Have a moral issue to discuss

[Knox The Hatter]

I've been confused my whole life.

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

Hmm your pretty open and honest and I have to wonder what this guy would think if he read this .

There shouldn't be a problem with the age gap as long as he is a responsible adult and of consenting age then I don't see a problem with the age thing.

Could there be a possibility of it becoming a long term relationship or just a couple of dates for casual sex?

Have fun and above all be careful and safe, you sound like you have this sorted anyway 🙂

 

[aurora5150]

I think you are confused Knox. I am not talking about jerseytickler. I am talking about somone else. Jersey and I are JUST FRIENDS! I just want to have tickle play with him in a platonic way. I will use a condom if I do decide to have sex with this guy BUT I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE FIRST BEFORE I EVEN CONSIDER IT. Thanks for everyone's advice so far.

have you asked im for a pic? or suggest to meet in a safe public place to see eachother in person?

 

[chicago]

To be honest, talking online or on the phone, even when someone DOES give you a picture, doesn't mean you really know them.

If you're considering having sex with this guy, which it seems you are, I think you should really rethink it.

You don't really know a person until you meet them and he may be a lot different than you expect.

I wouldn't worry so much about the age difference as I would that you may be getting yourself into a bad situation.

 

[Speedbump]

Honestly, I would never have thought anyone would meet someone online that they haven't even seen before and actually consider having sex with the person so soon after.

I don't see this turning out well at all.

 

[tkl-pen]

Since I consider myself a gentleman tickler and a fatherly figure, I hope you won't mind my input in the matter, Jen. As you probably know, age makes little difference to me - I am in my 50s and prefer ticklees in their 20s. Two consenting adults makes it okay if that's what you want.

Having said that, how could you possibly entertain the notion of having sex with a guy you haven't met, haven't seen a photo, have been stood up by for something so much lesser as a tickling session. In my view, you should exchange photos first, then talk again, then meet in a public place for some coffee, become very comfortable and secure with the fellow, and perhaps then make a more informed decision. Remember, you are letting someone into your body, to be quite blunt.

Personally, I would never have sex with anyone for whom I didn't have deep feelings at the very least and probably with whom I was in love. Sex is a great deal different from a tickling session in my view. At thirty five years of age, though, you are wise enough to decide what's right for you - I only hope you'll err on the side of caution, safety and security.

 

[chickles_:)]

Hmm your pretty open and honest and I have to wonder what this guy would think if he read this .

There shouldn't be a problem with the age gap as long as he is a responsible adult and of consenting age then I don't see a problem with the age thing.

Could there be a possibility of it becoming a long term relationship or just a couple of dates for casual sex?

Have fun and above all be careful and safe, you sound like you have this sorted anyway 🙂

Hiya T-Jen!
Wow, it sounds like you are really wrestling with a tough personal issue here. A guy from this forum 12+ years your junior wants to go all the way with you. And you're not sure. That is a really difficult place for any girl to be in.
Okay so uhm, everyone has said sorting this out is really up to you (and him - I expect) and your respective values. And at the end of the day what will matter is how comfortable you feel with each other and how you feel about public opinion. This sounds to me like some sound general advice which I hope is helping you sort out your choices.

But having said that, if you are talking about a moral angle, T-Jen, then wellllll, girlfriend, I think S'n'T raises a really important point.

I mean it's important to get advice. And having friends help us out with tough personal questions is what friends are for, right? But, and I hope I'm not out of line in saying this, I honestly can't help wondering if this is really the best group for this particular question - considering that the guy you refer to is as much a part of this forum as you are. I guess the comparison i would raise is this:

Suppose one of my colleagues at work thought I was hot enough to want to have sex with me, and for personal reasons I wasn't sure and wanted advice. Would I feel comfortable discussing it in the staff lounge while seeing him sitting at the next table where he could hear what I and everyone else was saying? Would that be fair to him, even if no one necessarily knew who that the guy at the next table was THE guy? (I mean they might start speculating and ultimately guess! )

I can't speak for others but I think I would feel at least a little embarrassed knowing that he had overheard what everyone else whom we both know had said about what is essentially an issue between the two of us.

As I mentioned above, you and this guy are obviously trying so figure out some pretty important stuff. And whatever happens, T-Jen, I feel for you in your dilemma and for this unnamed gentleman who has likely read all the posts. As others have said, I'm sure you will make the choices that work for you - and whatever those choices turn out to be, I genuinely hope you both come out of this happy. 🙂

Hope that helps, 🙂

Many blessings to you both! *nodsnods*
Chickles

 

[Capnmad]

I can't speak for others but I think I would feel at least a little embarrassed knowing that he had overheard what everyone else whom we both know had said about what is essentially an issue between the two of us.

Well noted, Chickles. And Jen, keep in mind that some, knowing that both parties are reading this, may well gently temper their public advice accordingly. Just be careful and take care of yourself above all things.

 

[locker669]

The rule is half your age plus 7

35/2=17.5

17.5 + 7 =24.5


If he's 22 he's too young. Plus you don't know too much about him except he wants to have sex with you.

 

[chickles_:)]

35/2=17.5

17.5 + 7 =24.5


If he's 22 he's too young. Plus you don't know too much about him except he wants to have sex with you.

Hiya locker!
Uhm, wow!! I am certainly no expert but i can't honestly remember my b/f saying that this formula is the law - and he's a barrister! Even if he didn't know it was law, I kinda think my boss would have told us about it considering we're in the wedding business. I'm certain the only people adults can not marry are immediate siblings parents and grandparents. So if people outside this math formula are legally allowed to marry then, uhm, I have a few questions...

To start with, i'm sitting here kinda wondering who made up this rule. And then I'm wondering, if society requires a mathematical principle to restrict intimate relationships, what's at stake for us that we feel we have to set up this hard and fast restriction? And thirdly, if age math really should limit our intimate relationships then I wonder why we don't make this rule into law so we wedding planners don't end up violating whatever moral code this curious rule is trying to uphold.. 😕

I obviously need help on this one.

But that is probably the subject for another thread... Sorry 😱

Many blessings,
Chickles

 

[kis123]

I mean it's important to get advice. And having friends help us out with tough personal questions is what friends are for, right? But, and I hope I'm not out of line in saying this, I honestly can't help wondering if this is really the best group for this particular question - considering that the guy you refer to is as much a part of this forum as you are. I guess the comparison i would raise is this:

Suppose one of my colleagues at work thought I was hot enough to want to have sex with me, and for personal reasons I wasn't sure and wanted advice. Would I feel comfortable discussing it in the staff lounge while seeing him sitting at the next table where he could hear what I and everyone else was saying? Would that be fair to him, even if no one necessarily knew who that the guy at the next table was THE guy? (I mean they might start speculating and ultimately guess! )

I can't speak for others but I think I would feel at least a little embarrassed knowing that he had overheard what everyone else whom we both know had said about what is essentially an issue between the two of us.

Chickles, although you do bring an important point to the table, I have mixed emotions about it. Since the gentleman in question is a TMF member, he should almost expect it. Many people here are comfortable with disscussing their issues in their RL. Do I advise it; I'm a pretty private person and my rule is not to discuss things that I don't mind the public knowing. But many here are comfortable enough to discuss.

Besides, it's time for him to come clean; he wants sex sight unseen and that don't work!! And I personally hope he's reading my opinion on it because that just ain't right IMO!!!

I'm sure that in the end, Jen will make the decision that will be best for her.

 

[johnttickle]

If you are asking for advice, I guess I will put in my two cents.

Aside from the age, it’s your safety that I am worried about. What do you know of this guy, I mean really know? Have you done a back ground check to see if he has any former felony assault convictions?

It sounds like you have talked to him, but he could tell you anything. I just don’t want to hear that you are found missing or even worse in a body bag.

Why can’t he find love and sex locally?

My gut felling from reading this, is not good.
Please do all you can to find out about this guy. Even using a condom won’t completely put you out of harm’s way. BE CAREFUL!!!

Good luck to you.

Aloha, John

 

[LindyHopper]

I don't have a problem with his age, but I do have a problem with his approach. Give yourself as much time as you need with him to decide what feels right. Up until that point, promise nothing. If he's worth it, he'll wait.

 

[ObservingEgo]

You 2 seem like you'd really click!! A total match made in TMF Heaven...

It's been over a year and you don't know what he looks like. You made plans to meet once and they fell through... usually people don't wait a year to reschedule.

Get Real!!

Seymour flaked out on you the first time for mother. Maybe mother got jealous and this time around he'll bring her along.

 

[The Sean Man]

Age is just one more way society divides itself.

 

[Darkknight]

I don't have a problem with his age, but I do have a problem with his approach. Give yourself as much time as you need with him to decide what feels right. Up until that point, promise nothing. If he's worth it, he'll wait.

Totally with this. At 22, I had nothing but sex on my mind, especially with an older woman. No worries if it was just sex cuz how could the older woman seriously want a relationship with a guy as young as me? That's how I thought back then. His approach sucks.

DK

 

[Helena]

I think that you would be crazy, Jen, to agree to have sex with someone you have never met in person. I realize that you are only considering it right now, but I don't think it's a good idea.
I think if he just told you that he wanted sex with you, and he hasn't met you, he will use you for a sperm recepticle, and then move on. Please don't do it. It's just not smart.

 

[metroguy2k4]

It seems there are two different issues here.

One issue is the age difference. This is the one that you are focusing on, though it is the least important issue of the two. When I was 22, there were lots of 35 yr old women that I wanted to have sex with. Now that I'm 29, there are lots of 35 yr old women that I want to have sex with. When I'm 35, there will be lots of 35 yr old women that I want to have sex with 🙂 Don't worry about what "society" says. Society is often wrong. Men are wired with an instinct to have lots of sex with lots of hot women. Society's views on all of this, a product of culture, religion, etc, cannot and do not change our wiring. Trust me. It's perfectly normal for this guy to want to have sex with you.

The second issue, and this is far more important, though you seem to be giving it far less attention, concerns the fact that you are prepared to meet this fellow and have sex with him despite having never met him and having never even seen his picture(!) Has he been tested? Do you want to find out the hard way that he has not? You should definitely get a picture first before you agree to anything. Why haven't you guys exchanged photos yet?

In sum, it is perfectly normal for a 22 yr old male to want to have sex with a 35 yr old female early and often. What is puzzling is the willingness of a 35 yr old woman to run out and have sex with a 22 yr old guy without even knowing what this fellow looks like or ensuring her safety.

 

[chicago]

In the thread about you meeting Jersey-Tickler, you are very adamant about not getting naked. Now, you seem to have known Jersey_Tickler a bit, maybe moreso than the guy you talk about in this thread, yet you're seriously considering having sex with him.

Why is that?

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

Okay how about you agreeing with this guy to meet up to have a Pizza, then maybe catch a movie, and then go home and think about it some more.

If you think this is a bad idea I would question why you are in such a hurry. If he thinks it is a bad idea, I would run and hide.

 

[susannah355]

If it were me, I'd have to date several times before I'd even think about sex.

 

[maniactickler]

The age part means squat. im 41 and id go out with an 18 year old girl in a heartbeat. i personally wouldnt sleep with someone on a first meeting, but if you both just want to have some fun sex, just be prepared that you might be just a slab o flesh for him to just use for his pleasure. if your ok with that possibility, then have at it.

 

[locker669]

I heard it form someone before a long time ago. When I googled it I got this:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...age-plus-seven

Hiya locker!
Uhm, wow!! I am certainly no expert but i can't honestly remember my b/f saying that this formula is the law - and he's a barrister! Even if he didn't know it was law, I kinda think my boss would have told us about it considering we're in the wedding business. I'm certain the only people adults can not marry are immediate siblings parents and grandparents. So if people outside this math formula are legally allowed to marry then, uhm, I have a few questions...

To start with, i'm sitting here kinda wondering who made up this rule. And then I'm wondering, if society requires a mathematical principle to restrict intimate relationships, what's at stake for us that we feel we have to set up this hard and fast restriction? And thirdly, if age math really should limit our intimate relationships then I wonder why we don't make this rule into law so we wedding planners don't end up violating whatever moral code this curious rule is trying to uphold.. 😕

I obviously need help on this one.

But that is probably the subject for another thread... Sorry 😱

Many blessings,
Chickles

 

[QBWeaver]

My $.02

What he looks like isn't really what I see as an issue. What I see as an issue is who is this guy? You haven't met him in person yet. You know him from online and it's far too easy for people to present themselves in a positive light online but be totally different in person. You don't know if he could be abusive and that's what I would be most concerned about for you.

If you are going to meet him then plan on meeting him for coffee or something first. You need to get a feel about him. Your intuition will tell you if it's the right thing to do.

And, more so... if you're planning on playing with bondage please, PLEASE let someone know where you'll be and exchange phone numbers with that person. Have a code word you can use to let someone know that you're uncomfortable or in danger. It's actually better if you can get someone who is in your general area know so they can check on you and possibly come rescue you or at least call the police for you if necessary.

In the past I've used the word "Cheeseburger". I can slip that into a conversation and say something like... "Yes... I had a cheeseburger with my brother last night." That alerts my "safety net" to either get over here and save me or to call the police. I worked out all the logistics with my "safety net" before I met anyone especially if I was going into a scene with bondage.

Just follow your intuition Jen. You're a smart gal. You know if it feels right or not. If it doesn't.... don't do it. If it still feels right... Go for it. Just be safe.

 

[steph]

Jen, Jen, Jen...

WHAT are we going to do with you girl?
Go back and read your first post:

"I have met this guy from this forum (I don't want to say his name) who I met last year."
Babe. Did ya meet him or didn't you, because that statement is misleading.

I'm guessing you didn't and that was a typo of sorts, because unless you were wearing a blindfold at the time, you'd already know what he looks like, right?
For starters, I'd be a lot more concerned about other things MUCH more important than his looks, like, is he a quality guy. Not all, but most guys that age are still boys, in a lot of the ways that, um, matter...😉

Besides, a pic can mislead. It can be from 10 years ago or someone else entirely, it proves nothing. Look how many guys posing as girls on here and posting their phony pics, for starters. This guy could be an axe murderer for all you know. Does he come with references, from real women who have proven themselves as reputable sources here?

And lastly, (Ms. Keeping It Real again rears the ugly head of just good common sense...) the fact that you feel compelled to pose this question at all speaks volumes. If it felt right to you, in your heart of hearts, you'd have said nothing and have already done the deed. I think you knew the right answer for YOU before you even pushed submit button, hmm?
XOXO