus. But the root of it, is going to be exactly how your husbands foot paraphilia functions, and changing that is not going to be simple, as it's dug in deeply. It might very much be a case of it's broken, and not fixable. Once your feet stopped meeting whatever criteria in his mental checklist the issue was done.

Now he can surly provide foot play, if it makes you feel loved and cared about, but his motivations might need to change from it being something that arouses him, to that it's something that he understand makes you feel cared for. In short, he does it because you value it. The sort of exchange many partners make in sexual matters.

My regrets that the situation happened. No one was at fault, as the actions were based on a misunderstanding on your part, and probably an honest lack of knowledge on his part as to what exactly it was about the condition of your feet that worked so well for him.

Myriads

 

[closettickle]

When guys came over to me and he walked away...he told me, hey....its up to you. I honestly felt some.older asian men touching my feet would not be the same.as some attractive guys. Guess I was wrong.

 

[Myriads]

Read the OP. He clearly said "I don't feel comfortable having other men touch your feet." He said that, right after he backed out.


The difference, OP, is that when you have girls touch your feet he knows you aren't sexually attracted to them. There's a very large difference between having a member of opposing gender mess with your girl and having another girl mess with your girl.

There is a difference in another man touching her feet, and a male professional masseur doing it. The second case is a defined 'non sexual' situation, and it's not hard to understand why a person might not think that it would be an issue.

This couple had a communications gap, and actions were taken on assumptions as to what things meant. She was wrong, and it's been costly. But it's also not a willful act of stupidity, it's a error based on misunderstanding.

Myriads